Blame Louis...He Did It
Prologue
“You just HAD to, didn’t you?” Harry asked Louis with bemusement, looking across at his friend who was staring down from the tall streetlamp they were perched on like two looking retarded birds.
“Okay, so it could have gone better, sue me. You live and you learn, mate.” Louis responded, sparing a glance at his haphazard ex-bandmate. “Do you have your walkie on you? Mine got lost when the rot skin tried chewing into my leg like a pheasant drumstick.”
Harry pointed down.
“Yeah, down there next to grandpa-no pants…you just HAD to, didn’t you?” Harry asked for the millionth time in a span of ten minutes.
“I didn’t HAVE to, no. I just…you know what? Arguing isn’t getting us anywhere, is it? Let’s say one of us goes down there and retrieves – “Louis started, but Harry cut him off with a sarcastic gesture.
“Be my guest and ‘ave a go. I’ll take my chances up here mate, thanks.”
Louis tilted his head and looked down again.
“Come on, there’s two of us and only ten…eleven… okay let’s round up to fifteen just to play it safe. Two against fif-six…oh come on, go away and search for food elsewhere, assholes! Besides, we’re not human…we’re birds. Go away, shoo!” Louis gestured his arm out in a motion for them to get lost.
“Basic instinct, Louis. We’re moving, we’re talking – they know we aren’t birds and I don’t think it’d help our case, even if we were.” Harry drawled, rolling his eyes. “If it quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck and looks like a duck, it’s a bloody duck and they’re hungry for anything.”
“Unless you’re a rot-walker with his knickers around his ankles and at any rate, that’s still no excuse!” Louis replied, searching his pocket to see if he could MacGyver them out of yet another situation he caused.
Now, one may wonder what two renowned pop stars were doing up on a street post in the relatively still early hours of the evening and that’s a good question. In fact – Harry was currently wondering the same thing and in addition to that thought, he also wondered how Louis and them had stayed alive this long.
Experiment 2017 was the reason they were currently up a street post – well, that and Louis pulled some old stiff’s trousers down around his ankles from behind and then proceeded to watch him give chase, waddling as he tried to catch Louis.
It seemed like a funny idea at the time…
Anyhow, I digress.
Experiment 2017.
It was a survival program that started in London that went a little viral and by a little viral, I means that some idiot scientist decided to reanimate corpses using very power neurotoxins, combining it with a new strain of Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis and crossbreeding it with an advanced strain of rabies.
A pretty potent combination that not even the governments of the world were prepared to deal with on a massive scale.
In other words: The human race was royally fucked.
It can’t be that bad you say? Oh, but it can and it is. It is very…very bad. The boys of ex-boy group, One Direction can attest to that.
Just to clarify and bring you up to speed – we are now in 2018, a year later after everyone started turning up dead and Louis just did something stupid…which was normal for Louis, but here is why they are currently sitting Birdseye atop of a street fixture about twenty-five feet off the ground with about twenty dead-skins down below.
Louis and Harry went out scavenging that morning and –
Actually, I’m going to just show you as nobody wants to hear the author’s annoying voice narrating the story in first person, so let me switch to my…visual expertize of third view and give you an insight of what led to the current moment and hopefully a deeper insight of how this story is completely Louis’s fault. So, Blame Louis…He Did It.
