The Flashbacks

I laid in bed all night, staring aimlessly at the ceiling and pondering and tripping over misled thoughts and stupid scenario's; much like I did every night. The clock could be heard clearly, ticking every second on the night stand beside me. Over all the noises, I could hear the voices setting in again, leading me to more thoughts. I covered my ears quickly, shaking my head over and over. NO, NO, NO.

She hates you. I would think to myself.

She's glad she left.

She doesn't miss you.

She never really loved you, anyways.

It killed me.

I couldn't stop thinking about her, mind always running back to the hallway, to Starbucks. I just kept replaying everything that had happened today and it sucked. I had let my anger out on her, and I hated myself for doing that. I kept thinking of the way she was so quick to clean up the accidental spilt coffee, the way she blamed it on herself. I knew that when I had walked out, she was crying. She stayed inside for an hour while I sat in the car hating myself for my life. The choice I had made, they were bad ones. She was innocent, she had never done anything to me to make me this way.

I shook my head, staring at the ceiling blankly. But she had. Although I hated to blame her for making me into the person I was today, she was a very large reason of what I am. Why I dropped out of school, why I did the things I have done. She was with Jack, she had Jack. And she lied about going to Ireland for college, staying here in California instead. To torture me with Jack, forcing me to watch as she kissed him lovingly in public, and in clubs.

My house was a wreck because of it, tables smashed and broken beer bottles scattering the cold kitchen tiles, making it impossible to walk barefoot. There were multiple holes put into the walls, rotting food sitting in the fridge due to lack of eating and maintenance.

I shed the memory of her away, sighing softly and curling up in the cold blanket squeezing my eyes shut as my stomach churns and I tug on my hair. Panic attack.

I roll over in the bed, grabbing my anti-depressants and putting two in the palm of my hand, gulping them down with a glass of water and laying back down. I sigh heavily, running my hands through my hair and turn my head towards the clock. 4:30 am. Another insomnia night.
I close my eyes, attempting to go to sleep, knowing damn well it wouldn't work nor would it happen. I could hear my clock ticking beside me, walls popping as cars drive by the house. I could hear a faint knocking sound coming from downstairs, my eyes instinctively opening and hands pulling the blankets back.

Who was here?

I slowly walked down the stairs, flicking on the hallway light as I swing the door open and look in front of me quietly. What.

-Flashback-

Kaitlyn's POV

I walk home alone from the dead party, wrapping my fluffy jacket around my body tightly as the rain trickles down slowly. I could feel my heart slowly breaking into small, sharp pieces inside my chest, tears running down my face as I walk faster. The pain in my chest grew, my eyes slamming shut as I stop in my tracks, burying my face in the palm of my hands and sobbing.
Thunder clapped loudly behind me, rain soaking through my jacket as it pours down quicker, a black car coming up beside me and stopping, window coming down as the person taps my arm gently.

"Need a ride, miss?" a familiar, deep voice asks as I turn around slowly. He sighs heavily when he sees me, reaching over to the passengers door and opening it.

I look at him quietly, biting my cheek and nodding my head slowly as I walk around slowly to the other side of the car. I get in the car quietly, shutting the door and buckling in. I wipe away my tears, sniffling quietly and turning the radios volume down slightly. He looks over at me, sighing softly and starting the car up again.

"Kaitlyn, you need to stop walking in the rain, you'll get sick." he sighs, shaking my head and changing the gears. I could hear the pain in his voice, like something was irking him. And it killed me a little inside.

I look over at him quietly, watching as he stares at the road in concentration. I fiddle my fingers, looking down in my lap quietly. I could tell he was thinking, thinking of a possible reason I was walking home tonight. I made it up in my mind that I wouldn't tell him why, just to keep him wondering for a while.

"I don't care." I mumble sadly, looking up from my lap and out the window.

Jack's POV

I pull into her small, bumpy driveway, reaching over her shaking body and opening the door for her to get out. She looks at me quietly, wiping away her tears and sticking a leg out the door. Her eyes were puffy and red, more so than what they usually were on a night like this one. Although, tonight seemed to be different.

I didn't know why she was walking home alone tonight, but I did know one thing and it was because of Niall. Every time she walked home it was because of him being the asshole he was. He didn't deserve her, she deserves better than what he gives her. And I think she knew that.
"Thank you." she whispers softly,pulling me out of my thoughts and smiling sadly, grabbing her jacket from the floor of the vehicle.

"Tell your mom I said hello." I say, smiling slightly as she nods her head, getting out and closing the door behind her, walking inside.

I wait for her to shut the door before putting my car into reverse and backing out of her driveway, putting it in drive and speeding down the road. Rain pounded against my windshield as I pulled into my driveway, shutting the ignition off and sitting quietly in the car.

-End of flashback-

Kaitlyn's POV

I ended up waking up around four in the morning, my mind wandering elsewhere but sleep. I had slept for a good few hours, nightmares haunting me, screaming at me, in my sleep. The room remained dark as trees moved around outside my window, heavy winds blowing them around like rag dolls. I could feel the demons crawling into the bed with me as I flicked on the light, peeling the covers back from the bed and standing up. The light flickered for a short moment before I go downstairs, rubbing my eyes.

I walk around the empty house silently, flicking on the kitchen lights and making a cup of coffee. My head pounds, instinctively flicking the medicine cabinet open and grabbing my Advil, popping two in my mouth and swallowing it down with water. I grab a mug from the cup cabinet, pouring in my coffee and adding creme, sighing softly. I look at the clock, sipping on my coffee. 4:14.
I heard the rain pouring down outside, wind blowing heavily as I slip on my raincoat, finishing my coffee and opening the front door. I walking quickly to my Jeep, attempting to stay as dry as possible. I fling the door open, getting in quickly and starting the car, buckling in. I back out of my driveway, driving down the road quietly.

-Flashback-

Kaitlyn's POV


Sophomore year, Christmas break.

I giggle as I click the answer button on Skype, seeing Niall's familiar face come up on the screen as he smiles widely at me.

'How's your break going?' he asks me.

'It's going swell, my family is going to the traditional Family Photos.' I gag, giggling quietly.
His smile brightened at the sound of my hushed giggle, ruffling his hair up a bit

'I've been sleepless over here, the time zones are so different!' he says, groaning slightly as I giggle.

'Ireland sounds like a blast!' I say sarcastically, smiling brightly as he rolls his eyes in response.

'Yeah, if you like being sleep deprived it's a blast!' he laughs loudly and I smile.

'You're laying in bed, why don't you just take a nap. I'll be a stalker and watch.' I wink, giggling.
'I would but you're not here to cuddle with babe.' he whines, bottom lip pouting.

I blush deeply, holding my large teddy bear to my chest.

'Oh but Niall, I gave you a teddy to cuddle when I'm not there!' I say, pointing to it in the corner of the room.

He turns his head, crawling to the edge of the bed and retrieving the fluffy bear and holding it to his chest.

'It isn't the same.' he pouts.

I smile softly, hearing my mom call my name. 'Oh, Niall. I've got to go, Family Pictures!' I gush. 'I'll send you one!' I say before ending the call and running downstairs.

Notes