Blame Louis...He Did It

The cold night slowly gave way to a chilly morning with the orange glow of the sun appearing over the horizon and shedding its reflecting orange aura on the ruins of London with a bittersweet reality.

Four boys, one bitchy girl and a dog resided in the old factory at the present moment and because Zayn and Niall had stayed up during the night to keep guard on the rooftops, that left Louis and Harry to go out scavenging – because when Harry took the girl out last time she screamed every time she saw a rot-walker and she refused to go without her dog, Whimsical. She annoyed Harry and so, this week he decided to take the lesser of two evils as Louis would actually scavenge and not just stand around and complain he’s bored…well, he would, but he knows Harry would punch him.

“Louis? It’s morning.” Harry announced loudly, walking into one of the larger open rooms to see his friend sleeping peacefully on his mattress.

“Good for it, now tell it to piss off.” Louis grunted out tiredly, shifting to his stomach with a content sigh.

Harry pursed his lips and folded his arms across his chest.

“We have to go out today, we’re running low on some supplies. Get up.” Harry demanded, marching over to where Louis laid and bent down so his weight was resting at the top of his foot in a crouch.

Louis groaned and waved him off.

“Take Angel, I am way too bloody tired.” Louis shooed him, nearly falling back into the abyss of his pleasant dream world.

“One last time, Louis. Get up. I won’t say it again.” Harry warned, putting his large hands at the bottom of Louis’s mattress in preparation.

“Five more minutes, mum.” Louis grumbled tiredly, already close to unconsciousness.

The sudden flip woke Louis up with a start and he yelled out in both frustration and surprise – but he was awake and so, that was a mission accomplished if Harry ever saw one.

“Zayn and Niall just did an all-night shift on the rooftop, they’re not up to scavenging and Angel won’t go without Whimsical and she screams every time she sees a dead-rot. You are not my first choice either Mary Sunshine, but if we’re going to eat tonight – “Louis cut him off, sitting up from the ground with a huff.

“Niall eats all our rations, maybe we should put him on a diet or make him go out and replenish what he eats! Christ Harry, what part of I’m tired did you not understand?” Louis demanded, seeing Harry stand up and simply walk back from where he came, ignoring Louis’s less than cordial words.

“Up and at em’, mate. I’ll see you outside in ten and this time, please don’t forget to shut the door, yeah? Last time you forgot, a bunch of rot-walkers got in and scared the piss out of Niall. You know he can’t bring himself to slaughter them.” Harry reminded him, leaving his less than happy friend to pull himself off the hard-concrete floor.

Louis got to his feet and brushed himself off once Harry left.

“Yep, we have two idiots and three do nothings – aren’t we a productive fucking group?” He retorted sarcastically, going over to a gray one piece jumpsuit left behind by one of the workers and slipping into it.

Jeff

That’s what the embroidered nametag said and Louis couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor sod.

“Well, I suppose we best get going.” Louis sighed with defeat, following after Harry solemnly as he zipped up the front of the one piece.

When he passed the small employees lounge, he stopped when he heard his name being called.

“Louis, sunshine? Will you do me like, a huge favor and see if you can’t like find and bring me back like some shampoo, conditioner and like skin moisturizer? I just ran out this morning and if like I don’t have these things I won’t like, feel normal or whatever?” Angel asked, coming to meet him at the employee’s lounge door.

Louis fought hard to keep a smile when he turned to face her.

Now, being who Louis was, he would have retorted with something rude, but with Niall and Harry warning him to keep the peace, he bit the inside of his cheek...hard.

“Those really aren’t at the top of our priorities darling, but if I see them – I promise, I’ll bring them back especially for you.” He promised, wanting to give her a piece of his mind, but Harry told him he was no longer allowed to argue with her as contending with an idiot just takes up energy that could be productive elsewhere and they always drag you down to their level and beat you with experience anyhow.

Angel clapped in excitement, satisfied with the answer.

“Yay! Thank you, sweety! Oh, and can you like make sure they’re like vegan or whatever? I don’t want like any unnatural things on my body.” She requested as an afterthought.

Apparently, the words zombie apocalypse hadn’t registered with her brain just yet.

Louis gritted his teeth to keep the forced smile.

“I’ll try, but if you didn’t want anything unnatural on or in your body, perhaps getting that tit and lip job wasn’t the way to go – since the silicone filling they use is made of animal fat and we all know that’s not made from natural organisms.”

With that, Louis walked off to catch up with Harry, who was with no doubt waiting for him outside.

“But, the surgeon told me it was like, natural or whatever!?” Angel panicked, letting out a squeak and running toward where Niall and Zayn were sleeping to ask them.

The natural order of things is it’s usually the valley girls that get wiped out first, right? Yeah, well, Angel was one of the lucky ones and happened upon Niall when the whole zombie apocalypse thing began and he kept her protected…much to Louis, Harry and Zayn’s dismay.

When Louis stepped foot outside the factory door, he saw Harry had already cleared out a few dead-skins that lurked about.

From the looks of the corpses, the one cadaver was emancipated and one of its hands was missing with the bone clearly peeking out through the rotted flesh while the other looked well-fed.

Both had their heads sliced off, compliments of Harry.

“You two don’t look to be having a very good morning, huh? Don’t worry, I know how you feel. You guys will have to excuse Harry’s manners, he gets unpredictable when people try to eat him…or sleep apparently.” Louis muttered as an afterthought, hearing Harry whistle to get his attention.

Louis gave a nod at the now dead walkers and ran to catch up to their unofficial leader.

“Did you shut the door?” Harry asked Louis when he reached him.

Louis waved him off automatically.

“Yes, yes. Stop being a nag.” Louis grumbled, not in the mood for him or his lectures regarding personal safety of himself and others…again.

“Good.” Harry nodded, the pair walking side by side, Harry’s right hand gripping a machete and his left carrying a large potato sack.

Harry wasn’t aware Louis was lying and Louis wasn’t aware he had actually forgot to shut the door, which meant Zayn, Angel and Niall were about to have an extremely bad morning…again.

“So, if you find some vegan shampoo or condition, Angel wants them. She feels in her own words ‘like, not normal or whatever’ I swear, Niall needs to let me play the drums with a few candle stick holders on her head – it might actually jump start some common sense, because it sure as shit can’t make her any dumber.”

Harry shook his head.

“Niall likes her, leave her be.”

Louis gave a snort.

“How about this, we scavenge and take her with us next time and hang her over a building?” Louis suggested, continuing quickly when Harry shot him a condescending look. “I mean, she’d be helping us out with distraction – think about it; while the dead-rots are preoccupied with the squirming worm, we sneak into the building and collect our treasure? I’m not saying we won’t bring her back with us, but…” Louis stopped when Harry shot him a look.

“Okay, one: We are NOT using her as bait. She’d have every walker within a hundred kilometers coming our way with her screaming and two – actually, why are we discussing this?” Harry backtracked quickly and looked at Louis, hearing a sudden noise to his left.

When he turned to the sound, it was another rotter; this one relatively fresh and springy. He hadn’t been dead long.

The boy’s face was femininely long with a touch of a strong refined jawline. His lips were a bruised blue with hints of black spotting under the skin to add to the discoloration.

“Hey there, Casanova.” Louis jumped, realizing he forgot to grab a weapon before he left.

Looking a little closer, Louis could see the most beautiful sky blue eyes and shoulder length dirty blonde hair on the boy, which meant he had been camping somewhere that had running water. He looked to also have recently shaved, which wasn’t saying much as their group had a backup generator and running water – but being as nothing was safe anymore, he thought it healthier to wait for the rain to do its thing.

“Rnraaaaarrgh!” The boy shouted in a huff, reaching his hand out to the two appetizing young men.

Harry raised his machete and Louis – well, Louis had an idea.

“Wait! I have an idea and I need to see if it’s true, cause if it is; Niall owes me.” Louis stopped Harry, walking up to the zombie, before beginning to run circles around him, making sure to keep out of grabbing distance – Harry stood back and watched in dumbfounded astonishment.

“What the bloody – Louis, stop fooling around! You’re pissing him off!” Harry exclaimed, watching Louis circle around faster, the Zombie attempting to follow.

“Niall and I had a disagreement. He thinks zombies can’t get dizzy, I bet him they could.” Louis explained, slapping his palm in a high five against the zombie’s hand as he passed.

“Louis!” Harry hissed, raising his machete. “The only thing that thing is thinking of at this moment is catching his fast food and eating it. Stop agitating the zombie!”

Louis stopped running and backed up to where Harry was standing.

The zombie stumbled but turned around spryly and made its way toward the two pop princes without appearing dizzy in any way.

“You lose.” Harry responded dryly, raising his long knife up to cut the dead-skin’s head off.

Louis stopped him again.

“Wait, keep him distracted.” Louis patted Harry’s shoulder and broke into a run around, the rot-walker followed, having seen Louis as more of a challenge to be worked for.

“Louis…” Harry warned, seeing him come up behind the walker and grabbed its shirt, flipping it up over its head before reaching the boy’s trousers and pulling them down to his ankles.

“ARRRHIIIIII!” The Zombie boy huffed, which was the exact same moment Harry’s mouth dropped open in disbelief.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Harry asked, watching Louis back away. “Why the hell would you penguin a zombie?!”

The boy was wearing boxers and Harry was a little more thankful for that.

Louis shrugged, watching the boy squirm to get the constricting material – which was sort of ironic as it was a Grateful Dead’s t-shirt.

Harry motioned back the machete and went to slice the boy’s head off – only for Louis to stop him again.

“Wait, actually – he looks about my size.” Louis noted and walked forward again, jerking the black material from the ghoul’s head.

It hissed again in anger.

He avoided the grabbing zombie and smirked when it took a step forward.

Harry was thoroughly unimpressed.

“Let me get this straight; you: pulled his trousers down and then proceeded to rob it of its shirt? What are you gonna do next? Give it a wedge?” Harry asked sarcastically, raising the long blade up again.

Louis’s eyes sparkled at the faux suggestion.

Harry rushed forward and in one swipe, loped off the rot-skin’s head, separating its cranium from where the bridge of his nose ended.

The damned dropped to the ground like a heavy rock, making Louis pout a little in disappointment.

“You are a killjoy, you know that, mate? I’m only having a bit ‘o’ fun, why can’t you?” He argued to their uptight leader.

Harry threw the machete down and folded his arms across his chest.

“If you would start acting like an adult instead of a bloody child, I wouldn’t need to act like the neighborhood pensioner.” He retorted to the older lad.

Louis cocked his head to the left.

“Okay, that’s not fair – actually, I’m not going to argue with you over this again. Here, put this in the sack. He won’t need it now,” Louis dismissed Harry’s rant with calmness, though his eyes went behind him for a moment, turning back to look into the other man’s eyes. “Also, if I were you, I’d pick up that machete. Uncle Bruce is behind you and he looks hungry.”

Harry swore, picked up the blade and swung on his heels sharply, swiping the cutting tool in midair to decapitate and catapult the head a few feet away.

Another successful kill.

“Oh, here’s a joke Niall told me earlier: What do you get when you hang a zombie on a cross?” Louis asked, grabbing the potato sack from Harry’s hand and stuffing his new, but slightly bloody t-shirt into it.

“Piss off, Lou.” Harry growled and turned to walk down the deserted back alleys toward a small cul-de-sac a kilometer down the way – hopefully they could find something of use this trip.

“A hanger. Get it? A zombie ha –“

“I get it, shut up!” Harry huffed, walking a little quicker to gain some distance from him.

Louis pouted, quickening his pace to keep up with the younger one – mostly because Harry had the machete and he didn’t.

“Humor and sass is all I got left, mate. You know the whole fucked up version of what happened, yeah? You were there, so get off my arse. I’m trying to keep finding a reason to hang on, we all have to find something, find yours and stop being such a stiff! God sakes, you’re as dead-eyed as the rot-walkers.” Louis told him, hoping to invoke some sort of argument from the younger gent – Harry wasn’t much into confrontation though and he would not give Louis the satisfaction.

“We need to keep focused.” Harry reminded him, looking around to make sure they weren’t being followed.

“I am focused. I got my walkie-talkie on my belt and you got yours tucked on a clip – we’re in touch with base, you have a weapon – I have my brains, we’re good. So, let’s go scavenge.” Louis gestured, though stopped quickly when he saw a group of about thirty dead-skins in front of them, a mass of pulp and guts surrounding them all around.

Harry had stopped as well, looking at the blood-soaked machete and then at the hoard of flesh-eaters.

“I believe there was a group before us that had the same idea we did and became breakfast – what’s are the chances that the rot-walkers are ready for lunch?” Louis asked, backing away cautiously.

Harry followed his lead, though noticed one of the zombies with a trail of what was once human intestines hanging from her mouth in a slimy film of bloody fluids.

“Oh, I’d say about a hundred percent with a high chance of piss running down my leg. Let’s backtrack and – “Harry watched Louis step forward then.

“So help me God, if you say you have another idea I’m gonna…” Harry trailed off warningly.

“Okay, this may sound a teeny-tiny bit insane, but do you trust me?” Louis looked to his companion with a somewhat serious look.

“I think I trust mesh wire condoms a lot more at the moment to be truthful.” Harry replied, backing up a step when he noticed a few more dead-skins became aware of the two breathing livelys.

Louis rolled his eyes.

“At least you’re honest. Okay, we can’t take them all on, but if I –“

Louis didn’t get to finish.

“Absolutely no fucking way.” Harry replied sternly.

“We can pull their shirts over –“

“NO!” Harry yelled, forgetting himself for a brief second before slapping his hand over his mouth in realization of his mistake.

Louis noticed they had now caught the attention of every rot-walker in vicinity.

He turned to Harry and shook his head in disappointment.

“Look what you did, Haz.”

Harry’s mouth dropped in indignation.

“What I DID?! YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE STUPID IDEAS!” Harry screamed, pointing to the approaching walkers.

“And you’re the one with the big mouth. Shh, yeah? You already got grandpa Charles and grandma Edna coming this way…with about twenty-eight or forty of their closest followers. Want to attract more? Keep yelling.” Louis shot Harry a look.

“Actually, I wish I had a gag right now, because then I wouldn’t HAVE to yell because I wouldn’t have to listen to – “Harry was cut off when a panicked yell came through the walkie-talkie.

“Harry?! Louis?! Follow back, problem at base – there’s about ten dead-heads in here and I think Niall passed out...and Angel is crushing her dog while screaming.” Zayn yelled through the walkie-talkie.

Harry turned his glare to Louis.

“You told me you shut the door? Louis!”

The zombies were nearly touching distance, which gave Louis an out.

“Unless you want grandpa there giving you love bites in the face or shoulder, I’d suggest we fall back and go home to base to help them out.” Louis said, turning and running back toward the old mattress factory.

“LOUIS!” Harry called, running after him. “We are not done discussing this, you KNOW you can’t forget to shut the doors, do you have any idea how danger –“

Louis tuned Harry out, he was sure the lecture went ‘danger, blah, blah, Zayn and Niall can’t blah, blah and yada, yada, yada. That’s what the rest of the conversation sounded like to Louis.

“You told me you shut the fucking door!” Harry ended, making Louis shrug.

“I did, maybe the zombies evolved or Angel forgot to shut it when she went out.” Louis tried, but Harry wasn’t falling for it.

“She doesn’t go out, not since the last time you locked her out of the factory and hung her dog from the roof! Take responsibility, Louis!” Harry became flustered, stopping and scratching his head in frustration.

Louis didn’t bother to tell Harry that his big mouth was leading more deaders to their front door, Curly would discover that for himself soon enough.

“Let’s go save the princesses and then get back to scavenging…right after we figure out how to kill the sixty plus rotters you have following you home like lost little ravaging puppies. Would you like me to start singing at the top of my lungs and bring more? We can reunite for a concert and perform for the dead people, because at this moment – that’s all who will show up!” Louis finished his ranting, smacking Harry in the shoulder.

Though he paused a second later, his frustration turning into a look of mirth.

“Wait, that’s not a bad idea…Harry? Follow me, I have an idea.” Louis gestured, running ahead to the factory in the distance.

Harry would have sat down and cried at that moment, but seeing as there were dead people following him and with Louis having no weapon and an idea that was most likely not a good one…well, he picked up his pace, hearing Louis start to sing loudly and offkey up ahead of him.

“What the – Louis!” Harry hissed for what must have been the thousandth time.

“Sing Harry, we’ll draw them out and away from base!” Louis called.

“I am not singing!” Harry yelled, flinching at the high note Louis hit.

“Okay, then yell!” Lois encouraged, wolf-whistling after.

Harry felt like yelling, but it certainly was not at the rot-walkers.

“Fuck my life, man.” Harry muttered, seeing some of the dead-skins come out from the base.

Notes