LOUIS' POV

"But you were good enough, and I told you that she was lucky to have you while she did and that if she couldn't see how amazing you are then you're better off without her. I told you, you were special to me." Harry looked at me with those beautiful green eyes and I wanted to hug him so tight but I knew I couldn't, which angered me.
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, they fell down my cheeks quickly, I was breaking.
I shook my head as I looked down, not able to look at his face anymore, I told him to stop and apologized, I couldn't listen to him tell me that I'm good enough and special to him when I know that he barely remembers me, when I know he doesn't even feel that way anymore. I got up and left the room, leaving Harry and the rest of the boys most certainly confused.

I went to my room and sat on the bed, putting my head in my hands. I hear Harry tell the boys they should go, and soon after hear the door close.
It was overwhelming, a mix of emotions running through me. I was so happy because Harry remember something new, sad because he couldn't relate the memory to how he feels now, angry because he doesn't feel the way I do… I didn't know what to feel.

I'm trying so hard to keep myself in check, remembering that Harry doesn't know me like I know him… not anymore. He doesn't realize how much we've shared in the time that he's forgotten.
I know that he's trying his best to remember and in no way do I or can I blame him for his memory loss. I'd rather have him forget the times we shared than to have him be taken away from me completely. I'm thankful that I get to see him everyday and know that he's alive, I really am… but part of me is still angry, because I don't get to treat him the way I used to and he doesn't treat me the same either.
Having him sleep in a different room is more than strange, the fact that when I wake up he's not there or in the kitchen like usual is something I don't know if I can get used to. Waking up and not immediately seeing him is scary, I instantly panic and then have to remind myself that he's just in a different room and that he's okay.

And I am happy that remembered what he did about Eleanor, but that was also the night that everything with he and I became complicated, but the most wonderful thing as well.
I miss MY Harry, the one who sleeps in my bed, lies with me on the couch and kisses me like it's the last time every time. I miss the Harry that runs around naked not caring about his body or the Harry that laughs at the wrong moments. I miss him so much.

I hear a knock at the door and quickly wipe my eyes, as if that would remove the evidence of my crying.
The door opens slowly, revealing a pained looking Harry.
"Where are your crutches?" I ask immediately, seeing he's walking on his cast.
"I don't need them." His voice is stronger than I'd expected.
"Yes you do." I tell him, my voice shaky. He just smirks… oh God, that smirk.

"Why did you run out?" I knew that would be the topic of conversation.
"A lot happened in the day you remembered. Although I'm not sure how much of it you actually remember… and you telling me what you said, you saying them now means something entirely different, because you don't feel the way you did then. Maybe once I was good enough and special to you… but not anymore. I'm just Louis, the guy you met at the X-Factor auditions." I planned on lying to him, I was going to say something along the lines of it being overwhelming and a lot to take in, but that was such a shit line that I couldn't get myself to use it.
"I know… I know that a lot happened. And just because I don't remember everything we had before the accident, doesn't mean that I don't have feelings Louis. I can feel that I'm attracted to you and that I want whatever we had back. You may still be new to me, but that doesn't mean I don't think you're special. I know that you spent every single day with me in that hospital, holding my hand and talking to me. I could feel your hand in mine and hear what you said, I knew I had to wake up for you. And I'm trying to remember everything that happened between us, however remembering the night Eleanor and you broke up is kind of helping me find my emotions." He smirked as he spoke the last part, that cheeky bastard.

"Will you tell me what you remember, everything, not just the day Eleanor and I broke up." He nodded and got comfortable on the end of my bed.
"Well, I guess I haven't told you everything about the day of our X-Factor auditions. I did for the most part, except that at first I thought you were a lunatic, taking a wee right next to me and then talking to me so causally, I was surprised by your forwardness I guess. Most people wouldn't be so outgoing… at least not that I know." He smiled and I knew this already, but it was nice to hear it again so I let him continue.
"And then talking to you turned into being the highlight of my entire day, even though I was auditioning for X-Factor, meeting you was incredible. I remember thinking how funny you were and envied how outgoing you were. I thought you were so cool and I wanted to impress you and be your friend, which is kind of lame I guess, but it's true. I wanted to hang out with you more and more and be best friends… god, I sound really stupid." He laughed to himself, seeing the smile on his lips made my heart swell, I was so happy to just see that smile.
"It's not stupid, but just so you know, I was already thinking about how cheeky and fun you were to be around, there was no need to impress me. I was already impressed from the start." I smiled at him and watched his smile grow, showing his perfect teeth.
"Well, even when I woke up in the hospital and saw you I knew you were a good person, because your hand was in mine everyday and I remembered what you'd told me, I just didn't know why I was being called 'babe' or 'baby' because I hadn't been in a relationship during the time of my audition. I was confused, but thankful someone was there for me.
"Anyway, waking up at first I didn't recognize you, I know now that that's because you're older and look quite different, but once that memory flooded into my dreams I knew who you were. And then once I looked at you again I had all of those same feelings of wanting to be your friend and I felt like I needed to impress you or show you that I was good enough to capture your attention." I laughed quietly, it was just funny how he felt the need to impress me when that was exactly what I was trying to do the day we met.
"Then I found out that you were my boyfriend, which really took me by surprise, I felt really bad because I didn't remember and you were just sitting by my side trying to be okay with that. And then as time went on I talked to the boys and took notice in the things you did for me, you did everything for me and you still do, you're trying to make everything seem normal for me and I know that that hurts you because it's not how it used to be. And I feel really awful because I don't remember and can't love you the way you love me, I want to, I really do. And I still have these feelings like I said before, I know I'm attracted to you, my heart beats too fast and I get nervous around you, which I'm sure you've noticed." He hangs his head embarrassedly, a slight blush covering his cheeks. I hadn't noticed his nervousness or anything of the sort, I was too busy obsessing over making everything perfect for him.
"Anyway, I remember the day that Eleanor and you broke up… most of the day, or at least I think. The doctor said things could come back to me in snippets or in large chunks, sometimes as an entire day or two…" He furrows his brow and concentrates harder, "I remember you coming to the flat really upset, like I said, and we laid on the couch and watched the telly for awhile. And then you asked me if I thought Eleanor was telling the truth, and I already told you that… but I didn't tell you how nervous I was, somehow I know that I already liked you at that point, and I wanted to tell you, because I had told Zayn earlier that day and he said that you might like me back, which I guess I doubted quite a lot, because I've never really seen myself as being wanted, you know?" He shies away as he asks the question and I can tell just how sorry he is that he can't remember and that he still feels like the 16 year old at the X-Factor auditions. I don't reply, I just nod and let him continue.
"I went to shower and stood in front of the mirror and told myself that I couldn't feel the way I did about you, because I didn't want to lose you or make you uncomfortable. Once I got out of the shower I ate your ice cream and we laid on the couch again. For some reason I felt like it'd be okay to run my fingers through your hair, and you didn't object so I kept on doing it and-" I stared at Harry, knowing what was coming next, although I worried he wouldn't be okay with it.
"So… you remember that night then?" I asked hesitantly, looking at him carefully.
"Y-yeah." Harry looked at me, his cheeks still pink and eyes running over my face quickly.
"Are you mad?" He shakes his head, his curls moving on top of his head.
"I know that I don't regret what we did, but… Uhm, why did you leave me?" Harry looks at me with sad eyes, his entire expression leaving him looking vulnerable and afraid.
"I left because I knew I'd taken advantage of you, and I felt awful once I saw how vulnerable you were. I was selfish in the act, I wanted to make you happy, but didn't realize how much it'd mean to you. Once I took a moment to think about what I'd done, I thought I'd taken away your innocence and I couldn't handle the thought of having something I did change you… I'm sorry Harry." I looked at his face, he seemed to be taking it in, my explanation. He looked like he was concentrating incredibly hard.
"Harry?" I questioned, waving a hand in front of him, but he didn't move or acknowledge my presence.
"Harry?" I called again, trying to snap him out of whatever trance he was in.
I waited a couple of minutes, watching his eyes narrow and his jaw clench.
"Harry, are you okay?" I asked as he broke from his trance and looked at me with an odd facial expression.
"I… I remembered something, well more than one thing. It was like a bunch of moments came and rushed at me."
"What do you remember?" I reached out to put my hand on his knee, but pulled back, remembering that that's not how things are anymore.
Harry caught the gesture and gave a sad smile before he took my hand in both of his. A sweet and meaningful gesture.
"Our parents know. And I think Niall and Zayn have a thing going on… and I have a tattoo." He glanced down at his wrist, seeing the "I Can't Change…" script on his wrist. I took the liberty of turning his wrist, showing him he had more than just one tattoo there.
"What?" He looked at it confused, slightly freaking out.
"Harry, those aren't the only ones you have." He gave me a quizzical look.
I took his hand and led him to the bathroom.
I sat him on the toilet and took his foot, removing his sock, showing him the one on his foot and the one on his ankle, he gave me a confused and disbelieving look.
"Is that all?" He looked scared.
I laughed lightly and pointed at his chest, he lifted his shirt over his head and looked in the mirror, making a "What the bloody hell?" kind of face.
"Tell me what they mean? Why do I have so many?" He stared at his reflection intently.
"I don't know what all of them mean, you never told me, we were in a bit of a rough patch during the time you got most of them, but 17BLACK means good luck, and the rest you kind of kept to yourself. Well, the iced gem was for Gemma, and the 'Hi' is in my handwriting, the A is for your mum."

His hand went over the 17BLACK tattoo, tracing it slowly. "Was I a really crazy person or something? I don't understand any of these." He lifted his arm and looked at the tattoos there, inspecting each one.
"Do you want some time alone?" I ask, seeing how determined he is to remember.
"Yes, please." His voice is sad and makes me feel so awful, I just want to help him remember everything.

I leave him in the bathroom and go to the kitchen, pacing around, not sure what to do with myself, I need to find something to help Harry remember, not just me, but everyone, everything.
I continue my aimless pacing, running a frustrated hand through my hair. I want to scream, I want to yell at everyone and everything. I hate seeing Harry upset, I hate that his life is in bits and he doesn't know how to feel and can't even remember the tattoos permanently placed on his skin.

I hear a scream in the bathroom, followed by a "FUCK!" I run as fast I can to Harry, who is slumped on the ground, crying and holding a bloody hand.
"Harry what did you do?" I went to him, inspecting his hand.
"I punched the mirror." He didn't look up at me, he just stared at the floor beside him, his curls hiding his face.
I helped him up and grabbed the first aid kit, pulling him behind me to his bedroom, since it was closer.
"Sit." I told him, pointing to the floor. He did as I said and I took his hand, assessing the damage.
"It's going to hurt." I tell him truthfully, taking the tweezers and pulling the pieces of the broken mirror out of his skin. It's not too bad, but I can tell it hurts by the way he winces when I pull.

I clean his hand as best I can and wrap it with some white gauze for the night.
"No more punching mirrors." I tell him sternly. He looks up at my through his thick lashes, a hint of green visible from my angle.
"I'm sorry." He leans into me and wraps his arms around me, snuggling his face into my chest.
"It's okay Haz, I know you want to remember, and you will, just give it time." I rub his back and run my fingers through his hair as he tightens his arms around me. "Let's put you to bed." I force myself to pull away from his warmth and then help him onto his bed. He climbs under his blankets and I tuck him in as best as I can.
"Good night Harry." I say as I brush some hair from his face, making him smile up at me. I walk away, just about to close the door behind me when I hear, "Night Boo." I quickly turn around and see a massive smile on his face.
I look at him stunned, but incredibly happy.
"I remembered that too." He keeps smiling and my heart soars.
"I'm glad." I tell him, shutting the door quietly as I leave his room.