You Have Me

"Beth...Beth, love wake up."

"Shut up Niall," I groan. Moving away from the hands shaking my shoulder.

No it's too soon. I'm not ready to face reality yet. I don't want to have to deal with, Harry kissing Lilly, and I don't want to deal with the guilt I'm feeling. I just want to stay asleep. Because at least that way, I won't feel so bad.

"Beth, Harry's been calling for the past hour," I sat up, my eyes riddled with sleep. Niall must of noticed the way my body stiffened because he then offers me a reassuring smile. "I didn't answer. I mean, after the way I found you, I don't think you actually want to speak with him, come to think of it, I don't think he knows your here."

Niall shrugs, and I've never been more thankful for Niall. I should hang out with Niall more. Because Niall gets it, without being told an explanation.

"Niall Horan you are absolutely lovely." Niall grins. And I've missed Niall. His ability to understand things is comforting. Like no matter what happens, Niall will be there, because you're his friend. "How long have I've been asleep?"

Niall shrugs. "A while. You looked tired so let you sleep." Everyone should have a Niall. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. I don't even want to remember it, let alone talk about it.

"No. But maybe we can eat?" Niall beamed and nodded excitedly.

"You're one of mine!" He exclaimed, pulling me off of his bed. "Where to? Hm, never mind you look sad. Comfort food."

"Comfort food?"

"That's just another word for grease and junk food, babe. I've got so much to teach you!" He grabbed my wrist leading us out. He stopped causing me to walk into his back, my hand flinging down as some lame attempt to shield my little person. "Harry and Lou are there!" He whispered. I leaned forward and sighed. Okay, we had to leave without being caught. Difficult but not impossible. I think.

I turned to face him, pressing a finger against my lips. Niall's head bobbed once. I grabbed his hand and began to sneak out as soon as Paul was in front of Harry and Louis. And right now Paul deserves a hug, and maybe a small kick, because he's fraternizing with the enemy.

My breathing didn't return to normal until we were out. The back door finally getting some use.
****
"I know I'm not Louis or Harry," Niall starts out nervously. Right now it's a perfect thing, that he's not them. "But maybe you can talk to me too? Like...I don't know. Maybe I can help?"

"Niall-"

"I just, I don't want to see you sad anymore, Beth. Sometimes I feel like that's the only emotion you can feel or something."

I reach over and place my hand on top of his. Maybe talking to Niall will help. Maybe Niall can help me feel better. At this point that seems almost impossible, but what do I know? I've never seen Niall fail at anything. "Everything is messy, and fucked up," I warn him. Niall just mumbles out a small okay. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything, or that you have to take sides."

"Beth-"

"Niall whatever I tell you, you have to promise it won't change the way you see your friends okay? They're still your band mates and what happened, happened to me, okay?"

"Beth I know," Niall says, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, "I don't want to complicate things. I just want to help you feel better. Even if I only help a tiny bit."

I remove my hand and nod. "Okay."

"Yeah?...okay...okay, let's talk." Niall's eyes have lit up and he's got a concentrated look.

"Niall this isn't a happy situation."

"I know, but it's nice to know you trust me." He shrugs and Niall's excitement makes me want to coo and cuddle him.

"Did you know about Lilly and Harry?" It's best to just jump in to. No point in dragging it on.

Niall moves back, leaning against his chair confused. "Harry and Lilly? Doesn't the bitch hate Harry?"

"That's what I thought!" Niall jumps in his seat and I look around, hoping no one heard me. "Every time I've ever saw them together, well the times recently, because obviously I don't know about before, she's always acted like Harry's mere presence disgusted her."

"What does Harry have to do with Lilly?"

"I don't know," I sighed. I picked up my drink and took a sip. Sodas nice. Soda has never hurt me. "I walked in on them kissing."

"Kissing? As in-"

"Lips pressed together," I pressed the tips of my two fingers together, "Spit swapping. Foreheads touching...a kiss Niall! They were kissing. Not hard to understand."

"It is when you say it was Harry and Lilly." Niall looks at me, "what are you going to do?"

"I don't want to do anything Niall. Right now I'm over everything."

Niall shakes his head. "Don't say that Beth, you're just upset."

"I'm beyond upset Niall. I think I'm mad, I could be livid."

"Beth you can't hide your feelings behind sarcasm," and if I try really hard, I think I can. "You have to let yourself feel what it is you're feeling. S'not healthy to be like that." Niall picks up a fry and chews on it. His face deep in thought. After he swallows, he looks up, "I think you should speak with Harry, and then you can both decide what the best thing to do is."

"Why should Harry get a say? He fucked me over. He should be...something not good."

Niall chuckles and shakes his head. "Okay, how about you talk to him, and then do whatever you want to? Unless it's bad, then no."

"And when you say that, you mean that I don't have a choice, don't you?"

"Exactly." Niall grins.

And maybe I should've gone to Zayn. Maybe he wouldn't make me feel. Because that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to fall part anymore, I just want to be okay. I want everyone to be okay.
I want to be done. My little person shouldn't be born into this drama.

I'm going to make sure they don't have to deal with this.

I think it's time I end it.

Notes

I threw my burrito at my sister and now I'm sad because that burrito was bae :(