You Have Me

"Beth! Thank god," Harry breathes as he walks towards me. Louis got Niall trapped against the corner, most likely trying to get some small information about what we talked about. I relax slightly as I see him shaking his head, and shrugging against the wall. "Where were you? Beth, we need to talk about it."

And the last thing I want to do is talk to Harry. But I never have a choice.

"Come then," I sigh. I grab Harry's hand and pull him behind me. But before I leave, I owe Niall a thank you. So I stop abruptly and tap Louis shoulder. He turns his head, and moves slightly, giving me enough room to grab Niall's hand and pull him away from the wall. "Niall Horan you are extraordinary. Thank you." I lean up and press a small kiss to his blushing cheek. Niall grins, and mumbles a small 'anytime'. And before I can thank him again Harry, has pushed me behind him, his hand griping my waist. Poor Niall is crowding against the wall, looking like a small child.

"We'll talk about this later." Harry seethes.

"You fucking bet we will." Niall's sudden anger surprises me. And apparently also Harry, because he's put some distance between them, looking at Niall worriedly.

"What? What happened? Harry, what did you do?" Louis accuses, stabbing a finger against his chest.

"Nothing. Harry, let's go." I intervene. I grab his hand, hoping to lead him back to our room, hopeful without anymore conflicts.

****
It's quiet. Nothing but silence for the past ten minuets. I don't know what I'm supposed to say, I don't even know what actually happened, or what has been happening.

I'm angry. I'm fucking furious and I want to hit Lilly and I want to tell her fiancé, letting him know who his future wife actually was. I want to throw so many things at Harry's head, and I want to make him cry. I feel terrible for wanting that. Because Harry...he's Harry. I'm in love with a man who has been making my life miserable and incredible all at the same time.

Everything is just so fucked up right now. It's a mess and I can't see Harry, as just Harry anymore.

"Beth," Harry's voice comes out small. He's walking towards me, hands extended out. I shook my head, my hand going up, to stop him.

"Please don't," I say. Harry stops and his arms drop. "Just tell me how...why? You know what? Just tell my why."

Harry walks the rest of the way. He falls to his knees, his wet eyes making my heart constrict and my chest tighten. "Those three days when Louis took you."

"What?"

"When you had run out after our fight, I had called Lilly. I was angry and hurt. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to make you feel worse," the tears fall freely from his eyes and my blood pressure is about to spike. "I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing. We kissed and when I realized what I was doing, how stupid and unforgivable this was, I pushed her away and made her leave. I couldn't do that to you, I was just so mad. And then she had called today-I promise this was the first time since then that we've spoken-she called saying she missed me." None of this is adding up. Or maybe it is, and it's worse than I had imagined. "I told her I didn't want her, I never wanted her, and when you were talking to Louis, she came and snuck into our room. She wouldn't leave Beth." His head falls on my lap, and a small whimper leaves his throat.

I don't know what to do.

"This is some fucked up shit."

"Beth," Harry picks his head back up. He cups the sides of my head and sighs. It must look bad, he's actually feeling and I refuse to. I've been feeling and I don't like it. It hurts. "Don't hide behind your sarcasm."

"Sarcasm is my only defense," I say. I push his shoulders until he's moved away from me. "It's the only way I can actually handle this right now."

"Beth, you need to let yourself feel. It's not healthy for you to hold it all in."

"You're an ass," I say, standing up. He looks up at me surprised. "You made me fall in love with you, and you weren't there to catch me," his mouth opens and I shake my head. I don't want to hear it right now. "You made me trust you. You made me think you weren't like all the others, and you know what?"

"Beth-"

"You were right," I move out of reach. I don't want his hug right now. I don't want him to try and comfort me. I just want to hurt something. "You're not like all the others, fuck, no. You, you're worse."

"Baby no. Beth," Harry practically jogs to me, his hand curling around my waist. "Beth I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry I fucked it all up again. But please don't say that. Please."

"What do you want me to say? What do you and Louis want from me?"

"I want you to say you, believe me. That you love me." Harry says sadly. His eyes are still dropping tears, and his hands are shaking against me. "Beth please."

"I can't do this Harry. I can't handle anymore surprises." I sigh "You promised me, Harry. You promised me. No more lies, that you'd be honest with me."

"I know and I'm sorry, but-"

"No. No buts Harry, no excuses. I just want it to stop. I want you to leave me alone until I'm ready."

"Alone? No....no fucking way am I leaving you alone, Beth. Not when you're having my baby." Harry looks up with panicked eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too." I say quietly. I kiss his cheek, and I know I need to leave before this becomes too much. "But for now, you and me are finished."

"No we're not! We...fuck Beth, no please don't. It's was a mistake and it'll never happen again! Please baby." I shake my head, and I feel awful because Harry's crying, he can actually show emotion and somehow I feel nothing.

"I need to let you go, for a while Harry."

He shakes his head rapidly, his arms going all the way around me. He wraps himself around me, hugging me tightly. "Beth, please. You can't leave. You both can't leave me." His hand snakes down, and lays over my stomach.

"Harr-"

"Marry me." And I'm not sure my ears heard right, or that my mind actually understood what he had just said. Because he shouldn't be asking this. Because he knows this isn't fair.

"Wha-"

"Marry me."

I might throw up.

Notes

More Doritos!