Blame Louis...He Did It

Harry swung sharply and took another dead skin out, a grunt of determined survival leaving his lips without awareness.

“You just HAD to, didn’t you, Louis?” Harry yelled, kicking his foot up and nailing another zombie in the stomach to force it back.

“Kill it!” Louis exclaimed, picking up a broken brick and throwing it at a random body.

“They’re already dead!” Zayn panicked, using a now broken toaster as a brain-bashing weapon. The heavy dead sludge on the toaster told a traumatic story of what the boys had been doing for a known amount of time.

“Then re-kill it!” Louis demanded, stomping on one of the walker’s feet and elbowing the dead person in his chest.

His elbow went straight through the weakened flesh, making the unearthed hiss.

“EW! Oh my God, disgusting! I been slimed!” Louis danced while simultaneously trying to play a game of whack-a-mole with a brick he still held onto for dear life.

“Where’s Niall?” Harry grunted, headbutting another zombie with a dull thump, slicing his neck off a second later.

“Sleeping in the closet! He woke up to a zombie standing over him, screamed and passed out again. I woke up just in time. Angel ran around and shut all the open doors after, he’s fine!” Zayn assured, twisting his body in a circle where the zombies surrounded him.

One reached out to make a grab, leaving Zayn to raise up the toaster and bash in the dead-rot’s face.

“Less talky more killy.” Louis grunted, slamming his brick into another deader’s jaw.

When he removed the concrete piece; a lipless smile played on the walker’s face as well as the indication that Louis crushed its lower skull to prevent it from biting him.

“I call that a hundred-point hit.” Zayn snorted.

Harry finished the dead-head off with a single blow to the middle of his cranium, the slick black goo seeped from the torn flesh and bone. It was once blood, but it had long since coagulated to resemble a slimy mess of dead cells.

“I’m gonna be sick.” Zayn paled, his free hand going to hold his mouth.

“I advise holding your lunch, we’re almost – MOTHER! That wasn’t nice!” Louis yelled at an elderly woman walker who bit into his arm – thank God for small favors that her dentures had fallen out somewhere. “See, this is why we should have a no talk policy when we are fighting off zombies! Grandma gumless here tried to bite me!” Louis yelled, smashing the concrete cinder up under her jaw.

“Then, shut up! Christ, you’re the only one who – fuck! I got scratched. You and your fucking ideas, Louis!” Harry growled, holding the arm that had the blade.

“Did it break skin?” Louis asked, delivering another blow.

“No, thank Christ!” Harry growled, kicking his leg up to kick a zombie in the crotch, the same foot finding its stomach a tick later.

The weakening of the dead-head’s body made a noticeable opening in his stomach, with Harry letting out the same disgusted grunt when its guts gave way through the hole and down towards the ground.

“Yuck!” Louis blanched, using his brick to bitch slap one of the reanimated with a crushing blow – so much so, that he knocked his head to the ground. “I killed one! Harry, I knocked its topper off, did you see that?!” Louis exclaimed in excitement as he had never got to do that before. It was either Zayn or Harry delivering the fatal blow.

“What the bloody fuck do ya want, mate? A gold star? YOU CAUSED THIS!” Harry exploded, splitting another’s head right down the middle.

Louis snorted.

“No, I want a cookie. See if we can’t scavenge one, huh?” Louis retorted, noticing they only had a few left.

With vigor, Louis raised his sludge soaked hand in the air and brought it down once more on the remaining zombie.

Louis watched with amusement as it crumbled to the ground at his feet, although his attention was grabbed when the bodiless dead-skin started to hiss, not quite dead since its brain was still intact. Louis had an idea on how to fix that.

“Zayn? Fancy a bit a footy?” Louis asked before punting the head towards Zayn – who screamed and hit the ground as it flew passed.

“Really, Louis?” Harry asked unamused, slinging his machete over his shoulder and approached the aloft head.

He just looked down at the thing, it’s mouth opening and closing in a hiss and its lower jaw skinless from the months of wandering around in the rain and elements that zombies don’t seem to be aware of.

“Kick it back, we haven’t had a footy to play with in forever, come on!” Louis encouraged, seeing Harry raise his long blade. “Aw Harry, don’t be grandma pensioner! Kick it back!”

Harry didn’t listen and the machete went straight down, splitting the skull in half. He then kicked it back to Louis, its brains a pulpy mess and flying with the velocity of the punt.

Louis pouted sardonically and folded his arms across his chest when the useless head bone landed at his feet.

“Have fun, asshole.” Harry hissed, his green eyes a vibrant color of emotions and the most predominant of those feelings was agitation.

“You really need to learn to loosen up some, Harold. Life is too short, especially nowadays to worry about all the unnecessary bullocks.” Louis stuck his tongue out at the younger bloke and dropped the brick he had been using for a weapon. He then picked up the bag Harry had dropped when all the excitement started and grabbed his newly acquired shirt.

Zayn got up from the ground and brushed himself off.

“Well, things can’t get much worse; that’s for sure.” Zayn concluded, following Louis inside the factory.

Harry just stood there with his arms crossed, his eyes stalking after the two in disbelief.

“I officially believe in miracles,” Harry muttered, beginning to follow the other two. “Because it’s a bloody one that we’re all still breathing.” He looked down at where he was scratched and double checked the dead-skin didn’t draw blood.

Unlike Louis, he made sure the door was shut and locked.

Once inside, Louis went to work in cleaning up the lifeless blood-seeker’s carnage and dumped the remanence from an open window.

Harry got the task of disposing of the soulless outside as Louis deemed the youngest one as the main member to have the keenest senses when it came to the dead-heads.

“Niall?! Angel?! Come out, it’s safe!” Louis called, throwing another lifeless moaner out the window.

It took a few moments, but Niall emerged from one of the industrial storage closets – which was a huge room filled with a lifetime supply of mattresses.

When he approached Louis, to say he was a pissed off leprechaun was an understatement.

“You!” Niall hissed, stopping short from slapping his friend.

Louis smiled his signature smirk and waved.

“Yup, I’m Louis – that would be me. What’s up, muchacho?” Louis greeted, picking up a severed arm, it’s hand still attached. He tilted his head and grabbed the wrist to set the limb upright.

“Why are you trying to kill us, mate?” Niall asked, his voice tight so he wouldn’t start screaming at the oldest member of their surviving group.

Louis started to bend down the severed hand’s fingers until only the middle one was sticking up.

“Real mature.” Niall huffed when Louis didn’t answer him, turning away to go and find Angel.

“I’m not trying to kill anyone, except maybe Angel. Shit for brains is on my last fucking nerve,” Louis admitted with a mutter, though smirked and looked pointedly at Niall. “By the way, since you’re the only one still having a sex life around here – you think you two could keep it down a little when the rest of us are trying to sleep? You grunt like a pig when you climax.”

Niall’s mouth dropped open.

Instead of verbalizing his thoughts, he glared and started walking away again.

“Screw you!” He called when he was to the door.

Louis waved the severed hand back and forth, it’s middle finger staying stiffly straight.

“Right back at you man.” Louis yelled in response, tossing the body part out the window.

He closed his eyes to set his breathing to calm again. It was no secret that the group were at their wits end and that included Louis. He just needed to channel his actions into something positive.

“I’m gonna think on that and get back to you, because, for once, I’m all out of ideas.” He told his brain and began to clean again, at least that kept him occupied for a few hours.

Once Louis finished cleaning the place spotless inside; Harry, Zayn and Niall began to clean the place outside. The last thing they needed was for the place to become a zombie graveyard and they all really needed a break from Louis and his ideas.

They began to pile the mutilated zombies on top of one another, their limbs stiff from the rigor mortis that had long set in.

“Have any of you seen Angel? I’ve been looking for her, but she hasn’t answered.” Niall sounded worried, which made Harry want to roll his eyes; luckily, he managed a small hum and shot a look to Zayn.

Zayn shrugged, he hadn’t seen her after she went to hide – leaving him to fight off a small hoard of three walkers.

“No idea, mate. Sorry. She’ll turn up, the place is only so bi–“Zayn’s voice died when the front door opened and Louis walked out.

“Um – Harry? We got a teeny, tiny, absolute miniscule problem in every way, upstairs. It’s regarding a dead-head. There’s one in my room and I need some help if you got a tick?” Louis asked, his voice dead centered on a tone that suggested the teeny complication was actually a much bigger issue than the older bloke was letting on.

“Yeah. Niall, Zayn? Finish piling the dead and set the heap on fire when you’re done, I’ll sweep up the ash and dispose of it after.” Harry nodded in order, walking back inside with Louis following – leaving the damn door open again, to which Zayn quickly ran to close it, all while muttering a curse.

Louis ran in front of Harry and up the stairs where his room was, stopping at the door and putting a hand to Harry’s chest.

“Now, what you’re going to see is bad, but just remember – there’s a silver lining here, alright? Like, no more listening to Niall have sex at two in the morning.” Louis tried to soften the blow.

Harry pushed Louis out of the way and threw open the door, letting out a startled cry when Angel’s dog leapt towards them, it’s neck missing a huge chunk and its eyes glassed over in a reflective red hue.

Harry slammed the door shut with a startled yelp. He didn’t see Angel, which was concerning.

Louis was just standing there with his arms crossed.

“Angel wasn’t in there so naturally, I assumed she was a zombie snack – “Louis suggested unhelpfully, hearing the dog inside let out an animalistic growl.

“Why do you hate me, Louis? I know we got along fuck all towards the end of last year, but do you have to be such a twat?” Harry snapped and walked off to try and find Angel.

Louis snorted.

“I’m not being the cunt here. I am trying to get my shit together – yes, sometimes I can make stupid decisions, but you live and you learn and then you don’t repeat said mistakes.” Louis analyzed.

“If you SURVIVE from making them. This isn’t Zombie Nation where you can do stupid things and get a do over. We get one life and if we get bit or scratched, even just one time, it’s game over. There’s no extra lives, man. So, think about that next time you want to go off and do something stupid.” Harry chastised, rubbing his head in aggravation when he saw that Louis had spaced out during his short speech.

“Louis, do you hear me?” Harry nagged, snapping his fingers in front of Louis’s face.

Louis blinked and gave the A-Okay sign.

“Yup, like a buzzing fly.” Louis remarked, looking at the door.

“Louis!” Harry hissed, having had enough of his sass.

Louis rolled his eyes.

“Not a video game, no stupid ideas, look after each other. I got you, Harry. Christ in Heaven; you’re worse than a mother hen. Let up, huh? Let loose and run around naked once in a while. YOLO, right?”

Harry just looked at him incredulously for the hundredth time that day.

Louis waved him off.

“I digress. Anyhow, demon zombie dog from the bowels of Hell – what are we doing about it?” Louis changed the subject.

Harry decided to drop the argument and focus on what to do about Whimsical. That dog was Angel’s baby – and now it had been made into a mini diet snack for some chomper.

“We could do an Old Yeller machete style on it and then tell her the dog ran away, maybe forge a note from it telling her in great detail how it couldn’t cope with this life and needed its own safe space to live– she’s stupid, she’s probably buy it.” Louis smirked, though frowned when Harry shot him a hard look.

“Louis…we are not forging a note from her bloody dog, get serious!” Harry warned, pounding his fist against the closed door and earning another vicious growl from an undead Whimsical. “See? This is what I was talking about when it came to your ideas, they’re stupid.”

Louis chose to ignore those hurtful words.

“Then what are we going to do?” Louis asked, gesturing to Harry. “Since you have so many great ideas on hand, share some. I’d love to hear them.”

Harry gave a huff and leant on the frame of the door.

“I don’t have an idea for this. My idea is to try and find Angel, because if whatever snacked on that pooch is any indication – we either have a stray zombie roaming about here or…or Angel…” Harry scratched his head, not sure how to finish that sentence.

“Developed the most severe case of Roy’s rage London has ever seen? Gone on a permeant PMS tirade, did the Michael Jackson thriller, joined the forever club of the sleep walking society? Did the monster ma –“

SHUT UP, LOUIS!” Harry exploded, cutting off the older gent.

Louis shrugged.

“Was just trying to be helpful, mate.” He defended, walking away with a smirk.

Harry just stood there, jumping when the dog headbutted the door, causing it to shake slightly. The dog was a Chihuahua and should not have been able to do that. He decided following Louis wasn’t that bad of an idea.

When Harry caught up to him he saw the door open to the roof – which indicated Louis was outside.

“You need to start closing doors – “His voice died in his throat when he was Angel hugging Louis in a fearful embrace, crying against his chest in relief.

“There was like, a lot of them and they, like, were rude! They tried to like, bite me, thank God you came!” Angel screamed, squeezing the shorter bloke tighter.

Louis was not amused and stood stiffly, not bothering to hug her back – because that would indicate he cared about her and she was most definitely Niall’s pet bitch as far as he was concerned.

“Luv? Not to be rude…actually, scratch that. Would you mind getting your snotty nose off my shirt? I can handle ghoul blood, but numptie boogers is entirely different.” Louis retorted, making Angel squeal in offense.

“Like, that’s mean! Oh! Did you like, get my vegan soap? I like, really need it and like stuff after that zombie attack I feel like, really gross.” Angel smiled, making Harry want to jump head first from the factory roof. There was a reason their conversations with her were minimum.

“Nope, zombie attacks, had to come back to save the princess, right?” Louis asked in a patronizing manner, using his thumb to brush across her cheek.

Angel’s eyes lit up.

“Aw, Louie, that’s like, totally sweet!” Angel kissed him, making Louis physically cringe, pushing her off and choosing to back up a few steps before replying.

“I was talking about Niall, hun. You’re not a princess by any means; you’re more like a flea on a stray mutt licking its balls.”

Harry decided to step in before one of them threw the other off the roof.

“ALRIGHT! Time out!” Harry put his hands in a stop motion before pointing at Angel who was advancing. “If you hurt him, I’m putting you in the corner, that is enough!”

“Louis called me a flea on a dog’s balls! Like, oh my God! That was rude-mean and nasty like! I like, I like can’t even!” She put her hand up in a bratty way and went to stomp inside to pout…or go tattle on them to Niall.

Harry watched Angel stomp like an impudent child, shaking his head.

“One little push, Harry. One. Little. Push.” Louis motioned toward where the edge of the building was.

Harry rubbed at his head to massage the stress headache away.

“No. We are not killing her off, no matter how annoying she is. Niall likes her and we just need to learn to live with it, because we can’t afford to lose any more people.” Harry reasoned with a sigh, looking to the corner to see Angel stomping back out with a glare.

“Where’s my baby? I can’t find her.” Angel demanded, folding her arms tightly across her chest and stomping her foot to indicate that she was impatient and bossy.

“My room, but I wouldn’t open that door if I were –“ Louis stopped suddenly, an idea coming to him. “Actually, luvvie, she’s in my –“ Louis smiled, though was cut off by Harry.

“Louis! Sweet God in Heaven, please…please grant me some peace amongst this chaos,” Harry begged and saw Angel was turning to go and retrieve Whimsical. “No! DON’T! Your dog is dead!” He blurted in panic to stop her.

Angel turned around with tears starting to well in her eyes and the younger man’s words.

“Like, dead? Like, what like do you like mean dead? She was like, fine or whatever when I shut her in Louis’s roo – wait, he would like to have gone to his room like after, right?” She threw her head towards Louis in a pure glare of accusation. “YOU LIKE KILLED HER YOU STUPID WALL FUCKER!”

Harry was quick to drop his machete and scoop up the distraught tart in his arms to stop her from killing Louis, shushing her and trying to calm the situation again.

“Luv, he didn’t kill Whimsical. Louis loves animals and he wouldn’t do that just to spite you, alright? I saw Whimsy, she had been bit on the neck by a biter. It was no one’s fault, these things just happen.” Harry talked quietly into her ear, rocking her slightly back and forth in the bridal style hold he had on her, his muscles flexing in his stomach as he moved his waist from side to side.

Angel let out a loud wail, struggling against Harry’s hold.

“I wanna see her! LET ME SEE HER!” Angel screamed, struggling against Harry, eventually breaking free and running towards Louis’s room.

Harry began to run after her, turning to motion Louis to follow him.

“Come on!” Harry yelled, turning around again to see Louis just standing there with his arms across his chest.

“Louis, I said come on!” Harry demanded, running after the distraught girl.

Louis just stood there for a moment before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigarette.

He lit it and let the nicotine hit his lungs, calming down for a moment and enjoying the tension release that overcame him as he didn’t get a chance to have his cancer stick earlier after waking up.

“LOUIS!” Harry yelled again, catching his attention.

He went over to the edge of the roof and sat at the edge to finish. He figured if Angel was stupid enough to go cuddle her undead dog, he certainly wasn’t going to stop the suicidal twit.

After all, nature VS nurture – nature was currently kicking nurture’s arse.

If Angel wanted to nurture Whimsical, Whimsy would show her nature and that was unfortunately a pattern that would keep on repeating.

“LOUIS!” Harry hollered, the windows now shaking from how loud his voice carried.

Louis rolled his eyes and took a few more drags, tossing the half-burnt cig to the ground below.

“I’ve decided that from now on, the only time I want to hear my name is if there’s a chick in my bed screaming it.” Louis muttered, going to catch up to see what Harry possibly needed. If it was stopping Angel from becoming a Fido snack – he could bloody forget it.

“LOUIS! BLOODY FUCKING HELL, COME HERE! WE HAVE A SITUATION!” Harry continued to yell, making Louis swear and run toward his room to see Harry standing beside the closed door with no Angel and a hand over his left eye while the other cupped his crotch.

“She’s locked herself inside, I’ve not heard anything else since she sucker-punched me in the dick and gave me a shiner, go and get Niall, yeah? He can talk to her.” Harry insisted, the sound of silence inside the room unnerving.

“Why?” Louis asked, tilting his head to the side like a curious dog.

Harry growled and pointed toward the steps and direction of the door to indicate that he was not having this discussion again with the stubborn bloke.

Louis shrugged and ran to go and get Niall to hopefully talk the dumb bitch out of the room – though he half suspected they were already too late.

Oh well, you win some and you lose some. Her loss of life had little to no impact in the group as far as Louis was concerned.

“One little push.” Louis muttered to himself, figuring he could push her off the roof if Fido didn’t eat her first.

When he was down the steps, he threw the door open and whistled.

“Niall! Angel is about to become a Fido snack, Whimsical turned rabid and she’s in the room with it. Come talk your fuck toy out of my room so I can re-kill the dog and prepare properly for scavenging.” Louis called, hearing Niall’s panicked footsteps running toward the door, pushing past Louis and up the stairs in a mere blink of an eye.

“Angel! Angel, love!” Niall yelled in panic.

Louis rolled his eyes and went to help Zayn finish off piling the bodies.

When he got there, he found Zayn calmly sucking on a cigarette, leaning against the side of the wall.

“What’s going on?” Zayn called, flicking ash on the ground and walking over to Louis.

Louis shrugged.

“Angel, what else is new? The psychotic bitch is in there with her undead dog, who somehow got bit and now; I’m in the doghouse – sorta speak, because she thinks I killed it.” Louis rolled his eyes, taking out another fag and putting it to his lips, lighting it.

Zayn paused, slowly putting the tip of his back into his mouth for another inhale.

“Did you?” He broke the short silence, noticing Louis seemed to space off.

“No. I’d kill the cunt before I killed the mutt.” Louis confessed, his blue eyes hard, before chuckling. “I hope the bitch bites her, I really, really hope –“

A loud yell protruded through the tense air and cut Louis off.

Zayn through his cigarette to the ground and ran toward the door, looking back to see Louis casually standing there.

“Aren’t you coming?” Zayn asked, noticing Louis was most certainly not in a hurry to check it out.

Louis gave a soft hum, closing his eyes and exhaling the nicotine again, enjoying the moment.

Another scream had Zayn running inside, leaving Louis alone to finish his fag as it appeared he was just waiting for the inevitable.

Notes