HARRY'S POV

I'll admit being back home where I supposedly lived before my accident has been tougher than I make out. Being around the boys is getting better though. They all play massive roles in my day to day life now. Liam is always there when I need him, when we hang out we always do completely normal things like playing video games and whatnot, which admittedly is a huge relief, it's so nice to go to his and not have to worry about remembering more things or what I'm supposed to do now that I'm in this massive band. Zayn is the guy I go to for a good heart to heart, he keeps me grounded and reminds me that everyone is struggling with what has happened, but he also tells me to keep myself in mind and do what I feel is right for me and my happiness. However right now I think being here with everyone from the life I only slightly remember, is the best thing for me and my happiness. Niall is just great to hang out with if I'm having an off day, he'll have me over and everything is calm and our silence isn't awkward, it's serene and I know he's much more of a thinker than people put him out to be. He's got a lot in his head and people just skip right past that. And Louis has been entirely amazing to me. He's everything in one, he lets me be normal and keeps me grounded, he's also understanding and lets me have quiet time where we talk a bit and then put our heads to work with our own thoughts. But he's also more than all of that, he cares for me the most. Always making sure I'm doing well and lets me pity myself when I hate myself for not remembering something one day. He knows who I was the best before everything that is now bad happened. I assume that I've remained mostly the same because he leaves me when I need space and doesn't question it, he stays by my side, sometimes the entire day, when I'm feeling every lonesome emotion in the book, and he comforts me when I'm feeling like a wreck.

However remembering things has been easier, or… I've just remembered more things in a short amount of time as of late.
I now know all of the songs from our first album, all from memory. The boys made me sing them over and over again just because they were so happy about it. The look on Louis' face when I sang was almost comical, it gave me another glimpse into what we had had before. I knew by the look on his face just how grateful he was for me to be singing these couple of songs.
I've also remembered all of the boys' phone numbers and can relate more to them through some more specific memories, I've remembered more personal things about each of them. From moments we've all shared to one on one times when Louis, Niall, Zayn or Liam would confide in me or I in them. I've remembered secrets and funny times, making talking to them a lot easier. And almost the entire X-Factor experience which I cried over when it all came rushing back, I was so happy and I was in the company of Liam when it happened, we were playing Wii and I busted out in tears as I remembered everything, once I told him we both ran to find Louis and I hugged him so tight he could barely breathe, he was so happy for me and listened to me tell him everything he already knew and I was so incredibly grateful for that.

The times when being here gets tough are usually mostly relating to Louis. He's really been great, honestly. But it gets difficult when I know he wants more but holds back. It's a mix of guilt and utter sadness that passes over his face and it's echoed in my heart. I'm constantly conflicted as to how to act around him. He's always so nice and careful and he does absolutely anything and everything he can for me. That just makes it harder to keep the feeling of wanting to completely jump his bones away. Admittedly, I'm extremely attracted and drawn to Louis, however I know that despite my raging hormones, I need to take time in deciding what to do. I need to be one hundred percent sure of what I'm doing.
He's just making it really hard to keep myself from thinking about pinning him against a wall and holding his hands above his head while I ki- … "HARREH!" Damn it, once again someone interrupts my inappropriate thoughts.
"What?" I ask, slightly annoyed as I sit back on the sofa.
"I'm bored! Let's do something." Louis saunters into the sitting room and jumps on the couch next to me, a massive smile on his face. His eyes are crinkled at the sides and the blue in them is shinning brightly.
"I was going to go shopping a bit today, I need some new shirts. I wear the same black or white one basically everyday." Louis smiles, "Would you like to go with me?" Before the question is even fully out of my mouth he's nodding his head furiously.
"Okay, okay. Call Paul and make sure we can get about without being bombarded." Louis quickly dials Paul and gets our day planned. In all honesty I'm still pretty freaked out by all of the fans. They get so in your face sometimes, and it's just a lot to handle.

When we get to the shops we want to go, Louis walks close to me, Paul makes it easy for us to get in and out without having a barricade of fans waiting for us outside and I appreciate Louis' closeness when I realize how much I don't remember London. I'd been there before as a kid, but never long enough to know street names or anything well enough to get around, but Louis and Paul did and Louis was great at pushing me in the direction I needed to go in.

LOUIS POV

We were a couple of meters from the car when Harry suddenly stopped walking, I no longer felt his arm brushing against mine as we made our way.
He was standing in the middle of the walkway, completely still, a look on his face that let me know he was remembering something.
I rushed to him and stood in front of him, waiting for his momentary lapse into the past to be broken.
"Harry?" I looked at him closely, his face hardening once the memory sunk in.
"Harry are you okay?" I put a hand on his shoulder, making sure that he realized I was there.
He cleared his throat and shook his head, as if he was trying to forget what he remembered.
"I'm fine. Let's go." He began walking and I knew that whatever he had remembered wasn't something he wanted to talk about. Which wasn't really new. He had remembered a few things that he chose not to tell me about, whether he was hurt or embarrassed by the memories, I'm not sure. Whatever it was, whatever he was remembering so visually that he'd stop in his tracks, it had me worried. I hated when he was like this, distant and left with a lost look in his green eyes.

He was already several paces ahead of me, returning to the car we came in, I ran to catch up and once we were in the car I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold in my curiosities. The distance he'd been putting between us was becoming much more noticeable these days and I hated every second of it.

He sat down and stared out the window with a frown on his face, eyebrows scrunched together and eyes narrowed.
"Harry, what did you remember?" I looked at him, waiting for a reaction, for his face to change. But it didn't.
"Nothing boo, don't worry about it." My heart skipped at the sound of my nickname on his lips, the way it always did. But I was able to remain focused on the subject at hand.
"I am worried, whatever it was clearly has you upset." I reached out to touch my fingers to his arm, a comforting gesture, one that I hoped would help him see I was there to listen and understand.
"I'm not upset, I'm fine." Harry didn't even look at me, his hard look still focused on the world outside of the car we were in.
I didn't reply, I just sighed heavily and hoped to God that he would tell me.

When we got home, the same upset look was still plastered on Harry's gorgeous features. He walked straight to his room, dropping off his bags.
I sat in the living room, flipping on the telly, flicking through the channels, waiting for something to catch my attention. But nothing did, not with Harry and his scowling face burned into my mind.
I needed to know what had him so visibly distraught. It was happening too often to not become a concern. He'd be fine in one second then quiet and distant the next. It's not okay anymore.

I sat on the sofa a bit longer, contemplating what to do about Harry, but instead of conjuring up a sure-fire plan, I just made myself angry. Thinking of all the reasons he may not be telling me anything, it made my heart beat too fast and a surge of adrenaline flushed through my veins.
I quickly made my way to the kitchen, finding Harry there making tea.
"Harry." I started, my voice a bit shaky. "Tell me." I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the stove.
"Leave it alone Louis." Harry's voice was hard and I knew he was hoping I'd just let it go. But I didn't. I couldn't do that anymore.
"No." He glared at me, letting me know I was basically walking on glass right now. "Stop that, tell me why you're so upset, what memories are making you act this way to me?" My voice got shaky again near the end of my question, making me sound desperate, which I was, in every sense of the word.
"You're pushing Louis, and if you keep pressing me for an answer, you're going to get hurt." I gave him a quizzical look, not sure what way he meant 'hurt.'
"What?" I didn't think about it, the word just fell out of my mouth.
"You. You're what's making me upset Louis. It's you okay? Happy?" Harry had a look I'd only seen once before. There was so much happening behind those light green eyes I nearly stopped breathing. His words barely taking any toll on me.
I could only look up at him, feeling small and helpless, no words coming to mind at all.
"All I've been remembering is you, everything you've said to me, the things we've done and I know that that's supposed to be a good thing, but I'm still confused. Every time I remember something new your voice is always in my head, repeating those damn words that break me every time they enter my mind, and I feel awful. I feel like a fucking piece of shit because I still don't know how to love you like you love me and I should. With everything I have remembered, I should know how to love you. I should be happy about every memory, but I'm not because it's not enough. It's not enough to show me the way I once loved you okay? And I know you're struggling with this too, and I can tell you hold back around me, you reach out to me and pull back, you look guilty and sad almost all the time, at least when I look at you, and I know it's because of me. I'm just sorry okay? I'm so so sorry that I've turned your life upside down and fucked it up beyond belief. I'm so sorry boo, I'm so sorry." Harry was crying, his tear silent as they streaked down his beautiful face.
I couldn't believe he thought that I would be mad at him, or be hurt. I'm not hurt at all. I'm sad that the one person I love so much is hurting this badly.
I pull him into me and hold his taller frame against mine, "Don't ever apologize for something you can't control. I know you still don't remember everything, but I do. And just because you've forgotten some things, I still love you, you know that don't you?" His arms tightened around me as he nodded into the crook of my neck.

"And I'm still trying Louis, to love you like I did before. To love you everyday for the rest of my life." I could no longer fight my tears, they fell from my eyes and I clung to Harry like my life depended on it. The fact that he remembered what he'd said to me, what seems like ages ago, it meant to much to me.
I couldn't speak, I could only cry, through a mix of happiness and something else that told me this moment was incredibly significant.