Rage

I remove my blazer when I feel that it's not exactly freezing in the office today. I don't even blink when I see the next bouquet of flowers being delivered to my desk on my way back from the bathroom. I smile and thank my co-worker for bringing them over before immediately chucking them in the garbage. Everyone's nosy around the office so it wasn't hard to guess whether or not they had me figured out yet.

Harry:
"Have you been doing that to all of them?"

I turn hoping that what I've heard had just gone off in my imagination, though that would have been quite unsettling. My eyes look over to see him standing just beside the edge of the desk and I give a quick scan of the area before getting up and quickly dragging his arm to pull him down the never-ending hall.

Ally:
"Shit."

I just decide on some storage closet and pray that it didn't have much traffic during the day. The knob is turned and I all but throw him in and close the door quickly behind us.

Ally:
"Fuck, Harry. Are you insane? What the hell are you doing here?"

He gives a warm smile that I don't understand.

Harry:
"You've been throwing my flowers away? That's harsh."

I sigh at the fact that he isn't realizing the alarm in my tone.

Ally:
"You do realize I'm at work, no?"

His hair is even longer than the last I'd saw him but I had to admit that he wore it well. He's in his normal v-neck and skinnies and the tattoos bare themselves everywhere. I still wasn't sure how he'd managed to get by the front desk.

Harry:
"Well, you won't talk to me otherwise. So I have to do these sorts of things."

He brushes his hair away from his face as he waits for my further response. This entire thing was really confusing. When he takes a step forward it freaks me out a little and I bump the door harshly.

Ally:
"Don't."

Ignoring how attracted I am to him is something I was still working on. And the closeness wasn’t helping the situation.

Ally:
"Okay, you found me. What is it that you wanted to say?"

It's warmer in here than in the rest of the building but that may or may not be because of him.

Harry:
"I don't know actually...I just wanted to see you...I missed you."

Ally:
"Friends aren't supposed to say that to other friends, Harry."

Harry:
"You know the way I mean..."

He reaches for my hand and I freeze. I don't stop him from taking it...or pecking the back of it...or interlocking it in his own.

Ally:
"I thought you were doing okay...without me, you know. I thought we had moved on and things were fine."

Harry:
"You really believe that?"

Those eyes have me in a state that isn't my own right now, and immediately I feel he knows what it does to me.

Harry:
"You're never going to love her."

Ally:
"Don't be so sure..."

Harry:
"I am. She doesn't know you the way I do."

It was partially because I wouldn’t let her. His fingers touch at the side of my face, brushing the hair back and out of my vision. I fall silent, in awe of the way he watches me. There's not much to say just yet but this was such a bad thing for me to allow after my conversation with Claire. It toggles around in my mind as he nears slowly. I don't think but rather just stand there experiencing the weight of his eyelashes on my cheeks. Our lips don't touch but he still watches through partially closed eyes.

Harry:
"You smell amazing, by the way Ally."

I feel myself blushing against him and he takes awareness.

Harry:
"You don't know how much I've missed that...you're scent."

The dimples keep me hypnotized and melting for him.

Harry:
"And you're smile."

My heart receives his sweet compliments as my mind ponders how long I've been away from my desk.

Harry:
"I'm going to kiss you, is that alright?"

His fingers move in my hair with care and I silently here myself giving him the answer but my lips refuse.

Harry:
"You can tell her that you didn't want to... that it was my fault."

His kiss is gently and with patience. My body is responding to it positively and it's hard to push away what feels good. I hate myself for being so willing but God, I missed him. His fingers rest at the nape of my neck while he encourages my face toward his. I only stop him when I think of the sight of him and his girlfriend the other day. I give the subtly push away and can't bring myself to meet his eye contact after. He stares awhile just waiting.

Harry:
"...It's okay, I broke up with her."

Alright, the verbal reply was a little scary...

Ally:
"You-? Why would you do that? "

He pecks casually into it as I question with curiosity.

Harry:
"It obviously bothered you. I can't have that."

Ally:
"But I'm with Claire, I can't do this to her."


Harry:
"Ally, you love me."

We've been whispering this entire time in fear of getting me in serious trouble and if I don't leave soon I will be. Or maybe I'd just count this as my lunch break.

Harry:
"Do I have that wrong?"

I shake my head rather than speak the words out loud to myself. Of course I loved him. I still wasn't sure how it happened, but I did.

Ally:
"Just...give me time to talk to her. I don't think now is good."

Harry:
"And in the mean time you're going to continue hooking up with her? I don't agree to that."

Ally:
"We'll talk about this later. I have to get back to work."

I reach for the doorknob thoughtfully, hoping I wouldn't be seen leaving.

Harry:
"Ally will you answer when I call, please?"

Claire had mentioned something about having a thing with Lori tonight since she'd be missing their trip to go to Taylor's party. I wasn't sure how the rest of my day would go now, let alone the end of the week.

Ally:
"Alright,"
--

I head straight to Taylor's when I realize my place is vacant. And the last thing I want is to be left alone with my own thoughts.

Taylor:
"Wow. When he told me he was going to do that I thought he was kidding."

Ally:
"Wait so you knew he was coming and you didn't give me a heads up?"

He passes the sandwich he's made me across the table and finishes up with making his own.

Taylor:
"I told you I thought he was kidding. Besides, that needed to happen anyways. You always just leave or shut people out when you're unsure of yourself."

I look down and away because I didn't have grounds to disagree with any part of that. He leans across, pecking my check playfully to let me know he hadn't meant to hurt my feelings but it had already dampened my mood a little.

Taylor:
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just want you to be happy and you seem to really like her but you'll never be satisfied,"

Ally:
"...and why do you think that?"

He takes a sip of water after he's throw chewing and I feel whatever he'll say next will be profound to my thought process.

Taylor:
"Don't take this the wrong way, okay. You're really pretty and everything but you think like a guy. I honestly never thought you would tell me that you loved someone. I mean, you've been with a lot of girls and guys but when you met him it was like he didn't just fade like the others."

Ally:
"And you think Claire will fade?"

Taylor:
"That's not even it, I just think you're never going to cooperate for her. You're stuck on him, that's it. And I mean that in the best way...I really like you with him, as long as he's not...you know..."

He's the only person that I've ever talked about that openly with and was never quick to judge the situation.

Taylor:
"So I know I should have probably mentioned this sooner but you know he lives like two doors down, right?"

A text from Claire distracts me for a moment.

Ally:
"Who does?"

Taylor:
"Harry. Remember when he moved?"

Hmm...

Ally:
"No he doesn't."

Taylor:
"I'm not kidding, that's why he usually knows when you're here. It's not a coincidence."

He's laughing as if amused by my complete lack of knowing. But now that I did it'd feel weird coming here so often.

Taylor:
"Well, I was the one who told him about the place. I didn't think you'd mine."

Ally:
"I don't, I guess."

I consume a few chips at a time and fall silent to better decode my day.
--

Ally:
"Can we talk?"

She pulls away from the hug and sets herself on my bed for it.

Claire:
"Is it about him?"

I'm caught a little off guard when she mentions it first. My keys are placed cautiously on the nightstand table before we start. I wait for her rather to say whatevers picking her brain at the moment.

Claire:
"You're hair smells like him... What is it that you want to tell me Ally?"

I hadn't been anticipating this approach so it throws me a little. Her arms are folded as she waits but I'm clueless as to where I was going with this.

Ally:
"He came by the office today...we talked."

She looks away clearly having some idea of what I'm about to say.

Ally:
"Claire, I still have feeli-…He’s"

Fuck, I can't seem to spit out what I want to say because I know it's going to hurt her. I just want to hold her for even bringing this up but putting it off wouldn't make things better.

Claire:
"You know, I knew that I was a rebound for you. I guess I just didn't care,"

I listen but don't step forward in fear she'd let me have it.

Claire:
"Don't feel bad, alright. You can't help it."

It confuses me when she doesn't react in the way I'd envisioned. By yelling at me or something similar. She wipes he tears quickly to avoid making me feel worse but I already do. Like nothing. Like I was a monster for ruining the one person who I knew would never hurt me the way he did. She was so kind and loving but still something kept me closer to him...Even though it had been a good while since us being together.

Claire:
"I'm going to go, I have um- work."

Ally:
"Claire, you don't work today. "

My feelings grow fragile when I see it's almost impossible for her to look at me. She motions for me not to touch her when she walks by and I follow her wishes in fear of making things worse.

Claire:
"I told your sister today...you might want to steer clear of her for awhile, she hates the both of us."

The warm tears trickle down my face in resemblance of a rainy day. What the hell had I done?

Claire:
"If things don't work out with him, call me alright?"

After the door closes I have a hard time understanding why she'd say that to me...offer me that after what I'd just done to her. And now she was separated from her best friend because of me. I try to push out the urge to compromise my sober state but it becomes harder the longer I stand there.


--

I knock gently against the door of his new place just a few doors down from Taylor. When he opens it I just begin crying like an idiot. The emotions are too intense to hide what I'm feeling so I just bury myself in my hands, wishing I would have gotten this out before knocking. I'm pulled into his comfortable chest to vent myself. He doesn't say a word but I assume it's because he understands what's going on.

Harry:
"It's okay."

My forehead is pecked a few times and I calm myself into it. His strong arms hold me so protectively and I feel safe again. His scent changes the mood for me and soon he moves his lips to rest just over mine. I couldn't explain how soothing this was for me just being able to feel his touch again.

Harry:
"Come on,"

I'm given house clothes of his in the usually manner and I begin stripping from my own.

Harry:
"How bad was it?"

I know he's too excited about having me here to care anything about her but he asks likely because he sees that it's affecting me.

Ally:
"She said to call her when we break up again...I wanted her to yell at me. To hate me and blame me for everything but she just didn’t. And I feel worse."

The tears fall again from my eyes but I try my best this time not to acknowledge them as I pull his shirt over me. He listens with care while I mentally take in the new place.

Ally:
"She's such a sweetheart, Harry. I know you don't care, but this is really bothering me."

He draws near and offers another generous hug.

Harry:
"Of course I care. I never like seeing you like this, babe."

I'm just getting use to having him back and I'm wining to him about another relationship. It seemed that I went from one to another these days.

Harry:
"Maybe you should call her later on...see if she's alright, yea?"

I pull away to wipe my face and look at him properly.

Ally:
"I can't believe you're saying that."

Harry:
"Well, me either...I'm just glad you came to me instead of- you know. Taylor."

Oh believe me I thought about it, in fact I still wouldn't mind going there. I look around again before giving my comments.

Ally:
"I like the place. You did good."

I figure changing the subject would help and maybe it does for him but it didn’t for me. He smiles getting use to the sight of me in his undershirt again.

Ally:
"Can we talk for awhile? I want to know how you are."

We're beneath the covers once my tears have dried, and I'm just being cradled like a small child while I attempt forgetting what happened earlier.

Harry:
"I feel a lot better. Things are better now..."

Ally:
"That's great."

I feel around in his hair and I can immediately tell that he loves it.

Harry:
"You're a little smaller. What's that about, Ally?"

His thoughts come in from different directions I assume from the catching up we have to do.

Ally:
"I am?"

Harry:
"Definitely, yes."

I look over to him as it makes me a little self conscious.

Ally:
"Wait, is it bad? I didn't notice that."

Harry:
"No. Its not bad, but of course I notice.”

Hm..

Ally:
"Well, I'm not sure Harry. It may be stress, that's the only thing that's different."

Harry:
"I'm going to make you dinner."

Ally:
"Okay, but you promise it isn't bad?"

He sighs with a smile.

Harry:
"I never understood why you get so self conscious. You have no reason to ever feel that way."

It was obvious that the both of us were missing this though neither of us mentioned anything of it. It was just one of those things that really didn't need to be said.

Harry:
"I'm going to make sure you're eating everyday though. Were you doing that before? "

It sounded as if he considered this more of an issue than he wanted me to know, so I'd just agree to whatever he wanted for now. I guess he didn't like the unhealthy part of me that spent days missing him and nights with Taylor forgetting to miss him. Add that on top of the not eating regularly thing I guess I understood.

Ally:
"Not really. But it wasn't on purpose; I just eat when I'm hungry."

Harry:
"I've been worrying about you so much, now I can actually keep an eye on you."

His lips are smooth put the feeling doesn't last long..

Harry:
"Okay, what are you hungry for? And throw in a desert. "

Okay I had to find a scale soon and see what all the fuss was about. I give a suggestive look that he repels intelligently.

Harry:
“What? It’ll make you feel better.”

Ally:
"Okay, umm. You're Alfredo is amazing. "

Harry:
"Done, "

Ally:
"And uh, just ice cream I guess."

Harry:
"And a vegetable, '

I missed the controlling part of him as well. .

Ally:
"Surprise me, "

He leaves almost immediately for the kitchen as if on a serious mission and I don't question him. I few minutes alone let's me know that alone isn't what I wanted to be right now. And my bare legs follow after him.

Notes

Thanks for reading. You're amazing. And thanks for the comments,