H.P.O.V.

It's okay, baby. Baby, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

She pulls away from me entirely too quickly after a few minuets of intimate contact. Her lips are swollen, her dress wrinkled from the tight grasp of my hands around her waist.

Her eyes are wide and shocked, I think at her actions. A gasp leaves her smudged lipstick lips.

"Shit," she curses. She runs a hand through her hair nervously, "Shit, shit, shit."

I lick my lips and taste what I presume to be her lipstick. I cup her face in between my hands and meet her wired eyes, "Breathe. It's okay," I coax.

She stops fidgeting and let's out a puff of air, "This is such a bad idea."

"Probably," I agree.

Truth be told, I could give two fucks. The world could be ending and I wouldn't care because I got to kiss her again. I was able to touch her after so long. I could die in the next few seconds and it'd be okay because I got to kiss her.

She calms down enough to chuckle amused. "You're still such a hazard."

I smile. It feels so long since I've smiled like this. It's been years. "And you're still a worry-wort."

She steps back, my heart dropping and speeding up with every step back that she takes. It's cruel to have her so close and not be able to touch her because I don't deserve it.

"How are you?" I ask. I don't want her to leave me yet. I don't want her to disappear for years again.

"I'm--" she exhales, "I'm good. I'm, yeah, I'm good. You?"

"I'm better," I confess. I'm can't say I'm good because I'm not. I'm in love with my person. I lost my person and I will never be good without her. "I've been going to therapy every Tuesday for a year now."

Her eyes widen in surprise and pride I hope. I want her to be proud of me. To want to smile at me again.

"How is that going?" Her voice is slow and soft. She is being gentle with me and I want to kiss her again.
She shivers as a gust of wind blows around us. I pick up my jacket from the ground and drape it around her shoulders.

"Thank you."

I nod, "I'm not as angry anymore, I'm not as insecure, and I'm trying not to make excuses anymore."

"You used to be insecure?" She asks in surprise.

"It's what made me so angry after the accident." I admit.

She looks down and mumbles a ,"Oh." The air around us is tense for a few seconds. I regret bringing up our somber past. It is not wedding talk and I'm not ready for her to leave me yet.

"You look beautiful, " I say easily. Complementing her is second nature to me. I just want her to smile again. I want to drown in her honey colored eyes.

"It's the hair," she mumbles with pink speckled cheeks.

"It's just you."She smiles at me again and my heart speeds up. "I can't wait to read your book." I'm going to buy a copy for every room in our house. Her cheeks get darker and pride swells in my chest. "I'm so proud of you."

She hugs my jacket closer to her body as the wind picks up. She looks up at me with earnest eyes and a smile so sincere it makes me feel guilty because I don't deserve it.

"Such a fan," she teases me and it's nice.

Speaking with her is so nice. Having her near me again feels like Christmas. Like everything bad in the world is suddenly okay because she's here again.

My baby. My pretty baby. My only person.

"I'll even read your book when it comes out," I chortle. I bounce on my feet trying to keep warm. I'll freeze if it means I can keep her with me for a few more seconds. "I really am so proud of you brown eyes."

Her eyes flash with so many emotions. None that I can name but they have me on edge. She huffs out and licks her lips as she's about to say something Louis calls her name out. She immediately scoots further away and spins.

It almost feels as though we've been caught breaking some sort of unspoken rule.

Louis steps closer and looks at both of us warily. His eyes stay on me longer and his glare is more intense.

"Presley, I've been looking for you," he stammers his voice deep and strict.

"Oh, sorry," she stutters looking around desperately. "Okay, you both are going to freeze out here. Let's go back inside." She says her voice tight and certain.

"You go ahead," Louis dismisses her keeping his eyes on me.

I want to roll me eyes and protest that we have done nothing wrong because we haven't. We were only talking-- sure, minus the kissing, but still. We're not children. I don't need to be reprimanded.

"Lou--"

"It's okay," I interject before Louis can say anything. She looks at me, her eyes scanning over my face. She pouts to herself but walks away nonetheless.

As soon as she is far enough away Louis turns to face me with hard and determined eyes. I haven't gotten that heated look since Presley's departure. His upper body squares mine almost looking bigger than mine.

"Don't you fucking dare, Harry. Not again." He snaps.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I easily try to play off but Louis knows me. He was once my best friend. Now I walk on eggshells around him because I am so close to him hating me.

"Don't play stupid," he shoves my shoulder pushing me back. "I won't lose my best friend because of you again. What ever you think is going to happen with you two is not. Leave her the fuck alone, Harry." He keeps eye contact with me for a few seconds before walking away and leaving me alone.

I let my body sit on the grass and groan. My hands go up to my hair and I look up defeated.

My life is a complete mess. I am a mess. Presley is doing so good without me. She's incredible she's happy. She is okay and I'm not. She has another chance at love and I never will because I will only ever love her. She's it for me and I fucked it up.

I'm fucking up now.

Louis is going to hate me if I try anything with her. Ben will too.

And worst of all, despite them being such good people to me I don't care. I don't care who's going to hate me as long as I have Presley.

I can't let her leave without me and I can't stay here without her... I have one option and it's going to fuck everything up... I just, I don't care.

Notes

Welp this is shit. Also I hope to finish before Christmas but In case I don't ....
HAPPY CHRISTMAS Xx
-C