You Have Me

"There," Harry beamed placing the last mug on the shelf. "We're officially moved in!" It was a great accomplishment. Four months of searching for the perfect home, another few months of renovations and blue prints. Not to mention the hiatus they had to face, thanks to Harry's tour.

Harry wouldn't have it any other way though. They've got a big house where they can start a family and Mushu (even if Harry refuses to admit his compassion for the small animal) has a large private yard surrounded by large metal gates to run around and cause trouble. They have six bedrooms, four bathrooms, two large living rooms, a giant kitchen that intimidates Beth because Harry is the cook in the relationship and making cereal is hard for Beth, a library that has all of Beth's favorites, new likes and depressed ones that make her cry and cuddle Harry because she wishes she could help the people in her stories. They have a dinning room, a pool, a theater, a game room. They have too much house for two people. Not that Beth would ever say that out loud. Harry was too proud and happy for Beth to crush that.

"Baby, come here," Harry cries happily folding up their last box.

Beth slowly waltzed in holding her favorite candy cane mug. "You beckoned?" Beth teased, sipping at her mug. Letting the tea sooth her. It had been a stressful day. Of course she left all the heavy lifting to Harry. But avoiding responsibility is hard. Especially when you've got a touchy feel kind of husband.

"We're officially a married couple!" Harry cheered arms spread, heart happy and heavy with giddy.

"Baby we were officially a married couple a year ago."

"Well, yes, but now we have a home. So technically it's official-- official." Beth smiled and shrugged. Being married was easier than she ever imagined. Harry always knew what she wanted, how she felt, what she was thinking. It was as if Harry was inside her body.

"Can't believe I married you," Beth taunts over her shoulder. She retreats to her spot on the couch only to be picked up and placed back down on Harry's lap.

"I like this," Harry sighs, dropping a small kiss against the side of Beth's head. "Being married. Thought it'd be harder." He shrugs against their sofa.

"I don't know if I should be offended or--?"

Harry chuckled with a slight shake of his head. "I'd never offend my wife. You're my princess." It'd always be that way. Harry claiming Beth as his princess. Because in his eyes, Beth was nothing less. Beth had basically created the sun in Harry's eyes. "I've missed just being with you," Harry whispered, swiftly moving his hand over her stomach. "Touring is fun but having alone time with my wife is always better."

"I've taught you well Styles," Beth chuckles, despite her flaming cheeks. Even after all this time Harry can still make her cheeks blush pink and her eyes cloud with adoration.

Harry laughs cheerful, "gotta keep the missus happy. Because if she's not happy, no one's happy." He hugs his wife to his chest, sighing at the contact. He's been back for three weeks now. Two of which have been focused on remodeling and organizing. This was week three and they had promptly isolated themselves from the world. Their phones were shut off. House phone disconnected and laptops were only used for takeout. Harry hadn't focused on anything that didn't have to do with their new home or Beth's body.

It's Beth's turn to laugh, "always remember that." But she thinks it'll be okay if he doesn't always.

"Yes mam," Harry responds grinning. "So, how's married life treating you?"

Beth sucks in a breath and laughs. "Well my husband is a bit ditzy, but he's cute so you know, it's like, okay." That's the most non-cliché way she can say that. She may be married and she may be ridiculously in love. But Beth refuses to drop down to that level.

Harry frowns and pouts his lips, "I feel sad now."

Beth laughs loud and abrupt. She begins running her fingers through Harry's hair, her chest bursting with affection at his cat like reaction. "Can we make out?" Harry purs, squeezing her waist with his arms.

"So polite," Beth mumbles, trying her best to fight off her urge to hide her face.

"Your blush is my favorite." Harry whispers itching closer, eyes half lidded. "We're married and you're going to make out with me forever."

"Yeah," Beth breathes, already leaning in. "Yeah, I can do that."

****
"Do you think we should try for a baby?" This is the fourth time Harry has asked this. The first time, had been such a surprise to Beth her cup went spiraling down and her mouth was left open. After that and then proceeding to fall off of their bed the second time he asked, the third time was better. She didn't actually say no. But she didn't actually say yes, either.

She didn't know.

It's not like she didn't want to have a baby with Harry. She had married him. Fuck, she had pledged and committed her love in front of God himself. But having a baby, and remembering what it was like when she lost their first. Well. It feels like shit.

"Harry, we've only been married a year," she reminds him, trying not to sound anywhere near negative and end up hurting his feelings. "There's plenty of time for that in the near future."

Harry's face crumpled softly with disappointment. He understood she was wary. Their first time had been a let down. But now they were good. Yes, Beth never regained her memory, but she's okay now. She's happy and healthy and Harry's not insane. Well, not on the same level as he used to be.

"I know," he shrugs, "just thought we could talk about it."

Beth nodded, biting her bottom lip. She never had to continue the conversation after she politely declined. But now Harry's eyes showed a new found determination and she knew she couldn't just say no.

"We have more than enough room," Harry says with arms splayed open, "money will never be an issue and no other two people can love a kid more than we can."

Beth sighed and rubbed her eye, "Harry your tour is about to start--"

"You can travel with us until you get too pregnant."

"I don't want to be pregnant on my own." She says, half surprised Harry would even suggest such a thing.

"A baby is a big deal."

"We've been through worse while you've been pregnant."

"You're not making good points." Beth mutters with a raised brow.

"I'm just saying that we can handle the distance and you won't be pregnant on your own. I'll be there through everything. I'll take some time off and I'll take care of you and our baby."

"Management would never allow that. Especially not while you're traveling."

"Screw management," Harry tuts, "my family will always come first. Over any concert, interview, signing. It'll always be family over anything."

"I don't doubt that, Harry." Because she doesn't. She knows Harry wants kids. A whole litter of them. He always lights up around them. Can't stop himself from trying to make them laugh or smile at him.

Sometimes Beth wonders if it's in his DNA.

"Then what's the problem?"

Harry doesn't want to raise his voice like he's frustrated. He's not. He's just confused as to why his wife doesn't want to have a baby with him. He remembers how happy they were when they found out she was expecting-- excluding all the bad parts-- he remembers the way she glowed and beamed with a bump. She was the definition of beauty and he was so happy about becoming a dad.

They could have that now. Only better. So much better if Beth agreed.

"There's no problem Harry," Beth says, noticing the way Harry has become tense. This could be their first married fight. Sure, they've bickered a bit. Only on small things though. Like when Harry had thought Beth was checking out a waiter. Or when Beth didn't pay enough attention to Harry. But this feels different. She can feel in the air. She knows Harry's not going to give up until she gives a good enough reason. And to be honest the only thing stoping her was fear.

Fear of the past repeating itself. She still wasn't the luckiest and she doubt it'd change any time soon. She wouldn't put Harry though that kind of pain again. Not if she could prevent it from
happening.

"We can have a baby and be a family. This house wouldn't feel so big and you and me can be parents," Harry's trying to paint a picture for his wife. Trying to get her to see what they can have. How easily it would be to obtain if she just said yes.

"It's not that easy," because it's not Beth decides. Not when her husband is in a famous boy band. Not when they practically get mobbed anywhere they go. They can't even walk outside without a camera flashing. Beth doesn't want to bring a baby into that. Sure it would have happened if her pregnancy had been successful. She would actually be going through all that. But she's not and now that she has the choice on the matter, she's not sure how she had thought she'd be able to do it before. "Having a baby is hard, Harry. Just because you have money--"

"We have money," Harry says cutting her off. He hates it when she refers to it as his money. They're a team now. What's his is hers. That's how marriage works. A partner for life. You share everything. Money, problems, life. They're married and Beth needs to remember that. "Do you not want to have a baby with me? Is that it? You don't want a family with me?"

Beth's heart drops to her stomach at his words. She shakes her head so violently she should be worried it might come off, "I want everything with you. A family, kids, a fat dog. Everything. But in time."

"Okay," Harry sighs pelutant, "so this isn't a no? You're not vetoing the idea?"

Beth knows Harry's as disappointed as relieved as she is. She feels bad. Like the worlds' worst wife, but she knows they need more time. A few years, maybe, "this isn't a never. We'll have a small Harry one day."

Harry lights up at the idea and makes grabby hands at his wife, "gimme a kiss," he demands. Beth rolls her eyes and gives in. She walks forward, slides both hands to his hair enjoying the way his hands grip her hips. He pats her impatiently waiting until their lips connect and he's given one of the things he's asked for.

Beth's just lucky she's a good kisser.

****
"Lou put me down!" Beth shrieks, her hands trying to grip to the back of his shirt in a attempt to stay put.
"Drop my wife and I'll shove my foot up your ass," Harry warns over his shoulder, leaning in and hugging the rest of them.

"Bethhhhh," Louis laughs spinning in circles as she rests over his shoulder. Beth should have expected for him to be excited. He hasn't seen his best friend in a week. A week. No calls. No Texts. He had even been warned about email also. "Ah! The teams back together! Ah, let the world fear us and our minds!"

"Can we please put my wife down," Harry asks, trying not to worry. Except he does. He loves Beth. It's only natural for him to worry, "we only banned you for five days Lou."

"Lou, I'm getting sick," Beth mumbles as Niall cracks up and Liam rolls his eyes.

"Okay," Harry says moving to stand and help his damsel, "Lou you have till three. One, two--" he doesn't have to count to three though. Because thankfully Beth is back on her feet and being crushed by Louis' hug. Beth pulls back giggling into Louis ear as Louis smiles big and excited. They're having one of their weird moments where no one knows what's happening but them two. It's both infuriating and. Cute. "Pay attention to me Beth. Me, not Louis." Harry whines with a pout. His pout only grows when Beth finally looks back at him.

Beth says one last thing and walks over to her childlike husband, "always impatient aren't we."

Harry doesn't say anything back. No, he smiles boyishly instead and steals a kiss, "you married me. You are required to pay your full attention to me at all times."

"I was never told this," Beth tuts, "I've been miss informed."

"Okay we get you're marred, yay and shit. You have guest and most importantly I'm here and we haven't plotted world domination in days Beth."

"Where's Mushu?" Niall asks, his eyes roaming for a small bear lookalike.

"With Harry's mom." Beth informs him with a laugh, "Harry here says it was only fair if we were going to isolate ourselves from you all, that the same should be implied for my son."

"Baby that hair ball is not our son," Harry laughs.

"Of course he's not your son," Beth quips, "Niall and I had him before you and I were married."

Niall nodded, wide grin on his face, "s'true. It's why he eats so much," he says with a shrug.

"You're both terrible people," Harry mumbles, pushing Beth away and crossing his arms, "I should have married Liam."

"Had your chance," Liam joins in, "could have had all of this," he motions to his body and fixes his hair. "I even cook."

"Please have me," Harry says opening his arms.

"If you get to marry Liam then I want to marry Zayn," Beth says laughing. Zayn's head perks up as he smirks.

"Why Zayn? We have a dog together!" Niall yelps.

"What? Am I eggs or something?" Louis buts in offended.

Harry stares with furrowed eyebrows and an amused grin.

"Zayn's just so pretty," Beth says dreamily, "he's got really good tea making skills. And he draws me pictures when ever I want."

"Yeah I do," Zayn says with a nod, wrapping his arm over her shoulders and cuddling her close to his side, "I'm the perfect package."

"I don't like this anymore," Harry whines reaching for his wife. He just his bottom lip until she complies and his behavior has been humored. Once Beth is safely back on his lap he wraps a strong arm around her stomach and sighs, "better," he says against her head, sniffing the strawberry fragrance coming from her hair.

"How's married life? Is it fun? Are you both at your wits end?" Harry smiles and moves his head so he can face his Irish band mate.

"I like it," he states, smiling even more when Beth squeezes his hand as she talks to Liam, "once you find your person it all clicks. Like one, two, three."

"Are you coming on tour with us?" It's Zayn who brings up the heavy question. It's always Zayn who has to do what everyone doesn't want to, "you did just get married and I don't think you want to be away from each other."

Beth nods and straightens her posture, "yes my friends. I will be with you on tour. You will not have to miss me for your queen shall be with you." Liam laughs abrupt as Louis mumbles incoherently to himself.

"I can already picture you and Lou, and lemme tell you I'm a bit afraid," Niall shudders and leans back.

"We're not that bad," Beth says that every time they make fun of her and Louis. "You're all alive aren't you?"

"Only because we're good people," Louis says with a wicked grin, "I've got plans for me and Beth here. Plans you should all fear." Beth tilts her head and smirks at her best friend. She really hopes they don't end up incarcerated. But with Louis she never knows.

"It's going to be a long one," Liam murmured from his spot, eyebrows set in concentration, legs stretched in front of his body, arms crossed behind his head, "seventy shows, millions of people. So much to see. S'going to be epic."

Beth tenses slightly, forgetting she was sitting on Harry's lap. She looks quickly at Louis who nods discreetly, looking away when Harry catches the brief exchange. He'll have to remember to bring it up once he and Beth are left alone.

"Do you remember when you woke up at the hospital all confused and deranged?" Niall probed reaching for the snacks placed on the coffee table. "It's crazy. You couldn't remember shit but you still somehow knew Harry," he chewed on his chips, only taking a break to sip at his beer, "you also migrated towards Liam and Zayn but I won't hold that against you."

Beth considers this. She remembers that day. Waking up to the strong smell of the anesthetics and a booming in her skull. She remembers discovering the small tattoo on her wrist and the five men around her sleeping. She remembers finding Louis intimidating and Liam comfy, Zayn was a pretty mystery, and Niall was always comfortable around her. She remembers yearning to stay close to Harry, because she felt like he'd be the only who'd protect her. Who'd want to be around her and calm her down. She remembers sleeping next to him and talking with him, questioning why Louis was so mad at her. She remembers their fights and what they went through. She remembers what she can. The rest is still fuzzy and may never return.

But to this day she's positive her heart remembered Harry way before her mind had accepted him.

"Do you ever wish you'd get your memory back?" Beth can feel Harry stiffen around her. They've discussed this particular question. And Beth always feels the same. No. No she doesn't need her memory back. Sure, it'd be nice if she knew about her past and all the dates and events she forgot. But somehow she's glad she doesn't have her memory because that means she'll never have to remember all the fucked up situations her and Harry have gone through.

Beth squeezes Harry's fingers, trying to comfort him in any way she could. She smiled up at her friends, because yes. Beth finally had friends. Real friends. Fuck, Beth even had a best friend, "I'm okay with whatever happens. If I remember I remember. If I don't, then I don't. I'm okay either way."

"Yeah?" Harry wonders from behind. Could it really be that easy? Can Beth be okay missing a few years?

"Yeah," she promises turning around and dropping a small kiss to his cheek.

Maybe she can. Maybe she is.

****
It's cold and it's raining.

Beth loves this type of weather. Loves the oversized jumpers and beanies. Loves the yearning for warm drinks and sweets.

She loves it. Absolutely lives for these kind of days.

"Want to go out for dinner?" Harry asks walking into their living room a cup in hand. Beth rubs her bottom lip and shrugs. It'd be nice to get out and enjoy the cold weather. But Beth had other ideas in mind. One in particular.

"Do you mind if we stay in instead?"

Harry smiles and sits with Beth on the floor, "I'll order something then? Chinese? Pizza?"

"Both?" Beth says with a smirk. Harry threw his head back and laughed. He nodded and kissed her head.

"Alright. The usual?"

"Is there anything better?" Harry shakes his head with a grin and begins to order, "I've got to use the toilets," she mumbles standing and scrambling away.

They've been eating for an hour now. Sixty minuets full of pizza and noodles. Sixty minuets of Beth trying to keep her cool.

And she can. Because Beth is cool.

She is totally, completely cool.

"So what now?" Harry asks, rubbing shapes on Beth's back. Beth shrugs and crawls until she's sitting in the hole created by his thighs. Harry isn't fazed anymore, he finds it weird when Beth doesn't automatically crawl over, "is this the part where we realize we are boring married people?"

"I fucking hope not," Beth whines playing with the small hairs in Harry's neck, "m'only twenty. I still haven't been to build a bear Harry! There is so much we have to do before we become boring people! We're too good looking for that still!"

"Build a bear?" Harry asks amused and warm, "baby that's the first thing that came to mind?"

"It's true," Beth murmurs trying to defend herself, "It's one of my secrets."

"One?"

"I have many secrets. Many."

"I'm your husband. Shouldn't I know all of them?"

"In time."

"Is that your answer for everything?" Harry arches both eyebrows and nods his head once, "because I may loose my mind." He finishes trying to find a way to take back what he had just said.

Beth shrugs trying not to start something they can easily avoid, "let's play hang man," Beth musters changing the subject and grabbing the notebook conveniently close to them. She pulls out the attached pen and sets up the game.

"Hang man?"

"This is me avoiding a fight," Beth says with a sly smile, drinking from her cup, "you can go first."

"Alright," Harry stammers, grateful the fight has been avoided and he won't end up sleeping on the couch for opening his big mouth. He looks at the paper and tilts his head in thought. There are seven blanks and a small space between the first two letters and the other five. "It's not a very big word-- or words is it?"

"Nope," that would be all the help she'd offer. This wasn't a complicated word. Well, words. Either way they weren't hard, "when does Mushu get here?"

"A-- tomorrow. Mums dropping him off."

Beth shakes her head and draws a small circle that will be used as the head, "we can all go to dinner then. We can call the guys."

"E-- anything you want baby," Harry smiles when his answer gets placed at the very end. E is the last letter and if he were smart he'd have felt confident and maybe had an idea what the answer was. But he doesn't and he feels a little dumb, "I-- I'm sorry about before. Didn't mean to bring up the past." Harry knew there was nothing to apologize for. Beth had clearly not taken any offense to his comment but it was only because she was patient with him and he loved that. He appreciated that and he wanted to make sure Beth knew that.

Beth writes I on the first blank and on the fifth blank, "it's okay baby," she turns her head and meets his lips half way in a kiss. It's a kiss that communicates their understanding for each other.

Harry looks down and frowns. The blanks were now a quarter of the way filled and he was still confused as to what it could say.

"O?"

Beth laughs and draws the stick figures body with a line, "there's no U either," she warns before she has to draw an arm.

Harry grumbles, "H?" That was his favorite letter and sadly it wasn't a part of the mystery words. His little man now had an arm and he was beginning to feel impatient, "E?"

"You already said that," she reminds him with a chuckle, watching Harry scrunch up his face.

"Okay, P?"

"Really? P? At least choose a common letter."

Harry makes a face and leans in for kiss. He feels dumb now and he wonders if he can back out of the game without looking like a knob.

"B.... C... F... D... Q..."

His stick figure now has both arms and both hands. He has both legs and one foot. Harry's failing and he hates it, "I don't want to play anymore."

"Babe you only have four letters left and your stick man still needs a face and hair. He's missing a foot. You've got plenty of chances."

Harry groans and kisses her again, "can't you just tell me the answer?"

Beth giggles and shakes her head, "as your wife I need to make sure you stay grounded and humble," Beth knows Harry has no problem on his own, she just doesn't want to give in and let him win so easily, "only four blanks left."

Harry sighs and picks at his sweater, "M?"

"Yes!" Beth cheers writing M after the I and before the E, "nearly there."

Harry throws his fist in the air and hollers, "I'm so smart," Harry praises himself and looks at the letters. His brow furrows and he's left stumped once more. He try's to say the word out loud and it makes no sense. He still needs to fill three blanks and his head hurts, "T?"

Beth's nerves pick up as she writes T on the second and the fourth blank.

I T T I M E

There's a final blank missing and Harry looks up confused, "it's time? That's a weird choice of words."
Beth's nerves are buzzing and her hands have began to sweat, "think about it."

Harry scratches his head and frowns. It's time? Time for what? He knows there are no important dates coming up. They don't leave for tour for a few weeks and their anniversary is a month away.

When it becomes clear that Harry won't be able to figure this out by himself she sighs and squeezes his hand, "I want everything with you. A baby, a fat dog, a family--"

"In time." Harry finishes, remembering their last conversation.

Beth nods and turns in his arms, "well, it's time."

Harry's eyes widen and his lips twitch upward, "you're ready?!" He needs to hear it from her. He needs to make sure his mind isn't playing tricks on him, "you want to start trying?" His voice is hopeful and he prays he hasn't gotten this wrong.

She shakes her head and turns in his lap, "we don't have to try," she starts out carefully and slow. She can see the wheels turning in his head until his eyes grow with understanding.

"Your-- we're pregnant?!" His voice is breathless and light, "we're having a baby?!"

"Yeah," Beth says laughing and squealing when Harry stands, Beth's legs wrapping around his waist as she holds on for dear life, "I'll take it, your happy?"

"Ecstatic!" Harry cheers screaming, "we're going to be parents!"

"Yes," Beth agrees dropping her legs from his body and placing them on the floor, "hopefully we'll make it to the end," Beth doesn't mean to ruin Harry's joy. She just prays she actually ends up with a baby at the end of nine months.

"We will," Harry promises adamantly, "we're going to make it this time with a baby. As a family. I promise."
Beth nods and wraps her arms over his shoulders, "as a family," she whispers. They can do it. They can make it. They've made it through worse and they're still here.

Harry wraps his arms around her lower back and smiles, not bothering to wipe his wet eyes.

Beth pulls back when she hears him sniffle, her heart dropping, "don't cry baby, I thought you were happy?" Beth says frantically confused. She wipes away a stray tear from his eye.

"I'm crying because I'm happy," he promises squeezing her hips, "I'm so happy."

"Yeah?" Beth still feels the need to ask, "this was a surprise to me too."

"Baby, I'm happy beyond belief, don't you worry. I love you. I love you lots."

"Yeah you do," Beth laughs.

"Can we make out?"

"So polite Styles."

"You married me, Styles," Harry says as they lean in closer, eyes already half closed, "and you're going to make out with me forever."

"Yeah," Beth breathes against his lips. "Yeah, I can do that."

Notes

It is with a heavy and full heart that I bow out gracefully. Thank you for sticking with Beth and I.
You make us laugh. You make us lovey.
You make us smile. You make us so very happy.

Have lovely days sponge cakes. So very lovely. (\^.^/)
#bffs #bethssupportgroup