Over Again
Chapter 43
Chapter forty-three
I was lost to deep contemplation for quite a while before the sound of someone tapping against my window broke through my reverie. I looked out to see a young man, around twenty, and assumed that it was Zayn’s friend Ben. I opened the car door and he took a step back. The rain was still coming down quite heavily, but I’d ceased to care about my makeup or hair.
“Sarah?” He asked me.
I nodded.
“Yes.”
He offered me his hand and I accepted it, shaking cordially.
“Nice to meet you I’m Ben.” He smiled. I tried to smile back, but I’m sure it didn’t look quite right.
“So what’s the damage?” He glanced the car over.
“No damage, just no petrol either.” I told him. He laughed understandingly.
“Yeah, happens all the time, nothing to worry about, I’ve got you covered.”
“Thanks,” I said, following him round to the back of his truck. He began rummaging in the truck bed until he retrieved a red container with a funnel type cap. He ushered me over to the rear of my car, inserted the nozzle, and began to fill my car.
“So how do you know Zayn? He doesn’t call me for just anybody.” Ben laughed.
“Yeah, I toured with them and stuff,” I mumbled, unsure of what exactly to say. Should I say I used to date Harry? Was our relationship really in the past? I wasn’t sure.
“Toured with them? Oh, wait! Your name’s Sarah? Harry’s girl?” He asked excitedly as recognition lit his features.
“I didn’t realize you and Zayn were that close.” Was all I replied.
Ben shrugged.
“We’re not exceptionally, but it’s not like I haven’t seen you online or in magazines.”
“Oh, I see,” I murmured. It was still odd to think that people knew my face. I was no one, I was average, I was just me. Mind you, Harry thought that way about himself, too, only he was so wrong because he was so much more than average. Enough, I thought, stop this; you’re supposed to be angry! I internally chastised myself.
“So why are you not on tour right now?” Ben asked, keeping our conversation going, even when I hoped he wouldn’t.
“I came back to finish Uni, what a great decision that was,” I sighed.
“Yeah,” Ben laughed, “can’t say I would’ve done that.”
I smiled; he didn’t know the half of it.
“Well, you’re all topped up,” he said with an easy smile, screwing the lid back on his now empty jug.
“Great, thanks, how much do I owe you?” I asked, reaching for my wallet.
“Don’t even mention it,” he told me, waving his hand to stop me from handing him money. “A friend of Zayn’s is a friend of mine. Just do me a favour?”
“Anything,” I told him heartily.
“Tell Zayn ‘Hi’ from me when you see him next.” Ben smiled, and I couldn’t help but return it.
“Certainly,” I told him. He smiled once more before parting with a wave and driving off into the early night, or more appropriately, early morning.
I climbed back into my car and stuck the key into the ignition. Mercifully, the car roared to life, the windshield wipers resuming their frantic pace and the radio bursting to life. Finally, I was about to put this never-ending nightmare of a day behind me and start a new one.
--
A week had since passed. I hadn’t gone out to buy groceries, socialized with a single human being, or even gotten out of pyjamas for seven days. My flat was a mess, but then so was I. I’d watched every sad movie that I’d ever heard of, which only deepened my depression, and eaten no less than four whole tubs of ice cream. I felt fat, sick, and completely unlovable. It was in this present state that I heard the doorbell ring. At first I thought I’d imagined it, but when it sounded again it became very real. I quickly weighed in my head whether I should answer it or not before a third ring convinced me to get off my ass. I pried open the door and peaked around it.
“Oh good God,” El said in wonderment as she pushed past me inside. “What the hell happened here?”
“Excuse me, you just invaded a crime scene…” I told her.
“For what crime? Deadly filth?” She shot back at me, an eyebrow arched.
“No, more like the murder and dismemberment of my heart.” I said, slumping into a sad, pitiful heap on the sofa.
“Oh, darling,” El cooed, coming over to sit with me. She rubbed my arm soothingly. “I take it you haven’t heard from him?”
I just shook my head.
“Don’t worry, it’ll all get sorted out eventually.” She continued to comfort me. “One question, though.” She said suddenly. “Why did you move out?”
“El, I couldn’t stay there–”
“Let me rephrase: why did you move out without telling me where you were going?”
I didn’t really have an answer for that one. I just stared at her sheepishly. I must have looked really pathetic because instead of being angry like she would’ve normally been, she sighed and resumed rubbing my arms and back.
“You should have told me, or at least answered your fucking phone!” She mock punched me.
“Sorry, babe, I’ve kinda just disconnected this week – I needed some time and space to process everything.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Well you’ve had your time and space now, so that’s it. You can’t hide out in here forever, it’s not healthy. Just because one stage of your life is over doesn’t mean that you just stop living.”
“You think we’re really over?” I asked. I couldn’t help but focus on that one comment: just because one stage of your life is over. Were we really done? Had we gotten back together, reformed an even stronger bond, just to be conquered by our situation? I’d hoped we’d be stronger than that, but maybe I was just naïve.
“I’m just saying you can’t live like this, no matter what happens.” She said, rephrasing.
“Maybe not permanently, but for now this is just fine.” I persisted, wrapping myself up in a blanket that I’d left on the floor.
“Sarah,” she sighed, “you’re impossible–”
All of a sudden she was cut off by my phone – the first time it had rang in days. I looked down to see who was calling: it was Niall. I quickly swiped, accepting the call.
“Hey,” I said, curious as to why he was calling.
“Hi ya, babe, how’s life?” Niall called out boisterously. He was always just so happy.
“Shitty, how’s yours?” I replied.
“Oh, sorry Sarah, that was a stupid question I guess.”
I laughed, half-heartedly, but it still counted as a laugh.
“It’s okay, Niall, what’s up?”
“Well, I don’t know if you know, but we’re coming to London for the Brit Awards next week and, I know things aren’t great with you and Harry right now, but I was wondering if you’d come?”
Was he serious?
“Niall, please tell me you’re joking.” I said simply.
“No, Sarah, I’m serious. You’re still one of our closest friends, I don’t give a shit what Harry says.”
“What does Harry say?” I asked, my interest piqued.
There was a hesitation on the other end of the line.
“Nothing, really. He’s just not been handling all of this really well.”
“He hasn’t been handling it well…” I muttered, but Niall ignored me.
“Anyways, Harry’s not going, so it won’t matter. Please say you’ll come with me, you can be my date! My non-romantic, sister-date of course.” He laughed loudly.
I laughed in return.
“I don’t know, Niall, it might be weird.”
“Oh shut up, it won’t be weird. You’re coming.”
“No, I don’t know,” I said, internally debating it.
“You are.”
“Niall…” I sighed.
“Come on, it’s settled, say you’ll come?” He begged and pleaded. I bit my lower lip, weighing my options. On the one hand, I longed to see Niall – he was like my fun, twin brother. On the other hand, that meant going out in public, to an awards show no less, where there would be press watching my every move and reporting on it. “Saraaaah…” He continued to whine.
I rolled my eyes. Fuck it, I thought.
“Okay, I’ll be your date!”
“YES!” He sounded excitedly. “I’ll pick you up next week. You better do my justice and look hot!”
He laughed so loud, it was deafening.
“I’ll do by best, ass hole,” I said lovingly as I hung up the phone. El just stared at me with a smile on her face.
“Sounds like we need to go shopping?” She smiled with raised eyebrows.
Yes, yes we did.
I was lost to deep contemplation for quite a while before the sound of someone tapping against my window broke through my reverie. I looked out to see a young man, around twenty, and assumed that it was Zayn’s friend Ben. I opened the car door and he took a step back. The rain was still coming down quite heavily, but I’d ceased to care about my makeup or hair.
“Sarah?” He asked me.
I nodded.
“Yes.”
He offered me his hand and I accepted it, shaking cordially.
“Nice to meet you I’m Ben.” He smiled. I tried to smile back, but I’m sure it didn’t look quite right.
“So what’s the damage?” He glanced the car over.
“No damage, just no petrol either.” I told him. He laughed understandingly.
“Yeah, happens all the time, nothing to worry about, I’ve got you covered.”
“Thanks,” I said, following him round to the back of his truck. He began rummaging in the truck bed until he retrieved a red container with a funnel type cap. He ushered me over to the rear of my car, inserted the nozzle, and began to fill my car.
“So how do you know Zayn? He doesn’t call me for just anybody.” Ben laughed.
“Yeah, I toured with them and stuff,” I mumbled, unsure of what exactly to say. Should I say I used to date Harry? Was our relationship really in the past? I wasn’t sure.
“Toured with them? Oh, wait! Your name’s Sarah? Harry’s girl?” He asked excitedly as recognition lit his features.
“I didn’t realize you and Zayn were that close.” Was all I replied.
Ben shrugged.
“We’re not exceptionally, but it’s not like I haven’t seen you online or in magazines.”
“Oh, I see,” I murmured. It was still odd to think that people knew my face. I was no one, I was average, I was just me. Mind you, Harry thought that way about himself, too, only he was so wrong because he was so much more than average. Enough, I thought, stop this; you’re supposed to be angry! I internally chastised myself.
“So why are you not on tour right now?” Ben asked, keeping our conversation going, even when I hoped he wouldn’t.
“I came back to finish Uni, what a great decision that was,” I sighed.
“Yeah,” Ben laughed, “can’t say I would’ve done that.”
I smiled; he didn’t know the half of it.
“Well, you’re all topped up,” he said with an easy smile, screwing the lid back on his now empty jug.
“Great, thanks, how much do I owe you?” I asked, reaching for my wallet.
“Don’t even mention it,” he told me, waving his hand to stop me from handing him money. “A friend of Zayn’s is a friend of mine. Just do me a favour?”
“Anything,” I told him heartily.
“Tell Zayn ‘Hi’ from me when you see him next.” Ben smiled, and I couldn’t help but return it.
“Certainly,” I told him. He smiled once more before parting with a wave and driving off into the early night, or more appropriately, early morning.
I climbed back into my car and stuck the key into the ignition. Mercifully, the car roared to life, the windshield wipers resuming their frantic pace and the radio bursting to life. Finally, I was about to put this never-ending nightmare of a day behind me and start a new one.
--
A week had since passed. I hadn’t gone out to buy groceries, socialized with a single human being, or even gotten out of pyjamas for seven days. My flat was a mess, but then so was I. I’d watched every sad movie that I’d ever heard of, which only deepened my depression, and eaten no less than four whole tubs of ice cream. I felt fat, sick, and completely unlovable. It was in this present state that I heard the doorbell ring. At first I thought I’d imagined it, but when it sounded again it became very real. I quickly weighed in my head whether I should answer it or not before a third ring convinced me to get off my ass. I pried open the door and peaked around it.
“Oh good God,” El said in wonderment as she pushed past me inside. “What the hell happened here?”
“Excuse me, you just invaded a crime scene…” I told her.
“For what crime? Deadly filth?” She shot back at me, an eyebrow arched.
“No, more like the murder and dismemberment of my heart.” I said, slumping into a sad, pitiful heap on the sofa.
“Oh, darling,” El cooed, coming over to sit with me. She rubbed my arm soothingly. “I take it you haven’t heard from him?”
I just shook my head.
“Don’t worry, it’ll all get sorted out eventually.” She continued to comfort me. “One question, though.” She said suddenly. “Why did you move out?”
“El, I couldn’t stay there–”
“Let me rephrase: why did you move out without telling me where you were going?”
I didn’t really have an answer for that one. I just stared at her sheepishly. I must have looked really pathetic because instead of being angry like she would’ve normally been, she sighed and resumed rubbing my arms and back.
“You should have told me, or at least answered your fucking phone!” She mock punched me.
“Sorry, babe, I’ve kinda just disconnected this week – I needed some time and space to process everything.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Well you’ve had your time and space now, so that’s it. You can’t hide out in here forever, it’s not healthy. Just because one stage of your life is over doesn’t mean that you just stop living.”
“You think we’re really over?” I asked. I couldn’t help but focus on that one comment: just because one stage of your life is over. Were we really done? Had we gotten back together, reformed an even stronger bond, just to be conquered by our situation? I’d hoped we’d be stronger than that, but maybe I was just naïve.
“I’m just saying you can’t live like this, no matter what happens.” She said, rephrasing.
“Maybe not permanently, but for now this is just fine.” I persisted, wrapping myself up in a blanket that I’d left on the floor.
“Sarah,” she sighed, “you’re impossible–”
All of a sudden she was cut off by my phone – the first time it had rang in days. I looked down to see who was calling: it was Niall. I quickly swiped, accepting the call.
“Hey,” I said, curious as to why he was calling.
“Hi ya, babe, how’s life?” Niall called out boisterously. He was always just so happy.
“Shitty, how’s yours?” I replied.
“Oh, sorry Sarah, that was a stupid question I guess.”
I laughed, half-heartedly, but it still counted as a laugh.
“It’s okay, Niall, what’s up?”
“Well, I don’t know if you know, but we’re coming to London for the Brit Awards next week and, I know things aren’t great with you and Harry right now, but I was wondering if you’d come?”
Was he serious?
“Niall, please tell me you’re joking.” I said simply.
“No, Sarah, I’m serious. You’re still one of our closest friends, I don’t give a shit what Harry says.”
“What does Harry say?” I asked, my interest piqued.
There was a hesitation on the other end of the line.
“Nothing, really. He’s just not been handling all of this really well.”
“He hasn’t been handling it well…” I muttered, but Niall ignored me.
“Anyways, Harry’s not going, so it won’t matter. Please say you’ll come with me, you can be my date! My non-romantic, sister-date of course.” He laughed loudly.
I laughed in return.
“I don’t know, Niall, it might be weird.”
“Oh shut up, it won’t be weird. You’re coming.”
“No, I don’t know,” I said, internally debating it.
“You are.”
“Niall…” I sighed.
“Come on, it’s settled, say you’ll come?” He begged and pleaded. I bit my lower lip, weighing my options. On the one hand, I longed to see Niall – he was like my fun, twin brother. On the other hand, that meant going out in public, to an awards show no less, where there would be press watching my every move and reporting on it. “Saraaaah…” He continued to whine.
I rolled my eyes. Fuck it, I thought.
“Okay, I’ll be your date!”
“YES!” He sounded excitedly. “I’ll pick you up next week. You better do my justice and look hot!”
He laughed so loud, it was deafening.
“I’ll do by best, ass hole,” I said lovingly as I hung up the phone. El just stared at me with a smile on her face.
“Sounds like we need to go shopping?” She smiled with raised eyebrows.
Yes, yes we did.
Notes
Sorry about the late update, combination of shitty internet and hectic schedule. Thank you for all of your comments, they mean the world to me! Please continue to rate/comment/subscribe my lovelies <3
Ah!! They're too adorable. Really, they are! And I just have this sneaking suspicion that a proposal is very near in their future. Maybe even at/ after his mom's wedding. I can't wait til the next chapter!! More please!!!
3/16/15