Chapter forty-four

A week had now passed and it was the day of the Brit awards. I had barely left my flat, heartbroken beyond belief, but still surviving somehow. In fact, I was spending my morning in a similar fashion to how I’d spent every other day this week: curled up in a ball on the couch, aimlessly watching TV. I was just finishing a ‘My Mad, Fat Diary’ marathon, tears streaking down my face as Rae and Finn tentatively approached each other on screen, as my phone beeped at me.

Niall:

Hiya Sarah! Just landed at Heathrow, I’ll be round to pick you up at five for the Red Carpet

I rolled over. I was nowhere near ready to venture outside, yet in a few short hours I would have to. The University had gotten back to me and told me that I could complete my degree via correspondence. I had readily agreed to this, with the benefit of finishing my classes before everyone else, I could see no downfall. Professor McAllister was under investigation and was temporarily relieved of his duties at the University. All this made no difference to me, however, and so I sat at home, completing my studies and wallowing.

Sounds good.

I texted Niall back, acknowledging his message, before tucking my phone between the cushions. I continued watching as Finn reached for Rae’s robe, the moment they were truly giving themselves to one another. Why couldn’t I have a romance like theirs? Sure, they had their ups and downs, but their trials were ones experienced by every couple throughout the history of time. With Harry and I, we had those supplementary trials, but also the ones that came with fame, notoriety and distance. Although, I guess we didn’t have those problems any more, because we were lost to each other. He’d already resurrected miraculously once, and lightening never strikes twice; even when you desperately want it to. In the past week, I’d forgotten all my anger; it had dissolved so naturally I felt like it had never been there in the first place. All that was left was an unquenchable ache and a stinging feeling of not being good enough. After a while, Finn and Rae disappeared as tears blurred my vision. I missed Harry.

“Sarah?” El’s voice sounded as she strode through the door, utterly unannounced. I flicked the TV off, sat up and wiped at my eyes. El rolled her eyes, “Darling, you do not cry when you have to have pictures taken later on.”

“Sometimes the tears choose you, not the other way around.” I told her, standing up so that she could fold her arms around me in a gentle hug.

“Well, tell them to stop because we have to start working on that face of yours and they’re only making my job more difficult.” She sat a giant bag of cosmetics down on the sofa beside me.

“Why are you here so early?” I asked as she set up.

“Early?” She gaped. “What part of two o’ clock is early when Niall will be here by five?”

I frowned and reached for my phone. Damn, she was right. How had the morning gotten away from me like this? More accurately, how had my life gotten away from me like this? Because all I could think was that is should’ve been Harry that I was getting ready for, instead of not seeing him at all.

--

El had primped and prodded at me for several consecutive hours and had finally deemed me presentable. I had barely looked at my reflection and honestly cared little for whatever the mirror showed me. When you’re not in love with your escort, it’s hard to care how you look for them. Niall wouldn’t notice what I wore or how I wore it and most certainly wouldn’t whisper sweet, little nothings in my ear.

“Sarah, did you hear me?” El was in my face suddenly.

“Sorry, what?” I responded. She rolled her eyes and repeated.

“How do I look?” She said.

I looked her up and down and was stunned; she looked beyond beautiful.

“Eleanor, you’re – you’re stunning! I can’t fathom anyone looking better than you tonight.” I told her honestly.

She smiled bashfully, blushing delicately at my praise.

“Well, I can think of one person,” she smiled, leading me towards the mirror.


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My reflection startled me, it was so unexpected. El had done a masterful job, and I was pleased, despite my present mood, with my appearance.

“Thank you, babe.” I said, folding her into a hug, but being careful not to ruin any of her hard work.

“Anytime, my dear,” she smiled back, “now put your shoes on, Louis says their coming up.”

I did as she asked but was puzzled by something.

“So, Harry’s the only one not coming tonight?” I asked her, I had a hard time believing this.

“Yeah, he had something going on.” She said, evasively.

“Something more important than the Brit’s?” I persisted.

She laughed, but not in a cheerful manner.

“Definitely not more important, not important in the slightest, I just said he had something else.”
She said, and her tone rang with finality.

Louis and Niall were at the door then, and I didn’t have a chance to ask her anything more about it.

“Hi, babe!” Louis said, bursting forth from the door and scooping her into his arms where they both shared a passionate kiss.

Niall ran over to me, hugging me tightly to his chest.

“We’ve missed you a ton!” He whispered in my ear.

I laughed.

“You mean you missed me a ton.” I corrected.

“No, I meant we.” He said, giving me a look.

“Sarah! Get over here,” Louis said, suddenly enveloping me in a warm embrace.

“Hey, Lou,” I said, pulling him closer.

“It’s unacceptable not having you on tour with us.” He told me solemnly.

I met his gaze and couldn’t help but smile at his familiar features.

“I miss you guys.” I sighed.

“No crying, babe, I didn’t donate my day just to have all my hard work go to waste and not be seen by the world.” El said tenderly, making light of the situation. She knew how hard this was for me.

“Well, let’s get a move on!” Niall said, ushering us all out. He was being uncharacteristically punctual.

“Since when do you stick to schedules?” I asked him, half joking, half serious.

“Since now,” he winked at me. “Now come on, come on, we don’t want to be late!”

With that, we were out the door and en route to the Brit Awards.

--

Both Zayn and Perrie, and Liam and Dani, met us at the Red Carpet where we all embraced warmly. I hadn’t seen Perrie or Dani in what felt like eons and there was so much to catch up on. Everyone was being careful with me, but still the same. Like a censored music video, however, there was definitely something tangibly different in our meeting. Eventually, as happens at all Red Carpets, we inevitably got split up, but Perrie entwined our arms and stuck close.

“I’m so sorry about what happened,” she said, pausing before adding, “I think Harry’s an ass.”

I shook my head.

“Perrie, please, don’t. He’s not the problem it’s our situation that is.”

She gave me a look of pity.

“Sarah, I agree with that, but he’s still an ass for the way he’s handling it.” She said, giving me a look. A reporter called out to us and Perrie guided us over.

“Handling it how?” I whispered in her ear, but it was too late, the reported was already there, mics out and waiting.

“Good evening, ladies, you both look stunning!” He gushed.

Perrie thanked him for the both of us, so I just gave him a smile.

I zoned out while he asked Perrie about her upcoming tour, but was startled when he aimed a question at me.

“Sarah, is it awkward seeing Harry here tonight after breaking up only a short while ago?” He asked. I was stunned. I hadn’t realized that people knew we’d broken up, I hadn’t even left my house!

“Well, he’s not here tonight so–”

“Is that not him over there with Kendall Jenner?” He cut me off, pointing behind me.

I turned around and I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. Harry stood, posing with Kendall for photos, looking so exquisite my fractured heart splintered in my chest. I took a step towards him but froze in place as Kendall reached up and placed her full lips on his sculpted cheek bone.

Notes

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