The Au Pair

Living in a house with a woman Harry wanted nothing more than to love and touch and kiss, and then having one he was married to that he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about anymore, was definitely tough. Being in the same room as Niko was extremely difficult, especially with the way she did everything in her power to ignore his presence. The only time she would speak to him was when he spoke directly to her and even then, she would give him short one-word answers. She was acting like Mary and it was absolutely agonizing.

And then he had Julia who seemed to really want to start over with him and their kids. She was making more of an effort to be a part of the family. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed. Jackson and Avery seemed happier to have her around. When Julia suggested they take the kids to the zoo, Harry agreed immediately, only under the condition that it was just the four of them – as a family. They could go one day without having the help of nanny’s. Plus, Harry didn’t really want to deal with both Julia and Niko at the same time.

During their time at the zoo, Julia took three work calls – which Harry wouldn’t have minded if they hadn’t each lasted over twenty minutes. One of them, she spent forty-five minutes pacing back and forth by a bench while Harry and the kids walked around the aquatic part of the zoo. His disgust for his wife’s life decisions grew tenfold and he just about had enough.

Harry cut the day short, when Julia finally decided to join back up with them.

“I hope it was worth it, Julia,” Harry told her quietly as Jackson and Avery watched the monkeys for a few minutes longer before they left.

“What?” She asked, furrowing her brow at him.

“Your phone calls. I hope you accomplished something, because you sure as hell didn’t accomplish anything with your family,” he said, walking away from her toward the kids.

“Harry,” he heard her say from behind him, but he ignored her, gathering Jackson and Avery up to leave the zoo.

…

During her time off while the Styles family was at the zoo, Niko sat in the TV room flipping idly through the channels until she found a stupid talk show to watch. She tried to relax a little, knowing Harry wasn’t in the house, but it was hard to do when Louis walked into the room and sat down in the chair next to the couch she was sitting on. She was hyper-aware of the fact that he kept catching glances at her, sending annoyance bubbling up in her system.

“What?” She snapped at him.

“What’s going on Niko?” Louis asked her finally.

“What do you mean?” She asked, trying to act oblivious to his question. If he was going to bring up Harry, she was going to make it hard for him.

“You know what I mean,” Louis said.

“Louis, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said stubbornly.

“You do,” he countered.

“I really don’t have time for your cryptic questions. I have things to do,” she said, getting up from the couch and moving toward the door.

“Niko…” Louis said, getting up to grab her arm, stopping her from walking out. Niko eyed his hand and then moved her gaze up to his eyes. He dropped her arm, but stared back at her.

“Why are you being so cold to Harry? He’s incredibly confused. And to be quite honest, so I am,” Louis said.

“I am just doing my job. I’m cutting out all the bullshit,” she told him, emotionless.

“But you… you’re in love with him,” Louis said, bringing it up again, pouring salt in her wounds.

“I never said that. You said that,” she snapped at him.

“So, you don’t love him?” He asked, watching as she avoided his eye and bit her lip.

“Niko, don’t play coy with me,” Louis warned.

“Louis, just because you’re Harry’s best friend doesn’t mean you can butt your nose into my life. I-I stopped things with Harry, okay? I’m done. Just please stop,” she said in a pleading tone.

“You stopped things with Harry, but you didn’t talk to him about it,” Louis pointed out.

“I shouldn’t have to. This is wrong. It needs to end,” she told him.

“Well, he’s a proper mess. He thinks you’re angry with him for telling me about this,” Louis said, swirling his hand in a circular gesture.

“I am angry with him for telling you!” She yelled at him. Even though she knew she really had no right to be angry, since she told her friend Kelsey about it. She knew she was being irrational, but she didn’t care.

“Niko, I know this situation isn’t ideal…” Louis said.

“Isn’t ideal!? Look at me! I’m freaking out right now. Of course it’s not ideal. I fell in love with a married man, who is never going to leave his wife! This is like a fucking TV movie. I’m done, Louis. I’m just done. I’m twenty-two years old. I am too young for these sorts of problems,” Niko said, losing her mind a little.

“I’m scared for him,” Louis said quietly, bowing his head.

“Why?” Niko snapped at him.

“Because he’s going to end up sad and alone… and I-I can’t let him throw his life away like that. Julia has checked out already, if you haven’t noticed. She’s not going to end things when she’s so comfortably numb. And Harry’s not going to end things when he keeps thinking he can bring back the person she used to be… except he thinks he can change her to be something she’s not and never was. He needs a push in the right direction,” Louis explained.

“And I’m supposed to be that push!?” Niko asked incredulously with wide-eyes and he gave her a knowing look.

“Oh, no! No, no. I told you this was over,” she said, shaking her head.

“I don’t think so,” Louis said, shaking his head lightly.

“It is, okay, Louis? It is. And I would appreciate it if you would stop talking to me about it,” she said sternly before she left the room.

She walked into the kitchen with a huff, finding Mary sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. Niko went to the cupboard and grabbed a mug before pouring herself a cup of coffee. She took it black, because she was in too bad a mood to get fancy with it. She took a few hot sips and then sat down with Mary at the table. They were silent for a while and Niko enjoyed it. Niko just sipped her coffee and Mary just read the paper. When she was done, Mary laid the paper flat on the table and folded it back up neatly. Then she looked up at Niko. She stared back at her wondering why the hell Mary was staring at her.

“Yes, Mary?” Niko asked impatiently.

“What is going on with you and Mr. Styles?” She asked timidly, causing Niko to choke on her coffee.

“Are you okay?” Mary asked, wide-eyed.

“What… what do you mean?” Niko asked, feeling incredibly flustered.

“You and Mr. Styles…” She began.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Niko said, trying to look as shocked as she could.

“You’ve been sleeping with him,” she blurted out.

“Mary!” Niko yelped, her chest starting to heave.

“It only makes sense. You spend every morning in the pool house together. You left the hotel room at Disneyland in the middle of the night and didn’t come back for a while. And now you two are barely speaking to each other like you got into a fight,” she explained her reasoning.

“Mary! That is a very bold accusation,” Niko said, feeling as if she was going to throw up.

“I’m sorry. I just thought… I don’t think you should be doing that kind of stuff,” she said, looking down at the table.

“I-I’m not,” Niko stammered.

“He’s married. Marriage is a sacred bond,” Mary kept on.

“Mary! I am not sleeping with Mr. Styles!” Niko yelled at her. Mary looked at her wide-eyed and surprised.

“I-I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Stop apologizing! Jesus!” Niko yelled, taking out her aggression on her. Mary fell silent, staring down at the table.

“Mary, I’m sorry. Just please. I-I… just… ugh,” Niko apologized, shaking her head. She knew she shouldn’t or couldn’t say anymore, so she stood up quickly and left the kitchen.

As Harry, Julia and the kids were walking back into the house from their exhausting day at the zoo, Niko came out of the kitchen looking flustered or distraught or something. And all Harry wanted to do was reach out to her and make her feel better. But even if he wasn’t carrying a sleeping Avery in his arms, he wouldn’t be able to because Julia was right there.

“Niko! We saw so many awesome animals!” Jackson gasped once he saw her.

“Did you?” Niko asked, pushing back the negative experiences she just had with both Louis and Mary before putting on a huge smile just for Jackson.

“Yeah. We saw penguins and bears and lions and tigers…” Jackson told her, so hyped up about it.

“Jacky… why don’t you calm down a little bit, buddy,” Harry chuckled awkwardly.

“He’s just excited. And I’m excited for him,” Niko said sharply, sending an icy look up at Harry. He was the only one to notice it. He was sure of it.

“He’s had too much sugar,” Julia said, pursing her lips together, sending Harry her own little look. He rolled his eyes at her, annoyed completely.

“Which one was your favorite, Jackson?” Niko asked about the animals, ignoring Julia’s comment altogether.

“Oh, I love the giraffes… but I think lions are my favorite. No, tigers. Lions and tigers. But I love the penguins,” Jackson said indecisively. Harry couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

“I love all of them too,” Niko giggled as Julia walked toward the kitchen. Harry watched as Niko’s eyes shot daggers into his wife’s back and he knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling because he felt that way too.

“Look what mommy and daddy bought me!” Jackson said, grabbing Niko’s attention again, putting on a tiger mask they got in the gift shop on their way out of the zoo.

“Wow! You look fierce!” Niko said playfully to Jackson, and he roared like a tiger for her.

“And you sound scary!” Niko gasped. Harry stood there watching her with him with a smile on his face. She was so good with them.

“It’s just me, Niko,” Jackson scoffed playfully.

“Oh! There you are. I wasn’t sure where you went,” she giggled.

“I was just wearing a mask,” he told her.

“Oh! Okay. Man, you should probably go sneak up on your uncle Louis! I’m sure you can get a scare out of him,” Niko told him.

“Yeah!” Jackson said excitedly.

“He’s in the TV room. Go get him!” Niko informed him watching as Jackson ran off.

When Niko turned back around, her eyes met with Harry’s in a lingering stare and all he wanted to do was talk to her and tell her he missed her, that he needed her. Because, god, he did. She had no idea.

“Do you need me… to uh, take her?” Niko asked him, pointing to Avery in his arms.

“I’ve got her,” he told her. Niko nodded and slowly turned on her heels to walk away.

“Niko!” He called out her and she immediately turned back.

“Can you help me take the bags up?” He asked, nodding toward the bags Julia left by the door. Niko nodded in response, walking straight for them before heading for the stairs.

Once up the stairs, Harry followed right behind her down the long hallway toward Avery’s room, watching every move she made. He felt like it had been so long since he was in her lingering presence. And really, it had been. They went from devouring one another on a daily basis to no physical contact or even eye contact and it was really hard on him. Especially because of the way he felt about her.

Harry laid Avery in her bed, kissing her forehead before turning to find Niko diligently unpacking the backpack with Ave’s things in it. Harry walked over to help put everything away.

“Are you just going to ignore me for the rest of the summer?” He asked her lowly and watched as her entire body froze from his words.

“I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Styles,” she said, recovering the ever-present façade she started hiding behind.

“Niko…” Harry sighed, feeling her words sting at his heart.

“Just tell me what I did,” he said quietly.

“Mary knows,” she told him evenly and his stomach sank.

His entire heart dropped into his ass, feeling the familiar feeling of bile rising in his throat.

“What? I thought… I thought your lie worked. I’m throwing a birthday party for Christ’s sake,” Harry scoffed in a hushed tone.

“Apparently it didn’t work. But I denied it. I don’t think she will bring it up again,” Niko told him quietly. Harry sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

Well, fuck.

“It’s over, Harry. You and Julia are working things out. We’re over,” Niko said, keeping her voice even.

She had no idea what was going on with him and Julia. And if she did, she would know it wasn’t working out – that things with Julia were just about as worse off as they always were. If she knew how he really felt, she would know his heart was with her, not with Julia.

“Niko…” He sighed, wanting to tell her everything.

But then she turned giving him the saddest look he’d ever seen. He was hurting her. He hurt her by stringing her along all this time. And that was worse than any rough sex he ever had with her. It was worse by far.

“It was a mistake – an irresponsible mistake,” she told him finally. A moment later, she turned and walked out of Avery’s bedroom, leaving him standing alone, feeling shattered.

…

A few mindless days passed by. Louis went back home, Julia was still Julia, and Niko was still avoiding Harry like the plague. He felt like he was living life on auto-pilot, trying to just get through the day. Run in the morning, try to find something to occupy his time in the afternoon, dinner with the family, go to bed early.

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Louis’ words echoed through Harry’s head more than once on a daily basis. “Don’t live like this just because you’re too afraid of taking the next step. Free yourself, Harry.” The thought of divorce had never been on his mind so much in all of his life. And the decision he had to make was one that drained every part of his being, leaving him feeling like he was left with nothing.

“Harry…” He heard Julia say as he pulled off his shirt, getting ready for bed in their bedroom.

“Hmm,” he hummed, not bothering to even look in her direction.

“Harry,” she said more demanding.

“What?” He asked, turning toward her.

She was standing in front of him wearing nothing but barely-there lace lingerie. His first thought was, where the hell did she get something like that? It was so long since she felt the need to be adventurous in the bedroom or do anything in the bedroom. Where did the lingerie all of a sudden come from?

“Julia…” Harry sighed, feeling ultimately annoyed and he didn’t know why.

Wasn’t this what he wanted for so long – for his wife to desire him? For them to go back to normal? But he knew he gave up that notion a long time ago. He gave it up the second he took Niko to bed with him. It was hard to even fathom sleeping with Julia again after Niko.

“I… I just want to make it up to you, Harry. I know it’s been a long time. I want to get back to us,” she said, walking toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Jules…” Harry sighed.

“Shh,” she said, leaning in to kiss him.

Harry let her pull him in, kissing him, touching him. He missed the way things used to be. But he knew he didn’t want to go back, that he didn’t want to regress. When he felt her hand snake between them, dipping it into his shorts, he pulled back quickly.

“Jules, no. I… just, no,” Harry said firmly.

“What? Harry,” she said, looking at him completely shocked.

“No. It’s going to take a lot more than seducing me to make up for everything. And frankly, I don’t think you understand how bad things are between us right now,” he told her. Her eyebrows furrowed angrily.

“What the hell do you want then, Harry!? What the hell do you want from me?” She growled angrily and Harry scoffed at her.

“What!?” She yelled back at him.

“I want you to be able to realize what you’ve done to us! I want you to know that finally fucking me after all this time is going to take a lot more than just some skimpy lingerie, Julia! I want you to admit that you are the reason this family is falling apart – that you so selfishly pushed us all away! I want you to know how badly you’ve hurt us all!” Harry screamed in her face.

He watched as Julia’s face scrunched up emotionally, bringing on the hideous crying face she made.

“You have no one to blame but yourself, Julia,” Harry said finally.

“I know! God damn it, I know!” She lashed out at him.

“Then do something to fix it!” He shouted back at her.

“What do you think I’ve been doing, Harry!?” She cried.

“I would hardly call what you’ve been doing a fix for our situation. You spent half the day on the damn phone at the zoo the other day,” he shot at her.

“That is not true! Now you’re just being melodramatic, Harry,” she scoffed angrily at him.

“I don’t give a shit what I am being. I can be whatever the hell I want to be, Julia! I’m not the one at fault here,” Harry told her, going overboard with the over-dramatics to annoy her purposely.

“For me to fix anything, Harry, I need you to be willing to let me!” She said, trying to manipulate him once again.

“I was willing, Julia! I have been willing for a fucking year! How long do you expect me to sit here and wait for you to be my wife again, to be the mother of my children again?” He shot back at her.

“I am your wife and I will always be the mother of your children, Harry!” She growled.

“I can’t even remember the last time you acted like it,” he scoffed.

“God damn it,” she sighed helplessly and Harry watched her breakdown, wondering to himself if he was watching true emotions coming from her or if she was just putting on a show for him.

“I just… I don’t know how much more I can take, Julia,” he said quietly.

Her tear-filled eyes looked up into his for a few moments before she crossed the space between them, grabbing his face in her hands.

“Please, Harry. Please. I am so sorry,” she wept. Harry clenched his jaw, standing his ground. He wasn’t going to fold. Not anymore.

“I just… I still need you, Harry. I can’t… I need you,” she pleaded, letting her head fall against his chest as she cried. Harry just stood there, waiting for the show to be over.

“God damn it,” she cried, pulling away from him when he didn’t comfort her.

“Is this how it’s going to be, Harry?” She asked incredulously.

“That’s up to you,” he told her evenly.

Her face scrunched up with emotion again before she dashed off toward the bathroom. Harry took a deep breath, holding it in for a moment before he let it out violently. He could hear her loud sobs coming from the bathroom. They only seemed to annoy him further, so he went down to the kitchen to get something stiff to drink.

After downing a couple of vodka tonics, Harry went back up to the bedroom to find Julia curled up on her side of the bed in the dark. He pushed down his shorts, leaving him in his boxer briefs before crawling into the bed to go to sleep.

He lay there for a while trying to think of anything but Julia. In his head, it was him and Niko – happy and perfect with no problems or cares in the world. There was nothing that could break the daydream but sleep. And when he woke up in the morning, Niko was the first thing on his mind.

And he knew he could never be rid of Niko… ever.

Notes

This story only has five chapters left, plus a very, very small epilogue. But have no fear, I have an entire sequel that is almost completely written, so you can look out for that once this story ends. Let me know what you think! :) xo

Also, FUN FACT: When I originally wrote The Au Pair, I wrote it in only ten days. It was the fastest I've ever written a story before. Of course, over time I've spent countless hours editing and revising it, but those original chapters only took me ten days. I wish I could still write like that! :D