I jump a little when I wake from a disturbing stream of consciousness and swing my legs from the side of the bed. I bang my head to my palm multiple times when I realize just how far the imagination can go sometimes. I'd been having nightmares ever since my night with Mason about a week and a half ago. God, I couldn't take how annoying it was. I knew it was because I'd somehow felt guilt in some way from moving on from Harry, but I also understood that it was something that needed to happen. I get up from the bed accepting the fact that we just didn't mesh well anymore. I flick on the lamp and briefly go through the amount of texts and missed calls I'd been missing from the both of them. Mason I could avoid, but I'd feel terrible if it were Harry calling to see about Riley.

Harry:
"This isn't okay, you know."

I assume he's referring to the ratio of my calls to his.

Winter:
"I'm calling you back aren't I? I don't want to argue."

He takes a profound inhale before releasing it out audibly enough for me to notice.

Harry:
"I love you."

Winter:
"You have to stop saying that."

Harry:
"Why, is your boyfriend going to do something about it?"

The more he taunts me the more I just wish things had remained as they were. I had finally learned how to get him out of my head for the long hours of the day just to have him turn up every night in my dreams. They were always steamy and inflated me with headaches once I'd waken from them.

Harry:
"Is he there with you?"

The words were so familiar that I began to cringe a little. I hated being so confused.

Winter:
"Just me and Riles."

Harry:
"She awake?"

If I don't sleep tonight I know I'll be feeling the withdrawal soon. A yarn leaves my body and I stretch before using my free hand to damp my face with the sink's water.

Winter:
"Nope."

And I was jealous of her. I pat It dry until I'm able to see.


Harry:
"Come open the door."

I sigh slowly before heading toward the hallway for the stairs. I hang up when the door is swung open.

Winter:
"This isn't appropriate, you know."

He walks in nonchalantly to the dark house to remove his coat and head for the kitchen. I close the door, following sleepily behind him.

Harry:
"You're the mother of my child, what about this isn't appropriate? "

I listen quietly as he rummages through the frig like he's right at home. I stand in the doorway, leaning my head against it in a tiring manner. He glances over from the task he's doing every once in awhile to stare over at me.

Harry:
"Can't sleep?"

Winter:
"Not lately, I guess..."

He's pulling out ingredients but it's questionable to me what he could be making this time of night.

Harry:
"What about the pills?"

At least he's eating, I guess.

Winter:
"Useless now."

His shirt is pulled off before he washes his fingers under the sink.

Harry:
"Whats wrong, Winter?"

I don't allow myself to look over his bare torso but rather close my eyes to the sound of egg beating.

Winter:
"It's nothing."

And then there's silence until I open my eyes to him making his way toward me.

Harry:
"Just tell me what it is. Did he do something?"

He's no better off than I am with the restlessness but at least we have that I in common now.

Harry:
"What is it?"

He reaches for my hand and I don't brush it away. The contact reaches into the memories of the dreams that flood my head every night of him.

Winter:
"I can't."

Harry:
"You can't what? Tell me?"

Winter:
"...you'll get mad...and like I said, I really don't want to argue."

I can tell he gets the hint already when his expression changes seriously. The green orbs look away from me to the floor in a sudden manner. His hand doesn't release me still.

Harry:
"Just say it...I won't get mad."

I can't get over this image of him before me. I hate where we are in life now but at least I didn't exactly hate him anymore.

Winter:
"I've been...with him."

I wait for it but he doesn't pull away just yet. He doesn't look up at me either but his thumb rubs the backside of my hand in thought. There's a sigh and our contact is broken for a second when I assume it sinks in.

Harry:
"Here?"

Winter:
"No, no."

Harry:
"So you...."

I can tell he's holding back until he finds a direction. He stills, running his fingers through his hair.

Harry:
"That's why you're not sleeping?"

I nod half-wanting his touch again. I don't have to inform him of my regret because I'm sure he already knows.

My eyes fall to the floor where I see myself mentally. I cover my face at the thought of how dysfunctional my world is but I feel his arms around me. I'm just delighted the reaction isn't worse.

Harry:
"Don't think about it...it doesn't even matter, alright."

Winter:
"Then why do I feel like such a bad person?"

I'm so use to this scent around me and I hope he doesn't plan on letting go too soon.

Harry:
"...I know the feeling..."

And then I feel even worse. He soothingly fingers through my hair and I find a little peace after while.

Winter:
"I'm sorry, Harry. I shouldn't have."

Because for whatever reason it only felt like cheating again.

Harry:
"Don't. It's-... just don't think about it."

I knew he was doing the same to avoid the rage I knew he wanted to a show me.

Winter:
"Stay tonight...or, do you like hate me now?"

Harry:
"I don't."

The incoming call vibrates in my hand distracting me from the dialogue. His eyes travel to the sound as well. I rub my head declining it quickly before turning it off and setting it on the counter. --

She's up and irritated but I pass him the bottle quickly. They're in the large bed that I usually share alone and I stand there in my pajamas with little to say. She's quiet now and we're back to the silence of the room. He stares at her like she's his world and I try holding onto that mental still in time. I always do. He's peering up again after while and I back through my sluggish eyes.

Harry:
"Do you have the dreams?"

I shift a little between footing when it crosses me. I'm embarrassed but a simple nod was enough I guess. I yarn looking over at the clock to where it steered closer and closer to my work time. She's done her bottle quickly and somehow back into a comfortable sleep.

Harry:
"You should cancel work."

Winter:
"No, I'm fine. I have vacation time coming up anyways."

He sits her cautiously in the bassinet and motions for me to join him on the bed.

Harry:
"Where are we going?"

He speaks causally and it warms my heart. I'm surprised when he joins me beneath the covers but don't care to question it. He pecks my head when I fall into place as always, immediately finding comfort.

Winter:
"I know you secretly hate me, by the way."

Harry:
"Stop saying that...it's myself I hate, I started this."

The rooms dark and it grows against my fatigue quickly. I wish he wouldnt say that...I shut my eyes when the weight of my lids becomes too great, and my mind hazes away.

--
It's morning and I hold closely to whatever I'm lying against. The scent tells me it's him but I'm too afraid to open my eyes and realize it was all just another dream. My eyes water with the thought and before I'm able to wipe I feel hands pushing it away. That's when I find enough of myself to open them slowly.

Harry:
"Hey..."

I can't describe the exact feeling of waking up to him again. To his deep morning voice in my ear and the appearance of him giving me the perfect start to my day.

Winter:
"I'm alright. I promise."

If I didn't offer that I felt he wouldn't believe me...but really, I was okay...Today I was. I look toward the clock to see I'd slept most of the day.

Winter:
"Uh oh."

Uh oh was right.

Winter:
"Aaron's going to kill me."

I was quite close with my boss but it was times like this I'd see how much.

Harry:
"I told him you weren't feeling well. He hopes you're better soon."

I stare at him like I'd heard him wrong but chose to leave it. It was rather nice actually.

Winter:
"Thanks,"
--

I stare into the mirror with well-rested eyes as I brush my teeth next to him. He's in the gargling phase of the process while I rinse my mouth as he spits into the sink and does the same.

Harry:
"You're eyes look better already."

He turns toward me to move my hair and study them. I just watch him as he makes his inspection. His eyes travel to my lips but he doesn't lean. I didn't know why or if he were still upset about our conversation the previous night. I guess I'd find out.

I stood on my toes to reach him and the pleasant taste of mint on his lips with with a clean peck. His eyes fall shut as I tug his shirt closer. A few seconds and I stop when I feel he's had enough of me. He doesn't speak at first but rather hugs me closely to his torso.

Harry:
"We have a lot to talk about."
--
I close the door and follow the stairs to where her room is. It's quiet and the hall smells of her scent, instantly bringing me company.

Winter:
"Mom?"

I call pushing open her bedroom door.

Linda:
"Shhhh."

I snap my lips shut immediately as she lays her down gently tucking the covers around her. I enter at a mute and wait for her to give my cue. It was comical to see her small body in a bed of that size. My arm is pulled and I'm in the hallway again. Usually this was an indication that she wanted to talk.

Linda:
"So..."

She holds both sides of my face the way she does and I feel ten years younger.

Linda:
"I see you aren't getting much sleep. What's wrong, is it Riley?"

I look down in reflection of the question.

Linda:
"Who is Mason, and we didn't I hear about him from you?"
Wow. One at a time..

Winter:
"Because, it's...not important."

Linda:
"Any guy you bring around, so long as you have her, should be important to you...Or he shouldn't be there."

Winter:
"That's not what I meant."

Linda:
"Don't you think it's soon. Especially when Harry wants to work things out an-."

I snatch away from her in disbelief.

Winter:
"Whose side are you on?"

She's reaching again in search for the words she's not sure of. I hate that she mentions him and still I'm somehow the unreasonable one here.

Linda:
"I just want you to be happy...and I know that he makes you that way. You've made mistakes too..."

I look into the eyes that's responsible for making my own and just get lost for a moment. I wish someone would just tell me how this ends...because I was so tired of guessing.

Linda:
"You should try again for her,"

She nods towards the door where she's sound asleep on the other side. Her voice is always wise and more leveled than anyone I've ever met. Even when she wasn't she just seemed so sure of herself and that was something I was missing.

Winter:
"Enough with the heavy. Please."

I guess he hadn't told her yet of the night before. I didn't know why, he told her everything else and it was annoying. I kiss her face as she idly bothers my hair in habit.

Winter:
"Where's dad?"

We walk the halls side by side closely.

Winter:
"It hurts my feelings that he has't seen Riley."

Linda:
"Don't take it personally sweetheart, you know he's just busy."

I realize that it stings more than it should and immediately regret bringing it up.

Winter:
"...that's too bad,"
--
She wants to cook dinner for me tonight and somehow I get pulled into running errands. I grab a cart and head for her favorite brand of pasta noodles. I'm moving quickly, excusing myself when necessary as I experience the chilled market air. I look between my list and the shelves to ensure I get the right thing given how picky she can be. Success is felt when I find it there on the highest shelf that I may or may not be able to reach. I go to step on the bottom one for stability and reach my arm as high I can manage. It didn't seem to matter how far I stretched my arm or not because with each try it seemed to distanced further and further away.


Winter:
"Shit."

I muster before I feel someone overreaching beside me.

Harry:
"I got it."

I'm initially quite startled with his sudden appearance but at least I have the pasta now.

Winter:
"Thanks, I feel so short sometimes."

He holds the box in his grip to study for a second.

Harry:
"Making pasta?"

Winter:
"Uh, no. Mom is, I'm just...getting everything for her..."

I trail looking down and away awkwardly.

Harry:
"I can help...you know in case you have that problem again."

He jokes, flashing his dimples to me amusingly. Hands are in his coat's pocket once he places it in the cart thoughtfully.

Winter:
"Sure...that could work."

He's pushing the cart now as we head to the next aisle over. I can definitely tell that he's paying more attention to me than the area around him. Immediately I feel flattery. I throw things in as we past them and answer quickly when I see her calling.

Winter:
"Yea?"

Linda:
"Lemon, I need lemon."

I sigh before grabbing a pen from my bag and adding it to the very bottom of my list.
Winter:
"I got it."

Harry:
"Tell her I said hello."

Linda:
"Thanks, sweetie."

Winter:
"Alright. Harry says hello, okay?"

Linda:
"You're with Harry?"

If smiles could be heard, I'm sure
they'd sound like this.

Winter:
"Yea,"

Linda:
"Invite him for dinner."

I half knew she'd say that. It was scary how well I knew her sometimes.

Winter:
"Okay,"

The call is ended and we continue through to dairy. I grab the eggs and place them in as well after checking for cracks.

Winter:
"She wants you to come by...you know, if you're free."

I cross things off as I wait for the answer. We continue our walk and when I don't receive one that's when I turn to glance over at him.

Winter:
"You don't have to, I just-"

Harry:
"It's not that...You just ask as if I'd say no to you."

Well he hadn't exactly made it clear that he still wanted things after our discussion and I didn't want to push.

Winter:
"I just don't want you to feel obligated is all...but I do- want you to come."

We stop briefly to exchange the view of each other. My hand is taken for him to peck his lips gently to the back.

Harry:
"Then I will. You know that."

Notes

Hey there, thanks for reading. AND ALL OF THE COMMENTS. Hi to the new subs, and if you read "Rage" I'm updating that before the end of the week. Thanks,