You Have Me

Open the door. Please. Please open th-

"Do you know what fucking ti- Beth? What's wrong?" Louis' sleepy eyes are big and worried. His hand reaches out to cup my cheek as he studies my face. He pulls me inside. I look over and spot Zayn. He is sitting up on the bed rubbing his eyes.

"Why does everyone hate us." Zayn groans.

"Shut up, and go see Harry."

"What? Why would I g-" Zayn looks around until he sees me. He nods and slides off the bed. He rubs the back of his neck and walks over to me. He doesn't say anything (probably because he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know what happened) he just leans down and kisses my cheek and cups the back of my head. He walks out silently, the door shutting softly behind him.

"Come," Louis grabs my hand and pulls me on the bed. He sits in front of me his legs crossed underneath him. "Tell Tommo what happened. Come on." I shake my head and the tears fall without my permission.

Oh, I hate everything right now,

"I can't remember. That's what happened." Louis just sits there as my answer sinks in. But even after three minuets, he looks the same.

"You just have to be patient. You'll remember soo-"

"It's been five weeks. Soon was three weeks ago."

"Beth," He sighs, "What happened? I know this isn't just about you forgetting. What did Harry say?" And right now I'm a little freaked out that he knew this had to do with Harry.

"It's what I didn't say," I breathe out, "Lou, he's so sad, because I don't remember loving him. And I don't know if I do right now. And when he asked me and I couldn't answer right away he-oh god Lou, he started crying and yelling, and I don't know Louis. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Nothing, sweetheart," Louis starts. His hand reaches out and grabs mine. "You don't have to do anything. It's not your fault, that you can't remember. And it's not your fault that Harry's upset about something that is completely out of your control. He needs to understand that." I stare down at my hands. It's always nice with Louis. Almost easy. He's always been able to calm me down. Something about it being so normal with Louis. Even If I can't remember absolute shit.

I release a shaky breath and look up at him. "I don't know if I love him," I tell him hoarsely and with all the heartbreakingly honesty I have. "And I don't know if I'll ever remember loving him." Louis makes a soft sound and tugs me into his arms. And I feel so young and small. "It'll be okay," he says, "you're both going to be okay. You'll see. Everything's going to be okay."

"No it won't be." I tell him, broken my eyes already pooling at the thought of Harry having enough and leaving forever. I know it's almost guaranteed, especially because I left. Oh god What did I do, "I left," I whisper, not believing it yet, "why did I leave him? Why the fuck did I leave him? I shouldn't have run away. I should've,....fuck he's going to hate me." Before he can answer someone's knocking on his door. Louis sighs but doesn't get up to answer it. And then they knock again. And again. And again.

He makes a frustrated sound, and gets up grumbling. "I swear if it's zayn I'm going to kick his head." I lean my head back, with my eyes closed.

When did everything get so messy?

"Harry. No." And there's Louis and he sounds firm and angry.

"Louis, please." And fuck me straight in the heart, because that's Harry and he sounds so sad, and lost.

"Beth's here. I know she is. Just let me see here. Let me talk to her, Lou, please. I'm begging you. I fucked it all up please Lou."

And oh god, Harry. No baby, no.

And when he never comes in I sit up and open my eyes. Louis got the door held tightly with his leg and arm, and it's prevent Harry from coming in, and I've never been more thankful for Louis.
Louis doesn't move. His hold doesn't falter. "Harry, no. She needs more time. Go back to your room. Sleep and calm down,"

But when Louis doesn't close the door I know Harry hasn't taken his advice. "Beth?" Harry's voice is loud and clear. He sounds desperate and panicked. "Baby listen to me. Come talk to me. I need you to talk to me."

Louis shakes we had turning his head slightly, to look at me, "It's enough, yeah? Did you hear me Harry?" He doesn't wait for him to answer or for him to walk away. "Beth can't give you what you want Harry. Not right now. She doesn't remember and it's not her fault and you can't keep hurting her by throwing it in her face. It's not okay." And Louis doesn't sound like this was the first time he's ever said this. "I'm not going to let her cry about this anymore Harry. Fuck off until you can get your shit together."

Harry lets out a lethal sob and the fact that I can hear it from the bed makes me want to throw up and make myself explode. "Beth, please. Don't let them keep you from me. No, Beth no."

And oh what? Again?

I fucking hate this. I hate it when Harry sounds like that. When Harry sounds like he's trying to keep himself from falling apart.

"Louis," I mutter breathlessly. I stand up and reach for him. I tug on his arms trying to move him. "He's crying Louis. Let him in please. Don't make him cry Louis please. Stop it." Louis sighs and his body sags. He moves without too much force and Harry barges in his eyes still dropping tears. He looks shattered.

"Beth," he mumbles and I can't take it anymore. I reach forward and wrap my arms around him in a tight hug.

"Don't cry Harry." I coo quietly, "please stop crying. It's okay."
Harry takes a deep breath in quivering as it comes out. The tears prickling down slowly. "Come with me." I shake my head, watching as Harry winces.

"I can't come back with you, until you tell me what happened. Tell me how I lost my memory."

"Beth," Harry says, "I can't. You'll never forgive me. You'll leave and- fuck Beth. No. Please don't make me."

"Tell me Harry. Please. I promise you I won't leave okay? But I need you to tell me."

Harry closes his eyes and wipes his eyes. "You're going to hate me."

And I don't know if he's over reacting or not.

Notes

I'm so sad, omg /).(\