H.P.O.V.

You are my sad song. My greatest tragedy.

Love was never enough. I learned this the hard way. Love is not enough. For me it wasn't. I searched for pain. Subconsciously, I wanted to hurt. I wanted to burn and crumble by my own hand.

As I stare at her, at what I once had, what used to be mine, I am in pain. Seeing the light of her darker hair makes me bitter and I love it. I love her and it's not enough.

Fuck, it's not enough because if it were I'd be able to leave her alone. I'd be content watching her from a far knowing I couldn't harm her anymore. If I loved her right I'd let go because she thrives without me. She is okay without me.

But, that's my problem. My need for pain. My want for her. My craving for more.

Love is not enough. Feeling and being in love is not enough. Especially from a far.

She's a dream. An absolute dream with dark hair and soft skin. I was so close to her. So close. I saw the specks of green in her eyes and the dark color of her tinted lips. I saw the gold sparkle on her skin and the flutter of her lashes as they brush the tops of her cheeks.

She smelt sweet. She used to taste Sweet...I'd bet she still does.

She has me captivated, I am in a trance. I feel my heart beating a mile a minuet. And briefly I remember all of the times when I used to make her nervous but now-- now, the tables have turned, and I am the one who is a stumbling mess.

I would have done anything keep holding her hand. I would say anything. I'd let her publicly humiliate me so long as she kept my hand in hers. I would kill anyone if it meant she would smile at me. But not a simple twitch of her lips. No, God no, I wanted her special smile, the secret smile I know was only ever meant for me.

If I could, I'd run my fingers through her hair. I'd tug on the wavy ends and pull her closer to me. Close enough to feel her breath on my lips.

She was close by and it felt like miles were separating us.

"Do you think she hates me?"

Ben brings me out of my day dream of her below me panting. I grunt mostly to clear my throat and look at my now married friend. I'm surprised he is not with his new husband.

I lick my bottom lip and ask, "Why do you think she hates you?" Presley, my baby is incapable of hate. There is not an ounce of it in her being. "Why do you look so sad. It's your wedding day." I frown.

He sighs, "It's just... It's weird, you know? Seeing Presley again after almost three years. It's so weird that on my own wedding day she's not here for me." He shrugs and knocks back the rest of his champagne. "I think she hates me and rightfully so but it fucking sucks to see her with Lou, laughing, like it's not bothering her that we're in the same room after not speaking for years."

"She looks good," I mumble.

Ben snorts and shoves my shoulder, "That's all you got from what I just said?"

I grin, "I heard you but she looks hot, right? A bit different but she's stunning."

We both watch as Presley and Louis are laughing together with his mum and her parents. His arm is woven around her waist holding her close. He looks so proud of her. He beams up at her and laughs loud and abrupt after every time she says something. I cringe when Harvey and his wife join the small group.

"That's one group you would not be welcomed in," Ben chuckles.

"You think?"

He answers like I expected.

"Yup."

I sigh and pucker my lips out, "She looks so hot."

"She looks perfect for my husband," he tuts and grabs another flute glass from a passing waiter. "Do you think if I weren't in the picture Lou and Presley would be together?"

"Probably, " I nod. My therapist says I have to stop being delusional so I answer with the truth. "But I wouldn't let them be together for long. I'd kill the fucker because that's my girl."

He sighs then and pats my shoulder with sympathy or pity, I'm not sure. "Don't start anything, Harry. Look at her, she looks so happy. She looks like she's doing okay and so are you. Don't fuck it up just because you have the mentality of a horny fourteen year old."

"Fuck you, I don't." I hiss.

"Your hard on tells me different," he smirks.

"You're an idiot," I shove him away from me and look back to the small group only to frown because now it is just Presley and Louis. They're whispering into each other's ears laughing and grinning. They look so happy. She looks so happy and I had nothing to do with it... It hurts a lot.

Ben squeezes my shoulder when he notices my clenched fist, "It sucks, I know."

I rub my face then trying to reign back in my control. "I want her, Ben. I want her so much."

"I know, but, it's not going to happen, H. She's different now. I've never seen her like this, she's probably not the same person anymore. She's moved on and now you have to, too."

I look away from the unpleasant sight and at him. He's dead serious. He truly believes his words. And shit. It stings.

"She doesn't love me anymore, does she?" I ask tentatively.

My chest constricts and any strength I had disappeared. I felt three and afraid of the truth. I wanted to be her everything and more like she was for me and I'm not.

"I don't know, Harry. Maybe not and its okay because if she-- if Presley, irrevocably in love, willing to forgive your affair, desperate Presley moved on, so can you." She was never desperate. I was. I wanted to feel pain. I was desperate for it. She was in love. Presley was in love with me. Now It sounds too good to be true. "Maybe one day she'll forgive us, yeah? But for now I'm happy my husband is happy with his best friend."

"She doesn't hate you," I say then. I huff out a tired breath and run a limp hand through my hair, "She's hurt but she doesn't hate you."

He shrugs not giving me answer. Instead we turn our heads back to Louis who is calling Ben's name waving him over. My eyes fall on Presley. She looks at her glass and after a few seconds looks back up to see me still starring. Her cheeks speckle red and she smiles softly at us.

She looks ravishing. Her skin glows against the black material of her cutout dress. Her lips look fuller and her eyes are big. She entirely makes me weak. I want her. I want to wrap my arm around her, I want to grab her hips and kiss the skin of her neck.

Ben sighs and pats my shoulder before walking to them, slowly. He kisses Louis and when they part his back is facing me. But I know he's talking with Presley. I see his shoulders moving and his hands waving as the words fly from his lips.

I know she feels my eyes on her. I know my mum and sister are looking for me and I'm glad they can't see me in this corner. She fidgets from where she's at, her fingers are griping her bicep, her glass in her free hand. I stand alone and I don't mind as long as I get to look at her. Even if it's from afar.

I have so many questions for her. About her life in the city, her book, about the man she is always pictured with who is here. I want to kiss her everywhere and confess to so many things. I want her near me, my arm around her waist, my body shielding her from all of the prying eyes.

It happens then. Ben and Presley embrace. She smiles at Louis and my prayers seem to have been answered as she walks away from them and outside. No one notices, every one is dancing, laughing, celebrating with each other as she disappears into the garden area. The only outdoor space free from the prying eyes of fans and paps.

I follow her suite. I pass by undetected, glad that Ben and Louis were so wrapped up in each other. I make it outside and I see her, my baby, leaning against a tree. She rubs her arms, trying to warm herself up.

I run to her then with my tux jacket already off. I stand behind her and swing it over her small shoulders.
She gasps in surprise and spins rapidly. Her eyes wide. My eyes greedily ran over her face, my hands were twitching for me to grab her hips just so that our bodies would be pressed close together. I wanted to be close to her again.

I wanted so much from her and yet I deserved so little.

"Harry--"

I cut her off with my mouth over hers. Before she can even finish, I kiss her hard and fast. My arms going under my jacket and around her waist as I push her into my chest.

She is stunned at first, it takes seconds, close to a minuet before she responds. One of her arms hangs by her side the other is around my neck, her hand going to the back of my head. I groan when she tugs on my hair.

My jacket falls to the floor but I don't care. I'll warm her up so enough. I'll buy another if it gets ruined. I don't give a single fuck as long as I can keep kissing Presley. The world could be ending and I won't give a shit if Presley is by me.

We pull apart and I peck her lips softly. I'm not ready to pull apart so I keep her close and keep dropping small kisses on her lips.

"Baby," I whisper against her mouth. She pulls back slightly and meets my eyes. I smirk when i see her smudged lipstick knowing its how I wanted it. All over me. "Fuck, baby." I groan when she tugs on my hair.

I kiss her again because Ben was right.

Around my baby I can only think like a horny fourteen yearold.

Notes

Alright. Have sex befor you talk. That's healthy.