THE DEATH OF ME

Harry’s POV

It’s been three days since Cassie’s Nan died.
Three days that she is sat in my room on my bed, staring out the window.
Three days with no tears, no crying, no talking.
I come in every now and then with some water or soup and try to get her to eat. But she doesn’t feel hungry or thirsty. She doesn’t feel like talking or looking anywhere but the window. It seems she doesn’t feel a thing. As if it’s all numb inside and out.
Eleanor and Perrie have been over sitting in the room, talking to her, hugging her, talking to each other, but she doesn’t have the strength to answer back. I am trying my best. I sit next to her on the bed, sometimes trying to cuddle her, trying to ease her pain. When I enter and leave the room I kiss her cheek or the top of her head, but she doesn’t acknowledge it.
She hasn’t spoken to Sam, even though he has tried calling. He even came over here once but she didn’t turn to look at him either, not caring what excuse he has come up with. She hasn’t seen him since she lost it three days ago.

Flash back.

I drive Cassie back to her home from the hospital. Her tears already dried and I am quite sure she has lost her voice with the amount of sobbing.
Sam drove Sarah and we met outside the house. Eleanor went home promising to come see Cassie the following day.
“This is where you live then?” Sarah questions. Cassie doesn’t answer, she just pushes through Sarah and walks over to the front door followed by me.
We enter and she walks over to the kitchen and sits down by the counter. I put on the kettle to make some tea and then take a seat next to Cass, linking my fingers with her’s.
“So are you like her boyfriend?” Sarah follows us to the kitchen.
I don’t give her the time of day, I am busy watching Cassie.
“Dad said you’re like this hot shot car racer,” She goes on.
I glance over to her, and then get up to the kettle which stopped. I pull out two cups.
“Be a dear and make me a cuppa too,” She whines.
“Make one yourself,” I snarl at her.
“Why? You’re making already,” She sits up straighter.
“I’m making Cassie a cup and myself, you seem perfectly capable of making your own,” I snap. She is a real pain this one.
“You should be nice to me you know, she was my Nan too,” Sarah pouts.
“Can you just shut up or buzz off?” Cassie finally turns, not able to hear Sarah’s voice anymore.
To my surprise she does just that. I bring both mugs over, setting one in front of Cassie and the other in front of Sarah. I reckon she works like dogs do. Give them a treat for good behavior and maybe, just maybe she will continue to shut her mouth.
Sam gets off the phone with Linda who drove back home, promising to keep in touch and see us in a few days time, for the funeral.
“So, you can take your things to the room in the end Sarah,” Sam tells her.
“What?” Cassie raises her head to glance at him.
“Sarah, she’ll be staying in-“
“No! That is Nan’s room! She is not allowed in there!” Cassie raises her voice telling him off. He should know better. Cassie would never let this Sarah prick enter Nan’s room.
“Fine- then I’ll stay there and she can stay in the spear room,” Sam sighs, not up to fighting with us.
“NO, I want to stay in Nan’s room,” Sarah says.
“Well you aren’t,” Cassie states in a final tone.
“Who are you to say?” She challenges Cassie.
“This is my house! Mine! So if you’re going to be staying here you will be following my rules!” Cassie says through clenched teeth.
“Who died and made you queen?” Sarah smirks, but then her eyes go wide when she realizes what she has said.
I don’t know why or how Cassie managed to slap her across the face. I don’t remember getting up. I just remember grabbing, holding Cassie down and Sam standing between Sarah and her.
“She is completely mad! Mental!” Sarah shrikes.
“You’re provoked her you brat,” I narrow my eyes down at her.
“I will not stay here! Not with her! I want her out!” Cassie screams.
“Cassie,” Sam starts.
“She has no respect for people or family! I refuse to be under the same roof with her!” Cassie shouts, tears streaming again down her face.
“Cassie, come, let’s go to my flat,” I say holding me from the back.
“Come on, no reason to make a big deal out of this- please let’s just calm down for a moment,” Sam tries to reason.
“Calm down? Calm down?! I have just lost the only family member I know! Just a few hours ago, and then this piece of shit comes in with her snotty pose and her whiny voice and you’re asking me to calm down? Me?! You have no shame! Take me away from here,” Cassie cries turning to me.
“Come on love, let’s go,” I whisper, pulling her away.
“Cassie wait, this isn’t right, let’s talk about this,” Sam comes after us.
“Let her go, let her calm down, you all should,” I say. Sam nods and watches as we climb into the car and drive off.


Present.

“For three days she is sat there in the same jumper and sweat pants refusing everything,” I tell Ed as we flip through the telly.
“Harry, we don’t really know what she’s going through.. give her some more time..” He sighs.
“When is Eleanor coming over?” He asks after some silence.
“She needs to get here any moment, I mean the funeral is in three hours, she needs to get Cass washed and dressed and I can tell you now it will take time,” I get up and glance out the window at the car park looking for El’s car.
“So I’ll drive in with El, I don’t think Cassie would want any people with her,” Ed remarks.
“You might be right,” I agree.
“Sorry- She is one messy girl that one, I couldn’t find half the things I needed,” El walks through the door then.
“Good luck with ‘that one’, she barely touched the food I brought her this morning,” I warn her.
“God Harry, you need to go and find some more patience,” She walks off to my room with the bag of things she brought with her.
I creep after her, standing behind the door to listen to her talk to Cassie.
“Haya love, how are you today?” Eleanor questions her. I think she went for a hug but I doubt Cassie hugged her back.
“Cass, you need to start getting ready since we must leave soon, why don’t you come and I’ll fix you up a bath?” Eleanor asks her gently.
“Cassie, please answer me..” Eleanor begs of her.
That’s it. I walk over to the bathroom and get the bath running. When it is full with hot water, I go back into the room. Eleanor swipes her head over to look at me shocked.
“I’ve had it,” I stride over to Cassie and scoop her in my arms, carrying her out of the room.
“Put me the hell down!” Cassie kicks at me.
“Harry what the fuck you think you’re doing?” Eleanor shoots to her feet following me into the bathroom.
I put Cassie down in the bath, her shocked face staring up at me. The water seeps into her clothes soaking them.
“I’ve had it! I know you are having a shitty time! I know! And the fuck Cassie I am trying my best! We all are! Eleanor and Perrie come in and talk to you and try being here for you but you have to put in some effort- you cannot drown on us this way- on me! I won’t let you! What do you think Nan would say if she could see you like this right now?!”
“I.. I- It hurts to much,” Cassie’s voice comes out hoarse and her face crumbles as fresh tears fall onto her cheeks.
“I know it does baby,” I lean down onto my knees pulling her into a hug, not caring I am getting wet in the process.
“I miss her,” Cassie sobs. I am relived she is finally talking, even though she is crying I find this to be better than before.
“I know baby and I am sorry, but you must try, you can’t keep sitting, staring out the window it won’t do you any good,” I whisper into her hair.
Cassie nods and I kiss her pulling back.
“Let Eleanor help you get ready alright? We need to leave in a few hours, it will give you some closure,” I tell her.
She nods again and I wipe away her tears.
When I look back at Eleanor I find her wiping tears away too.
“Do your magic,” I say getting up to my feet.
Eleanor steps forward, and as I close the door to the bathroom I see her pull up the wet jumper from Cassie’s body.
I strip myself from the wet shirt I had on and pace to the lounge back to Ed.
“What happen to you?” He looks me up and down.
“Cassie,” I reply.
“Did I hear correctly? Did you just dump her into the bath then?” Ed grins.
“I didn’t dump her into it, I placed her gently.” I shrug.
“You are one son of a bitch mate,” Ed chuckles.
I then get back up and go get some clean clothes from my room to change into.
I change in the lounge, leaving the room clear for Cassie.
Ed and I both sit in our white button downs and black jeans waiting for Cassie and Eleanor to come out.
My suit is thrown on the armchair waiting for the moment we leave.
Finally the girls join us.
Eleanor put Cassie in a short black dress, letting her blonde hair fall down. Cassie had no makeup on, but I have a feeling Eleanor had put something on to cover up the red and purple around her eyes to mask the crying and lack of sleep.
El too was in a short black dress, but where she was in heels, Cassie was in her Dr. Martens.
I get Cassie’s coat and place it around her shoulders.
“Are you ready?” I ask her softy.
She looks up at me and nods.
“Ok, so Ed and I will meet you there,” Eleanor kisses Cassie’s cheek and Ed does the same as he gets up from his seat before following Eleanor out the door.
“Here we go,” I whisper, linking my fingers with Cassie’s as we too step out the house and down the stairs to the car. This I know will not be easy for her, but she must go through it. She must get this closure she needs to push past this and move on.

Notes

Hello lovelies!
Hope your week was lovely!
Finally am back to update.. hope you like it, let me know your thoughts xx