You Have Me

"Everything was shit," Harry starts. These are the first words he's managed to say since Louis retreaded into Harry's and I's room to give us some sort of privacy. "You weren't happy, Beth. You were so sad with what was going on with your family, and I was under so much fucking pressure, with the label, and the fans," He takes a deep breath in and wipes under his eyes. Oh, Christ Harry. Please stop crying. "If you weren't fighting with your dad and sister, and I wasn't fighting with management. We were fighting with each other. I said so many things Beth. So many fucking awful things, and you just took it." He flinches and the tears slip underneath his eyelashes. "I'd get so mad, Beth. You wouldn't say anything back. You wouldn't scream, or throw things at me. You'd sit there and you'd wait for me to finish."

And I don't believe it. I don't believe Harry would do that. I know Harry.

He's....he's ......maybe.......someone completely different.

"what does that have to do with me loosing my me-"

"Everything," he finishes my question, before I can really ask it. He moves closer towards me and his hand grabs my wrist with the tattoo on it. "Look at your wrist. Try and look over the tattoo."

With confused eyes I look down. And all I see is are the neatly written words. "I don't see anything Harry." Harry's sighs and pulls out his phone. He switches on the mobile flash light and shines it on my skin. And then I see it. And I wish I hadn't.

It looks like the tattoo was used as a cover up, because hiding underneath the neat font were four large scars. They look healed and faded, but right now they were clear and mocking me.

"What happened? What the fuck happened?!" If I wasn't freaking out before, I fucking was now.

Harry sniffles and moves my wrist up to his mouth and drops a kiss on it. He sets it back down and grips my hand. "You couldn't sleep, Beth. You were so sad, that you couldn't sleep. And when you could you wouldn't get out of bed for days. It was on those days where you'd sleep that I'd see those same gashes on your wrist. Fuck, Beth I wanted you to go and get help. I couldn't take, you hurting yourself. But all you'd say was that you weren't sad. You just marked the nights you couldn't sleep. That you didn't need to do it."

It just keeps getting worse and worse.

"Most of them faded away. Except those four," he took a deep breath and looked up at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. "The lads intervened a few weeks later. Louis hated me. He absolutely want to kill me, and I was ten times worse. I wanted him dead. He had taken you from me. He wouldn't let me see you.

And then one day he left you alone because he had something to do with Eleanor, I don't know. I remember Niall finally took pity on me and drove me to see you," he stopped and cached his breath. "We fought Beth. Probably the worst fight we've ever had. I screamed and for the first time you screamed back. You got so mad that you walked out and drove away."

So what? I got into a car accident and I lost my mind? How fucking cliche.

"And then a car hit me? Or....?" I'm desperately trying to catch on. I'm trying to understand. But I don't. He shakes his head and a shaky breath leaves his throat.

"I finally found you three days later," He runs his fingers through his untamed hair and looks down. "I was so mad Beth. I hadn't slept in two days, and I felt.....I fucking felt like you had left me. I was furious and when I saw you I just wanted you to hurt. I wanted you to feel what I had been feeling. So I....I'm so sorry Beth, I didn't know you'd end up in the hospital!"

"What the fuck did you do to me?"

Every word that came out of his mouth was like, boom. Boom. BOOM. It wasn't like I was upset, and I wanted to cry. It felt like I was being punched over, and over again.

"I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to hurt you! I wanted to kill myself after it happened! Fuck Beth I was so sick with myself!"

And now all I wanted to know was, what had happened. I didn't care that Harry was blubbering and crying. Well I did. Of course I fucking did. But I wanted to know what he had done. No matter how much my heart was hurting at the sight of Harry crying.

"What did you do?"

"Louis had found out. He had shown up and when I saw that he wanted you to go with him, I lost it. Oh god, all I saw was red. So I picked up a damn vase and I ran at him. I wanted to hurt him so badly. I ran and ran. Until I had hit him," I don't understand? Louis fine. Harry and Louis are both fine right now. "Only it wasn't him I hit." No.

Oh, god. No. No. He didn't. He couldn't.

But with his panicked eyes and shaking hand I know he did.

"That's not true." I gasped. I flung off the bed. And moved away. I was completely shocked. That didn't happen. "It's not true.....that's not true." I repeated over and over.
He moved towards me and reached for my hand. He only stopped when I had flinched. His face was hurt, and I want to throw up.

"I didn't know it was you! I was so angry that I didn't even see when you had pushed Louis out of the way and by then it was too late. Zayn and Liam were holding me back as Louis and Niall were with you on the floor. I-I didn't mean to hurt you! I never wanted to hurt you!" He shook his head holding his hands up. "I swear Beth! All I wanted to do was keep us together!"

"How long was I unconscious?"

"You woke up four days later, not remembering anything." He whispered wiping under his eyes.

How hard had he hit me?

Everything is adding up now. It all makes sense in the worst ways. Harry, the man I was falling in love with had done this to me. He was the reason I was so lost and confused. Oh god. No. Please. No. This isn't true. No. Oh god it's not. He was trying to protect me from my father, and Lilly, when he should've been protecting me from him. I had left my dying father and my sister because they had insulted Harry. I was an idiot.

Oh fuck. I was so stupid.

"Baby, please. I'm so sorry."

"I was falling in love with you," I started. I looked up at Harry's surprised and sad face. "Do you get that? I was falling in love with you. I had left my dad and Lilly, because I didn't want to be around people who wanted to me leave the guy I was in love with. I'm sorry Harry."

"What? Why are you sorry?"

"Because I can't keep my promise. I can't stay with you. Not after this."

"No, please ba-"

I ran out before he could stop me. Before his sad look could change my mind. I loved Harry. Oh god, I fucking loved him. But how the fuck am I supposed to stay with him?

I think Harry had the right idea, about not wanting to tell me. Because right now I wish he hadn't.

Notes

This is so sad. Harry is making me sad. /).(\