Had to Walk Away

With a huge sense of deja vu, Harry answered the door. This felt like the first time we met in a hotel, he was dressed in black skinny jeans and a white tee. His hair was a lot longer than before, but again there were wet patches where his damp curls lay on his shoulders.
"Oh!" He exclaimed as though surprised to see me, I had a moment of panic that I'd imagined our plans until he smiled and signaled for me to come in, "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be here yet!"
"I'm not...early am I? We said 4 did..."
"We did! I just lost track of time." He smiled, a big dimpled grin, which lit up his whole face. "You look lovely by the way." Harry looked me over, his expression soft. He looked at me the same way I felt about him.
"I can't believe how long your hair is now." Reaching out to touch the end of one of his curls, he grabbed my hand, and held it.
"I'm so happy you're here."
"That could change." I grinned, gently taking my hand back, "but it's good to see you too."
Satisfied, he hooked a finger under the belt of my dress and pulled me forward, bending his head he leaned in to kiss me,
"I know we need to talk," Harry whispered, lips inches from mine, his breath warm against my face. He smelled so good, a mix of cologne and soap, "but I've waited so long to see you."
Softly, he kissed me. His mouth barely touched mine for fear that I might push him away, and I would but not yet. Parting his lips, my tongue collided with his and they greeted each other like old friends. I moaned as Harry wrapped his arms around me, one arm tight against my back while the other hand grabbed my behind. My thoughts tried desperately to stay in focus, to not let myself jump straight into bed with him, but his embrace felt much like home.
When finally we pulled away, I expected to be led to the bedroom, but instead, Harry smiled and let out a large sigh, "now that that's out of my system, let's go down to the bar and talk."
"Huh?" Out of his system? Down to the bar? This was not the Harry I'd come to expect, or maybe...as I'd worried, I'd lost my appeal?
"Don't worry, I got us a private room so we could have drinks and talk without the pressure of being in a hotel room." He picked up a woolen beanie hat, the one which had been left in my house causing so much trouble, and used it to cover his wet hair.
"Strange how you do that this time, and not the first time we met in a hotel." I said not wanting him to know how panicked I felt by being in public with him, even if it was just a quick walk to a private room. I set my bag on the floor and pulled out my purse and phone to take with me.
"Yeah, but I was trying to get you into bed then." Harry flashed a devilish grin. I watched as his eyes looked me over hungrily.
The warmth between my thighs, which had only just subsided from our kiss, was back again. "Oh? So you're not going to try that tonight?"
Grabbing hold of my hand and leading me towards the door, he spoke close to my ear, "not just yet."
The space wasn't quite a room, more of a cut off part of the hotel bar, was tucked away from view. It wasn't until we took our seats in the blue velvet covered booth that I felt semi safe.
We ordered cocktails and decided to talk a little before we would eat. Rather than sitting in the middle of the curved seat, we remained at the end so we would be face to face. To any outsiders, we could be having a business lunch for all they knew. There was no cosiness or closeness.
"So," I started after sipping on my Rhett Butler, "I suppose we better talk and clear the air."
Harry nodded and took a large gulp of his caipirinha, a drink he said he was obsessed with since their recent visit to Brazil, "I guess so."
For a moment, I was struck by how lovely he looked, hair long and poking out from under his hat, his face was losing its puppy fat and I could see that he was going to be even more handsome as he became more mature.
"It wasn't just the rejection that stopped me calling." He started, "but, someone, leaked that I was at the hotel with you."
"What?!" I hissed, my eyes wide and hands flat on the table with panic.
"Not you personally!" Harry soothed, looking to see if anyone was looking, "but that I was there with a woman. It was in the papers, just a little tidbit about a 'famous womanising boybander' being spotted celebrating a birthday in his hotel room. It wasn't much but it was enough to scare me and make me rethink what we were doing."
He drained his glass and muttered about needing to have them lined up. I felt furious that he hadn't told me but I kept quiet knowing it would do no good. A thought crept in where I wondered if Will had seen the article but I quashed it before it grew.
Harry ordered more drinks and continued to talk. "I was going to ring you but I didn't know what to say to explain how I didn't want to hide anymore, but that I'd meant what I said about how I felt for you." Under the table I felt his feet slide to settle on either side of mine. He couldn't hold my hand so this was the next best thing, "the song, it started as just an idea of what an affair was like. I never thought when I wrote it that I would feel that way, that I'd want you to leave Will and be with me, but..." pausing, he smiled and thanked the waiter for our drinks and waited for him to walk away. "...That night I saw you crying, in the restaurant, I knew it was more than just sex between us."
I remembered that night vividly, Will's hurtful words and the way Harry and practically sent his chair flying backwards as he stood up to comfort me, how I'd stopped him coming over despite wanting him to with all my heart.
"And...her?" Finding it hard to believe that anyone would choose me had me baffled, let alone over someone so beautiful. Someone whose job it was to be beautiful.
"I won't insult you and say it was a mistake or that it didn't mean anything," Harry's feet tightened against mine as I attempted to pull away. Two small lines of frustration formed between his brows from me not letting him finish. "But, it was just friends hooking up, and nothing more".
"Am I meant to feel grateful?" I couldn't help the pain that threatened to blossom in my chest.
"No!" Leaning forward in his seat, he fixed his eyes on mine, openness and honesty emanating from him, "Layla, listen, I love you, I want to be with you in anyway that I can. Don't you want that too?"
Leaning back and closing my eyes, I thought about how horrible I'd felt without him, while everything was crumbling around me I couldn't talk to the one person I knew would make it better. I opened my eyes, grabbed for my glass and drained it until the ice hit my teeth,
"Yes, Harry, I want that too."

Notes