Coming Home
Ch.77
H.P.O.V.
...2 1/2 years later...
You were my dream and then it was time to wake up.
"You're ready for tonight, yeah?" Ben asks as he runs his fingers through his hair.
He has been nervous for weeks. A right down mess and I'm finally glad this whole wedding mess is coming to an end so that he'll stop freaking out.
I smirk at the lad, "Yes, you've already warned me of the outcome if I mess anything up."
"Well, you never listen or take me seriously! How am I supposed to believe that you're actually going to do what I tell you?"
"Will you breathe," I laugh. I place my hands on his shoulders and squeeze them, "Louis isn't even this nervous and the poor lad hasn't been able to eat properly for days. Breathe, everything's going to be okay."
He takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes. After three seconds he huffs, "I just Want this to be perfect for us, Harry."
"It will be," I promise. "As your man of honor or whatever you fucking call it, I promise you it will be."
He puckers his lips and nod, "Fine, fine. I'm going to go shower. Will you make sure Lou's got his suit ready?"
"Yeah, you go. Shower, take a shot, and relax." I shove him down the hall and into his room as I head down to the other side of Louis' giant house.
In a twisted turn of events Ben became my best friend. In a spectacular and extraordinary way he is marrying Louis today. On a lighter note I'm not as sad today.
I get a familiar deep feeling as I knock on Louis' door. I always get this feeling because even though Louis and I are okay now, we're not the same. After everything that's happened I don't think we ever will be.
I don't blame him. He blames me but I understand. I've accepted it. I am trying and I hope he sees it.
Even if he is cautious and has walls up with me. I hope he knows I am trying.
Louis opens the door while letting out a shaky breath. "Harry," he smiles and let's me through. "I'm absolutely buzzing."
I chuckle, "That's what we want, Lou! Can't believe you're getting married to Ben. Remember how much you couldn't stand him?"
"Sometimes I still can't, " he laughs.
"Have you got your suit ready?"
"Yup, all pressed and perfect," he bounces on the balls of his feet, hands clasped in front of him. Louis looks happier than ever. He sings all of the time, he's loud, he's glowing like a fool in love. "Has El come around yet? She's gotta do my tie."
"No but I think she'll be here soon," I shrug.
Eleanor became one of Louis' closes friends. She and Ben made up and it was all so nice even though it always feels empty because one person is missing.
"Your mum and family are already at the venue. Just waiting on you and Ben now."
He nods and his eyes widen with nerves. Louis hasn't been able to eat because his hands shake so much. He has written countless love songs all taking about deep brown eyes and a gap in a mouth.
Louis is in love.
He reminds me of me once up on a time ago.
"Is your best man here yet?" Louis won't tell anyone who it is. Hell, we're all damn sure he doesn't have one because he couldn't pick between Liam or Niall and Zayn.
His lips fall into a small frown for unknown reasons that I don't think I have any right to ask about.
He shakes his head, "No," he shrugs then and let's his smile reappear. "Okay, Harry, out. I've got to get ready. M'getting married today!" He claps his hands together, "I'm getting married today!"
"That you are, " I grin at him and walk to the door.
I turn around quickly hoping that what I'm about to ask isn't going to upset him and get me a black eye because this is still a sensitive topic. It's one I'm not allowed to ask a lot about. It hurts me.
His brows furrow when he notices my sudden change.
"Is-" I try to say but I'm cut off quickly before I can finish.
"Not today, yeah?" Louis says gently. I nod and do my best not to notice the pity in his eyes. He smiles and grips my shoulder in a friendly way. "I'll see you there?"
"Yeah."
****
While waiting for the grooms I look around with a heavy heart. Everything is perfect. The details are immaculate, everything is perfect. Louis and Ben are so in love. They are each others' forever. They're homes.
They make me happy and so sad. They remind me of what I used to have. Of what I threw away.
My therapist always tells me that eventually it won't hurt so much. But I never believe him because he doesn't feel the way I do. Because he doesn't understand that it's not just my heart that hurts. Everything hurts.
But I still go see him every Tuesday. He doesn't scream at me when I bring her up. He doesn't curse at me or remind me of how it's my fault she is gone. He'll listen as I talk about the hazel in her eyes and the way her smile used to affect me more than any drug ever could. I talk about our happy days and I throw things when I talk about the bad days I caused. I cry, I shout, I punch myself until that is the only pain I feel.
Some days I just talk about her nonstop. About how proud I am that she's doing so great in Knew York. About how pretty she looks online and how wrong that new guy she has been seen with is for her. How he will never love her the way I do. Not even close.
Being like this is my life now. It is what I deserve.
I leave every Tuesday when he tells me that I have to start moving on. That I can't expect someone I almost destroyed to come back home to me. I don't let him finish. I just walk out and hope that I can sleep. Most nights I can't.
"This place is stunning," mum smiles looking around. She places her hand on my arm, "Very nice work, baby."
"Thanks," I mumble kissing her cheek. "Is Gemma here?"
She nods, "Everyone's here," she says.
"Not everyone," I whisper hoping she didn't hear me. She did.
"Harry--"
"I know," I say quickly and kiss her cheek one last time as the one who will preform the ceremony asks everyone to take their seats. I squeeze mum's hand as I walk to my place next to Ben.
I look out at the crowd and wonder if they would've all been there for my wedding. Her parents are here smiling at Ben with pride. Her mum smiles my way and her dad nods in my direction. Neither have forgiven me. I understand.
I'll have to say hello eventually. But looking at them hurts. I am weak and they'll be able to see it.
"You're my best friend, " Ben smiles sadly at me and I know why. My heart sinks to my stomach as I smile at him understanding what he means. "Thank you for everything."
"I'd do it a thousand times over," I hug him cupping the back of his head with my hand. "Chin up and smile mate. It's your day." I let him go and give him one last reassuring smile.
We all look down the aisle as Louis appears. We hear his mum crying and a few lovey snickers amongst the crowd. Luckily the press and anyone not meant to be here are not our problem today.
He only gets in a few steps when heels clacking on the ground can be heard and soft panting.
"Lou, wait!" My head snaps at the direction of the familiar voice, my blood rushing to my ears. A homey feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't believe it at first and then I see her.
She's here.
...2 1/2 years later...
You were my dream and then it was time to wake up.
"You're ready for tonight, yeah?" Ben asks as he runs his fingers through his hair.
He has been nervous for weeks. A right down mess and I'm finally glad this whole wedding mess is coming to an end so that he'll stop freaking out.
I smirk at the lad, "Yes, you've already warned me of the outcome if I mess anything up."
"Well, you never listen or take me seriously! How am I supposed to believe that you're actually going to do what I tell you?"
"Will you breathe," I laugh. I place my hands on his shoulders and squeeze them, "Louis isn't even this nervous and the poor lad hasn't been able to eat properly for days. Breathe, everything's going to be okay."
He takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes. After three seconds he huffs, "I just Want this to be perfect for us, Harry."
"It will be," I promise. "As your man of honor or whatever you fucking call it, I promise you it will be."
He puckers his lips and nod, "Fine, fine. I'm going to go shower. Will you make sure Lou's got his suit ready?"
"Yeah, you go. Shower, take a shot, and relax." I shove him down the hall and into his room as I head down to the other side of Louis' giant house.
In a twisted turn of events Ben became my best friend. In a spectacular and extraordinary way he is marrying Louis today. On a lighter note I'm not as sad today.
I get a familiar deep feeling as I knock on Louis' door. I always get this feeling because even though Louis and I are okay now, we're not the same. After everything that's happened I don't think we ever will be.
I don't blame him. He blames me but I understand. I've accepted it. I am trying and I hope he sees it.
Even if he is cautious and has walls up with me. I hope he knows I am trying.
Louis opens the door while letting out a shaky breath. "Harry," he smiles and let's me through. "I'm absolutely buzzing."
I chuckle, "That's what we want, Lou! Can't believe you're getting married to Ben. Remember how much you couldn't stand him?"
"Sometimes I still can't, " he laughs.
"Have you got your suit ready?"
"Yup, all pressed and perfect," he bounces on the balls of his feet, hands clasped in front of him. Louis looks happier than ever. He sings all of the time, he's loud, he's glowing like a fool in love. "Has El come around yet? She's gotta do my tie."
"No but I think she'll be here soon," I shrug.
Eleanor became one of Louis' closes friends. She and Ben made up and it was all so nice even though it always feels empty because one person is missing.
"Your mum and family are already at the venue. Just waiting on you and Ben now."
He nods and his eyes widen with nerves. Louis hasn't been able to eat because his hands shake so much. He has written countless love songs all taking about deep brown eyes and a gap in a mouth.
Louis is in love.
He reminds me of me once up on a time ago.
"Is your best man here yet?" Louis won't tell anyone who it is. Hell, we're all damn sure he doesn't have one because he couldn't pick between Liam or Niall and Zayn.
His lips fall into a small frown for unknown reasons that I don't think I have any right to ask about.
He shakes his head, "No," he shrugs then and let's his smile reappear. "Okay, Harry, out. I've got to get ready. M'getting married today!" He claps his hands together, "I'm getting married today!"
"That you are, " I grin at him and walk to the door.
I turn around quickly hoping that what I'm about to ask isn't going to upset him and get me a black eye because this is still a sensitive topic. It's one I'm not allowed to ask a lot about. It hurts me.
His brows furrow when he notices my sudden change.
"Is-" I try to say but I'm cut off quickly before I can finish.
"Not today, yeah?" Louis says gently. I nod and do my best not to notice the pity in his eyes. He smiles and grips my shoulder in a friendly way. "I'll see you there?"
"Yeah."
****
While waiting for the grooms I look around with a heavy heart. Everything is perfect. The details are immaculate, everything is perfect. Louis and Ben are so in love. They are each others' forever. They're homes.
They make me happy and so sad. They remind me of what I used to have. Of what I threw away.
My therapist always tells me that eventually it won't hurt so much. But I never believe him because he doesn't feel the way I do. Because he doesn't understand that it's not just my heart that hurts. Everything hurts.
But I still go see him every Tuesday. He doesn't scream at me when I bring her up. He doesn't curse at me or remind me of how it's my fault she is gone. He'll listen as I talk about the hazel in her eyes and the way her smile used to affect me more than any drug ever could. I talk about our happy days and I throw things when I talk about the bad days I caused. I cry, I shout, I punch myself until that is the only pain I feel.
Some days I just talk about her nonstop. About how proud I am that she's doing so great in Knew York. About how pretty she looks online and how wrong that new guy she has been seen with is for her. How he will never love her the way I do. Not even close.
Being like this is my life now. It is what I deserve.
I leave every Tuesday when he tells me that I have to start moving on. That I can't expect someone I almost destroyed to come back home to me. I don't let him finish. I just walk out and hope that I can sleep. Most nights I can't.
"This place is stunning," mum smiles looking around. She places her hand on my arm, "Very nice work, baby."
"Thanks," I mumble kissing her cheek. "Is Gemma here?"
She nods, "Everyone's here," she says.
"Not everyone," I whisper hoping she didn't hear me. She did.
"Harry--"
"I know," I say quickly and kiss her cheek one last time as the one who will preform the ceremony asks everyone to take their seats. I squeeze mum's hand as I walk to my place next to Ben.
I look out at the crowd and wonder if they would've all been there for my wedding. Her parents are here smiling at Ben with pride. Her mum smiles my way and her dad nods in my direction. Neither have forgiven me. I understand.
I'll have to say hello eventually. But looking at them hurts. I am weak and they'll be able to see it.
"You're my best friend, " Ben smiles sadly at me and I know why. My heart sinks to my stomach as I smile at him understanding what he means. "Thank you for everything."
"I'd do it a thousand times over," I hug him cupping the back of his head with my hand. "Chin up and smile mate. It's your day." I let him go and give him one last reassuring smile.
We all look down the aisle as Louis appears. We hear his mum crying and a few lovey snickers amongst the crowd. Luckily the press and anyone not meant to be here are not our problem today.
He only gets in a few steps when heels clacking on the ground can be heard and soft panting.
"Lou, wait!" My head snaps at the direction of the familiar voice, my blood rushing to my ears. A homey feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't believe it at first and then I see her.
She's here.
Notes
Weddings. Omg. Also, idk Jessica. If I decide to do a sequel you'll be the last to know. Xx
Favorite story! I cried so much!!
5/5/17