Had to Walk Away

Boxes. Boxes everywhere.
The living room, hallway and kitchen were filled with everything I owned and somehow, Rose and I had moved it all in one day. I had a few pieces of furniture to arrive but mostly, all that was left to do was unpack my things and start my new life in my new home.
Things had started to become pretty desperate, all the flat shares I went to see were so bad that I almost considered moving in with the likely lads and risk Rose never coming to visit me. Eventually, I decided to suck up my pride, take the bull by the horns and go to see Will.
When I went to the old house, it was no surprise that Terry answered the door, dressed casual in a jumper and jeans and barefoot meaning he'd obviously been staying over. I wordlessly brushed past him and walked in. The house felt different already. It immediately didn't feel like my home any longer.
I was offered tea and fussed around. Will had hoped that he and Terry would get their chance to talk. He signed my papers without reading them, trusting that they were what I said they were. I contemplated turning up tomorrow with a document saying he had to give me everything and he had to go live in a skip.
"Thank you for that, I'll leave you to your day." I grabbed my bag but Will stopped me, "I don't want to hear it yet, Will."
"Please, Lil, please let me explain."
He was desperate; I could see it clearly in his eyes. While I was tempted to tell him and his explanation to go fuck themselves, my curiosity got the better of me.
"There isn't really much to explain when I catch you in bed with another man, Will." I replied tartly, obviously there was more to the story but he was making it sound like I'd misunderstood what I'd seen. I walked into the living room and sat on the sofa and watched as Terry skulked off upstairs. I'd loved him like a father but now he was too coward to sit and face me and I hated him for it.
Will looked down at his hands and when he raised his gaze back to me, I saw the real Will, probably for the first time ever. His mask was off as he began to speak,
"I've been in love with Terry since I was 17, Lil. I wanted to be open and be with him. We even told my parents but you know what my mother is like." He rolled his eyes and if he'd spoken about his mother like this a little more often we might have gotten on a bit better instead of him acting like she was this higher being. Sshe threatened to disown me completely, and I was scared and spoilt so I let her win, but when we met..."
"You married someone she hated as much as she hated Terry." I felt sick to my stomach. My whole marriage had been a lie. I thought there had been a time when we had been happy and our love had been real, but even that was false and all an act on his part. "Have you been with him this whole entire time?"
"On and off." He looked shamefaced, and a moment of sympathy hit me. It genuinely must have been terrible to live a lie, to pretend you're something you're not but he should never have brought me into it. "I'm truly sorry for what I've done, Layla. Terry told me what I'd done was wrong as soon as I told him we were married and I knew he was right but I was young and selfish, I didn't think of how this would effect you and once I did, it was too late."
He started to cry, something I'd never seen before and once again I felt sorry for him.
"I'm never going to forgive you for what you did, Will, this was too big a lie to get past it but...in a way I understand why you would see no other option." I wiped my own tears away and exhaled loudly. "I just wish you'd been honest with me sooner."
"I nearly told you so many times, especially when Mia found out, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was afraid you'd hate me, because despite everything and the way I've treated you, I do love and care for you." He was up out of his seat, coming to sit next to me and taking my hands in his, "I'm so sorry." He was distraught, and had it been anybody else I would be uncomfortable by such a show of emotion, but he was my husband and it was evident that he was releasing years of emotion and guilt.
I relented and wrapped my arms around him. He started to sob and clung to me tightly. I stood by what I said; I'd never forgive him but what was done was done and if I held onto it I would never be able to move on with my life.
We talked a little longer but he didn't bring up Harry. Instead he said that once we started divorce proceedings that I should be the petitioner. His affair had always been going on so in the grand scheme of things, he was in the wrong. With this admission the divorce wouldn't be dragged out and it would be a quick and clean break.
When I'd picked up the keys to my house, I sent the picture of me holding them up to Rose. I also sent it to Will. He had replied with a picture of him holding his thumbs up and the biggest smile I'd ever seen on his face.
"Shall we go get fish and chips and then unpack?" Rose wandered into the living room, her red hair piled up high on her head and a look of pure exhaustion on her face.
"I agree with the first part, but I'm going to leave the unpacking until the morning." I walked over to where she stood and wrapped my arms around her. "Thank you for today, for everything actually. I don't know what I'd have done without you."
"It's what I'm here for," she hugged me back then laughed. "But you're right, I am amazing and the best person a gal could know."
We stepped outside and I took the chance to look up at my new home, it was a small two-bedroom end of terrace house in Kentish Town. It had an overgrown garden at the back and a small patch of pebbles at the front, a dirty black and white tiled path lead to the sludge green front door and the single glazed window frames matched the door. There was a lot to do to make it pretty again but Rose had already promised me a lawnmower as a housewarming present. The red paint for the door and white paint for the windows was already bought and sat in the hallway ready to be used.
It wasn't perfect, but it was mine.

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