I give the check a quick glance before walking toward the bedroom and leaning against the doorframe. The aroma of whatever he’s baking in the oven compliments the house and sets me in my usual mood. He’s deep into opening mail and writing off balances for the house and such as he always does at the first of the month. I clear my throat to announce my presence to him.

Winter:
“Here.”

I slide the small slip of paper on the wooden desk and begin my steps backward again toward the doorframe. Because things were great at work I had insisted on further helping him with the expenses of our lifestyle…even if he was more than capable, it didn’t make me feel right as a spouse to just allow him.

Harry:
“Babe,”

Winter:
“We already talked about it, so don’t. It’s done. I want to help.”

He continues to right and place his signature in places randomly across the pile.

Harry:
“…I was just going to suggest that we have a little talk.”

I find myself drawing back toward him and having a sip of the tea that’s still cooling beside him. A peck is placed to his cheek and he slowly sits the pen back down as if to mentally prepare himself. I wasn’t yet sure whether or not that was a bad thing.

Harry:
“I talked to Niall.”

I walk over to the bed, gripping the texture of the duvet between my fingers before hopping on. Eye contact is avoided by me to distract me from the thoughts that begin to surface now all too quickly.

Harry:
“Are you out of your mind, Winter? Why the hell didn’t you tell me.”

Winter:
“You’re going to have to explain a little more than that…”

Still I look rather to where the monitor rests atop the tallest dresser. He gets up and places himself quickly between me and it when he’s unsatisfied with my answer.

Harry:
“I am to know everything, do you understand that? Everything when it comes to her. Why would you try to keep it from me?”

Winter:
“I didn’t keep it from you. I just…wanted to be sure before burdening you.”

Harry:
“Burdening me? Are you being serious?”

In my defense it sounded a little better in my head than on the way out.

Harry:
“She’s mine too. I need for you to remember that. She’s not his, so stop putting me in positions where I have to explain how the hell I don’t know what’s going on, but he does.”

His eyes are steady and serious but I look confidently into them anyways. It’s not until then that he blinks to silently reflect on the things that he’s just communicated to me. I hold my breath a little to gather myself as well before speaking again.

Winter:
“We were in the park like usual…only we had a little hiccup this time.”
His stare is becoming a welcoming one so I’m not intimidated about going further, though I’ll be sure to make it as polished as possible.

Harry:
“Tell me more about this hiccup. Should I be worried?”

Winter:
“She’s fine Harry,”

I insure before taking him in depth back to a few days ago. Our fingers link before the start.

I toss her the ball for about the third time and she runs to catch it successfully. It seems like the perfect day here at the park with the sun warming my bare skin and the surrounding trees waving in the wind. The only thing that would have made this complete is having him here with us…he’d started some sort of business endeavor with his mom that I wasn’t yet filled in on, but like always I’d wished him luck. I was just excited that he was over the lifestyle of being in clubs all might as a bartender. I never quite understood why he went for such an occupation when he’d been more than financially stable already…I guess that was a part of him I never got to know that well.

Winter:
"That's great Riles, now run it back."

She gives me a smile that's nothing more than a mirror of his and I rummage through my purse when my phone starts. It's declined when I see it's just one of the girls. I could more than admit, at least to myself, that they were a major part of my life before…my happiness. But I don’t think at this point I could reach out to any of them for awhile… I cut myself from the thought to gaze my attention upward and check on her when she hasn’t run back yet. The pit of my stomach drops hastily when I see her there lying in the grass. My first instinct as a mother is to run to her. When I do…I don’t have to wonder what’s wrong or how this could have happened to her. The tears pour as I watch her panicking body in fear on this beautiful day. I cup her face and hold her close, wanting nothing but to rid her from it all. To apologize because I know what I’ve done to her life now that I see her here this way.

It’s almost like a dream the way my brain causes me to react. I feel so far away, yet my mind races to get to her.

Winter:
“No Riley, no sweetheart. Please.”

I cry harder, realizing there’s no one in sight to help me. My heart races with alarm with the possibility that I may not be able to help her.

Winter:
“Just breathe baby, please.”

I know she’s not old enough to control it and I force myself not to panic alongside her. To keep control because I was her mother and I had to protect her. She needed me.

Winter:
“Oh god,”

I think and I think trying not to fall apart on her. I never knew the true feeling of holding the one you loved while they slowly slipped away from you…today I held a whole new understanding of Harry. Of how he ever found it within himself to finally sleep peacefully at night after seeing me in such a way.

I delay but finally shift from my state of shock when grabbing my phone comes to mind. I know there’s no time and I have to do something. There was no other option. I had to help her. And I had to do it now.

I leave her briefly to quickly grab and dump the contents of my purse. I fish around as everything spreads along the neatly cut blades of grass. I hope to God that I’ve been responsible and brought the damn thing along and the tears pour harder when it shapes into my blurry view. My knees are dug harshly into the greenery as I grip her close and encourage it to her lips. I release the medicine from my pump past her lips twice and I try to my best to calm her. It seems an eternity, but her small chest slows to a steady pace. Her lips have dried and her eyes sluggishly watch me. With my eyes further dampening, I attempt it again when her small hands grip my wrist in desperation. Her green eyes are weakening but I can recognize from my own experiences that it’s working.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes briefly for a silent prayer.

Winter:
“It’s over, Riley. You’re safe now, okay? I’ve got you.”

I say attempting to also convince myself. My fingers run themselves through her soft, dark hair and I place repeated pecks to her forehead when I feel myself breaking.

Winter:
“Jesus…”

I whisper as I rock her gently and she burns out into fatigue. It reminds me of how Harry usually does to calm her when she’s having an irritable day. I lift my eyes from her only when I’m certain that she’s okay. They focus on people walking toward us from a distance from the park’s benches. The sun has seemed to conform to my mood now…and before I can cry again, it slowly starts to rain.

--

Winter:
“What does that mean?”

He holds the bridge of his nose there just between his eyes as if disappointed.

Dr.Horan:
“We just have to keep a close eye on her for awhile, alright. Nothing active even with the prescription. We’re going to have to do weekly visits so I’m sure, but she’s going to be alright Winter. Don’t upset yourself; it’ll only cause a greater problem.”

Winter:
“… I thought I was losing her Niall…”

My eyes stare unfocused as the shakiness of my hands becomes a little unbearable.

Dr.Horan:
“You didn’t…don’t torture yourself over what could have been.”

I hold onto his voice as much as possible so that the point to his statement settles in a bit. It sucked that I couldn’t go home and relax to a bottle of wine tonight…

Winter:
“I’m good.”


I quickly wipe the tears that I hadn’t realized were there and his arms are hugged around my neck, with his chin protectively nestled in my wavy hair.

Harry:
“Jesus Christ, Winter. Why didn’t you call me? Are you sure she’s alright?

Winter:
“She has meds, but she’s fine.”

I’m becoming lost in his eyes, like peering into stormy weather, as he continues to express his concern to me. We look down at seemingly the same time to see that my fingers are giving me away, despite me attempt to keep calm for him.

They’re taken in his and he pecks repeatedly while watching me above them.

Harry:
“You really wanted to keep that from me?”

Winter:
“…I’m sorry,”

His head shakes with my mutter to quietly reassure me.

Harry:
“It’s not your fault. Don’t even think it, alright? Your only fault is not telling me immediately.”

Winter:
“But she’s so young, Harry. I started at maybe twelve.”

Harry:
“We’ll figure it out. Now please, I need you to calm yourself.”

He looks to my fingers again and I pull them softly away to run through my hair. My boobs hang heavy from my current state in pregnancy and I look down at them there in my lacey-black bra for a distraction.

Winter:
“I’ll take a walk.”

I attempt to remove myself from both him and the bed but he doesn’t allow it. He watches me carefully for a moment and I remain quiet until he’s finished. I don’t have to worry where his mind lingers.

Harry:
“Slide up.”

He motions me to edge myself further up on the bedding and like always I oblige to him. I watch as he grabs the monitor from the dresser and places it on the nightstand table just there beside the bed. He joins me there on it and conversation ceases for awhile. I lie back into the pillows, staring as he removes his shirt and the watch from his wrist. He fidgets with his phone for a second before sitting it next to the monitor.

Harry:
“We’ll hear her if she wakes…”

We’re beneath the weight of the heavy comforter I’ve placed over the bed from the chilly air conditioning. I twirl the tips of my hair, examining idly where it’s been recently trimmed. His fingers traced over my skin and the surface of it pricks with goosebumps behind him. They slip away to my thighs and I watch his eyes as he watches mine.

Harry:
“I think it’ll relax you…but only if you want to.”

Winter:
“I want to.”

I mutter nearly immediately from just wanting to escape with him and think about the events of life another day. The smell of his cooking is alive beneath my nose again and my heart sinks with disappointment.

Winter:
“But the oven…”

His eyes squeeze shut and it stays that way. Still, his fingers trail around until they reach the fabric of my underwear gently. He moves a little closer and my head rests there in his neck like a perfect fit. His touch focuses on the sensitive area there just on the upper middle. I pull closer as the spot is stimulated at a constant. His accuracy always pleasantly surprises me. The moment means a lot more to me than it probably should. The smell of him seeps into my brain and encourages me further into the direction he wants. My hand rests quickly over his as he presses harder, whispering things that lets me know I’m the world to him. Soft kisses are pressed to my face and dark eye lashes are felt against my cheeks and forehead. My body follows him as the heat grows within me. Pleasure continues to wash over me when the lace is moved for better contact.

Harry:
“You smell so nice,”

His voice is calm and he doesn’t seem at all urgent to get there all at once. I let my lips part to express myself into his neck and I can tell it’s greatly affecting him.

Harry:
“There’s no rush. I’ll be patient. I’m here, just relax.”

His tongue rolls between my lips and his fingers continue to dominate my sensitive button. I’d never had someone touch me with such precision before. Though my limb hand hovers his I never had to guide him. Harsh nips are taken at my neck that pulses me to feel better than ever. I couldn’t think of the last time I’d had an orgasm…but really I couldn’t think of anything. The level between my eyes went blurry as the room spun around me.

Harry:
“You ready?”

I was releasing at the start of the question. My body twitches involuntarily to him and my fingers squeeze at his in desperation. I didn’t hold back my volume from him, nor did I feel embarrassed or shy about it. I breathe quickly to calm myself as the cool air of the room dries the sweat that lines my neck now. My eyes part just slightly to see the dimples resting there on his face at my result.

Harry:
“That was perfect.”

He praises while again pecking repeatedly to my forehead.

Harry:
“I owe you two more of those before the day’s up, alright?”

I smile back up at him as my eyes become heavy and I begin to slip away.

Harry:
“Not just yet, I want you to have dinner. Are you hungry?”

Winter:
“Starving.”

He holds my wrist for a second and after awhile I realize he’s checking the steadiness of my fingers.

Harry:
“That’s better…I want you to go have a hot shower and then come down to eat, okay Winter?”

There’s something about the way he says it that makes me want nothing but to obey his every word. I knew there was a term for that but I couldn’t think of it at the moment.

Winter:
“Okay Harry.”

My phone rings but I don’t move to it. I feel his arms reach across to grab it and answer promptly.

Harry:
“Hello?”

There’s a moment of silence as he listens to whoever it is there on the other end.

Harry:
“Yea. I understand that, but why is it that you’re calling her this late in the evening? Surely it’s well past your doctor-patient hours.”

My eyes pop open but I don’t speak.

Harry:
“It’s almost seven, you don’t find that to be a little inappropriate? She’s pregnant, she needs her rest.”

I had to admit, it was a little bizarre to hear him speak that way to Niall about me. The jealously was obvious in his voice and that was something I didn’t quite understand. He was someone I trusted with everything, almost as much as Harry…but I felt that was rightfully so.

Harry:
“Sure. You mind if I stop by tomorrow if you have time?”

Winter:
“Harry,”

He shakes his head subtly, advising me to keep quiet but for whatever reason I feel obligated to defend him.

Harry:
“That’s great, see you then.”

He hangs it up and places it back in its original spot. I feel stirred though it doesn’t yet break my calm.

Winter:
“You know how much he’s done for us, Harry. For me.”

Harry:
“And I’m grateful to him for that. But you can’t deny that this is a little borderline. I mean, didn’t he call around ten yesterday?”

Winter:
“To let me know my prescription was in place.”
Harry:
“If it’s not your father, or someone of the sort, no guy is to be calling you after ten. I’m sorry. I’ve kept quiet but I already know you’re not his typical patient.”

This was honestly ridiculous.

Winter:
“Meaning?”

Harry:
“Meaning he has love for you. And cares more about making sure you’re always alright.”

Winter:
“ I don’t see the problem there, Harry.”

Harry:
“The problem is, that’s what I’m for. And this discussion is over; I have to check the oven.”

He pecks my head where the creases form from my confusion and misplaces himself from the room. He couldn’t possibly be serious about that.

I get up and flick the covers back so my body is exposed to the cool room. I removed my bra and underwear slowly before pulling my hair up into a high bun away from my face. I head for the bathroom but turn back slowly when I hear a vibration against the nightstand table. When I read that it’s from him and swipe to unlock with curiosity. I reply back in route to the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

Winter:
It’s me. What’s wrong?

Dr.Horan:
I didn’t mean to upset him. Just needed to know how the hand tremors were coming along.

I give a smile before starting the showerhead up to get warm.

Winter:
They’re gone for now. Harry handled it. You know how he is. Sorry about that, he’s just protective and loves me a little too much sometimes, you know. I hope you understand.

Dr.Horan:
So do I. So of course I understand.

I read the message back a few times through squinted eyes and don’t find it within myself to reply back. It’s still visible there in my head as I remove my towel and step into the shower. He was literally the best doctor I had ever had that actually personally cared on some level what happened to me and my children. The thing about it was…until now I never wondered why.

Notes