The Flashbacks

I push my way through the large crowds, breaking up couples as they yell slurred curse words and get back to grinding against one another. I hear screaming in the back of the building, the familiar voice yelling the mans name, begging for him to wake up. But he wouldn't; at least for a while.

"JACK!" she screams loudly, the ache in her voice flowing through the stuffy atomosphere, pinching at my aching heart.

My heart pounds in my chest as I fling the back door to the club open, wiping my blood stained knuckles onto my jeans and looking around. I pull out a pack of cigarettes, sticking one between my lips and pulling out my lighter, lighting one.

I slide down the brick wall, taking a long drag and cough as I hear the door creak open, music pounding loud as my head flicks in the direction, a wasted Kaitlyn stumbling out. I see the fresh tears glisten under the street lights, hair in a knotted mess as she sniffles quietly, fixing the mess of hair. I look straight, puffing out the smoke and closing my eyes as she slides down the wall beside me.

"You're a fucking idiot, Niall Horan, you know that?" she whispers painfully, shoulder brushing against mine as she gets comfortable.

I nod my head ever so slightly, eyes opening once more as I stare at the flickering street light across the street. I flick the ash off the end, taking another drag of it and hold back my cough.

"And now you're smoking. Who are you?" she asks quietly, turning to me as new tears roll down her red cheeks.

I shrug slightly, throwing it down and stomping it out. I pop my bloody knuckles, sticking them in my pockets and looking at her.

"I was only trying to protect you, he was hurting you." I say quietly, turning away from her eye contact.

"Why do you care?" she asks, voice aching with annoyance.

"Because I love you." I say, irritated. "I'm in love with you, I have been and always will be and I'm not gonna sit here and watch someone hurt you and do nothing about it! Don't you understand that, Kaitlyn? I love you! And I said I would never stop and I never have. Not even for a second." I say, closing my eyes in irritation.

I feel her stand up from her seated position, hearing the door swing open, loud music filling my ears once more. The door closed again, a heavy slam emitting from the heavy metal, Kaitlyn no longer with me and inside again. I open my eyes, standing up slowly and walking back to my car. I get in, slamming the door shut and turning the key, pulling out of the parking lot and driving back to my dorm.

I yank the key from the cars ignition, getting out and slamming the door loudly, going inside and unlocking the door to my room as I throw the keys on the desk, stripping down to my boxers and curling up in the bed.

-End of flashback-

I walk quicker to catch up to him, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back to me. I yank his arm rough enough to where he drops his cigarette, turning around to face me.

"You said you still loved me and always have and always will." I state quietly, shaking my head. "Do you know you almost killed him?" I ask as he nods.

"It's why I left. I fucked up and I hurt you." he says, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"I still love you too, Niall." I say quietly, looking at my feet quietly.

I could feel him looking at me, the way he always did when we had conversations like this. His feet came closer to me, index finger lifting my chin up as his thumbs brushes over my bottom lip. His eyes pierce mine, beads of sweat covering my hands like they did years before.

My lip trembles, tears brimming my waterline as they finally let go and start to roll down my paling cheeks. I look at him hopefully, gripping onto any shimmer of hope only to lose it moments later.

"I'm not the same person I was twenty years ago, I'm not good for you. I'm sorry." he says, voice breaking as he brushes past me, leaving me there alone.

I sit in the middle of the reeking hallway, knees being brought slowly to my aching chest as I lean my forehead onto them, crying quietly as the lights flicker off and the door slams shut.

-Flashback-
I stand in front of him, hands buried into my pockets to prevent more sweat from covering my palms. His lips part, shutting once more as he noticeably thinks his words over once more before opening his mouth once more.

"I know you probably think I'm some man-whore who has sex with everyone in the school and honestly if you look at me for one minute and get to know me I'm not and I'm still a virgin." he says, looking at me. "And I'm here holding you up because I want to take you out to dinner or to the carnival or go to the zoo or anywhere but I want to go on a proper date so you can get to know me." he says nervously.

"I don't go on dates, I'm sorry Niall." I say quietly, walking away from him quickly and going into the bathroom, going to the first open stall and slamming it shut, locking it and sitting on the closed lid.

-End of flashback-

I stand up slowly, wiping the tears away from my red cheeks and walking to the large double doors and pushing them open, rain pouring down. I walk to my car, struggling to get the door open as I notice the sports car parked beside me, unmoved. Niall steps out of the car, walking to me and opening the door for me, helping me in.

"Stay safe, Kaitlyn." he mumbles, shutting the door for me and going back to his car, buckling in and speeding down the road.

I watch him quietly before sticking the keys into the ignition and turning them, engine roaring to life as I buckle up and pull out of my spot. I turn on my windshield wipers, driving down the road to my one bedroom apartment and parking, getting out and going into the building. I shed of my coat, stepping into the open elevator and thanking the woman holding it for me.

I press my floor, standing in the corner of the small contraption, listening to the annoying elevator music before stepping out at my stop. I walk down the long hallway, stopping in front of my apartment and sticking the key into the lock and going inside. I throw my jacket onto the couch, flicking the tv on and getting some apples and grapes and plopping onto the couch. I scroll through the channels, sighing quietly as I replay everything that happened only a few hours before. How exactly was Niall not the same as he was before? When I met him, and when I was in love with him?

-Flashback-

Niall's pov

I lay on my bed quietly as she pulls her jeans and shirt back on, bed creaking as she stands up from the bed. She pulls her bleach blonde hair back into a ponytail, slipping on her sandals and turning to face me with a large smile plastered on her face.

"That was amazing." she says as I nod slightly, watching as she leaves without a trace; just like everyone else I had ever had over.

I stand up, pulling my boxers on and walking to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and making a sandwich. I sit at the island, flicking a light on and opening my notebook to math, reading over the notes. I take a bite off of my sandwich, doing my essay for English and closing all my notebooks, finishing my sandwich and throwing my books in my bag. I shuffle to the bed, laying down and flicking the light off, laying staring at the ceiling.

It's often nights like these I think about her, how I could have her wrapped in my arms, snoring quietly as she sleeps soundly. But I lie awake, staring at the blank ceiling. And nothing about anything ever changes, and she's still hundreds and thousands of miles away from me, most likely falling in love with someone else. Giving herself to someone else, someone who happens to not be me.

And I'll sit there, thinking 'maybe, maybe she declined the scholarship and attended a closer school to here.' and it's often those nights where I convince myself I'm going nuts and I should probably forget about her. But no matter what I do, I can't.

Kaitlyn's pov

I lay in the cold bed, curled up beside Jack as he snores quietly beside me. I sigh quietly, attempting at sleep but failing miserably. I only had one thing on my mind and it wasn't sleep, nor was it jack.

But it was Niall, the boy who still held my heart, who was still woven into my soul so neatly and partially messed up. But I knew he probably held someone else in his arms, someone prettier. Someone who he loves more than he ever did me.

And these nights, I usually lack sleep. And I'll form impossible theories of how he may come back. The whole "forgive and forget" theory. But I'm pretty sure it'll be hard to forget what happened.

Notes