Chapter thirty

We’d been on tour for just over a week and the lads had played five shows. Other than the excitement of the show itself, life on tour was starting to become lonely despite the fact that there were always people around. Harry was always busy; busy recording, busy performing; busy writing. Always busy. This meant that I spent a lot of time babysitting little Lux for Lou. I wasn’t bitter, and I certainly didn’t begrudge Harry his success, but I’d be lying if I said I was as happy as I’d thought I’d be. Or maybe the reason why I wasn’t happy was because I still hadn’t spoken to Harry; I was keeping a secret. While although technically, I wasn’t lying about being pregnant because I didn’t one hundred per cent know I was, I was still lying about my suspicions, and that was just as bad. I was constantly anxious that one of the guys would slip up and say something to Harry, but my luck prevailed and there was never room for the topic to come up. That is until one day when I was backstage with Niall, Liam and Lou Teasdale.

I massaged my temples, begging for the two extra strength Advils to finally kick in and relieve the intense migraine ripping through my brain. The nauseous feeling was starting to wane, and for that I was thankful. My abdomen ached however and I felt the need to pee yet again.

“Sarah, are you alright?” Lou asked me. She’d been pressing me all week about what was wrong and was growing tired of my excuses.

“Yeah, of course,” I told her. “I guess I’m just still not over this virus yet.” I laughed lightly, although the laugh sent a wave of pain through my stomach, something everyone noticed by my sharp in take of breath. “Sorry, I’ve just got to run to the washroom,” I said, trying to get myself up from the couch while minimalizing the pain.

Lou looked at me dubiously.

“Sarah, that’s the fourth time you’ve had to go to the washroom since we’ve been sitting here,” she said accusingly.

“Yeah, well, it’s been a long day,” I said in avoidance.

“It’s been two hours,” she contradicted me. I just stared at her, not quite knowing what to say. Liam and
Niall looked at the two of us anxiously, unknowing of how or when to intervene.

“Sorry, I didn’t know there was a toilet limit,” I said, perhaps a bit rudely, but in my defense I was in a lot of pain.

She walked over to me, more analysing me than looking at me.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked.

“Of course not, nothing major,” I persisted.

“Sarah,” she began. “You’re beyond irritably, in constant pain and you’re peeing a lot more than most normal people. And you look like shit,” she added looking down at my outfit.



I furrowed my brow.

“Wow, Lou, no need to mince your words,” I said becoming irritated.

“Guys, why don’t you just let it go,” Niall said, clearly getting uncomfortable.

Lou looked at him and raised her eyebrows.

“Do they know?” she asked me. I just stared back at her dumbly.

“Lou, there’s nothing, everything’s fine,” Liam said, trying to fix the situation.

“Is it, Liam? Because it doesn’t seem to be,” Lou shot back at him before turning to me.
“I’ve been pregnant before, you know,” she said with implication.

“Wow, so that’s where Lux came from,” Harry teased walking into the room. Lou took a step back and all of our faces just went blank. Harry’s smile started waning as he looked around at us in confusion.



“What’s wrong?” He asked, a confused, small smile still on his lips. I looked to Lou, praying she wouldn’t say anything. There must have been something in my eyes that showed my desperation because thankfully, she didn’t.

“Nothing, you know, just went off on a tangent, I don’t even know what about now,” she smiled at him, before shooting me a look. Her face had “you owe me” written all over it. She left the room, although I knew she wouldn’t drop it and I mentally prepared myself to deal with that later.

“Well, we’re off,” Liam said, and him and Niall quickly exited the room, not trusting themselves enough to stay after such a close call. Harry came over to me, his face softening in an instant.

“Awe, babe, you still look awful,” he said, brushing stray strands of hair away from my face.

I tried to smile convincingly back at him.

“Thanks, Styles, back at you,” I forced out, hoping it came across as light banter.

“You know what I mean,” he said seriously, kissing my forehead. I clearly wasn’t fooling anybody.

“I’m fine,” I told him, hoping he’d believe me. He didn’t say anything; she just stared hopefully back at me before Louis walked in the room.

“Harry, it’s show time, get out here,” he said, probably louder than necessary.

Harry sighed before heaving himself up, an unwilling look on his face. I could tell that he was worried about me, and that made me feel even more awful.

“Alright, I’m coming,” he said and then exited the room. Louis looked after him and then back to me.

“I know you think what you’re doing is helping him,” he started. “But it only takes one look at him to see the damage you’re doing.” He gave me a look before he, too, left. And once again, just like that I was alone again. In that instant, I knew that something had to be done, and I set about on how to do it.

--

That afternoon, I skipped the meet and greet. I was sure they’d notice my absence, but I had to try and fix this situation. I went out back, by the garbage bins behind the stadium and looked up the number for the nearest pharmacy. I quickly found and dialled the number.

“Hello, Westbrook Pharmacy,” the woman on the phone greeted me.

“Hello,” I responded. “I’m here travelling from the UK, but I’ve run out of birth control. Will my prescription still work here?” I asked her.

“Yeah that shouldn’t be a problem, what’s your name and when would you like pick-up?” She asked me.

“Sarah Wilson. Is it possible to get pick up today?” I asked her hopefully.

“Certainly, I can get them to you as soon as two hours,” she informed me.

“Excellent,” I sighed in relief. “I’ll be there.”

“Alright, we’ll see you in two hours,” she said before the line went dead. I slipped my phone in my bag. I’d heard that birth control helped with menstrual pain and in some instances, pregnancy pain. I just hoped that it would do the same for me.

--

It was relatively easy to sneak away from the arena as the boys were all at their sound check and Lou was with Lux, probably putting her down for her nap. This allowed me to get away, utterly unnoticed. I hailed a cab, gave them the address of the pharmacy, and soon enough I was there. I paid the cabby to wait outside and I quickly ran in to pick up my prescription.

“Hi there, is there something you need help with?” The Pharmasist asked me.

“Yeah, actually I’m here to pick up a prescription,” I said.

She nodded and turned to her computer screen.

“What’s your name?”

I set my bag down on the counter.

“Sarah Wilson,” I answered.

She smiled in recognition.

“Of course, I knew I knew you,” she said.

“Yeah, we spoke on the phone earlier I believe–” I began but she cut me off.

“No, no. I mean you’re on magazine cover,” she said, walking out from the counter and picking up a magazine located by the cash registers. Sure enough, there was a picture of Harry and I on the cover taken at the premiere.

“Oh, right,” I laughed, unsure of what else to say.

She walked back behind the Pharmasist counter, smiling hugely still. She then rung up my prescription and I handed her some bills.

“Thanks,” I said, and turned to leave.

“Wait!” She called out after me. I turned around, confused. She smiled apologetically. “Sorry, I hate to be that crazy fan, but would you mind if I got a picture with you? My daughter adores you guys.”

“Of course,” I said. “Not at all.” I put my bag down and she came to stand beside me and snap a picture.

“Thank you,” she smiled excitedly.

It then struck me, this woman recognized me. I didn’t need this entire thing documented. In fact, it was better if no one knew that I’d been here picking up this prescription.

“Yeah, no problem,” I started. “Would you do me a favour though?” I asked her, a little awkwardly.

She looked back at me in wonderment.

“Certainly,” she responded.

“Could you keep this little visit to yourself?” I asked her. “I just hate my life being documented every second,” I added so as to not seem suspicious.

“Of course, don’t worry about it I won’t mention it to anyone other than my daughter,” she smiled.

I smiled back at her.

“Great, thanks again!” I told her as I walked towards the exit again.

“No problem, tell Harry we say ‘hi’!” She laughed.

“I will,” I smiled back at her before swiftly exiting the store and crawling back into the taxi.

“Back to the arena, Miss?” The cabby asked me.

“Yeah that’s great, thanks,” I acknowledged him before ripping into the prescription bag and popping back a pill. I silently prayed that they would do what I needed them to do as I made my way back, just in time for the show to begin.

Notes

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