You Have Me

"Lilly wasn't always like this," I say. Louis looks up at me confused. "I remember one time I was set on running away. I don't remember where I was going to go, I just knew I was going to run away." I breathe out and shuffle around on the bed until I'm comfortable. "Lilly was afraid that I'd end up dead and in pieces somewhere before I actually made it. So she came up with the idea of shoving me inside of a bo-"

"Even as a kid she was a bitch." Louis says with arched brows. I shook my head and laughed.

"No it wasn't like that," Louis looks at me unbelieving. "At the time I thought she was a genius. We would pack me inside of a box, write fragile on it and then take me to the shipping place so that they could mail me." Even now it sounds like such a good plan. "It would've worked but my grandad sold us out and made me get out of the box." I mumbled sadly.

To this day I still wonder if we would've gotten away with it.

"I think she was trying to help me, so that my parents wouldn't hit me any more. I'd like to think that's what it was." Looking back at it I wonder what part of my relationship with Lilly was real. If any of it mattered to her.

"That part of your life is over now Beth. No more demented family members."

"Yeah but I'm left with you so who knows." Louis gasps with a hand on his chest.

"You have hurt me in ways I never thought possible." He jokes. I laugh, shaking my head.

This is nice. Louis and I don't get to do this. Not that I remember. Usually I'm going through some crisis or I'm fussing over he fact that my memory hasn't come back. It's been so long that I doubt I'll ever get it back. It's so sad to think like that, but what else am I supposed to think.

"Let's go out," Louis says randomly. "Like, let's take a walk, or we can eat-because I know how much you like eating-or we can walk and eat."

Eating and getting out sounds nice. Everything sounds nice right now.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care," Louis shrugs. "I just want to walk around."

"Okay. Let me get dressed and you go put on shoes or something." Louis frowns and looks down. He chuckles once he sees his bare feet.

"Yes mum." He wines and walks off to his room.

Being called Mum-okay well first of all it's Mom. M.O.M not Mum. Mum sounds weird.

It's almost unreal and it makes me tingle. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that it's happening to me. But it is. It's happening to me and Harry. And despite all of the shit we went through I wouldn't pick anyone else.

Nope. No one else.

****

"So, where to?" Louis asked, sipping on his coffee. I shrugged and tilted my head.

"Anywhere there isn't all these people," I say. I motion to all of the people berating our personal space and taking away any form of privacy we deserved. Louis frowned and looked around. I didn't mean to upset him, or make him feel like I didn't want to be around him. I love being with him.

I mean, who doesn't love hanging out with their best friend. As the explore the city that brought them so much hell.

"Oh, Lou. You know I didn't mean it like that," I reassure him. "I love spending time with you. You're my best friend. And as my best friend you kno-"

"I know. I know. You hate people, and various types of dairy," it's true. Like blue cheese? Why the fuck would anyone want to eat moldy cheese. Ewe. No. A million levels of no. "Don't worry Beth. I won't let anyone hurt you, or my godson. I'll cut a dick in half before that happens."

"Oh my god Louis," I look up at Louis amazed, trying to hold my laughter in "while we appreciate your very strange love for us, we do hope you won't chop any dicks in half. That would just be gross."

Louis laughs and shrugs with a giant grin.

This man has always been a mystery. I still don't understand how or why we work so well. But we do and it's wonderful.

"It'd be worth it. Now come. I'm out of coffee and I'm hungry." Louis acts like a pregnant women. And believe me I know how it feels to be pregnant. He opens the door and steps out. Loud and I mean deafening screams were heard. They were frightening and I'm a tiny bit afraid. He holds his hand out and looks at me with kind eyes. "I've got you." Louis promises.

"Okay." I let out a shaky breath and put my hand in his. I let him pull me out, the screams yelling out our names. Why they're screaming out my name....I don't know.

There's four large men. One on my side the other on Louis'. Another in front and the last in the back. Like a protective bubble, that could easily be knocked down by all of these girls.

"To Starbucks lads." Louis tells them. They just nod and begin walking in sync.

It's amusing and I'd probably laugh if, you know....there weren't all these girls following us.

"I haven't been to this Starbucks sinc-"

"Lucas?"

I looked at Louis with wide eyes. "I told you?" I don't...I....oh god. Lucas is my most embarrassing memory. He also ruined Starbucks for me. That alone is unforgivable.

"Yeah. But I doubt Lucas still works here. It's been almost three years."

We can hope. I can pray.

"What did I tell you? Does Harry know?"

"All you said was that Lucas was your ex and that it didn't work out. Although I'll bet a million dollars that there's more to it." Louis gives me a knowing look. I drop my head hoping my eyes won't give anything away. "As for Harry. Lucas never came up. So no. Harry doesn't know."

I breathe out and nod. Harry not knowing is good thing. Lucas was horrible and the biggest regret I have. And that's above my poor excuse of a family. The fact that Lucas exist makes me realize how unfair my life is. No one. And I mean no one (except Lilly because Lilly is horrible) should ever have a Lucas.

I can smell coffee before I even get in. It's nice and it gives me a warm feeling.

The guard holds the door open for us and I'm hit by a million smells that remind me of Christmas and they make me want to curl underneath a Christmas tree and just sleep.

My eyes are immediately looking for the jet black head of hair. And I only relax slightly when he's not behind the counter or register.

Maybe my luck is changing.

"Do you want matching drinks so we can be like white girls or do you want a different one-knowing that I'll probably drink half of it."

I shrug. I'm white enough as it is.

"Different? That way I can drink half of yours."

Louis nods and leads us to the register. He orders for us and then gets a snack because Louis says not getting a treat is like leaving your dog outside in the rain. And if that's true then that's terribly sad.

"You're holding up the line loser." I look over and glare at Louis who's ditched me. He's standing on the other side, and it only makes me realize how much I zone out. Probably not so healthy.

"You know sometimes your comments hurt."

"Yeah well." Louis shrugs and gives me a twisted smile. I might slap a stamp on his forehead and mail him to my butt.

"What did you order?"

"You'll see. Gosh I hope my god kid isn't this impatient."

"You suck." I shove his shoulder. He's actually quiet funny. But I won't tell him.

His ego can't take it.

"Do you want a bite?" Louis holds out his pastry. It smells like blueberries and my stomach does not do well with blueberries. Ironically they were Lilly's favorite. How funny.

"No thanks. I do-"

"She doesn't like blueberries."

Remember how I said my luck was changing?

I spoke too soon.

I turn around hoping that I'm wrong. Even I can't be this unlucky. Everything comes crashing down when my past flashes right through my eyes. I've got this sinking feeling in my stomach and it's suddenly become too hot.

"Lucas."

"It's nice to see you again Beth." Sometimes I hate my life.

Why am I always so fucked?

Notes

Hoes and boats.