You Have Me

In life I had always believed love was inconvenient. Especially when it turned out to be true. That it was only real for those who deserved it. For those who needed it.

I wasn't someone who needed it. Wasn't sure I deserved it.

I was fine. I had a promising future, more money than I knew what to do with, and enough girls to build an army. I was set. I was comfortable.

And now looking back.

I was eighteen, and I was an idiot.

My mum used to tell me stories about being in love. Said they were some of the most magical moments of her youth. Sometimes she'd cry while she retold her stories, and sixteen years later I still get the same reflex to reach out and hug her. Other times she'd shake her head, while laughing, a crazy grin on her face.

Those were the times that I'd laugh with her.

Those were also the same times I'd wonder if I'd ever fall in love. If I'd ever be lucky enough.

And I guess I was. Because Beth was here and she had said yes. She had somehow--by some fucking powerful miracle--Beth had said yes. To me.

It made me think about what my mum would always say when I would ask her, if I'd fall in love. I can still see her smile, the crinkle in her eyes as she squeezed me in a hug and kissed the top of my head, as she'd say, "well, when you fall in love you'll just know baby. Something inside your tummy will click and everything will make sense, no matter how messy things are. You'll know why it didn't work out with the other pretty girl. Does that make sense baby?"

Back then I was glad I was only a kid who didn't have to worry about being alone. I always thought it would be impossible, that I'd never understand.

And in a strange way I still don't. I don't understand how it's possible for one person to mean so much to another. For someone to want to spend all their time and money on them because they think they don't deserve it. How someone would go out of their way to make the other person laugh and see a glimpse of their smile.

Or maybe--maybe I do, because then I see Beth and it's clear.

It makes sense.

Beth who never gave up on me. Who never left me, when she had every reason to. Beth who loved me and not the amount in my bank account. Beth who became my entire world without even trying. It's Beth.

It's always been Beth

And I guess people all around the world have found their own versions of Beth.

I guess it's not until you find your person that you understand. That it clicks.

"She's incredible." A soft voice speaks quietly, as an arm lays over my shoulders, and I'm being moved to lean against my sisters' shoulder.

"She is," I agree laying my head against her. "Have you talked? I'm sure she'd love to meet you..again."

"That's very depressing," Gemma points out with a slim smile, "but yeah. We did speak. She's still the same. A bit confused and slightly overwhelmed, but overall she's the same, charming, snarky Beth I remember. M'glad all the shit that's happened didn't change that."

"Yeah," I sigh, "how are you? Haven't seen you in months." Not by choice. But by life situations and complications with her schedule, that it was almost near impossible for Gemma to fly down here and meet Beth for the second time.

"M'fine. Nothing new," she says dismissively, waving her hand around. I know where this is going and Gemma doesn't want to stall her snooping by going through our pleasantries. "Let's talk about you and how you're getting married tomorrow and how Beth, sweet--forgiving Beth hasn't left you yet."

"Here we go," I mumble, pulling away slightly. "Before you give me your big sister lecture or whatever, just know Louis already gave me one and then proceeded to kick my ass. No need to add more wounds."

"Beth should've been the one who kicked your ass," with all the time that has passed I had forgotten how protective Gemma used to be and still is over Beth. "Your my baby brother Harry, and I love you. I'm just making sure you're not going to fuck things up again. Don't want you to live your life full of regret and loneliness because you couldn't get your shit together." Gemma has always been straight forward with me. She's always been tough. That's the only reason I'm not offended or upset. Because Gemmas' my older sister. She knows me. She's family. "I don't want you to ruin your one chance at love." She finishes slow and cautious.

"I'm not going to ruin it Gemma. M'going to try not to," it might lead to my early death, but it'll be worth it. "When I met Beth I knew I was done Gemma. I didn't need to keep looking at any other girl; or try with any other possible relationship. I'm not going to mess it up Gem. M'not going to let myself fuck everything and lose the one girl I'll ever love. I won't let it happen."

"You better not," she warns, "I don't think you'd survive."

I don't think I'd be able to either.

"This room is gorgeous," Gemma coaxes.

The room itself could be picture from a story. With its fairy lights surrounding us, illuminating us from the dark. The tables were rotund circles, each bright and decorated with the right amount of sunflowers, roses, light pink lilies, and baby's breath.

A small garden over each table top if you will.

The chandelier over our heads was a sight all on its own and the utensils were matching the flute glasses holding various types of alcohol.

It was grand and simple. Elegant but not over barring.

It was perfect. It was once what Beth had described.

"Do you think Beth likes it?" My fiancé in question, is laughing with Louis and my grandmother, who is
currently cupping Beth's cheeks inside her wrinkled and usually soft palms.

"I'd bet a million pounds she does bub. Why wouldn't she?"

"Just wondering," so far, Beth has been lovely with everyone she doesn't remember from before the accident. She still tenses when someone new approaches and she doesn't like straying too far from anyone she's familiar with, but other than that, you'd never be able to tell Beth didn't remember. "Want it to be perfect for her."

"You're really in love aren't you," Gemmas' tone is almost unbelieving.

"I am." Ridiculously and stupidly in love.

"That's so great," Gemma sniffles. I turn my head and laugh at my sister who looks exactly like my mum right now. "It's just so beautiful." She coos, with another sniffle, wiping under her eyes.

"Oh, Gem, first Mum and now you? When did I become the strong one."

"You're not. You still cry at the end of the note book," she wraps her free arm around me and hugs me tight. "M'so happy for you, bub!"

"Thanks Gemma," I say, patting her back gently.

"You should go be cute with Beth. Mum and I don't have nearly enough pictures." And I disagree with that. Liam complaining Mum stole his phone for its camera. Being all the proof I needed.

"Please no more pictures," I move back, stopping to leave a kiss on Gemma's cheek. "I'll be with Beth if you need me for any wedding business."

Gemma nods and mumbles something about Beth being the one she'll get if there is any wedding business to attend to, because I'm too short minded and my attention span is worse than a new born kitten.

I walk slow and quiet behind Beth, my grandmother now sitting in her chair, speaking to a relative that I haven't spoken to in years.

"Baby," I wrap my around her tightly from behind. Her back is pressed against my chest, her hands rubbing my arms.

"Harry," Beth mumbled. Louis shakes his head, walking away, as he leaves with a fond smile. Muttering his decision to find his girlfriend. Beth turned in my arms, one of her arms finding its way around my neck as the other hung by her side. "I feel like I haven't seen you all night," Beth giggled and leaned in to peck my lips.

With greeting everyone and trying to make sure everyone was happy Beth and I always seemed to pass by each other.

Even if we were the ones getting married.

"I know," she hummed. "It's been a busy dinner hasn't it?"

"Hm," I hummed before leaning in and stealing a quick kiss. "Now," I spoke softly, kissing Beth again, pushing her back gently. "Let me see you." I took her hand, and spun her to the right. Her dressing puffing out slightly.

"What do you think?" Beth asked as she came face to face with me again.

"Completely stunning." I gushed out. Her dress hugged her body in the best ways. Not too tight. Not too loose. I had heard stories about this dress. It had apparently taken Mum and Beth four hours and a few tears (still not sure from who) to find it.

Beth had said she felt like the dress had been a god-sent. That she had fallen in love with the white satin material. The dress was chosen to give the celebration an overall vintage flare, and Beth's favorite part was that if the lighting was perfect you'd be able to see it sparkle, thanks to the help of the glitter embellishments.

"And the shoes? Can't forget about the shoes," I looked down and smiled at her glittery black heels. The shoes were also a mission (Beth almost crying when she couldn't find shoes. Because no ordinary shoe would be right. Because her dress was special and her shoes needed to match). But thanks to mum and they had miraculously found their way to her.

"Beautiful." Everything Beth wore somehow looked beautiful. It was just who Beth was. "Are you feeling better?" She looked better. Her eyes were sparkling and her smile was kind. "How are your feet?"

"Warm," she smirked. "I'm okay, nan says I'm the same so I think it's going well."

"Everyone loves you," I say, my fingers running through her hair. "Gemma is already smitten."

"Ooo," her eyebrows wiggle, "imagine if she had seen me in my bow tie." Beth in a bow tie is still probably the cutest thing I'm ever going to see in my entire life. "Only a few hours until we become boring married people, who can't remember their anniversary."

"Baby, we'll never be boring married people," even if we were, it'd be okay. "Your mouth is too smart for that. Not to mention your choice in a best friend."

"Lou and I are not that bad," if Beth had her memory (and I'm ignoring the fact that this might not be happening if she did) I'd be able to bring up the time they were arrested for reckless driving. I'd also mention the time Beth made our management team cry, when they were correcting Louis. "People just don't have a sense of humor now a days." Beth finishes with her lips puffed out in a frown.

"You are so cute. You and your pout, oh my god, Beth."

"She wasn't that cute when she crashed a golf cart against the snack table," Ed. The only reason I know it's Ed, is because the corner of my eye can fairly make out his red carrot hair. "Or when she and Lou hid the cupcakes because they weren't politically correct." When he's finally standing in front of us, Beth has gone tense and her eye brows are furrowed against her forehead.

"I did not do that," Beth says, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Harry, why is this red haired man saying I did that? I didn't...unless....you know-- never mind, that actually does sound like something I'd do." There are possibly enough stories of all the vicious crimes she has committed, that I could potentially write a series. "Hello there."

"Baby, this is Ed," The man in question smiles, his shoulders shrugging. "You met Ed before your accident."

Beth mouths an 'oh' and looks up questioning, "did I ever ask you a question having to do with ginger-ale?"

"Yes," Ed laughs.

"And you still like me?"

"Very much so."

"You're a good man Ed. A good man indeed."

"You're still a riot," Ed grins, patting my shoulder, turning his attention to me, "and you are shit at keeping in touch."

That is possibly true, but I refuse to admit it. "Oh, Ed, if you really loved me, you would have rang first."

"How you were able to score someone funny, I'll never know," Ed turns to face Beth and winks, "there's still time to run."

"I wouldn't get very far," Beth squeezes my middle, and I know she may be joking, but it'd be excellent karma for Beth to run and never look back. "I have asthma."

"You romantic," Beth laughs and when I think about it, Beth's laugh is something I'll never grow tired of hearing. It's the definition of joy and Beth radiates it from miles away. "And sometimes if I'm real lucky she'll even say she likes me."

"We can't have it all, Harry."

"You were right, Haz," Ed says, clearly happy with himself for disrupting our clever word play, "she is cute. I have to go sit down before Niall eats my food. Again. Congratulations and I'll be seeing you tomorrow..or around...whichever comes first."

"Bye," Beth dismisses him away and turns to me, a small frown on her face.

"Why the sad look?"

"I just thought of another ginger joke, but he's gone and, well, now it's pointless since you're not a ginger."

"Oh my god, I really want to go down on you right now. Fuck, you are so bloody cute."

"I'm both flattered and creeped out," Beth hand snakes up and tangles in my hair, "your mom has been flailing her arms around for like five minuets now."

"Why didn't you say something?" Beth shrugs and turns my head with her hands.

"Because it was amusing. Also it's payback for taking my bow tie away."

"I don't know that women," and I may not be able to pull that lie off. Not when she's coming our way, smile the same as mine. "Um excuse me Ms. Do I know you?"

Beth snickered shaking her head.

"Oh, aren't you funny," Mum said with a distinct roll of her eyes.

"He's not usually," Beth sighs, "he's getting better though. Momma Styles, can I please have my bow tie back?"

"Darling you can have your bow tie back tomorrow. After the wedding."

"But I need it," I looked over at Beth. What could she need a bow tie for? I know this is my first wedding, but I'll bet everything that Beth is wearing a dress tomorrow. "Momma S. this is really messing up my plans."

"Oh Beth. You and your antics. Tomorrow," Beth looked up, eyes shinning sadly. And god I just want to nuzzle and cuddle her until I can't breathe. "I need you both to go and sit. Mumma has a few words for both of you."

Mum leaves before Beth and I move. "Why do you need your bow tie back?"

"No reason," Beth says easily, shoulders shrugging. I keep my mouth quiet, even though I know Beth needs her bow for reasons unknown to me, but either way her reasons seem to be very important to her. "Let's go sit, before she grounds us--which I have just learned she can, don't know why or how that works....but your mom scares me."

I should know. I am her child.

"I kind of love you. Like a lot-lot." I wrap my arms around her waist, enjoying the way her body molds and relaxes against mine.

"I would hope so. We're about to spend forever together."

"It's not long enough," I guess when you find your person no amount of time will ever be sufficient. Not for me. "I'll take what can I though." My fingers glide down her arm and land on the ink, inside her wrist.

"You tree sized sap."

"You love I-"

"Hey you two, sit down. You're holding up the party."

"Why are we friends Lou?" Beth laughs, grabbing my hand and leading us to our table. Before she can sit in her chair, I maneuver her over my lap holding on until she gives up and sits down with a laugh. "Why are all the men in my life weird?"

"Cause you're weird?" Niall calls out.

"That is so offensive." Beth replies with a chuckle.

"Kind of true babe," Zayn joins in.

"I second that statement." Liam helps, taking a sip of his drink.

"Shut up, losers. Someone wants to do the impossible and say nice things about Beth and Harry."

"Louis stop it. Beth, Harry, shut up so I can say nice things about you two," and it never ceases to amaze me, how my mum has the power to control Louis and Beth. I haven't mastered that yet, which isn't very fair. Not when I'm the target of most of their pranks. " Okay. Hello everyone. I'm Anne. Mother of the groom. Enchanted by the bride," Mum breathes out, and it's a bit strange how I can actually feel her nerves. "I'm going to try and not cry. I may fail, but I will try. Bare with me." She closes her eyes and breathes out again. Her eyes scanning over Beth and I.

"Though she may not remember--I've had the chance to see Beth and Harry grow into something we don't see everyday. Something almost unheard of now. Beth and Harry are in love. Nicholas Sparks worthy love. And as a Mum the only thing you want for your child is to be happy. And when I look at Harry, and I see how happy he is, I know everything is good. Everything is okay. Beth is extraordinary and I will forever be grateful for her and her choice to love my boy." And when Mum begins to sniffle I know I'm doomed. "It's not easy giving away your child to someone and trust them completely. But this is Beth. And I could not have chosen anyone better than Beth, because there is no one better than Beth. I love your love. And I hope you both are as happy as I am for you. To my boy and my Beth. Cheers!"

There's applause and cheering. My mum swipes under her eyes and approaches us with joyous wet eyes.

"That was so nice. It was so nice," Beth says. Voice choked up. She stands and wraps her arms around Mum. "You are so nice."

"You are so cute," mum says. She lets Beth go and moves to hug me. "I'm so proud of you. So proud." She whispers in my ear and pulls back.

"I love you mum."

"I love you too," her hand cups the back of my head,playing with my hair. She takes a minuet and then smiles and walks away, mumbling how she needs to find Gemma and make sure she's not crying too hard.

"That was so nice." Beth sighs, "and it looks like everyone's leaving." And it's the first time I've actually taken a good look at everyone. There are many people here. Some that I don't even remember speaking to. Some, I just don't remember. Others I haven't seen in years.

And then there's the lads. Liam and Zayn laughing at Niall who is trying to see how many sweets he can fit in his mouth, as Sophia cheers him on, handing over small candies. Louis and Eleanor are lost in each others gazes, fingers twined together.

"Probably should not have left mum in charge of the guest list."

"We do owe her for keeping the paps away, though. That's the only thing that really mattered."

"Beth, s'time to go. Sorry Harry," Louis grins, and I hate the fact that louis doesn't seem sorry at all. I also hate how I didn't even see him coming. "Say goodnight."

"Why am I leaving so early? Half of everyone is still here."

"I've got surprises for you." Louis doesn't divulge more than that. He smirks and pats my shoulder instead. "Remember Harry, no secret meet ups, no texting. No calling. You'll see each other tomorrow."

"You suck Lou." Not seeing Beth until tomorrow seems almost impossible. "M'not a traditional person. I don't care about some stupid superstition."

"You're so damn difficult," Louis cried. "I'm giving you two minuets and then we're sneaking out the back. Too many people waiting out front, and I'd rather not see you awkwardly hug people you don't remember."
Louis trotted away and stopped in front of Eleanor.

I wound my arms around Beth's middle and clasped my hands behind her. "I fucking love you. So fucking much."

"Well aren't you a man of many words."

"I'm a man in love with you." I replied, enjoying the way Beth's cheeks spotted with pink. "You're going to be my wife, baby. My fucking wife."

"Oh my god, I'm going to be a wife," Beth whispered, her eyes growing in size. "I can't...I don't know how to be a....w-wife! How do I---do I cook--what do I call you?!"

"Baby breathe," I placed my hand at the base of her head and chuckled. "The only thing that changes is your last name--if you want--I'm still Harry, and you're still Beth. You're still the women I am absolutely-- ridiculously in love with. I'm still an idiot. Nothing changes...too much."

"Okay, okay," Beth breathes out, effectively calming herself down. "Okay. I'm good. I'm cool. I'll be your w-wife and you'll be my husband. Sounds...okay. Wow second meltdown of the night. Wow."

"Oh my god, just let me go down on you. Please, let me fuck your brains out right now." Beth is sometimes too much for my hormones.

"Ewe, gross. I walked in at the wrong time. Ewe." Louis bellowed, wrinkling his nose. "Your two minuets are up. Say bye Beth."

Beth sighs and leans up to kiss me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Or later," I whispered. I winked at her confused features and kissed her again. "I love you. Don't let Lou get you too drunk. Louis," I turned my head looked at Louis, "take care of her. Be gentle with her and call me if she seems the slightest bit weary."

"Yeah. Yeah." Louis chortled.

"Keep your feet warm," I mumbled.

"I'll set them on fire if I have to." Beth whispered, pressing her lips against mine.

"Okay, save something for your honeymoon," Beth pulls back, Louis taking hold of her hand, leading her away slowly. "Stay out of trouble Styles. You're about to become a married man."

Yeah. I'm about to become a married man.

But before that, I need my mum.

****
2:44 am.

2:44 in the morning and I still can't sleep. Haven't even managed to keep my eyes closed for more than five minuets.

It's 2:44 and I'm about to risk my life, and call Beth. Even if I might die, and Louis might eat me.

The phone rings four times before something on the other side begins to shuffle.

"Hello?" Beth answers breathless and giggly.

"Is Louis around?" My head looks around my room, and I feel ridiculous for thinking I'm about to get caught.

"Harry?" Beth's voice has dropped to a whisper, "this is against the rules."

"We're going to be married people. We don't have to follow any rules." Even if they're Louis' rules. And Louis can probably take me on in a fight.

"You're lucky Lou's in the bathroom."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too," Beth sighs over the phone. "Baby, only a few hours left. Can you make it until then?"

"No."
"Can we at least try?"

"No. Come meet me on the roof. You're only four rooms away." Louis probably should've thought to stay in a different hotel. This is his fault really. "Please baby? I miss you and I can't sleep. Come see me or I'll die."

"And I thought Louis was dramatic."

"Please come?"

"Har-"

"Just a few minuets? Please baby? Please?"

"Fine. Five minuets. That's it. I'll meet you in ten."

"I love you!"

"Shut up." Beth groans and the line clicks.

I'll take what I can get. Even if it's five measly minuets.

****
"You came," Beth smiled, shaking her head. She walked toward me happily, her arms folded over her chest as she tried to keep the cold from her body. "How did you sneak out?"

I knew Louis was dead set on keep us apart for the night. And it might have worked. If Beth wasn't always willing to get herself in trouble for me.

"It wasn't easy," she muttered, wrapping her arms around my neck as she finally stood in front of me, "I escaped when he left the room. By now he's probably figuring out all the different ways he can hide my body when he kills me."

We're breaking the rules right now. It's completely against tradition to see each other the night before the wedding. The thing is ....the only problem is that we just....we don't care. "I'm honored you'd risk your life for me," my arms are tight around her lower back, my nose nuzzled against her cheek. It feels like home.

I'm home.

"Well you sounded desperate over the phone," she jokes, smiling softly.

"Needing to have my fiancé near me is not a desperation. It's a necessity." She laughs quietly, the small noise adding a small ounce of joy to the cold and dark night. "I have to give you something and it couldn't wait."

Reality speaking it could've waited. I just didn't want to. It gave me the perfect excuse to see Beth. Why would I not act on it?

"Sweetheart that doesn't sound like a 'life or death' situation," Beth says nuzzling closer, as a way to keep warm, "Louis' going to kill me." She mumbles against my neck.

"He'll understand," I reason. Although I doubt Louis will act rationally. Louis is known for his dramatics. "I have something for you."

"More presents Harry?"

"Just one last gift as my fiancé."

"Ha-"

"It's tiny. I didn't spend anything."

Beth sighs and moves away. "Okay."

I smirk and pull out the thing Beth has been asking for the whole night. She gasps and takes the black bow from my hands.

"How did you get this? Your mom said I couldn't have it until tomorrow."

"I had a feeling you needed it sooner." I spoke softly. Beth nodded grasping her bowtie in her hand. "Why though?"

"My grandad gave it to me. He kept it because my grandma hated it. And then he gave it to me because my mom hated it. I wanted to give it to Louis."

Beth is sweet. Beth is a bit strange. But she's sweet. "Why?"

"You know how Louis been a bit more sarcastic than usual?"

I wasn't actually going to comment on it. Thought it'd eventually end.

I nod hoping Beth can explain it.

"I heard him crying to Eleanor on the phone. Said he's happy for us, that he's glad we got our shit together. He's just sad, because he's scared I'll forget about him...again. So I thought I could give him this." Beth holds up her bow and sighs.

"So that he'll have it, because my mum hates it?"

"Yes. And because my grandad gave this to me because he loved me. I love Louis and I don't know....it made sense in my head."

"It makes sense baby," maybe not to everyone, but it makes sense. "Louis will love it."

"I hope so," Beth says, leaning against me. "Do you feel better? Tired?"

"I feel okay. I just want to lay down with you, and sleep. I don't like sleeping by myself anymore. It reminds me of bad things."

"It's a just a few hours. Only until the sun comes up and Liam wakes you up. After that I promise you'll never sleep alone again."

"Promise?" It sounds almost too good to be true, and I don't know why. Don't know how, but I just want to cry, because I don't want Beth to leave.

"Cross my heart," Beth declared. "Just a few more hours."

"I-"

"I'm going to kill you both! I'm going to kill you and then I'm going to find a way to bring you back so I can kill you again!" Louis exclaimed, marching towards us.

"How did you find us?" Beth asks, her eyes shinning with fright.

"I knew you wouldn't leave the premises. The press is the size of an army, on the hunt for a picture. You're on the roof idiot. S'not hard to figure out you were here."

"Jesus, someone's angry." Beth mutters.

"I hate you," Lou says with a tired sigh. "Let's go. Harry don't do this again or you'll wake up with no hair and an eyebrow missing." Louis walks to the door and turns around, crossing his arms over his chest.

"A few hours, baby. Just a few more."

"I love you," and I don't want her to leave. It's ridiculous, we're getting married tomorrow.

"I love you too." Beth leans forward and molds her lips against mine. Her fingers play with the hair on the back of my head.

"Beth, let's go before you end up with no hair."

Beth pulls away and smiles. "You're my favorite." She turns and walks towards Louis, taking his hand, as he leads her back inside.

I've got seven hours left. Seven hours and then Liam will come to my room and wake me up (though I don't think I'll be asleep) and I'll proceed to freak out.

I'm getting married in seven hours and, well, seven hours feels like an eternity.

Seven fucking hours.

Notes

I cried while writing this. I cried, I screamed, and I drank so much tea, I think I destroyed several vital organs. Beth's dream wedding is next and honestly after this I promise you all I'm going to hibernate for years.

I love you all.

Drink tea and be lovely. Also #vote.

P.S. Muffins are cool.

P.S.P.S. This chapter is my bitch.