Rage

After a while of waiting for him here at his place I'd decided on checking the bar, as often I did when I couldn't find him, just a few minutes from here.

Just as I'd locked the door his car could be seen in distant view before pulling up to park beside me. I watched as he laid his curly head against the steering wheel without initially looking up at me. It was the middle of the afternoon and I'd blocked out the sun's beam before pulling at the car door.

Ally:
"Harry?"

I lifted his lazy head up to look at me when he'd begun to push away. I could definitely smell the boos now. It broke my heart that he'd driven in this state, even if it was from just down the road. He leaned his body back against the car, closing his eyes with exhaustion. I tried preparing myself for the shit I would have to deal with between now and the next day, when I began to focus on removing him from the car.

Ally:
"Come on."

I yanked, kissing his cheeks in a calming manner to avoid him exploding. He mumbled something about in the morning but I really couldn't tell.


I'd somehow managed to lug him up the stairs and into the bedroom with one arm swung around me.

It was a battle but when I reached the living room I'd taken the opportunity to removed his weight from my body and onto the couch.

Ally:
"Its okay."

I rubbed his head of hair. as he closed his eyes in the influence.

I removed his jacket somehow and proceeded on the routine of the white pill and bottle of water. He continued his storm of mumbled communication but I really could understand at this point.

Ally:
"Just rest okay."

I calmed rubbing his stomach as his eyes became hidden beneath the lids. And when he finally settled, I grabbed my bag and headed out.


---
I sat on the bed with the TV off and the blinds pulled as I wondered of how he was. I felt bad. But I had to leave to avoid me becoming weak to the situation again...because there was no telling his reason for indulging this time.

My hair had finally dried from the shower I'd taken a while ago. I could smell whatever it was Lori had begun to cook for dinner from the kitchen on the lower level. I walked about my room in an over sized t-shirt while I looked for the remote I could never seem to keep up with. A knock at my bedroom door had startled me, causing me to sigh and quickly walk toward it.

I turned the knob and pulled rapidly at the weight of the door to see what it was she'd wanted this time.

He stood there with his dark hair around him. Black skinnies hugged at his lower half with the rings I'd grown so use to seeing around his fingers.

Ally:
"Hey."

I said in autopilot. If I knew he'd be stopping by I would have gotten the door to spare him the awkwardness of my sister doing so. I pulled him in, shutting the door behind him and studying his movements.

Harry:
"Hey. I uh-"

He'd begun to fidget a bit before sitting on the sofa by my bed. I kneeled in front of him so our faces were leveled to each others.

Ally:
"What?"

He shook his head as he look away. I knew he was embarrassed about needing and wanting something so extensively but it warmed my spirit to know he felt regret.

Hours had passed and I was somehow bathed in thought as I lie limb in his arms. We now shared my bed in the nude as he bit gently at my skin. I could tell from the mute that he swam in his own pool of consciousness. I was grateful for that and for the fact that Lori hadn't called me for anything with his visit.

Harry:
"Can we talk?"

Fingertips dragged smoothly across my skin.

Harry:
"About us..."

I sat still for a stand in time but pulled away, getting up and searching through the dresser for lounge attire. He sighed with that and seated himself upright against the headboard.

Harry:
"See you always do that, Ally. It never fails."

Ally:
"What about us?"

Harry:
"Well now, the fact that you pull away from me that way when I want to talk."

His phone had began to shiver loudly against the wooden dresser, grasping my attention with it. I read the screen over and felt a sudden eclipse of annoyance. My fingers reached over to grab it anyways, throwing it over to him onto the bed.
Hailey.

Ally:
"You should go meet her. She likes you."

Harry:
"Allison."

Ally:
"You're obviously still seeing her so..."

We were just cuddling and now we were arguing.

Ally:
"Is that where you were yesterday?"

Harry:
"No. God Ally, is that what you think? That I'm hooking up with her..."

Ally:
"Just drop it. I'm beginning to realize my place anyways."

My words lingered between us for a moment as I stare toward the window. I was just frustrated with the situation... all of them.

Harry:
"Come here."

I didn't know whether or not my words had driven him to anger...But those from him usually meant we were going to a place that I'd rather not right now. I grabbed the pack of cigarettes I hadn't visited in a while from the inside of the draw before shutting it and turning toward him. I leaned against the dresser as I issued one from the pack and fished the lighter from among my things.

He sighed again with impatience while he watched me light it up and began to listen.

Harry:
"Don't ever say that. Are you trying to make me angry?"

Sigh.

Harry:
"And why are you smoking? You told me you'd stop...You're too hot for that, put it out."

Ally:
"Have you stopped drinking?"

I puffed knowing how much it was pissing him off right now but still didn't find the will to care.

He'd removed himself from the bed just then and began making his way toward me with a grip of one of the sheets around him. His presence was stood right in front of me with hands placed on both sides of my waist as if daring me to take another puff.

He removed it from my fingers slowly to put it out in the cleaned ashtray just there. I didn't like the habit of them but it was hard to stay away from with this relationship.

Harry:
"I'm trying, okay. I just messed up, and I'm not sleeping with her. I haven't seen or talked to her since that night. And that was only because I was pissed at you, so will you quit saying that."

He gripped my face in his hands, pulling back my hair so it was easier for him to peck there against my shoulder blade. The moments when he expressed his honest feelings to me were definitely something I stuck around for. And those eyes...Of course those eyes.

Harry:
"Behave, okay?"

I looked downward like a child as I nodded in answer. His lips could still be felt against me and I'd attempted to adjust to the change in emotion.

Harry:
"You know..."

He'd gotten his phone and placed it between my fingers slowly.
Harry:
"You can go through it if you want. It's okay..."

I couldn't help but imagine why he was doing that if things between us still weren't entirely official. For him though, this was still major.

I smiled to myself for a second, leaving the air open to whatever other bright ideas he'd come across.

Harry:
"What?"

He grinned, gracing me with the light his dimples brought to my day as he pecked my lips this time.

Ally:
"You're just..."

He played with my free hand around his lips as I watched him.

Ally:
"Nothing."

Harry:
"Nothing? You sure?"

He broke away to lie himself on his back against the bedding. I gorged my eyes silently on the parts of his body that was revealed from beneath the covering so beautifully to me.

He motioned with his hands for me to move closer and soon I was straddled atop him.

Harry:
"I need you now... How much time before you have to go?"

Ally:
"A few hours."

A groaned escaped as I put a teasing pressure against him.

--

We walked side by side through the mall and pass the separate outlets. We'd been headed to grab something to eat and I had insisted on coming here for a specific place. I scrolled through the phone at the many text messages I'd missed since yesterday as we walked quietly with the noise of the building forcing itself around us. He brushed against me. I assumed purposely because he'd taken my hand in his as we continued our walk.

I was a little surprised because he never did that. I knew I'd never exactly been called his girlfriend so it didn't bother me before that he seemed to hate public displays of affection. Despite it, I allowed him to follow his impulses as I remained quiet.

We sat across from each other as I began replying to a message I'd received from Lori this morning. Apparently it was my turn to buy toothpaste. We ate but we didn't communicate. That happened for a while before he'd interjected.

Harry:
"Who are you texting?"

He took a fry into is mouth before staring over at me.

Ally:
"My sister."

He was more than sure my sister hated him but we wouldn't speak of that right now.

Harry:
"You sure? Because you haven't looked up at me once."

I knew he was controlling but that part didn't bother me. I just hated when he always thought I was up to something when clearly we aren't officially anything. Not that I'd giving it thought but if he really didn't want me to stray he had some serious prioritizing to do.

I put the phone down to share with him. He had always preferred getting the large portion so we'd eat together in opposed to separately. It was always too much for me anyways.

Harry:
"Are you mad still Ally?"

I definitely was in a particular mood but I wouldn't say that mood was anger at the moment. I gazed into his eyes for a sec, taking in how breathtaking he was. Some of the most beautiful things I never saw in another guy before now sat across from me. I knew it was another reason he had always gotten me to stay with him. We fought about the smallest things often but there was something that always kept me a very small distance away from him. And I'd never let another speak of him in bad spirits because they didn't know the Harry I did.

I gave him a smile before sipping his drink which always seemed to taste better than my own.

Ally:
"I'm alright."

--

I noticed he'd been leading us the long way toward the car. That could be either taken as he had another stop to make or he wanted to talk.

Harry:
"So..."

...he wanted to talk. And not privately which was never good. I hoped this wouldn't ruin our day.

Harry:
"I know you asked me before if I'm this way with other girls..."

Oh God. Where was that going...
Just then we'd been coming around the quieter corner of the mall where the exits and pay phones were. I took a sidebar thought, silently wondering why people still used those.

I leaned myself against the wall at his lead. My back was against it while he stood closely in front of me as we continued the exchange.

Harry:
"I have that question for you, and- I won't get mad."

Yes he would. Of course he would if I told him I had been seeing someone else behind his back. Because he was just possessive that way. And most guys wouldn't fret over it especially if they hadn't given that girl a title yet, but Harry was just different with me. I hoped that held a different meaning but I didn't stress about it.

Ally:
"No...there's no other guys Harry."

The green of his eyes were so intense it was delightfully overwhelming at times. I wanted to kiss him but decided against it given his weirdness of it in public.

Harry:
"Only me?"

He'd ask testing the waters as he narrowed his eyes.

Ally:
"Is that a surprise?"

I asked looking away to where the tall waterfall in the center of the mall could be seen.

Harry:
"No..."

He let that trail off, grabbing my hand and beginning our steps again.

Harry:
"So what if...I wanted..."

My ears perked at the nervousness he'd been displaying. Wow, I never saw that side of but it suited him.

Harry:
"Like you'd be my-"

Ally:
"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend Harry?"

I stopped us so I'd better see his facial expression.

Harry:
"I am..."

He looked really shy and pleading about it. It was adorable yet still extremely shocking to me.

Ally:
"Of course."

I said seriously, burying my face into his chest. My reaction had surprised me given how distant I'd tried keeping myself from him. I felt him receive it, placing his face just in my hair as often he did when apologizing after an argument.

Harry:
"God... I thought you'd say no."

I pulled away to look up in question.

Ally:
"Why?"

He looked down and away as if diminishing. And in a deep whisper it could be heard...

Harry:
"You know why."

Notes