You Have Me

"What? Harry, what happened?" I need a minuet. A minuet to just stand here, because I know that what I'm about to hear is going to change everything. And it's terrifying that just with a couple of words from Harry my world sort of shatters around me and my heart drops into the pit of my stomach.

"Nothing. Now's not the time to talk about this." He's trying to convince me. And no. Now is the time. He makes a frustrated noise and slides off the bed to pace the room. My eyes blink slowly and god, why do I feel so anxious? "Everything I've ever done has been for you, because I need you happy. I need you with me. Your mine and they wanted me gone. They didn't want us to be together. I wasn't going to let that happen."

“Are you even listening to yourself?” I mutter, “You make no sense.”

Harry stops his pacing and looks at me like I've just slapped him and insulted his mother. I feel something scoop in and hollow out all the cells in my body, so I'm cold and dead everywhere. This is completely mad. Harry's insane and he's not making any sense. This doesn't make sense. “I just got you back,” he says, “How can you just - “

"Haz, we've been together for five weeks- what do you mean you just got me back?"

Harry's body is shaking slightly. His hands are balled into fist. When I look up to his face, all I want to do is reach out and make him okay. Make him believe That he'll be okay. He's squeezing his eyes tightly, but his tears drip through them anyway. When he opens his eyes I'm looking at him, devastation and misery under my skin. "I just want forever with you." He says in the smallest voice I've ever heard. Oh baby, no.
Please anything but this.

I can't get up from the my spot on the bed. I'm frozen and my hearts breaking slowly. I've never hated this amnesia bullshit more than I do now. Everything is happening so fast. Harry's talking about forever, he's crying and his mood swings are giving me whiplash. Why is this happening to me? Why do I feel like I'm about to loose Harry?

"What did you do Harry?" My question comes out slowly and hesitant. I don't know if I want it answered. I don't know if I can handle it. And I probably can't. Nope. Not a fucking chance.

He blinks. His cheeks are a slight red and oh, he looks so sad. "Why does it matter? Aren't you happy with me? Don't you love me?"

Love? Oh. Oh, fuck me. I've been caught.

"Of course I'm happy with y-"

"Do you love me?"

But no matter how neutral I think my face is, it must give something away because Harry, is suddenly near me again. "You don't know if you do, do you?" And it's not that I don't know. It's just that I'm not one hundred percent sure and .....fuck me because that's the same damn thing. And I can't take this. Not knowing if I love Harry. Not knowing if Harry and I were in love before. "No," he whispers. He stands shaking his head frantically. "No, Beth! You do-you do love me!" He backs away and I wish I could just reach up and pull him close and kiss him. I just want to kiss this away.

"Hey, no, Harry. Stop. I do love you. I just-," I mutter softly into the room but I don't think Harry can hear me over the loud beating my heart is making.

"You just don't remember," Harry finishes and the tears slide down his face. And no baby, please no. Please don't do this to me. My eyes are sad and sorry. So fucking sorry. "Can you please tell me why? Because I love you. I love you so fucking much. I'm so in love with you. And you used to feel the same Beth! It's not fair! You lost your memory not your heart."

"Harry, please," I shake my head and I swallow back my heart as I count the seconds waiting for Harry to turn and walk out.

But in the end he doesn't. And when he doesn't I know I need to.

I begin to grab a few this as Harry watches me with sad wet eyes. And right now I need to go. I need to figure out why everything feels so wrong, and why Harry was acting like this. I think, oh god I need Louis. He's always been there. He'll be here now right? I hope. I really, really do.

"What are you doing?" Harry asks quietly, leaning against the wall. His voice sounds more panicked now than it did before, and I feel a rush of hurt. I pointedly ignore him, grabbing my left shoe and slipping it on.
"Beth," Harry moves closer, slowly, "where the fuck are you going? You can't leave."

I don't want to. But I can't stay here. Not right now.

My shoulders shrug and I sling my backpack over my shoulders, "I'm leaving." I mumble. I can't say the word you. It hurts too much. Harry's mouth opens and no sound comes out. I can see the way his jaw trembles, before he's clenching it together, and grinding his teeth.

"What? No!"

I go to move past him, "I need to leave, Harry. I need to talk to someone."

Harry reaches out sharply to grasp my arm, spinning me firmly back in his direction. "Me," he says, voice hard and shaky. "You can talk to me."

I peel his hand away from me, "No. I can't. I've tried Harry."

"Beth," Harry whispers and he sounds so broken his voice chocked, and all I want to do is cuddle him under the covers and never face this world again. "Baby, listen to me, yeah? I -" His hand reaches up to cup my cheek.

I have to try and blink back my tears because this hurts. This hurts so bad right now. "No," I mumble, "I can't take more."

Harry doesn't respond at that. His hand falls away from my face. I step forward and wrap my arms around his waist, my cheek resting against his shoulder. "This hurts Harry," I admit slowly, "I need to go."

"Be-" Harry begins to argue but I slap his side to keep him quiet.

"I don't know what you need Harry - and I can't watch you hurt like this." All my honesty is being poured out right now. "I don't know how to." I move away from him and there's a strong urge to cry when Harry scrapes his fingers against my back as a last effort to keep me from leaving. I take a deep breath and look back at Harry,

"You're my favorite."
But Harry doesn't look like he believes me when I glance up at him. Instead he's making these soft, uncontrollably broken noises and tears are running down his face. "No," he says, "No! Please Beth, please. Don't go." I can't look at him anymore. I slip past Harry before he's able to change my mind with his eyes. It's only right before I close the door softly, that I realize that Harry is crying.

And one day Harry and I are going to wake up and we're going to be okay. But today. Today is not that day. Today my heart was ripped into shreds and I hurt the one person I never thought I'd hurt. And they'll say it's a broken heart. But they won't be able to explain why I hurt in my whole body.

Notes

Oh god. Someone come hold me. I cried like a little bitch. Omg. /).(\