Had to Walk Away

There was no denying that I was excited. I was still wary of letting any guard down, but some sleep and a text from Harry wishing me good morning definitely made me feel a little bit happier. I didn't have long to wait before Harry would be paying a visit. With a refreshed sense of purpose, I started to unpack.
However, the novelty of moving was wearing off and I was about to start pulling my hair out with boredom when Rose arrived with my lawn mower and a Japanese peace lily,
"For the kitchen." She grinned handing me the plant and dragging the box with my mower inside, "I know you're waiting for the fridge to arrive and probably losing the will to live with decorating so let's go get breakfast."
"It's starting to disturb me how much our friendship is based around food and drink." Rose looked back at me like she was unsure why that was wrong and but rather than argue I went with, "OK! But, I have to tell you what happened after you left."
And so I did. When there was a pause in my description about Joel's visit, Rose assumed that was l was done if my story and proceeded to give me advice on how I needed to deal with him. When I finally managed to interject and add there was more, her eyes widened then quickly narrowed,
"Did you sleep with him?" She was excited, her limit of letting me mope and feel sorry for myself was quickly coming to an end so me moving on would have pleased her no end.
Had I been moping and feeling miserable about my marriage ending she would have had more patience but Rose knew full well that it was nothing to do with Will.
"What? No! He awkwardly left when I said I didn't want him to stay."
"Oh." Disappointed, but then she looked at me puzzled. "What else happened?"
"Harry texted me, saying he loved and missed me. I told him I needed space then caved like an idiot and asked if he was awake cause I couldn't sleep, then he rang."
"Crikey! So you actually spoke to him?" I nodded and she chewed her cheek whilst mulling over this new development, "I left so late, how did so much happen!"
"I have no idea, but I'm so tired I feel like death warmed over." Rubbing my eyes I felt my shoulders slump, exhaustion washing over me.
"What did he say?" Rose held the cafe door open for me. Tell me everything!"
I repaid the entire conversation while we went to get breakfast. Despite saying I would only have something light I ended up joining Rose in having a full English and several mugs of milky tea.
"So, he's coming to the house in a week or so before he goes to LA." I sipped at my tea and felt myself relax.
"So, is reconciliation on the cards?" Rose asked stuffing scrambled egg and toast into her mouth. "Is it bye-bye Joel?"
"I don't know, if Harry wasn't in the picture at all then I'd be all over Joel, but," sighing, I rested my chin on my palm and stared out of the window hoping the condensation might give an answer. "I can't get past Harry. I try and try but he's always there."
"I know I encouraged you to call Harry and I'd be over the moon of you got your kicks with Joel, but in all honesty, I think you need to do what's best for you. Weigh up the pros and cons of both or just walk away and be single." Rose twisted in her chair and signaled for two more cups of tea then turned back to me. She reached out and patted my head clumsily. "Harry might have been what you needed when you were with Will, but now that excitement's gone and he messed you around. He might walk into your house and all you see is a little boy playing with the adults."
I let out a groan and lifted up my head. "Maybe you're right, and there is nothing immature about Joel."
"I swear, even as a fully paid member of the Lesbians of London, I can see and fully appreciate that that is a fine specimen of man." She grinned and held a hand to her heart before turning serious, "I guess the smartest thing to do is meet with Harry and see how you feel."
"Well, at least I have some time to think it over."
I couldn't think of anything else. I'd be painting the hall or at work sending emails to clients about cake tastings and all I could think about was Harry. The initial excitement was replaced with trepidation over having him in my home. So far I had only good memories in that house and did I want to remember an argument or picture him naked in my bed long after he'd gone?
To my relief, Harry didn't question it when I suggested we meet on neutral ground and go to a hotel.
"Just like old times." He joked, his laugh dripped with dirty memories down the phone and a chill of excitement ran up my spine. "We can't go to the one we used last time so look into a new one and I'll sort it out."
"Why can't we use the other one?" The chill got colder as I pictured him with...her tangled up in the bed we'd shared on my birthday.
"I will explain when I see you, but it's not why you think." Biting my lip, I felt bad for thinking the worst of him.
"Ok, I'll let you know what I find." My stomach lurched suddenly realising that I'd be seeing him so soon. That in five days we'd be in the same room and deciding if it was just the excitement of an affair or a true connection that was keeping each other linked. "But, don't think anything will happen, we're meeting to talk and that's it."
I had to make it clear that things weren't just going to fall back into place, that he wasn't going to be able to just flash his dimples, say some platitudes and charm me into bed.
"I know, so I'll just book a conference room then?"
"Funny. Just don't get your hopes up, Harry."

Notes