The Flashbacks

-flashback, after graduation-

Kaitlyn's pov

I sit curled up on the curb, rain soaking me as his mustang pulls into the emptying lot. I unravel myself from my balled up position, standing up straight and brushing my dress off as he climbs out. He stalks towards me slowly, door slamming shut as I jump slightly as the loud noise it causes. His hair instantly flattens down due to the downpour, eyes never leaving mine as he stands a foot away from me.

"Hi Niall." I whisper, biting my cheek as I feel tears well up again. I had just finished crying moments before and I didn't quite plan on crying again. Not yet, anyways.

He scans over me, white tshirt beginning to cling to his skin as the downpour gets heavier. He reaches for my trembling palm as I yank it away quickly, shaking my head. I wasn't gonna let him do that, not now not ever. It hurt too much.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, I'm going to Ireland." I murmur, shaking my head slightly as I look at my feet. Breathe, Kaitlyn, breathe. I kept reminding myself.

I feel him watching me, watching as his feet step closer to me, prominently bringing him closer to my shaking body. I took a step away from him, only for him to step forward once more.
"You're gonna get sick, go inside." he says. Not exactly what I had expected him to say.
"Did you hear me, Niall?" I say, voice shaking as it gradually gets louder towards the end.
I receive a nod from Niall, his hand grabbing mine and tugging me gently inside. He sheds of his jacket and wraps it around my shivering shoulders. He pulls me to his warm embrace, wrapping his arms around me as I sob into his chest.

I grip onto his shirt tightly, shaking my head. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, stomach churning around and around as if it were on a never ending roller coaster. And if it did have an end, I'm sure I didn't want to know.

"Do you realize how hard it is for me to do this, Niall?" I ask him, looking up at him. He surprises me with tears rolling down his rosy cheeks, his hands being stuck in his pockets as I step away from him.

He stands silently, fresh tears rolling down his reddening cheeks. I could see the obvious pain in his eyes, calling out for me to stay. And while I stood there looking at him, a ping of guilt washed over me as I regretted accepting the invitation to the college. But it was the best option for me, one of the best schools.

His eyes pierce through mine as I flick my eyes away, looking down at my feet. I knew he was gonna say something to me, he always did. He always had something to say about everything. Whether it was what we should have for lunch or situations much like this one, something came out of his mouth out of pure habit.

"I love you, Kaitlyn. And I always will love you. Just, I want you to know how important you are to me, and how much you've changed my life since the first day I met you. On the bus, the first day of school. Seeing you leave is the hardest thing to do, but I knew it would happen one way or another." his voice cracks, turning on his heels and walking away from me; adding to the list of times he's left me alone in these few years.

He was an asshole, and I wasn't gonna sit there and deny the honest to God fact just because I loved him. He was a jerk who, when he was hurt enough, would just abandon you, leaving you there helpless and more often then not, turn all the lights out. He'll kindly help you in your car, cause even though he had left you, he wouldn't fully leave until he knew you were safe. Then, satisfied with himself, he would get back into his car and leave.

-end of flashback-

I lay awake in the cold sheets, pulling them around me tighter as tears roll down my cheeks. My heart aches in my chest, clutching the sheets tightly between my fingers. I rethink everything, imagining how it could've gone so differently if only I hadn't mentioned the cigarette. I sigh, staring up at the ceiling quietly and closing my eyes, slowly drifting into a deep sleep.

Niall's pov

I pull into my cracked driveway, pulling the car keys out roughly and shoving them in my pocket, getting out and slamming the door shut, going inside. I grab a glass vase beside the door, throwing it at the wall and yelling multiple curse words, falling to my knees in frustration. God, I needed her so badly.

I could remember everything that happened when she left so many years before, decades even, how her pink little dress clung to her body, tears falling down her pink cheeks. I could remember the rain. Every single thing that happened that night, I could remember it in clarity.
Although she left me alone, to fend for myself in the darkest times of my life. She fell for somebody else, gave herself to him when she swore up and down it would be me. I tried to forget by alcohol, sex and drugs. It never worked. It felt seemingly impossible to forget someone so important, no matter who you are.

The memory of her beautiful eyes and silky hair still shoved its way into my head, torturing me and my thoughts. I let my anger out in ways most shouldn't, ways I knew she wouldn't approve of me taking part in.

I tried writing to her on multiple occasions, but at that point I had no idea where she was, or if she even went through with going to the college. Cause I saw her at clubs, and I saw her everywhere. It was painful, watching as she playfully bantered to him, Jack.
Best way I could possibly, and in most occasions did, describe the feeling I felt when I saw them was death; torture, slow and painful. Plain out miserable.

Notes