I Don't Understand
But Why?
Saturday, 6/13/09
I shoved my suitcase into the back of our white Chevy Suburban and turned around to lean against the monster pile of my family's luggage. I wiped some sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand, and breathed out. That was way harder than I expected.
I was wearing a crisp white linen dress that fell just above my knees, with my tan cowboy boots and my favorite jean jacket. But I don't even know if I should dress like a cowgirl when I'm not one... metal note; You are a city girl.
As I look around I notice Damian pushing his suitcase into my Dad's shiny black Jeep. And than it hits me; If I don't speak up now I'll be stuck with my little sisters for a two hour long car ride to the airport, listening to kiddy pop and watching Disney channel. And with that last thought I take off -running- for the Jeep. When I get there moments later, breathless, realization hits me again, and I facepalm. Oh. I forgot my suitcase. And I run back. Five minutes and ALLOT of tugging later, I'm stumbling as fast as I can with the blasted thing in my arms. When I finally get to Dad's jeep after three minutes of what seems like torture, I put down my suitcase and flop to the ground, hugging the concrete and breathing heavily. Yep. I think I'll fall asleep here. But I pick my head up at the sound of some deep chuckling, and I see Damian leaning against my Dad's jeep casually. I roll over onto my back and look at him from upside down. "Glad to see you so amused." Sarcasm. "Could you trouble yourself to help me up?" He laughs and bends down, shifting his weight to his toes and squatting near my head, looking at me again from upside down. "You're crazy. You know that, Lina?" I roll my eyes at the nickname and pick myself up. "Is there an extra seat in the jeep? You know how Leigh and Kenzie get." He folds his harms and leans lazily against the jeep again. "Ohhh, I don't know. I was thinking it would be just Dad and I this time." He tries to hide his smile when I drop my jaw and my life flashes before my eyes... This is it. I'll never make it. "Relax, Lina! I was just teasing you! There's always room for my little sis." He ruffles my hair playfully and I scowl, trying to undo the mess of my long and -now knotty hair. And than Damian continues; "Oh, and Johnny said he wanted to see you before we take off. Apparently he's waiting in 'your spot'?" Damian cocks his head at this, confused. He didn't know Johnny and I had a special spot. Than he shakes it off and heads over to help Mom. Johnny is my boyfriend of six months, and I had convinced myself that I had fallen head-over-heels for him, that he was 'the one', and I was heartbroken to be moving away from him. He was my Wonderwall. Look it up.
Our 'spot' was up in a tree in my backyard in this specific fork of a branch, just the right size for two. So I ran round the back of the house and kicked off my boots. I started climbing up in my bare feet, when I heard my favorite sound on earth. Johnny's laugh. perfection. We had already said goodbye, But I was beyond happy to be seeing him one last time. He gently grabbed my wrist and helped to pull me up into the tree. I was half-way up when his grip started slipping and I yelled "Johnny!!" as I slid backwards. Than he caught me out of nowhere, wrapping his right arm around my waist. There he stood in the fork, wearing an undone blue plaid button up, a white V-neck, khakis, and red converse, holding onto a crook of the tree and my waist. We were a perfect picture. This time he pulled me all the way up, and we just sat there in the tree for a while, laughing and enjoying each other's company for the last time in a long time. I was starstruck. Over the course of a few minutes, conversation slowed until we were just sitting there in the crook of a tree surrounded by leaves, staring into each other's eyes in silence. I was switching back and forth between admiring his eyes and his lips. Than I heard my brother call "Angelina!!! Mom needs you!" And I regretfully turned around. I started to climb down the tree, but than stopped. I couldn't move away from Johnny without ever telling him what he means to me. I Love him. I spun around on my branch and flung my arms around his neck. He was still sitting down in the fork of the tree, and I was standing up on the branch below. I hugged him so close, and started to cry. I couldn't bring myself to say it, but I was hoping he would. What if I never see him again. My shoulders were still shaking, and my cheeks were tear-stained when I leaned away and saw he was crying too. That was when it happened. I leaned in slowly, very unsurely, searching his eyes. And than he met me in the middle, smashing my lips to his, in a desperate act of irrational fearlessness. I kissed him. Hard. The taste of his tears on my lips. My very first kiss, it was perfect. But as we stayed there with his hands wrapped snugly around my waist and mine wrapped closely around his shoulders, the kisses got slower and softer, until I leaned away and searched his eyes again. looking for something. Doubt, maybe? but it wasn't there. He leaned in to my cheek and left a soft kiss, whispering in my ear "I Love You". It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it. But it was there. He kissed me on the forehead, than my nose, than he left a chaste kiss on my lips and did a somersault backwards out of the tree, landing on his feet, firmly planted on Terra firma. He looked up at me expectantly, and held out his arms for me to jump. I gulped. But it was only ten feet down, and he had carried me before. So I decided to do something crazy. I turned around and jumped out of the tree backwards. Johnny made a slight yell, but he caught me, all right. He shifted how he was holding me so that he was holding me sideways. Bridal style. I still had a blush in my cheeks and butterflies in my tummy from his whispered words. But I leaned back and whispered in his ear "I Love You, too." And hopped down from his arms, so I was standing in front of him. His eyes glowed, he was smiling. "ANGELINA WE HAVE TO GO!!" Ugh. Damian. And than Johnny's eyes stopped glowing. He made a pained expression, and turned away. "Hey, hey, Johnny, what's wrong. You can tell me." I whispered, pulling gently on his shoulder so he turned towards me again. "You're such a Daisy. You're moving away. I'm never going to see you again. Ever." There was a waver in his voice. He pulled me in close and buried his face in my hair. When he pulled away again, I searched his eyes once more, for doubt. And this time I found it. I looked down, and shed a tear. Johnny lifted my chin with a finger and wiped my tear away with his thumb. He put his hands on my waist, and started talking. "Words can't describe what you do to me. You make all my broken pieces fit. But you're leaving me." His face hardened painfully "That's not true!" I almost shouted. Johnny you can't do this to me... I started shaking. Johnny's face was soft now, and he was crying again. "Baby, yes. Yes it is. you know we can't be together. you're moving to Ohio and I'm stuck here in LA. Long distance never works. You're young. You're beautiful. And truth be told, I'm not good enough for you." More tears slid down my cheeks. I leaned in to hug him, but he put his hands on my cheeks and held me back. "Please find somebody in Ohio who's better for you than I ever was. Please. Promise me?" By now I was sobbing. "Johnny, nobody could be better for me than you. that's not even possible. You and I. we're perfect for each other. Why can't you see that?!" Tears streamed down both of our faces. "Angelina. My Daisy. Promise me you'll forget. You have to. You have to forget. You have to forget that I Love You. you have to forget me." With that he kissed me desperately and ran off as fast as he could. JOHNNY!! My Johnny. Where are you Johnny... I fell to the ground shaking with sobs, and Damian's strong arms wrapped around me, carrying me to the jeep. "It was for the best, Lina." And I sat up in my seat as he buckled me in. "It's Daisy." and he looked at me "New nickname, eh?" I looked down "Yeah. New nickname. New life." And as the car started and we drove away, one last tear slid down my cheek. I looked out the window as we drove further and further away from my home. I thought I had run out of tears to cry until I looked back one last time and saw Johnny standing in my childhood front yard. He looked so broken, and I was, too.
I shoved my suitcase into the back of our white Chevy Suburban and turned around to lean against the monster pile of my family's luggage. I wiped some sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand, and breathed out. That was way harder than I expected.
I was wearing a crisp white linen dress that fell just above my knees, with my tan cowboy boots and my favorite jean jacket. But I don't even know if I should dress like a cowgirl when I'm not one... metal note; You are a city girl.
As I look around I notice Damian pushing his suitcase into my Dad's shiny black Jeep. And than it hits me; If I don't speak up now I'll be stuck with my little sisters for a two hour long car ride to the airport, listening to kiddy pop and watching Disney channel. And with that last thought I take off -running- for the Jeep. When I get there moments later, breathless, realization hits me again, and I facepalm. Oh. I forgot my suitcase. And I run back. Five minutes and ALLOT of tugging later, I'm stumbling as fast as I can with the blasted thing in my arms. When I finally get to Dad's jeep after three minutes of what seems like torture, I put down my suitcase and flop to the ground, hugging the concrete and breathing heavily. Yep. I think I'll fall asleep here. But I pick my head up at the sound of some deep chuckling, and I see Damian leaning against my Dad's jeep casually. I roll over onto my back and look at him from upside down. "Glad to see you so amused." Sarcasm. "Could you trouble yourself to help me up?" He laughs and bends down, shifting his weight to his toes and squatting near my head, looking at me again from upside down. "You're crazy. You know that, Lina?" I roll my eyes at the nickname and pick myself up. "Is there an extra seat in the jeep? You know how Leigh and Kenzie get." He folds his harms and leans lazily against the jeep again. "Ohhh, I don't know. I was thinking it would be just Dad and I this time." He tries to hide his smile when I drop my jaw and my life flashes before my eyes... This is it. I'll never make it. "Relax, Lina! I was just teasing you! There's always room for my little sis." He ruffles my hair playfully and I scowl, trying to undo the mess of my long and -now knotty hair. And than Damian continues; "Oh, and Johnny said he wanted to see you before we take off. Apparently he's waiting in 'your spot'?" Damian cocks his head at this, confused. He didn't know Johnny and I had a special spot. Than he shakes it off and heads over to help Mom. Johnny is my boyfriend of six months, and I had convinced myself that I had fallen head-over-heels for him, that he was 'the one', and I was heartbroken to be moving away from him. He was my Wonderwall. Look it up.
Our 'spot' was up in a tree in my backyard in this specific fork of a branch, just the right size for two. So I ran round the back of the house and kicked off my boots. I started climbing up in my bare feet, when I heard my favorite sound on earth. Johnny's laugh. perfection. We had already said goodbye, But I was beyond happy to be seeing him one last time. He gently grabbed my wrist and helped to pull me up into the tree. I was half-way up when his grip started slipping and I yelled "Johnny!!" as I slid backwards. Than he caught me out of nowhere, wrapping his right arm around my waist. There he stood in the fork, wearing an undone blue plaid button up, a white V-neck, khakis, and red converse, holding onto a crook of the tree and my waist. We were a perfect picture. This time he pulled me all the way up, and we just sat there in the tree for a while, laughing and enjoying each other's company for the last time in a long time. I was starstruck. Over the course of a few minutes, conversation slowed until we were just sitting there in the crook of a tree surrounded by leaves, staring into each other's eyes in silence. I was switching back and forth between admiring his eyes and his lips. Than I heard my brother call "Angelina!!! Mom needs you!" And I regretfully turned around. I started to climb down the tree, but than stopped. I couldn't move away from Johnny without ever telling him what he means to me. I Love him. I spun around on my branch and flung my arms around his neck. He was still sitting down in the fork of the tree, and I was standing up on the branch below. I hugged him so close, and started to cry. I couldn't bring myself to say it, but I was hoping he would. What if I never see him again. My shoulders were still shaking, and my cheeks were tear-stained when I leaned away and saw he was crying too. That was when it happened. I leaned in slowly, very unsurely, searching his eyes. And than he met me in the middle, smashing my lips to his, in a desperate act of irrational fearlessness. I kissed him. Hard. The taste of his tears on my lips. My very first kiss, it was perfect. But as we stayed there with his hands wrapped snugly around my waist and mine wrapped closely around his shoulders, the kisses got slower and softer, until I leaned away and searched his eyes again. looking for something. Doubt, maybe? but it wasn't there. He leaned in to my cheek and left a soft kiss, whispering in my ear "I Love You". It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it. But it was there. He kissed me on the forehead, than my nose, than he left a chaste kiss on my lips and did a somersault backwards out of the tree, landing on his feet, firmly planted on Terra firma. He looked up at me expectantly, and held out his arms for me to jump. I gulped. But it was only ten feet down, and he had carried me before. So I decided to do something crazy. I turned around and jumped out of the tree backwards. Johnny made a slight yell, but he caught me, all right. He shifted how he was holding me so that he was holding me sideways. Bridal style. I still had a blush in my cheeks and butterflies in my tummy from his whispered words. But I leaned back and whispered in his ear "I Love You, too." And hopped down from his arms, so I was standing in front of him. His eyes glowed, he was smiling. "ANGELINA WE HAVE TO GO!!" Ugh. Damian. And than Johnny's eyes stopped glowing. He made a pained expression, and turned away. "Hey, hey, Johnny, what's wrong. You can tell me." I whispered, pulling gently on his shoulder so he turned towards me again. "You're such a Daisy. You're moving away. I'm never going to see you again. Ever." There was a waver in his voice. He pulled me in close and buried his face in my hair. When he pulled away again, I searched his eyes once more, for doubt. And this time I found it. I looked down, and shed a tear. Johnny lifted my chin with a finger and wiped my tear away with his thumb. He put his hands on my waist, and started talking. "Words can't describe what you do to me. You make all my broken pieces fit. But you're leaving me." His face hardened painfully "That's not true!" I almost shouted. Johnny you can't do this to me... I started shaking. Johnny's face was soft now, and he was crying again. "Baby, yes. Yes it is. you know we can't be together. you're moving to Ohio and I'm stuck here in LA. Long distance never works. You're young. You're beautiful. And truth be told, I'm not good enough for you." More tears slid down my cheeks. I leaned in to hug him, but he put his hands on my cheeks and held me back. "Please find somebody in Ohio who's better for you than I ever was. Please. Promise me?" By now I was sobbing. "Johnny, nobody could be better for me than you. that's not even possible. You and I. we're perfect for each other. Why can't you see that?!" Tears streamed down both of our faces. "Angelina. My Daisy. Promise me you'll forget. You have to. You have to forget. You have to forget that I Love You. you have to forget me." With that he kissed me desperately and ran off as fast as he could. JOHNNY!! My Johnny. Where are you Johnny... I fell to the ground shaking with sobs, and Damian's strong arms wrapped around me, carrying me to the jeep. "It was for the best, Lina." And I sat up in my seat as he buckled me in. "It's Daisy." and he looked at me "New nickname, eh?" I looked down "Yeah. New nickname. New life." And as the car started and we drove away, one last tear slid down my cheek. I looked out the window as we drove further and further away from my home. I thought I had run out of tears to cry until I looked back one last time and saw Johnny standing in my childhood front yard. He looked so broken, and I was, too.
Notes
First chapter AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Hope you loved it. Suggestions? I'm very new at this.
Keep reading, Daisies!
@AyeeeBriii
Thank you so much!
8/15/14