A few days passed and Niko was feeling good about her decision to back off from Harry. He was trying to make it work between Julia and she seemed to be making a conscious effort to spend more time with the family. Louis was making frequent trip between there and LA, obviously concerned with what was going on with his best friend. And Mary didn’t say anything else to Niko about Harry. She didn’t feel good about what was happening, about being away from Harry, but she felt a bit of peace knowing she wasn’t adding to the drama of his life anymore.
But unfortunately as she went into the kitchen that morning to feed her caffeine addiction, Niko had the pleasure of walking right into one of Harry and Julia’s fights.
“I don’t want to go to Cheshire, Harry. You convince me every year to drop everything and spend the summers in California. I don’t want to be forced to go to Holmes Chapel too,” Julia snapped angrily at her husband.
“Forced? We haven’t been to see my mum and Gemma since Christmas, Julia. The kids miss their grandmother and aunt,” Harry argued, pleading with his wife. He sounded so submissive and it made Niko cringe.
“Harry, there’s nothing to do there. It’s in the middle of nowhere and I can barely get cell phone reception,” Julia complained selfishly.
“Holmes Chapel is not in the middle of nowhere. Just because it’s not New York, doesn’t mean it’s not worth a visit, Jules,” Harry growled, obviously upset.
“And what do you suggest? That we ask Mary and Nikola to just pack up and come with us?” Julia questioned, looking at Harry incredulously. Niko froze in apprehension. Go to England with them?
“Yeah, why not?” Harry asked evenly.
“Oh! Nikola! You can settle a dispute we’re having,” Julia proposed, spotting Niko out of the corner of her eye, waving her over.
“Uh…” Niko stammered, slowly walking toward them.
“Julia, this is between us,” Harry growled through gritted teeth, his back to Niko.
“No, no. Niko, how inconvenienced would you be if we just packed up and flew all the way to England? I mean, that’s crazy, right? It’s like halfway around the world. And the cell service… ugh,” Julia rambled on. And even though Niko couldn’t see his face, she noticed Harry was pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration because of his wife.
Niko’s insides tightened with reluctance – about going with them to England – and annoyance – because of how disrespectful and rude Julia was to her husband.
“Uh…” Niko was at a loss for words. A moment later, Harry finally turned to look at Niko, his expression apologetic.
“Niko, you don’t have to be a part of this. We’re done discussing this… for now, Julia,” Harry stated sharply, turning back to Julia.
“I’m not going to England, Harry,” Julia huffed, folding her arms across her chest.
“Fine, whatever. Nothing I want ever matters to you,” he growled, throwing up his arms in defeat. Niko felt incredibly uncomfortable standing there with the two of them.
“Harry, I am committed to this family, okay. I have been cutting down on my work – for you. I have been spending time with the kids – for you. And now you’re trying to get me to fly off to the middle of nowhere. I’m sorry, no,” Julia argued, putting her foot down.
“Aren’t mothers supposed to want to spend time with their kids?” Niko blurted before she got a chance to stop herself. Both Harry and Julia’s heads snapped in her direction.
“Excuse me?” Julia asked, furrowing her eyebrows at Niko.
“You said you’re spending time with the kids for Harry. Aren’t you supposed to do it for you and the kids? To build a stronger bond between you and your kids? I mean, that’s the point of having children, right? To want to be a mother? To want to raise them? I’ve spent countless hours with Jackson and Avery, and I couldn’t imagine – if I were you – I couldn’t imagine not wanting to be in their lives. They are amazing kids. And I just feel like you’re missing out on that, Mrs. Styles, and you don’t even realize it. And you’re missing out on your marriage because you’re never here – because you’re always upstairs on the phone. I don’t understand it,” Niko ranted without a filter.
She felt like she was having an out of body experience. She could hear the words coming out of her mouth, but she couldn’t stop them from spewing out. It was her talking, but some distant part inside of her was screaming ‘shut the hell up, you idiot’. It was not her place and never would be her place to have a say in anything Julia Styles did or didn’t do.
Julia’s mouth dropped open in awe or disgust or utter confusion – maybe all three. Niko couldn’t bring herself to look at Harry, but she was pretty certain his expression was something similar.
“I-I’m sorry,” Niko apologized quickly, her eyes wide with shock because of her rant. Both of the Styles’ were silent, so Niko took the opportunity to flee.
She ran down to her room, adrenaline coursing through her. Julia deserved to hear everything Niko said to her, but it shouldn’t have come from her. It should have come from someone like Harry – but she was sure he already wasted so much breath on making Julia try to realize what she was supposed to do. Niko could never understand why he would stay with her. She had seven years to become a mother. No matter how much turmoil she put their marriage through – their family through, Harry was still going to stand by her. It made Niko sick to her stomach. She needed to get out of that damn house.
Without permission, Niko took the families rented SUV and went for a drive. Without realizing how she got there or how she remembered how to get there, she ended up at the Santa Monica Pier. She exited the vehicle and made her way down the boardwalk. She walked all the way to the end of it, standing in the same place she and Harry did the first time he kissed her. Tears spilled from her eyes as the ocean breeze hit her face. Niko’s heart was breaking and she felt incredibly stupid for letting her heart get involved at all.
People were walking all around her and suddenly she felt incredible vulnerable, so she walked back down the pier and just sat down in the sand below.
…
“How dare her,” Julia growled, looking over at Harry.
“How dare her!” Julia exploded again more angrily. Harry stayed silent, just staring at her in utter disbelief.
“You’re just going to let her talk to me like that?” Julia scoffed at him.
“She didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Harry snapped, causing Julia’s jaw to drop open, looking appalled.
“I want her fired, Harry!” She yelled at him.
“Julia, no,” he said evenly, shaking his head.
“This is absolutely ridiculous! You’re going to take the nanny’s side instead of your wife’s?” She shot at him with pure rage in her eyes.
“I’ve had it, Julia,” Harry snapped, his eyes narrowing at her.
“You asshole,” Julia whimpered.
Seconds later, her face scrunched up with emotion and the ugly cry-face was back. Harry immediately wanted to let out a groan of annoyance, but had enough sense to hold it in. Luckily she fled the kitchen before he had to endure it for too long.
Harry stabilized himself with his hands on the kitchen counter as he took a deep breath and let it out violently. What the hell just happened? His brain almost couldn’t comprehend it.
“What is going on?” Louis asked, walking into the kitchen out of the blue. Harry’s head snapped in his direction.
“What are you doing here?” Harry asked quickly, his eyes wide, completely startled by his presence.
“Came up for the night to see how things are going. Caught Julia running up the stairs in tears,” Louis explained, pointing back toward the kitchen doorway.
“Niko just completely went off on Julia,” Harry confessed, feeling completely astonished.
“What? What happened?” Louis asked, wide-eyed and concerned.
“We were… we were having row. Me and Julia. I suggested we go visit my mum and Gemma in Holmes Chapel. ‘Course Julia shot it down first chance she could,” Harry started to explain, shaking his head with annoyance.
“How does Niko come into this?” Louis asked, completely engulfed in the story already.
“She… she must have walked in and heard everything. Julia pulled her into the conversation to try to get Niko on her side of the argument, which completely backfired,” Harry continued and Louis let out a little chuckle, which Harry honestly didn’t find funny in the moment. Louis bit back his smile when Harry sent him a glare.
“Go on,” Louis insisted a moment later.
“Uh… Julia said something like… uh, like she was cutting back on work for me and spending more time with Jackson and Avery for me and… and Niko just… she just snapped, I guess. I mean, she wasn’t rude. She didn’t say anything that wasn’t the truth,” Harry reiterated, shaking his head again.
“What did she say?” Louis asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Something like Julia should want to be a part of the family and want be a mother. How she’s spent time with the Jackson and Avery, and thinks they’re amazing kids and Julia should want to spend time with them. And then she said something about her spending all her time in the office. And, fuck, before my mind could even wrap around it, Niko ran out of the kitchen and Julia was screaming at me to fire her,” Harry continued to explain. Louis let out another chuckle to which Harry sent him another glare.
“Sorry. Just can’t imagine you firing her,” Louis said, heightening an eyebrow.
“No. Absolutely not. Told Julia as much and she was less than pleased. Started crying and ran off,” Harry finished, rolling his eyes.
“That’s heavy, mate,” Louis acknowledge, blowing out a breath.
“Fucking hell,” Harry grumbled, running his fingers roughly through his hair.
“What’re you gonna do?” Louis asked carefully.
“I just… I need to get out of here for a bit,” Harry told him, letting out a weighted breath.
“Wanna go get some food or something?” Louis asked, quirking an eyebrow.
“Sure,” he said with a nod, knowing her couldn’t spend another minute there, thinking he might explode.
When he went to grab the key for the SUV, he realized it wasn’t there. And when he checked the garage, it was gone. He was certain Julia didn’t run off with it, but he shrugged it off anyway and let Louis drive them. Halfway through their late lunch, Harry got a call on his cell phone from Mary saying that Niko wasn’t there for her shift with the kids and that she wasn’t in her room either. And then it dawned on him – Julia didn’t drive off with the SUV, it was Niko. Harry and Louis hurried back to the house to relieve Mary.
When Harry and Louis walked in, they found two massive suitcases in the foyer. For a second, Harry nearly lost it, thinking they were Niko’s bags – that she was leaving, that maybe Julia got to her and fired Niko herself. But then it dawned on him. Those weren’t Niko’s bags, they were Julia’s.
“What is going on?” Louis asked Harry, looking confused.
“I don’t know,” he grumbled, giving him an odd look.
“Can you watch Jackson and Avery for a bit while I go find out?” Harry asked him hopefully.
“Yeah. Of course,” Louis consented as he walked toward the living room where he heard the kids playing.
Harry took the stairs two-by-two, finding Julia in her nearly emptied out office.
“What is going on, Julia?” He asked her firmly, feeling the anger flare up inside of him.
She looked up at him briefly before she went back to packing up her laptop into its bag, ignoring his words.
“Where are you going? I swear to god, if you’re leaving for work again—” He growled angrily.
“Clearly I’m not wanted here, Harry,” she snapped, her eyes narrowed at him.
“What are you on about, Julia?” He scoffed at her. He was so sick of the melodramatics.
“You’re done? Well, I’m done too,” she shot at him, slinging her laptop bag over her shoulder.
“So you’re just leaving?” He asked her as she walked toward him to exit the room.
“Yes. I’m leaving. There’s plenty of things for me to do in New York. I just... I don’t belong here, Harry,” she said evenly, her dark eyes staring into his.
“I swear to god—” Harry grumbled angrily.
“This is what you wanted in the end, isn’t it? That’s why you’ve been so defiant, why you haven’t acknowledged anything I’ve done for you or the kids to make up for before?” She challenged and it fucking pissed Harry off.
“You think this is what I want?” Harry snapped at her, his anger bubbling over.
“I don’t know what you want anymore, Harry,” she stated, shaking her head in exasperation.
“If you leave now, Julia, you can’t come back. I won’t let you back. We’re done if you walk out that door,” he threatened. He was completely fed up. If she was leaving, he was done for good, no matter the consequences.
“I’ve already talked to my lawyer. The papers are being filed as we speak,” she told him, no emotion in her voice what-so-ever. A divorce? Harry’s heart dropped thinking about what it would do to Jackson and Avery.
“Is this what you really want?” Harry’s voice cracked with emotion, realizing it was really happening.
“You’ve left me no choice. I can’t live like this,” she said emotionlessly, like it was him who was at fault for everything.
Harry was so blind-sided. He couldn’t even think straight. She already filed for divorce? It was only a couple of hours since their fight. Did she even have time to think it through before she got her lawyer on the phone? Or was she thinking about divorce all along? During his thought process, Julia turned away from him and headed for the stairs.
“I swear to god, Julia, if you don’t say goodbye to those kids—” Harry choked out, his emotions ready to consume him.
“I already did,” she sighed, turning back to look at him with a sad expression.
“You didn’t tell them—” He asked horrified, thinking about having to explain it to them.
“I told them I need to go home for work,” she concluded, shaking her head. Harry nodded and watched as she continued toward the stairway, disappearing out of sight.
Harry stood there for a moment in shock over what just happened. Without another thought, he drug his feet to the bedroom he used to share with his wife and shut the door behind him. Not much changed, but the room definitely looked and felt a bit different with all of Julia’s possessions gone. As he sat on the bed, Harry couldn’t believe how empty he felt inside. He didn’t realize how connected to Julia he still was until the moment she finally left him. Wasn’t it what he wanted? Well, not really – but deep down, a part of him knew it would be the endgame. Why did he feel so torn apart?
Harry let his face drop into his hands and allowed himself to fall apart. It was an extremely trying summer and everything that built up inside of him finally had a chance to come out. Every raw emotion, every bitter feeling, every single second he felt worthless because of her – he just let it out.
Once he finally composed himself, he found himself standing in the doorway of the TV room where Louis was with the kids.
“Hey, loves. I’ll be right back,” Louis told his niece and nephew as he pulled himself off of the couch. His expression was concerned as he walked toward Harry.
“What happened?” Louis asked in a low voice, his eyes raking over Harry’s face.
Harry turned out of the doorway and walked toward the front door. Louis followed him out onto the front patio.
“She left,” Harry confessed quietly once he sat down on one of the chairs feeling the weight of everything on his shoulders.
“I-I saw that, mate. What happened?” Louis asked with a sympathetic expression.
“She-she’s filing for divorce,” Harry choked out, feeling himself breakdown again.
“What?” Louis gasped, looking at his mate with nothing but concern on his face.
“She-she said she wasn’t wanted here and that her lawyer was already filing paperwork for her,” Harry explained as the tears built up in his eyes again.
“So suddenly?” Louis asked, his mouth dropping open.
“That’s what I said. I didn’t even know she had the notion of divorce in her head. I just… I don’t fucking know,” Harry sighed heavily as he wiped at his eyes.
“I’m sorry, mate. I’m sorry,” Louis cooed, rubbing Harry’s back lightly.
“I just—how am I going to tell the kids? I-I don’t know,” Harry cried, wiping furiously at his eyes.
“God, I don’t know,” Louis murmured quietly.
For a while, the two of them sat silently until Harry quietly asked him to go back in with the kids. Harry knew he needed to be alone to sort out his head. He wasn’t really aware of time while he sat there in self-loathing and despair, but he knew he might have sat out there for hours because the sun seemed to have lowered in the sky during that time.
Louis came out a little while later, letting Harry know he put a movie on for the kids. He quietly sat down in the chair next to Harry, looking out at the ocean. He didn’t speak, but his presence meant a lot to Harry. The two of them sat there watching the sun as it set over the horizon and Harry couldn’t help but think of how fortunate it was that Louis decided to show up that day. It would have been hard for him to go through everything alone.
“Uh… we’re hungry,” they heard Jackson’s voice come from the front door.
“Oh, Jacky. I’m sorry,” Harry apologized immediately, feeling absolutely terrible that he let himself get so wrapped up in his own mess that he wasn’t able to be there for his kids. Harry stood up quickly to make some dinner for them.
“Harry, I’ve got it. Just… just take some time,” Louis interjected as he got up out of his chair and grabbed Harry’s arm to stop him.
“Are you sure?” Harry asked him quickly.
“Of course I’m sure. Sit down, mate,” Louis asserted, pointing back at the chair Harry just go out of.
“Thanks,” Harry said with a nod, letting himself drop back down in it.
He watched as Louis followed Jackson back into the house and shut the door behind them, allowing himself to sink back into his misery.
…
Niko sat in the sand below the Santa Monica pier for hours, just thinking. She watched the sunset, feeling completely numb. She finally felt like she over-analyzed her feelings enough that they were put to rest, for the time being. When she felt a chill run through her body, she pulled herself up out of the sand and wiped off her legs and backside. Slowly, she walked back to the vehicle and got inside. Thank God Harry programmed the houses address into the navigational system early on that summer or she might not have found her way back, especially in the dark.
When she pulled back into the driveway, the night sky was bright from the glow of the moon and it was the only light to guide her as she slipped out of the vehicle. Niko walked up the sidewalk in a daze, not sure of what she was doing or how she was feeling.
“Grand theft auto,” she heard. It scared the crap out of her and she was left clutching her chest, breathing deeply.
“Harry…” Niko gasped, seeing that he was sitting in the dark on the front porch.
“What are you doing out here?” She asked, looking at him wide-eyed.
“Wondering where the hell you went. Niko, what’s going on? You missed your time with the kids this afternoon,” Harry questioned, sitting forward in his chair.
“Oh my god. The kids,” she gasped. She was so busy wallowing in her own mess that she failed to remember why she was there in the first place. Those kids were first and foremost her responsibility.
“Harry, I am so sorry,” Niko gushed, feeling absolutely horrible for her lack of regard.
“Niko, it’s fine. Louis was here to help,” he said quietly and she could hear the weight in his words.
“Harry, there is no excuse for my behavior. It won’t happen again,” she assured him and he nodded his head morosely.
“And there is no excuse for the way I spoke to Julia. I will apologize to her the next time I see her,” Niko continued, feeling terrible about her unprofessionalism.
“Niko, sit down,” Harry said quietly, motioning to the chair next to him.
Fear spread through her. She was going to be fired and sent home and it was going to be at the hands of her former lover. Her stomach turned violently and she thought she might throw up. Niko sat down next to him without a word. He was silent for quite a while and Niko sat there swallowing hard, waiting for him to say something, anything. If he was going to do it, she needed him to just fucking do it. She couldn’t handle the suspense or overwhelming anxiety. She was dying.
“Julia… she uh, tried to apologize to me last night. She… she tried to have sex with me to make up for… things…” Harry’s voice wavered with emotion.
Niko was silent, but she was struggling for air. She couldn’t help it. She knew Julia was his wife and she knew someday they would become intimate again, but she hoped she would not be around when they did. She hoped she would never have to know about it.
Harry didn’t continue right away and it was killing her. She wanted to run again and this time never come back.
“She… she tried?” Niko choked out. She didn’t know why she asked. It was self-sabotage at its finest and it caused the bile to rise in her throat.
“I told her ‘no’. I told her it was going to take a lot more than sex to make things right between us,” Harry answered and Niko nodded, relief flooding her system.
“She… she left. She went back to New York,” Harry confessed, hanging his head.
“What?” Niko gasped, looking over at him, hoping he was alright, hoping the kids were alright.
“She said she wasn’t wanted here and that she had things she needed to do in New York,” Harry continued, getting choked up. Niko’s heart broke listening to the emotion in his voice.
“I-I’m sorry, Harry,” Niko breathed lowly.
“What could be more important than her kids – her family?” Harry asked, looking almost broken.
“Harry, where’s Louis?” Niko asked quietly. She could feel her entire body shaking and she knew she couldn’t handle any more of this conversation. Not right then anyway.
“Why?” He questioned, his sorrow-filled eyes finding hers.
“I think you need to talk to him. I think he’s the one you should be talking to…” Niko told him quietly, shaking her head.
“Why? Why can’t I talk to you?” He questioned, looking at her with is tears in his eyes.
“Because, Harry… because I am about to tell it to you straight and I don’t think you’re ready to hear it from me,” she told him honestly.
“Tell me what?” He asked, looking almost hurt. Niko took a deep breath but proceeded.
“She’s no good for you or your kids. She’s poisonous. You tried, okay. You tried to make her understand, to be there for the kids, to be a mother, but she still… after seven years… she still hasn’t accepted it,” Niko told him with a little too much truth. Harry looked completely taken aback by her sudden outburst.
“Look, Harry. I’m sorry, okay. You should be hearing this from Louis, not me. I told him that,” she sighed, shaking her head, her eyes dropping away from his.
“You talked to Louis about this?” Harry questioned, his eyebrows furrowing.
“No. I did not talk to Louis about this. He talked to me about this. He is honestly concerned you’re so stuck on her that you can’t see things clearly,” Niko explained, her heart beating wildly in her chest.
“Niko… I just…” Harry stammered, shaking his head.
“Harry… please, just talk to Louis. I don’t want to get involved. In fact, I think I am going to go pack,” Niko told him as she stood on her feet.
“Pack? Why would you pack?” He asked, looking up at her concerned.
“Because I shouldn’t be here. Not anymore,” she told him, shaking her head.
“Niko…” Harry breathed, his mouth hung open as he looked at her.
“I’m sorry, Harry. You need to figure things out and I am just here complicating everything. I am just here feeling things that can never be reciprocated,” she sighed as she made a move for the front door.
“Feeling things?” He asked, suddenly standing behind her.
“Harry… please…” she sighed, turning to look at him sadly.
“Feeling what, Niko?” He asked insistently.
“Harry…” She sighed again.
“Feeling what?” He demanded, gripping onto her arm. He needed her to say it out loud. He needed to hear it.
“Feeling feelings for you,” she huffed, taking in a ragged breath that almost made her feel light-headed.
“You feel… Nikola…” He whispered, looking like he was almost in awe.
“Harry, don’t,” she warned as she pulled her arm away. As she went to grab for the door handle, it opened in front of her, revealing Louis.
“Louis…” Niko gasped wide-eyed.
“What’s going on out here?” Louis asked, looking between the two of them.
“Harry needs someone to talk to and it can’t be me,” Niko told him as she pushed passed him through the door.
“Nikola!” Harry yelled, but she kept walking toward her room.
“Harry, whoa. What’s going on?” Louis asked, his brows furrowing in concern.
“Shit. Shit,” Harry growled, running his fingers through his already messy hair.
“What just happened?” Louis asked him, looking worried.
“She’s freaked out. Fucking hell. I knew this would happen. I’m such an idiot!” Harry growled angrily.
“What happened?” Louis asked him again.
“She just told me she has feelings for me. But she like… she’s… fuck. She’s going to go pack. She’s leaving,” Harry told him, feeling the emotions bombard him again.
“What?” Louis gasped, his eyebrows furrowing tightly.
“She thinks she has to leave because… I don’t know. I don’t fucking know,” Harry growled.
“Go. Go talk to her,” Louis coaxed him immediately.
“Christ,” Harry breathed as he quickly slipped in the house and headed in the same direction Niko went.
How was this happening? How was he losing his wife and Niko on the same day?

Notes