Chapter thirty-four

I came back to the table and sat down carefully, still tender and a little sore. I noticed that someone had cleared away my drink; probably Liam. Harry pulled my chair out for me to sit down more easily.

“You weren’t here so I ordered for you,” he told me.

“Thanks,” I forced a smile at him. It most probably looked more like a grimace and Harry leaned in closer.

“Is everything alright?”

“Um, yeah,” I told him hesitantly, internally debating whether I wanted to tell him everything or not. “Maybe we can talk later? Just the two of us?”

“Of course, babe,” he said, kissing my cheek, sliding closer to me so that he could keep his arm around me. My appetite was nearly gone, my abdomen still sore, and when the food came, I could only eat the salad presented in front of me. I didn’t hear a word of the conversation that passed, and finally it was time to go. We were standing outside, all of us waiting for our cabs.

“Goodnight, Sarah,” Lou came over and hugged me.

“Night, Lou,” I hugged her back.

“Talk tomorrow?” She asked as she began walking over to her taxi.

“Sure!” I called after her. The other lads had already left and were on their way back to the tour bus, leaving just Harry and I.

“Harry, do you think we could grab a hotel room for tonight?” I asked him.

“Why?” He responded, looking down at his phone.

“I thought we were going to talk tonight,” I said, waiting for his response but he kept looking at his phone.

“Harry, please!” I said, pushing his phone away and forcing him to look at me.

“Sorry, babe,” he said, sliding his phone in his front pocket and placing his hands on either side of my face. I wrapped my arms around his waist, not allowing him to escape. “Sweetheart, it’s really late and we’d have to get up early, the bus leaves at five in the morning. I think it’s just easier if we go back with the others.”

“Fine,” I sighed. “It can wait.”

“Excellent,” he said, leaning down to kiss me. His fingers played with strands of my hair that were flittering in the evening breeze. My hands were at the small of his back, pressing him into me. He broke away and hugged my shoulders tight to his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I breathed. And despite how true those words were, in that moment, I’d made up my mind.

--

We started driving towards the next arena at five o’clock the next morning. Harry and I stayed in bed, both of us exhausted from the last couple of days. However, when I woke up again at noon, Harry was gone and I could hear him and the lads playing Fifa. I got dressed, keeping it simple in a comfortable dress.

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I walked into the next room where I heard all of their voices.

“Morning,” I said.

“Hey, Sarah,” Niall greeted me with a smile.

“Good morning,” the rest of them mumbled, too absorbed in their game to truly notice me. Harry was sitting on the couch watching them and he opened his arms for me. I smiled and immediately let him envelop me.

“I missed you when I woke up,” I told him.

“I know, I didn’t want to wake you,” he said, kissing my forehead.

“Well I wish you had,” I said. “We need to talk.”

“Okay,” he said, readjusting slightly beneath me. “Let’s talk.”

I gave him a look and then sighed.

“Tonight?” I asked him.

“Whenever you want, my love,” he said, kissing me, even though I wanted to talk at that moment. I wondered how long he was going to avoid the discussion we needed to have, and hoped it wasn’t long; it couldn’t be.

--

The drive was long, but four hours later we were behind an arena in Texas and the boys were rehearsing. While they prepared themselves, Lou and I sat outside to chat.

“So, about last night…” she started.

“I know, I know, I was a disaster,” I conceded.

“You really were,” she laughed. “Tell me what happened.” She said more seriously.

“It’s just everything lately. Harry and I seem off, or at least, that’s how I feel. And then last night, I got a call from University saying that my program is starting up in two weeks.”

“Well that’s good news, isn’t it?” Her face lit up.

“It is, I mean, it helps me get back on track to graduate next year, but that also means that I have to leave you guys,” I explained.

Lou shook her head.

“Harry would understand.” She said.

“I know,” I replied, fiddling with my thumbs. “It’s just there’s a lot of stuff that he needs to know about and this was just added to the list.”

Lou draped an arm around me.

“When are you going to talk to him?”

“I tried last night and this morning,” I shook my head. “But this is what I’m saying. I feel like he doesn’t even appreciate all that I’m giving up for him right now!”

“Sarah, you know he does, they’re just all really busy right now and it’s easy to get caught up in it.” She soothed me.

“Busy with what, Fifa?” I said sarcastically. “I mean, I know they’re busy, but I hate not telling him things,” I sighed. “We used to be best friends, before we ever dated.” I reminisced.

“Aren’t you still?” She asked.

I nodded.

“Yes,” I started. “But lately we don’t feel as close, you know?”

“I do,” she said. “You know, Tom and I went through a similar situation.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised.

“Oh yeah,” she said. “I think it’s a normal period of adjustment that any couple goes through. Just give it time and effort.”

“That’s what worries me!”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“If I go back to the UK, and he stays here on tour, what will happen to us? What if we never adjust because we’re not together?” I watched her face and gauged her reaction.

“Knowing you two as well as I do, you’ll work it out no matter what you decide. Besides, he won’t be touring for forever,” she said honestly. I smiled at her, put at ease. Just then, the door flew open and Harry strolled out with a camera.

“Look at these beauties,” he grinned as he came over to us and snapped a picture of us.



“What are we talking about, ladies?” He asked us, sitting down next to me.

“Life,” Lou answered simply as we exchanged a knowing look. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Lux needs to be fed and put down for her nap.”

I smiled at her as she got up.

“Tell her Uncle Harry and Aunt Sarah say sleep tight!” Harry called after her.

“And to not let the bed bugs bite!” I chirped in and we shared a laugh together. “Finally,” I sighed, hugging his arm, “we’re alone!” He laughed and kissed me. “What’s that for?” I asked, pointing to the camera.

“We’re doing tour diaries again,” he laughed.

“That’s nice, the fans will love that,” I smiled. There was a moment of silence but I had to seize the opportunity.“ Harry, there’s something we really need-”

I was interrupted by Louis and Niall flinging the door open.

“Yo! Harry!” Louis called.

Harry shook his head.

“Well we were alone,” he laughed, kissing my forehead before standing up.

“Did we say rehearsals were over?” Niall asked him in an American accent.

“No, sir!” Harry smiled sheepishly at him.

“Well then get!” Niall said, smacking Harry’s ass as he and Louis ran back inside.

“Talk to you later, love!” Harry called back to me over his shoulder leaving just Niall and I.

“Sorry,” Niall said. “You two weren’t in the middle of something were you?”

I rolled my eyes at him.
“Of course we were!” I sighed, getting up and pushing past him to go back in the arena myself.

--

There wasn’t another opportunity to talk to Harry for the rest of the day. The show ended and I saw him briefly in his dressing room, but that was it. They then ordered take-out food and we ate backstage. Always being pulled in different directions, both in social gatherings and our lifestyles it seemed. In fact, we weren’t alone until close to three in the morning. I fell asleep on the couch backstage. They were playing two shows here in Dallas, so we didn’t have to sleep on the bus, happy to have a bit more space. However, some of the guys got hotel rooms and some retreated to the bus regardless. When I woke up though, there was complete darkness and silence. Harry was nowhere to be seen. How unusual, I thought. It was unlike Harry to leave me all on my own. I decided to go and search for him. His dressing room was dark, the cafeteria area empty and so at last I went to check the gym area. Sure enough, there I found him, ear buds in, running on the treadmill. I walked over to him. He had his eyes closed, clearly running to the beat of his music and not letting anything else interrupt. I grabbed the cord of his headphones and gave them a slight tug, causing them to fall out of his ears. He was startled at first but smiled when he saw me.

“Hey,” he said breathily.

“Hey,” I smiled back up at him. “Have a minute?”

He slowed his pace before eventually stopping.

“For you,” he said, reaching for a towel and wrapping it around his shoulders. He sat down on a stool while I remained standing.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” I began. I immediately began debating what to say and what to not. Should I worry him with the possibility of a pregnancy? Did it really affect him at this present moment? I decided it didn’t and if anything, it would just be troublesome for him right now. The only thing that he absolutely needed to know was that I planned on leaving.

“Yes…” he said urging me to continue, looking at me from underneath his eyelashes and breaking me from my reverie.

“I got a call from Professor McAlister’s office,” I said warily.

“Really?” He asked, looking confused. “What about?”

“The secretary told me that my course has been reinstated for second semester.”

“That’s fantastic!” Harry beamed at me, clearly pleased. “I was worried that this set back would be problematic for you, this is great news!”

I smiled at him.

“Well, that’s not all,” I said.

“Oh?”

“You see, second semester starts in just two weeks…” I trailed off.

“Oh,” he said, his face falling infinitesimally. “I see.” He appeared deep in thought and the seconds ticked by agonizingly without him uttering another word.

“Are you going to say something?” I asked him. He took my hand and stared at it.

“Are you going?” He asked, getting straight to the point.

“I don’t know yet,” I lied, not wanting to meet his gaze.

“Sarah,” he said, his hand drawing my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “Be honest with me. Do you want to go?”

I sighed, blinked slowly once before letting my feelings explode.

“I’m not happy, Harry,” I blurted. “I mean – of course I’m happy – but not with my life. I love you and I love being with you but I hate feeling like I’m falling behind in my life.”

He nodded.

“Babe, it’s fine, we can work this out,” he said, but I shook my head.

“Harry, I don’t want to work it out. I want to go back,” I told him earnestly. “I feel lonely,” I added.

“Lonely?” He questioned.

I shrugged.

“You’re so busy all the time, I feel like it’s never just you and me.” I said, not meeting his gaze again. I heard him sigh.

“I hate hearing you say that,” he breathed. He pulled me into his lap and I rested my head on his bare shoulder. “It’s just you and I right now,” he whispered kissing my hair.

I smiled.

“I like the sound of that, ‘you and I’.”

We stayed like that for a moment before he eventually broke the silence. “So I only have you for two more weeks?” He asked.

I pulled back and rolled my eyes at him.

“You have me for forever, but I’m only staying on tour for another week and a half.” I corrected him.
He brushed my stray, wild hair behind my ear, lingering for a moment while I got lost in his eyes.

“What will I do without you?” He asked, so silently, I thought it was more to himself than me.

“Carry on and count the days until you’re on break and you come and visit me back home,” I smiled at him.

“I’ll miss you,” he smiled at me.

I kissed him with fervour.

“As I’ll miss you,” I replied. “Although,” I added, “we are alone and it’s been a while…” I trailed off, slinking to my knees in front of him. His eyes widened in surprise and excitement as my hands reached for the top of his loose, elastic rimmed gym shorts, and gently peeled them back. He watched as I pulled them down around his ankles – his boxers in tow – and then as I lowered my mouth to his erect bulge, pulling my hair away from my face. His hands knotted themselves in my long tresses as his chest began heaving with pleasure. I started off slow, toying with his tip, before growing more adventurous, taking more and more of him at a time. He released my hair, his arms grasping at the back of his head in an attempt to control his panting; the sweat made his chest gleam. His abdomen swelling with breath at such a rapid rate, the butterfly’s wings seemed to be in flight.



Before long, he couldn’t take my teasing any more and he plucked me up from the ground, grinding my back into a wall and kissing me hungrily. He easily threw my dress to the floor, leaving me in my skimpy lace panties and no bra. Soon, this wasn’t enough either and he laid me down on the treadmill. I could feel the rubber imprinting into my back. His full lips lowered to my clit, his tongue plunging deep. My back arched, my breathing became laboured. His hands pulled me closer, wrapping around my ass and pulling me towards him, granting him better access. After I was thoroughly wet, he pulled my panties to one side and entered me. He was careful to be gentle enough that he didn’t hurt my back on the hard surface but his pace never slowed. My nails dug into his back, pulling him further and further into me. I was glad that the arena was empty, that all our friends had retreated to the bus or found other accommodations; because there was no way they could have slept through this.

Notes

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