The Au Pair

“Harry…” He heard Julia’s soft voice as he sat on the edge of their bed, his back to her. He turned to find her standing in the doorway.

“I’m sorry about last night,” she sighed and he nodded his head, thinking back to the fight they had.

“I know… I know I’ve said this so many times… I know it doesn’t mean much to you anymore, but as soon as this work load lightens, I’ll be here,” she said, walking over to him quickly to sit with him on the bed.

“I need you here now,” Harry said, his voice cracking. His emotions were heightened so much in the past twenty-four hours.

“I know, baby. I know,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. He didn’t move. He didn’t acknowledge her feeble attempt of comforting.

“Harry,” she breathed, placing her hand on his far cheek, aligning their vision. He looked into her eyes with a blank stare and waited.

“I know I’ve created this gap between us…” She started. It wasless of a gap and more of a canyon.

“But I want to make it right and for that to happen, I need you to forgive me and give me a chance to try to make it right,” she told him.

A part of him wanted to scream in her face that he’d given her chance after chance to make it right. But the more dominate part of him completely folded with her words. Words he needed to hear for so long – she was willing to put in an effort to make their marriage work.

Harry nodded as the emotions he felt wedged a lump in his throat, threatening to really cause him to break down. He let her kiss his lips and fully pull him into her arms in a tight hug that felt so good after a year’s worth of denial from her.

“I love you, Harry,” she breathed in his ear.

“I love you too, Julia,” he said, his words muffled against her collarbone.

“Daddy…” Harry heard Avery’s tiny little voice, breaking his attention away from his wife. He pulled away from Julia, immediately focusing on his daughter.

“Yeah, baby,” he said, pushing back his emotion.

“I can’t find Mr. Snuffles,” she said with a little pout on her lips.

“Oh, no,” he said dramatically to show Avery it was just as important to him as it was to her.

Even though that damn stuff dog always went missing. Harry didn’t know how she lost it so much. But they always seemed to find it, so he was never too entirely worried. Although he knew Avery would absolutely lose her mind if they really couldn’t find it.

“When’s the last time you saw it, baby?” Julia asked her as Avery walked deeper in the room toward her parents.

“I don’t know,” she said, looking up at her mother.

“That’s okay. We’ll… we’ll find him. Won’t we, daddy?” Julia told her, looking at Harry hopefully.

“Of course we will, baby angel,” Harry said, looking over at Avery.

It caught him off guard when he used Niko’s nickname for Avery. He felt his cheeks blush because of it, almost feeling like Julia might notice his slip-up, even though he knew deep down she wouldn’t.

“Come on. Mommy and Daddy will help you. Maybe we can even get Jackson to help,” Julia offered, standing up from the bed holding out her hand for Avery.

“And Uncle Louis,” Harry chimed in as he too got up from the bed.

“And Niko and Mary?” Avery asked as the three of them walked out of the bedroom.

“Even Niko and Mary if they’re around,” Julia assured her with a nod.

It was an odd thing to hear Niko’s name slide so easily off of Julia’s tongue. If she knew what was really going on, things would be completely different.

They headed down to Avery’s room first and Harry stopped at Jackson’s bedroom door.

“Hey, buddy. Can you help us look for Mr. Snuffles?” He asked him as he sat on his bedroom floor playing with toys.

“Again?” Jackson scoffed, looking up at his dad with his big green eyes.

“Yes, again. Come on, buddy,” Harry said, waving his hand through the air.

“She always loses him. Can we get a tracking device?” Jackson asked as he got up and walked out his bedroom door. Harry laughed out loud at his suggestion.

“That’s not a bad idea,” he said as he ruffled Jackson’s hair.

Mr. Snuffles was nowhere to be found in Avery’s room, so they ended up moving downstairs where Louis and Mary both joined in on the search. But Niko was nowhere to be seen.

“Daddy!” Harry heard Avery’s shrill voice.

“Yeah, baby,” he said, moving quickly toward her.

“Zeus stole him,” she said, standing in front of his dog bed.

Zeus lay there with his front leg plopped right down on top of Mr. Snuffles, looking up at them like he had no idea why they were standing there.

“Zeusy!” Harry playfully scolded him.

At the sound of his name, he stood up and started wagging his butt.

“This is mine, Zeusy!” Avery yelled at him, ripping her stuffed dog up from the dog bed.

“Avery, you need to be nice to him,” Harry told her.

“He stole Mr. Snuffles,” she huffed.

“He’s just a dog, Ave. He doesn’t know any better,” Harry said, crouching down to her level.

“But he stole him,” she whined.

“Avery Rose, how much do you love Zeus?” Harry asked her.

“I love him, but…” She started to protest.

“No buts. How much do you love Zeus?” He asked again.

“A lot,” she grumbled.

“And I happen to know he loves you a lot too. And I don’t think he took Mr. Snuffles to make you angry. I’m sure he can see how happy Mr. Snuffles makes you and he wanted have a turn playing with him too,” Harry explained. She looked down at Zeus who was now sitting on his butt staring up at them contently.

“Sorry, Zeus,” she said finally, apologizing to the dog.

“Good girl,” Harry said with a smile.

“You can play with him if you want,” she said, setting Mr. Snuffles down on the dog bed.

“I think Zeus had a good long turn. Why don’t you go ahead and take Mr. Snuffles with you, love,” Harry chuckled.

“Okay,” she said happily, grabbing him up again.

“Thank you for being a big girl,” Harry told her.

“You’re welcome, daddy,” she said with a big smile.

“And I’m sure Zeus is thankful to you for sharing with him,” he told her.

Avery looked over at Zeus again and dropped to her knees onto the dog bed.

“You’re welcome, Zeusy,” she said, petting his head before Zeus licked her face and she let out a howl of a laugh.

“Why don’t you go play, sweet girl,” Harry said with a smile.

“Okay,” she said, getting up again, quickly running off.

“You’re such a good dad,” Harry heard Julia’s voice behind him. He turned quickly seeing her standing in the doorway.

“They’re lucky to have you,” she continued.

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

“I was thinking about making dinner tonight,” she told him.

“Alright,” he said with a small nod.

“Anything in particular you would like?” She asked.

“No. Whatever,” he told her with a passive shrug.

“Okay,” she said, looking at him for a few moments before she turned and walked out of the room toward the kitchen.

Harry took in a deep breath and let it out, feeling like he was living in the twilight zone all of a sudden.

“Ave just told me the good news,” Louis said, walking into the room from the opposite doorway Julia just left from. Harry spun to look at him.

“Oh, yeah. It was in Zeus’ dog bed,” Harry chuckled lightly.

“So, Julia…” Louis said cautiously, looking impressed that she was helping them in the case of the missing stuffed animal.

“She, uh… she just apologized for our fight last night and told me she’s going to start being a part of the family again,” Harry told him.

“Wow,” Louis said, looking surprised.

“Yeah,” Harry breathed.

“And how do you feel about that?” Louis asked carefully.

“I mean, if she’s willing to put in the effort…” Harry started to say.

“How do you feel, though?” Louis pressed.

“Relieved,” Harry told him honestly.

“And what about… your situation?” Louis asked, referring to Niko.

“I don’t know,” Harry said, running his hands through his hair.

“Which one is the lesser of two evils? The wife… or the mistress?” Louis asked in a hushed tone, cocking his eyebrow at him. The lesser of two evils?

Harry’s mind immediately thought of Niko. Nothing about her was evil. The only reason she was even considered an evil was because of him – because he was married and he decided to be unfaithful. Niko was as close to perfect in his mind as a girl could get. But he knew he needed to be an adult and make things work with Julia. Although, he wasn’t entirely sure how that logic was going to hold out when he was in Niko’s presence again.

…

Harry was certain Niko was avoiding him. The only time he saw her in two days was when it was her time with the kids. Other than that, she was like a ghost. It really bothered him a lot. As much as he wanted to work things out with his wife, he couldn’t just drop Niko. Not after everything they’d been through together that summer. He didn’t want to lose her – not just yet.

“Have you seen Niko?” Harry asked Louis as he came into the kitchen.

Louis stuck around in Malibu with Harry because his wife, Liz was out of town and just having him around was incredible – almost like old times. His support meant everything to Harry and he was so grateful he was around.

“No. Have you?” Louis asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“No. Actually I haven’t,” Harry told him with a sigh.

“It’s a big house,” Louis said, shrugging it off.

“I mean, like I haven’t seen her. Like at all since you got here. We… we haven’t even talked. I think she’s avoiding me,” Harry explained.

“Oh. Well, do you think it’s maybe because she wants to give you some space to hang out with me?” Louis suggested optimistically.

“I don’t know. I don’t think she would blatantly avoid me though. I think it’s something else,” Harry told him.

“Like what?”

“I think she might be freaked out that you… you know… caught us,” Harry told him in a hushed voice.

“Oh,” Louis breathed.

“It’s making me crazy. I just want to talk to her, but she’s just… gone,” Harry sighed.

“Maybe just give her some space,” Louis suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I want to let her know everything is okay – that she shouldn’t be fearful of you… you know… outing us,” he explained.

“Aren’t you trying to work things out with Julia?” Louis asked, cocking an eyebrow at his mate.

“I’ll try to work things out with Julia when she starts putting forth the effort. It’s been two days since we talked about it and she has yet to show any improvement. Helping our daughter find her stuffed animal and cooking dinner is not going to reverse a year’s worth of neglect,” Harry scoffed, feeling excessively annoyed.

“Hmm,” Louis hummed ominously.

“What?” Harry snapped at him.

“Nothing. I just… I’m kind of glad you’re not going to make it easy for her,” Louis told him.

“You get what you put into something. Julia’s going to learn that lesson the hard way,” Harry said bitterly.

“Good for you,” Louis said, smiling at him.

…

Niko was a bit startled when she looked up from her lounge chair by the pool and saw Louis Tomlinson standing over her. She avoided Harry and Louis for nearly two days. Why was Louis coming to talk to her now? She sat up in the chair to be polite, even though he made her nervous. He knew her and Harry’s deepest secret and she did not have the same trust as Harry that it wouldn’t somehow get out.

“We didn’t get properly introduced. I’m Louis, Harry’s best mate,” he said, holding out his hand to shake hers.

“I know who you are,” she said quickly. And then back-tracked because of how rude it sounded when it came out.

“I mean… like, everyone knows who you are… and… I’m Nikola… but you can call me Niko,” she told him as she shook his hand briefly.

She felt really awkward being around Louis because of what he knew. But in the back of her head, she couldn’t help but remind herself he was the quirky band-boy her sister Jacey was in love with all those years ago. The fun, mischievous one with the big heart – the eldest member of One Direction. She could see the kindness in his blue eye and it put her at ease a little.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, smirking at her.

“Likewise,” Niko said softly, dodging his glances. He was looking contently at her and it was making her a little uncomfortable.

“You really are gorgeous, aren’t you?” He commented and it was hard not to send him a sharp glare.

Was he hitting on her? Niko looked at him confused, almost shocked. He caught her with his best friend not even two days before and now he was hitting on her?

“Sorry, I couldn’t get a good look at you before – with you on top of Harry and all. But you are rather pretty,” he said, smiling slyly. A moment later she was certain he registered her discomfort because he quickly apologized.

“Oh, God. Sorry. That sounded creepy. I just meant, I see what Harry sees in you,” he said, trying to rectify his inappropriate comment. Niko nodded, looking away from him.

“Please. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” Louis added.

“I’m fine. This would be uncomfortable with or without your inappropriate comments,” she said, eyeing him again. He nodded sheepishly as he let out a strained laugh.

There was a brief silence that enveloped them and Niko was hoping he would just get up and leave her to her thoughts, but she was not so lucky.

“Things with Harry and Julia have been strained for a long time…” Louis began. Niko’s heart jumped into her throat. Why was he telling her that?

“She kind of disconnected from everything once Avery was born – which pretty much coincided with her promotion at her job,” Louis explained and Niko found herself listening contently to his words that were bringing her insight into the complicated relationship that Harry and Julia shared.

“She hasn’t always been like this. She and Harry dated for quite a while before she got pregnant with Jackson. They were in love. But I don’t know… like I said, she kind of disconnected,” Louis told her.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” she said quietly, feeling as if she was intruding into Harry’s life by suddenly being privy to thing she should know nothing about.

“Because you’re involved,” he said matter-of-factly. Niko nodded lightly, biting her lip. She couldn’t deny that.

“Harry isn’t the type of person to go into things lightly. After the first time he slept with you, he came straight to me to tell me what he did…” Louis explained.

“He told you about us?” Niko asked, shocked. That explained his sudden trip to see Louis again after he already spent a whole week with him.

“Yeah, we talk about everything. I know all about his problems with Julia, his concern for his children… you,” he said.

“You don’t know anything about me,” Niko said, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable.

“I may not know about you personally, but I know about you and Harry,” Louis countered.

“So, what? Are you here to tell me to stay away from him?” She asked, feeling as if she was going to burst into tears at any moment.

“Harry hasn’t realized that staying in his marriage is doing more harm than good,” Louis state, shaking his head lightly. Niko stared at him blankly.

“He still feels like he can change Julia. He can’t seem to get it through his head that she made her choice and that choice isn’t this family. He still loves her, no matter what – she is the mother of his children. He still wants her to be the mother he hopes she will someday become. But she won’t. She never will,” Louis explained. Niko’s eyes were welling up with tears at his words – at Harry’s naivety.

“He still has this notion in his head that he can’t be without her – because of the fact that she is the mother of his children,” Louis added.

“She’s only hurting them – all of them,” Niko said as a tear streaked down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She couldn’t let him see her tears because then he would know how she truly felt about Harry.

“I can tell you care for them – both Harry and the kids,” Louis said, watching her even though she was doing everything she could not to look at him.

“I do. I truly do,” Niko said quietly.

“And I know Harry cares about you,” Louis continued. Her head snapped to face him – her tears be damned.

“Does that surprise you?” He asked, looking at her skeptically. She didn’t answer. She just looked away from him again.

“Like I said, Harry doesn’t go into things lightly. He knows the way he’s going about things is wrong, but somehow it didn’t matter to him to be breaking the rules with you,” Louis explained and Niko couldn’t help but look over at him again.

“Why are you telling me this? It’s not like any of it matters. He wants to be with his wife,” Niko said bitterly, suddenly feeling incredibly angry. Louis stared into her enraged eyes, searching for something.

“You’re in love with him,” he said, coming to the realization on his own, causing her to scoff.

“Niko…” Louis said, placing his hand on her arm.

“You don’t know anythingabout me,” she shot at him, pulling her arm away.

“I can tell how you feel about Harry,” he pointed out.

“He’s married. He’s not going to leave her. I’m just a kid anyway. This is… this is just so fucked up. I just…” Niko said, standing up from her chair.

“Niko… it’s okay,” he said, standing up too.

“It’s not okay. Just leave me alone,” she snapped before she stormed off toward the house.

“Niko!” Louis shouted after her, but she didn’t respond

Niko did her best to stifle the tears until she was in the confines of her room. As soon as she collapsed on the bed, they flowed freely onto her pillow. She wished she couldn’t feel. It would make the entire situation she was in more bearable.

…

As Harry was cooking dinner that night, Louis came to find him in the kitchen.

“I, uh… I talked to Niko,” Louis told him, his voice hushed.

“What? You talked to her?” Harry asked wide-eyed, wondering what in the hell he talked to her about.

“Yeah,” Louis nodded.

“What did you say?” Harry asked quickly.

“Obviously I talked to her about you,” he told him.

“And?” Harry questioned impatiently.

“She’s in love with you,” Louis told him. Harry’s heart squeezed tightly in his chest. She was in love with him?

“She said that?” Harry choked out.

“Not in so many words…” Louis said and Harry scoffed, dropping his vision away from Louis, going back to making dinner.

“You’re in love with her too,” Louis pointed out, coming to the realization. It was the one thing Harry never came clean about with him – his true feelings.

Harry bit the inside of his cheek as he stirred the food in the pan, keeping silent.

“Harry—” Louis pressed.

“It’s not something that could be helped,” Harry told him quietly.

“You’re in love with her?” He asked again.

“Yeah. I just… I… fucking hell,” Harry said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

“What the hell are you going to do?” Louis asked, looking at his best mate awestruck.

“I don’t know,” Harry grumbled.

“Wow. This is… this is huge,” Louis said, sounding shocked.

“Obviously I’d feel something for her after what we’ve been doing,” Harry added in and Louis nodded.

“What did she say?” Harry asked curiously, feeling like a gossiping teenager all of a sudden.

“She got really upset with me,” Louis told him with a laugh.

“About what?” Harry asked, his head snapping in his direction.

“I called her out about being in love with you, just like I did to you,” Louis told him.

“What the hell were you talking about?” Harry asked impatiently.

“You… and Julia,” Louis said sheepishly.

“Why would you talk to her about Julia?” Harry asked wide-eyed, the anger rising in his chest.

“Because I think Niko is the only one who can set your mind straight about Julia,” Louis explained.

“What the hell does that mean?” Harry asked, raising his voice a bit.

“Niko is the only one who can make you understand that Julia is a lost cause,” Louis told him.

“That’s not your fucking place, Louis,” Harry growled.

“Whether it is or not, something needs to open your eyes,” Louis said, shrugging casually.

“Oh my fucking god,” Harry scoffed, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Relax, mate,” Louis told him.

“You probably scared the shit out of her, Louis. She’s twenty-two years old. She doesn’t need to be thrust in the middle of a failing marriage that began when she was just a kid,” Harry said heatedly, keeping his voice down in case wandering ears were near.

“You thrust her in the middle of it, Harry. Not me,” Louis pointed out.

“Oh my god. I just… this is fucked… fucking hell,” Harry said, turning back to the stove, stirring the food so it wouldn’t burn to the bottom of the pan.

…

At dinner, Niko wouldn’t even look in Harry’s direction and he couldn’t blame her for the way things played out – his behavior the last night they were together, Louis’ intrusiveness. It was all overwhelming even for him. He couldn’t imagine how she was feeling.

Julia offered to help Harry with dishes but he told her he would do it. It didn’t even cross his mind that she was in fact trying to make an effort. His mind was too focused on Niko. Louis got a phone call from Liz immediately after dinner and had to take it. Mary and Julia ended up taking the kids to the other room after they brought their plates into the kitchen as Harry began running water in the sink for the dishes. That left Niko to clear the rest of the table. When she came in the kitchen carrying a stack of plates, Harry watched out of the corner of his eye, totally engrossed in her. It was the closest they’d been in days. He watched her walk out of the kitchen, completely ignoring him and it stung his heart. But she was back a few moments later with more dishes.

“Niko…” Harry breathed.

Her blue eyes looked up into his. He could tell she was fighting herself to keep a neutral look on her face and it weighed his heart down even more.

“We…” He sighed, shaking his head.

“It’s okay, Harry,” she said, waving her hand through the air.

“No, it’s not. I-I just want to talk to you,” he told her.

“Oh,” she said, her eyes looking timidly up into his.

“I want you to know the way I acted the other night…” He started to explain.

“Harry, god. Stop. No. The way you acted the other night—you don’t have to apologize. Please,” she said, letting her eyes show a little emotion.

“And… and Louis… he’s not going to say anything about us,” he reassured her. Harry watched her body grow rigid with the mentioning of Louis.

“I’m sorry about Louis… about him talking to you. He shouldn’t have… he… he just shouldn’t have done that,” Harry told her.

“It’s okay,” she said quietly, looking anywhere but in his eyes.

“It’s not, but I appreciate that anyway,” he told her with a light smile.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding her head slowly.

“Just… I’m sorry,” he told her.

“Yeah,” she said again.

They stood there for a few moments longer before she hesitated and walked out of the kitchen.

“Fuck,” Harry breathed, shaking his head as he gripped onto the countertop to steady himself.

Things were so messed up and he couldn’t see a way of changing it. He wasn’t sure how they could ever go back to the way things were. And a part of him knew it might be a good thing. But the rest of him was more than a little distressed about it.

Notes