The Night I Met Harry

I bite at my lip as I enter the room to see him there lying against the pillows of the properly-made bed. I hold my fingers together a little to keep them from shaking with nervousness and listen as he continues to inform me of his plans for the trip. I listen but neglect to hear every other word as my brain pulls me in loops of what I had yet to say. My bare feet and legs experience a slight draft as I move them toward the dresser for a sip of orange juice from the glass mug.

Harry:
"I get the impression you aren't listening to me."

It awakens my consciousness enough to catch the last part.

Winter:
"Sorry...I uh- just have a lot on my mind is all."

Silence ensures me that he wishes that I proceed. I take another sip before turning to face him and sit it back against the dresser. I twirl the hair that escapes the tie.

Harry:
"For a week now, I see...I didn't want to bug you about it but I'll start if you don't."

I look up to see he's relaxed and comfortable from a few beers but still there's a burning of hesitancy in my throat. I clear it quickly and stare rather toward the light source of the window.

Winter:
"Would you...I mean- um..."

Harry:
"I'm listening,"

I move again over to the dresser draw when I realize my tongue has a sudden need to rebel. I migrate my fingers to way in the back and pull out what I need to show him. I know he'll likely yell at me for this which was a key reason I hadn't yet said anything. I walk over to him, his scent following me from the soft fabric of the shirt that drapes like a cloak around me. I sit beside him, making very slow contact with the cotton duvet. Every little thing seems to distract me but I attempt despite it. Before I can withdraw mentally from the situation I place it into his hands almost as if recording in slow motion. I watch as he notices it… and immediately green eyes are wide.

Harry:
"Oh god..."

I just wait with my breath held and my thumbs tossing around each other. His legs are swung off the side of the bed and he's instantly in a hunched position. My hands go to rub against his back in habit.

Harry:
"Wait-just… just don't touch me for a second."

They snatch away quite quickly and I feel the slot in my chest grow sore a little. This was one of the reasons I had neglected to tell him until I was intensely sure...A part of me wished he'd be happy about this, but I also realized that would be asking too much. He was amazing to me really. But I hoped I didn't just ruin things again. I slide away from him a little when it seems as if space is what he needs. I ignore the urge to bury myself inside another jar of peanut butter and just wait for the reaction to fizzle up.

Harry:
"How did this...I-"

He starts but deciphers which way would be the better approach. Whatever is said I've already made up in my mind to deflect so that my feelings aren't hurt.

Harry:
"We can't."

And I guess the wall put up to prevent my feelings from souring has fallen. When I felt I heard enough I move to leave the room and find that jar that seems to hold the key to my life at the root of it. I go toward the art room I've redecorated after unpacking everything and close the door. It's locked and I ignore the chill that normally inspires me. I shut the window a tad more angrily than I'm used to. It didn't matter what happened after this...as long as I knew I'd be carrying a baby that he didn't want, I wouldn't go through with it anyways. The tears form when I take the first spoon and think of Riley. I pick up my phone when it vibrates against the floor. I barely have the tolerance to speak now but for whatever reason I take the call.

Winter:
"Yes Niall?"

Dr Horan:
"You were supposed to call to let me know how it went."

Winter:
"...when can we start the process?"

He silences, as if emotionally unprepared for that statement. He was my doctor, but there was always another level of care that he let slip through from time to time.

Dr.Horan:
"Wait, there's no way he doesn't-"

Winter:
"Just leave it okay, I don't want a child that he regrets anyways."

Dr.Horan:
"But we've been through this...imagine if you'd done that to Riley."

My body reacts oddly to the thought of that and suddenly I'd wished he hadn't said it at all. The door knob is attempted and I look up from my fingers briefly to watch the disturbance.

Harry:
"Open it, Winter."

I feel the tears leave my face because it doesn't matter what he has to say now...the thought of him hating her would always be there in the back of my mind for me always to see.

Winter:
"You were wrong...I shouldn't have told him."

I whisper before ending the call and breaking toward the window to study it's view of trees just below. I wish to myself that I had a way of reaching that place without going out the way I'd come. There's still the scent of him wrapped around me with the fabric that doesn't allow me to simply forget what's just happened. The phones vibrating again but this time I just allow it. Another spoon full of peanut butter and find myself zoning out to someplace much simpler.

Harry:
"Do you hear me Winter? I said open it."

Interestingly enough he's found the key and broken the barrier that kept me sane for a little while. I sit down the jar and face him hesitantly.

He initially doesn’t move forward and we just stand there frozen in time for a moment, taking in one another. I hold my breath again a little as I study the bruise that still stains him from the car accident. To me, it’s the worst reminder of what could have happened…yet somehow it manages to add to the person he is, a character that I’m still in the mist of figuring out lately. I look down for a moment when I lose the confidence to speak while keeping composure.

Winter:
“I’m alright. Just needed air.”

He looks down at the jar, his expression gives me the impression that he’s likely taking a trip down memory lane.

Winter:
“Listen, um…I’m really sorry I bothered you with this. Let’s just pretend I didn’t, and never talk about it again alright?”

I can the jar and spoon and manipulate my brain into believing that this was nothing. The vibration is back and I head over to where it lies on the floor to avoid any further conversation on the topic. I don’t answer when I see that it’s him again and head toward the only exit of the room.

Harry:
“We have more to discuss.”

Winter:
“We don’t. Just forget it… and I don’t want to have to say that again, please.”
--
I wake and he’s spooning me from behind the way he does. Daylight disturbs my fatigue and I sit myself upward with the thought of our last talk. Maybe it was a good idea that I go out for the day today…and just maybe now was the time to get away before he’d waken and have time to dispute me. Then again that just meant I had little time at all giving he’d always seemed to stir shortly after I would remove myself from the bed.
I head for a shower anyways at the slight chance that even if he did awake he’d be too tired to care what I’m up to. The water is warm and understanding on my pregnant body. I was already counting the days till when I’d have the initial appointment with the doctor and get things back to normal around here. My face is tilted downward so that the water finds itself in the scalp of my hair and gives clarity to my morning. I wash about with the soap and body wash my mom had given me as a pairing for the baby wash she’d gotten Riley. I turn toward the sound when the bathroom door opens and I realize he’s up brushing his teeth.

Harry:
“Where’s the mouthwash?”

He asks a short while after. I pick it up from beside me in the shower from where I’d been using it and open the glass door to hand it to him.

Harry:
“Thanks love,”

The mood confuses me but I quickly shut off the water and grab for the towel hanging just outside of the door. I hate that I’ll be leaving with damp hair but I guess I’d make sure the car was warm before I headed out.

Harry:
“Going somewhere?”

Winter:
“Just out,”

I answer quickly without looking up at him as I get dressed. I’m sure he notices.

Harry:
“To a friends?”

That was something I knew he’d be suspicious of if I’d said yes, because since recent occurrences…friends were something I felt I just didn’t need a lot of lately.

Winter:
“To see mom. She uh…has some things for Riley.”

Harry:
“I’ll go with you. I haven’t seen her in awhile,”

Winter:
“I don’t need you to, thanks.”
--
I choose not to fill her in and she asks on and on about how things are at home. Well they were excellent until I opened my mouth, I guess.

Winter:
“They’re great...he says to be back for dinner.”

Well things aren’t great but he did say to be back for dinner. I mess around with the things on her dresser just to be reminded of how it feels for Riley when she goes through all of my things. She keeps silent for a moment before opening up in reply.

Linda:
“Scott stopped by…”

Not surprised, honestly. I don’t even flinch in the slightest because if the name wasn’t Harry Styles it simply didn’t matter to me anymore.

Winter:
“That was nice of him. Do you have any sweets mom?”

She gives me a questioning look before reaching in her purse for some bits of candy. I was secretly hoping one contained peanut butter. Reese’s, perfect.

Linda:
“Says he needed to know how you were in life and such…”

Winter:
“That’s nice. Do you mind if I borrow these?”

I hold up the keys to her Range Rover parked next to the others outside of the house, but I half expect a no.

Linda:
“Sure dear,”

I probably had Riley to thank for sweetening her up for me. I watch as she plays with her tummy and her feet kicks with the great mood she’s in. I hope she’s gotten the hint that he just isn’t someone I want to talk about anymore. She was pretty close with him when we were together so I guess I wouldn’t bother with the thought of him being here…so long as he didn’t make a habit of it.

Linda:
“Spend the day here; I haven’t seen you much this week.”

Winter:
“Actually, I have a thing. Can you watch her?”

She holds her over her shoulder and Riley takes a fancy to her hair like she always does my own.

Linda:
“Okay…”

Winter:
“And if he calls, I’m having a nap yea?”

I’m given that look but she doesn’t question and I don’t stick around for her to.
--

I’m at his place oddly enough waiting for him to return to the room. I stand in the center of it being sure not to lean or touch too much to any of his things. I get the feeling that it’s an OCD thing giving this place is clean down to the garbage can. I tuck my hair behind my ears as I study a few pictures of him a women that looks a lot like Sarah. Interesting.

Dr.Horan:
“Okay, here they are.”

He hands me the pills I’ve been taking to keep me from being so weak and helpless when it came to my asthma.

Winter:
“Thanks.”

I smile and begin heading for the door.

Dr.Horan:
“Wait a second,”

I think this was the first I’d really studied him this closely. There was something very different about being in his element rather than the hospital or at Harry and I’s place.

Dr.Horan:
“Talk,”

I release to him my silent communication to indicate that I’d rather not even spoil my day with the nonsense.

Dr.Horan:
“Ms.Riley, I am responsible for your mental health as well as everything else. Don’t be so stubborn, come and sit down.”

Why did they always call me that? I hold closely to my bag for stability and does what he says to avoid another lecture.

Dr.Horan:
“What exactly did he say?”

Winter:
“He’s not happy. I don’t want it, that’s it. There’s nothing to discuss.”

Dr.Horan:
“But this wasn’t your attitude about it prior to-“

Winter:
“It doesn’t matter. Riley is enough, I’m done. It’s easier for everyone.”

Dr.Horan:
“I know your feelings are hurt. But is this genuinely what you want? And I want you to think about it this time because I’ve asked you this question before Winter.”

Winter:
“I just want him to be happy…you should have seen his face when I told him.”

Once I feel my emotions grow intense it’s almost like the snowball effect.

Winter:
“He hated it…I felt like I had failed him… Like I had done something wrong.”

I’m weeping like a maniac and concealing my face doesn’t seem to fool him. Why couldn’t life just let me be and remain on one beat sometimes… I’m held in his arms as I continue to lose it but he speaks calmly and rocks to the same rhythm.

Dr.Horan:
“…we’ll fix it.”

I feel like we’re far pass doctor-patient boundaries but he just felt like somewhat of an older brother figure I never really had in my life. It wasn’t like my dad was ever around and having that with Harry would have been a little creepy for me. I pull away once I’ve been there awhile and feel that I’m properly calmed.

Winter:
“I’m sorry for bothering you with my problems, and… staining your shirt.”

Dr.Horan:
“Thanks, but you are very much my problem.”

He gives my nose a touch and encourages me to wipe my face properly.

Dr.Horan:
“And I have Tide, don’t worry.”

I smile and stay awhile longer before departing with my meds. Off to head for Riley before I’d missed dinner and we’d have something else to bicker about.

--
He’s set the table today and I’m wondering why we’re not just eating on the stools against the counter casually as always. He’s super quiet which sort of bugs me, because that was an attribute I brought to this relationship. I go for the wine from the frig, removing the cork and pouring him a generous glass of the dark substance. It’s placed beside his plate against the table. Another for me and I lay it between us before going for a sip. The glass is removed from my fingers promptly and I can tell my eyebrows are creasing the way his always does. A softened expression is looking back at me but I can’t deny that this little gesture had succeeded in stirring me.

Winter:
“Give me my glass. I told you already, I’ll eat today.”

Harry:
“You know that’s not why…”

I sigh a little with annoyance and pick up the fork with haste.

Winter:
“I’m an adult Harry, I don’t need this right now. Just give it.”

I don’t think that it’s even necessary for me to try to retrieve it back because he’s giving a demeanor that suggests I’d better not.

Winter:
“I’ve already had a glass today. So-”

I lie in the hopes that he’d find reason. It only seems to further infuriate him though.

Harry:
“Winter! What the hell?”

Probably the wrong thing to do...

Winter:
“Don’t swear, Riley will hear you.”

Harry:
“Look if you’re angry with me, that’s fine we’ll deal with it. But don’t…don’t harm her.”

He drinks the glass while staring at me above it. It’s gone in a few gulps and he starts at the one on the table.

Winter:
“Her?”

He takes a fork and drags it to scoop up a part of the vegetable portion and encourage me to eat it. I do to avoid the storm but this was beginning to confuse me.

Harry:
“You know I want all girls in my life.”

My lips are pecked several times before I can finish chewing and I force my hands between us so that my thoughts are clear.

Winter:
“I’m not keeping it, Harry.”

Harry:
“And how are you planning to just do that without me letting you leave this house?”

Winter:
“That’s funny because a day ago you didn’t want this.”

Harry:
“No, that’s wrong- I”

Winter:
“It’s not a conversation. I don’t want any more kids; I’m…-too busy with work.”

Harry:
“I’ll give you anything you’ll ever want. There was never a need for you to work.”

Winter:
“I can take care of myself, Harry.”

He dabs on the plate again placing it to my lips as if I’d said nothing at all.

Harry:
“Just…hush,”

Winter:
“Pardon?”

Harry:
“Apart of me knew this was going to happen anyways…I can never keep my hands off of you. It’s not your fault.”

I chew slowly. He’s pulling his dark hair from around his perfect face.

Harry:
“Have you really been drinking, Winter?”

I roll my eyes and hold my arms across my chest in result of the attitude I’m developing quickly. He’s in my personal space now lips again to mine but in a rather french way as he feels his way around my bum and waist.

Harry:
“Did you have a fucking drink, or not?”

My emotions are conflicting themselves at this point by I’m gravitating unwilling against the affection. Teeth nip gently at my skin and I wonder what had changed in the short time since we’d first had the conversation.

Winter:
“No.”

I find myself kissing back this time but am stopped before going further.

Harry:
“Eat first.”

He’s being so demanding. I don’t know whether to make an argument of it or just listen.

Winter:
“I’ve already talked to Niall,”

Harry:
“So have I…eat.”

He points for me to sit and I begin slowly with the baby monitor in my lap. I get the hint that he’ll be watching the entire time so that I won’t move. It’s just the sickness has given me a loss of appetite and not eating was how I dealt with it.
He moves the chair from across from me to just beside so that he’s seated closer.

Harry:
“I just want to talk okay? I want you to keep eating.”

I do as he says and wait for the introduction.

Harry:
“I’m sorry for reacting that way.”

His hand rests on my knee as he continues with his deep voice and seemingly heavy heart.

Harry:
“I need you to know that it wasn’t at all that I don't want more babies with you. I want an infinite amount, I promise…it’s just-“

I don’t know which I’m focused on more, the incredibly good meal he’s prepared or how much he’s finally opening up to me.

Harry:
“I didn’t like the images that came to me when you told me that…the ones of you before.”

Winter:
“He knows what to do so that’ll never happen again. I would have told you that if you hadn’t have hurt my feelings,”

Harry:
“Babe, come on. I’m sorry.”

Winter:
“Asshole.”

Harry:
“I’ll make it up to you,”

He pecks my cheek with an assortment of care and remorse. That’s when Riley announces to the house that she’s awake now.

Harry:
“Stay. Eat, I’ll get her.”

I end up consuming my food and most of his by the time he’s back with her. She never seems to be in a bad mood when he gives her attention. They’re having what I call a “dimple moment” as he smiles deeply at her and she does the same with her small hands planted on his face. Whoever said that babies tended to gravitate toward the mother more needed to know that statement was such bullshit.
We head to the living room where he’s baby-proofed and we lie there together on the couch when she cries to be let onto the floor. It’s always an amusement to see her in action as her small body crawls slowly to where she can better bother things.

Winter:
“Not my phone, Riley.”

She looks over to smile but continues at it anyways. I just allow her, and my head falls back to lie into Harry.

Winter:
“She’s going to put it in her mouth Harry.”

Harry:
“It’s new isn’t it?”

Winter:
“Yea but-“

Harry:
“The doctor says some germs are good for the immune system.”

I smile at the amount of homework he’d been covering since this dad thing.

Winter:
“And my phone?”

I ask only half amused.

Harry:
“What, you mean like my watch?”

He intertwines our fingers and the others run thoughtfully through my hair.

Harry:
“How’s your stomach?”

Winter:
“Settled.”

We lounge there just marinating in each other’s scent while we watch closely at her repeatedly getting into mischief.

Winter:
“She’s not even walking yet, Harry.”

Harry:
“I know.”

Winter:
“And they’ll be two crying instead of one.”

Harry:
“I know, Winter.”

Winter:
“…And two rummaging through my purse. And taking my keys and the remote from me.”

He laughs out loud and I find myself taking a harsh nip to his neck the way he always does me.

Harry:
“O – Okay, okay.”

I release when I feel the timing is right and see that she’s somehow knocked over the small pile of books I had placed in order to read. I sigh but don’t go to bother her as she continues on. There’s a barrier placed so that she doesn’t decide on crawling up the hallway away from us. I trail thought of how in place I feel with my life and the things that were in the prospects.

Winter:
“Imagine when she starts liking boys.”

Harry:
“Not happening.”

Winter:
“And you’ll have to have the talk and-”

Harry:
“No, no, no. Don’t.”

Winter:
“It’s going to be you, that’s all I’m saying.”

It’s hilarious really how uncomfortable he gets with the thought. I continue to myself as she finds the chain he loves so much.

Harry:
“Wait, lift up a second.”

He attempts but I hold tight.

Winter:
“Nope, leave her. She’ll cry if you take it.”

Another few minutes and I’m surprised that she hasn’t grown bored yet.

Harry:
“So how do you think our moms are doing with the whole thing?”

Winter:
“They’re great. One less thing I have to worry about.”

Harry:
“But that doesn’t make you just a little nervous?”

Winter:
“Of course it does…but so does the thought of helping them.”

Because let’s face it, Harry and I were just props in their master plan. The good thing was, I was okay with that.

Harry:
“I know you’ll be beautiful…you always are.”

I lift my head again moving my hair and giving him another peck for being so sweet about everything now that he’d come to his senses. If we went through with this pregnancy thing, it was definitely the last time.

Notes

Don't hate me, college is hard. :) Hope you liked the update.

Thanks for reading.