Chapter thirty-one
There was still half an hour before the show began and I was confident that all the lads would be busy getting ready, allowing me to slip in as if I’d never left. I quickly paid the cabby and thanked him for his service before throwing open the door and rushing towards the back entrance of the arena. The door was open so I didn’t stop to hesitate. However, this brought me face to face with Harry.

“Hey babe, I was just looking for you,” he said with a smile on his lips. “Where did you go?”

“Oh, I um,” I stumbled on my words as I tried to explain myself. I didn’t want to lie about where I’d gone, just about what I’d been doing. “I had to pick up a couple things from the pharmacy.” I eventually managed.

He looked at me, puzzled.

“Why didn’t you just rifle through our supplies?” he asked me as he took my hand and lead me back inside.

“Oh, well, they didn’t have what I needed, so,” I countered, hoping that he’d drop it. Of course he didn’t.

“Well we should let them know then, I don’t need you to get lost,” he said earnestly.

I shook my head to reassure him.

“Don’t worry, Harry, I really don’t mind running small errands it’s actually kind of nice,” I smiled up at him.

He acquiesced and kissed me softly.

“How are you feeling, any better?” He asked.

Shockingly, the pill hadn’t taken long for me to feel its effects. My stomach was in noticeably less pain and
for the first time in several days I felt a vague hunger.

“Much better,” I said honestly.

“That’s brilliant!” Harry said, hugging me closer to him. “We’ll have to go celebrate tonight.”

I nodded.

“That sounds like fun,” I agreed. By now we were in the dressing area where the lads were getting prepared. Across the room I saw Lou Teasdale, giving me a peculiar look that made me nervous to be left alone with her.

“It’ll be amazing, love,” Harry said drawing me back into our conversation. “I’ll talk to you after the show!” He said giving me a quick kiss as he ran off towards the guys, throwing his jacket on the back of the couch, slapping on his microphone and ear piece, and running on stage behind the rest of them. I watched them go, and then there was just Lou and I. She was staring at me, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. I rolled my eyes and sat down on the red couch, pulling out my phone, determined not to speak first.

“Put that away,” Lou said finally breaking the silence. “You owe me an explanation.” She added, raising her eyebrows.

“Lou, I don’t want to do this,” I sighed, still not looking at her but locking my phone and leaving it on the cushion next to me.

“Well you seem to be feeling better,” she persisted, sitting down next to me and crossing her legs. Her face wore an expectant expression, which was beyond irritating in that moment.

“Don’t,” I cautioned her. “Just, please, don’t.”

“Sarah, if something’s going on, if you’re – if you’re pregnant – you’ve got to let people know,” she said, seemingly at a loss for words. I knew she was trying to help, and that made me soften towards her.

“Lou, don’t worry. I’m figuring it out,” I told her, giving her knee a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

“It’s easily figured out,” she said, searching.

“I know,” I looked down and began picking at a loose thread on the bottom of my shorts. “I’m just not ready yet, you know?” I asked her, beginning to open up. “It would just change so much, and I don’t know if I want things to change… if they can change.” I drifted off.

“Sarah, everything changes. Constantly. And there’s nothing that you, I, or anyone else can do to prevent that from happening. What you’re doing – it isn’t healthy,” she said gently, not wanting to insult me.

Nevertheless, I felt myself stiffen and react to her words.

“Maybe not, but is it really any of your business?” I asked her, sitting up straighter and putting some distance between us.

“Don’t do that, don’t push me away,” she pleaded with me. She wasn’t trying to be confrontational; she was just genuinely worried.

“I’m sorry, Lou, I’m just a little sensitive about all this,” I said, calming myself down. She scooted closer to me, wrapping her arm about my shoulders.

“I can see that,” she laughed and I joined in too. “But seriously, you need to get checked out.”

I shook my head.

“No. Not yet,” I responded quickly.

“Sarah–” She persisted but I didn’t let her continue.

“I don’t even know that I’m pregnant!” I burst at her. “God, Lou! I know you’re trying to help, but I have to keep reminding myself not to get mad at you!” I pulled away from her, getting up from the couch. Lou quickly arose, too.

“You’re only mad because you see that I’m right and that scares you!” For the first time, Lou was raising her voice right back at me. I’d never seen her like this and I didn’t like it, but in that moment I was too enraged to care about that.

“You’re so presumptuous! You don’t know everything especially not about me!” I shot at her as I began pacing, my anger becoming overwhelming.

“Sarah, do you not see yourself? This isn’t you!” Lou tried to reason with me.

“Stop!” I said covering my ears, shielding myself from the things she had to say. “Stop, stop, stop, Stop!” I bellowed, spinning around to look at her at her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Harry, standing just behind Lou with his shirt off, switching his outfit for the next set on stage.

Lou turned around to see what had captured my attention. His face was haunting. The lads came in then and went about getting changed without even noticing the situation unfolding in front of them, but Harry had seen and heard too much. How much he’d seen, I had no idea.

“Harry…” I said with a weak breath that was barely audible.

“Come on, Harry!” Liam said as he ran past him, giving him a slap on the shoulder. Harry looked to me and then jogged back on stage behind Liam; without saying a single word. I felt my eyes start to well, tears threatening to overflow.

“Sarah, I’m sorry,” Lou said apologetically. She tried to come over to me, to pry my arms apart that were glued to my chest; all to no avail.

“I’m sorry, Lou,” I blubbered. “I – I just need to be alone.” I turned away from her, away from her calling after me. I made my way into Harry’s dressing room where I patiently waited for the show to be over.

--

It felt like hours upon hours had passed. Time went by slowly as I waited for Harry. Was he mad? How much had he heard? Did he agree with Lou? All the questions I had to ask him tumbled around in my head. Eventually, the door sounded and my head shot up to see his face. His expression was no longer the haunted face I’d seen earlier, but rather wary and most of all tired.

“Hi,” I said weakly.

He let out a sigh before walking over to me and enveloping me in his arms. He drew back to look at me.

“Hi,” he said back before finally releasing me. For a moment, it was awkward, neither of us knowing how to proceed. I decided I had to be the one to speak first.

“About earlier…” I drifted off, unsure of what exactly to say. “How much did you hear?” I settled with, desperate to know.

“Does it matter?” He asked me. I looked down at my hands, which began picking at one another.

“Harry, I’m–”

“No, Sarah, listen,” he said, cutting me off. “I know you haven’t been yourself recently,” he began. I shuddered to think where this was going. Was he going to make the same assumption that everyone else already had? Or, worse, had someone said something to him? My mind panicked at all the possible things he could say next only to be shocked and relieved by what followed. “But that was no excuse for Lou to attack you like that.” He finally finished, whipping his shirt off and beginning to remove his in earpiece. “You’re everything to me,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“No one’s allowed to snap at you like that even if you are acting a bit strange.” He finished.

“To be fair,” I said, feeling bad for Lou. “I majorly snapped at her, too.”

“Yeah, I know, love,” he said, taking hold of my shoulders. “But I’m always going to be on your side. Alright?”

I nodded before stretching my neck to reach his suppliant lips that were mere inches from mine.

“I love you,” I told him. He hugged me closer to him, pressing my ear to his chest where I could hear and feel his heartbeat.

“I love you, too,” he sighed contentedly. He stood there, and I was happy, but I had to clarify one thing with him.

“Don’t be mad at Lou,” I said. I felt his head shift, his eyes trying to find my face, although they did not succeed, I could feel the question in his stare. “I don’t even want you to mention this to her. Her and I are fine, and this should have no bearing on your relationship with her.” His silence was not encouraging, so I continued to press him. “Harry, promise me you won’t be mad at her.” I heard him sigh, but would not accept defeat. “Promise!” I said pulling away from him to look at his face. A gentle smile spread across his lips and his hand reached up to softly tuck some stray strands of hair away from my face.

“I promise,” he said solemnly.

“Good,” I smiled at him before kissing him quickly and heading for the door.

“Now where are you going?” He asked me. I stopped through the half opened door to turn back and look at him.

“I need to have a quick chat my friend, Lou,” I told him with a humble smile. Harry smiled back, obviously pleased that our little disagreement would be so short lived.

“Play nice,” he said with a smile. I laughed as I shut the door and made my way down the hall.

--

There were people dwindling in the halls all about the arena still but finding Lou was easier than I’d thought it would be. I found her by the vending machines, obviously selecting dinner.

“You know there’s real food in the kitchen,” I said to her, leaning against one of the machines. Her eyes remained focused on the choices in front of her but I smile was on her lips nonetheless.

“Define ‘real food’,” she laughed, finally looking at me. I laughed with her, running a hand through my long, tousled hair. I met her gaze again and for a moment we were both silent. “How are you?” She eventually asked me.

I shook my head at her.

“Forget about all that,” I told her, pushing myself off of the vending machine and grabbing her hand. “I am so sorry about what happened. I know you’re just trying to help.”

“Sometimes I over step,” she said, looking down at our entwined hands. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not right.” She said, looking at me severely.

“I know,” I conceded with a sigh, releasing her hand and resting on the machine again to which Lou joined.

“How’d he take it?” She asked me.

I shook my head slowly.

“If he heard what we were talking about, he doesn’t let on. He just knows we were fighting,” I shrugged.

Lou’s brow furrowed at my words before she laughed. I looked at her confusedly.

“He’s a good one that boy,” she smiled at me.

“I know. He’s the best,” I responded.

“Well, I won’t interfere,” she said standing up, making her selection on the vending machine and watching as it fell into the slot. She stooped to pick it up and looked back at me. “But I still think you should tell him…” she said in a singsong voice as she danced away from me, disappearing into the hall. She was right; and I would tell him. But what could be the harm in waiting a couple more weeks?

Notes

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