My body places me in a state that encourages me to remain unfocused. I stare ahead of me as so, with the glare of the glass table there in front of me. I sit quietly for awhile as the fragrance of his cooking consumes the place in a familiar way. It would have been kind of like I had never left if I hadn’t been so empty. Still, I wasn’t sure if I were entitled to thoes feelings when it had all been my fault. I should have gone Switzerland…I pull my arms around me as I continue. It’s rather cold here though I was sure he’d switched the air conditioning off awhile ago for me. I move my eyes further down rather to all the ink displaying against my arm that matched my lovers. It contrasted in a particular way as it trailed up to the cut out of the sleeve on his white shirt. There was a tickle against it as I rigged myself in thought again. I silently replay to myself the way she had neglected my touch during our talk earlier today. I wanted to hold her…to make sure she knew that she would always be someone I’d adore. Even if that were all that I could offer her.

My eyes stayed clear yet unfixed on it’s target along the floor as I tease the roots of hair. There was a clearing of his throat after awhile in the mute and it’d given me insight of his presence. I peer up immediately with it and watch his dark eyes as they watch me. They were dark and concerned as he batted to me the long dark coverage of the lashes that surround them. He was beautiful. I stare away once more when he doesn’t speak but rather take his organized time in dissecting me.

Harry:

“Are you going to tell me you’re okay again?”

My ears perked with his voice so that I wouldn’t miss it. I shake my head in answer, trying not to stare in the direction of my phone against the table there. I knew she wouldn’t be returning my calls anytime in the near future but apart of me still hoped she’d at least inform me of her being alright…but it was a stretch to even assume that she was.

Ally:

“I think umm..”

The sentence fell short in my profound stream of thought and I’d lost myself at the end of it. I cringe at the recent memory of her narrow eyes when she’d told me I’d come home with the scent of him. How I wish I could have thought to rid myself of it.

Ally:

“I think I need to visit Taylor for a bit tonight, Harry.”

I spoke them clearly but lacked in comprehending. I ignored my weak stomach, wishing that he had heard because I wasn’t as in the moment as I would have liked to be for him. The curtains blow inward near the window just to left of us with warm night air. It was fresh and mind consuming for only a second or two while invading in and brushing against my skin. He’s beside me now though I hadn’t calcuated his steps previously. My brain forms a knot when I look up again to his worried eyes.

Harry:

“You know I won’t let you do that.”

We’re seated mutally now on the carpet of the living room floor. Our backs are against the sofa thatstretches from us to further toward the TV. I’m late in processing his words but at least I hear them.

Ally:

“I just need to silence my mind. I won’t overdo it.”

I trail again as the whispers escape me slowly and I begin to withdraw myself from him. My arm is caught quickly in a manner I hadn’t been prepared for. Things unthaw so that I register whats happening.

Harry:

“Ally, no.”

Ally:

“Excuse me?”

He mentally contemplates parting his lips again and neglects to release me though I pry.

Harry:

“…I think that you have a problem Allison.”

Ally:

“What the hell are you talking about?”

I feel a defense coming on all at once rather than gradually as usual betweeen us.

Harry:

“I think you’re starting to depend on it- It’s not okay.“

The anger is full and thriving in my flesh and the veins beneath. I give him a look but I’m not sure what it’s being mirrored as from his perspective.

Ally:

“It’s pot. I’m not doing lines, now let me go.”

I snatch away less forcefully than I had intended but it was partially because his grip had softened with my temper.

Harry:

“And what about the pills and alcohol? It’s dangerous to even mix the two, and I’ve seen you do it.”

His voice is as soft as my duvet at home but its content held the thorns of a rose. I try holding my tongue but find it only makes what flows next from it a little more interesting.

Ally:

“So I’m an addict now is that it? Is this my intervention?”

Harry:

“No. Please, don’t be offended love. I just know a problem forming when I see one…When I’m spending time with you or kissing you, I just want you to be here. Present with me.”

I feel the knot subside and the anger settle quickly with his gentle words. I don’t even bother pointing out the unfair advantage they have on me but rather feed him my feelings slowly through our intimate lack of verbal communication. He presses closer in response to my distance a second ago. I just peer trying to find myself within him. The feeling of embarrasment overtook me at the thought of him thinking I’d been wrapped up too much into the wrong activities. I didn’t think it to be as bad of a problem as he had but I could never argue with concern. How could I, when it was something I recognized for him.

Harry:

“You’re going to stay.”

There was a hint beneath his tone that told me he’d become weak if I hadn’t. Eyes left me to pierce the floor in patience of awaiting my answer.

Ally:

“Is this why you were so worried…-about my weight?”

It relays evenly as I had intended. His voice gives a hestitant nod as my stomach grows weaker.

Ally:

“Aw Harry, it’s not-”

His lips peck at my cheek and I emotionally lose the confidence to say anything at all.

Harry:

“I can see that I’ve changed a lot in you. I’m sorry for that.”

He looks at our arms, tainted with ink as our fingers interlock one another. I judged his statement only lightly. When we had met I was different. Innocent and unlived, in hindsight. I had my share of darkness before him but this was a storm I had always been eager to watch. I sit here apart from him now as the complete girl version of himself and I loved every bit of it. Every bit of him. My mind pondered ever having to ordeal living without him again. I thought it even more unhealthy to the arguments that seem so trival now. I guess I spent more time silencing my mind only when there were things to silence. But I would never blame him for that. It was my choice to do the things that I’d done. And that was it.

Harry:

“Will you eat for me?”

I do him the courtesy of indulging the vegestables first and just dive in despite my lack of an appetite. My eyes fall shut orgasmically as the lovely pasta baths against my tastebuds and counters an intense frenzy. I know he’s pleased when I hear a chuckle on his way to the frig for drinks. I’m still getting use to the open feel to his place and wonder if he’s already adapted to it.

Harry:

“So,”

The top is popped off the bottle and he pours the fruity-smelled, peach liquid into the glass generously for each of us. I can’t help but study closely how polite and up-spirited he’s being for an afternoon.

Harry:

“How are things with you and Lori?”

Ally:

“Pretty sure she hates me,”

Harry:

“Still? Or did something happen?”

Ally:

“Long story.”

I say pressing the fork against the plate a few times in afterthought.

Harry:

“You should-“

He still watches me as I eat but breaks to sip from his glass for a moment.

Harry:

“You should stay here…with me.”

My eyes snap upward from the plate when the vibrations leave his tongue. They then quickly widen a bit with surprise.

Ally:

“You’re being serious Harry?”

Harry:

“Is that alright?”

Somehow I still wait for him to break character and tell me otherwise but it doesn’t happen.

Ally:

“You know if I do that, you’ll have to meet my parents. I mean, she’s not going to-

Harry:

“I would love to meet you’re parents, Allison.”

Oh shit, he was serious.

Ally:

“…and you’re sure you want me here…taking up space, and bothering you twenty-four seven?”

Harry:

“Very sure.”

Another sip is taken, I’m sure with nervousness. The dimples show through it. I feel proud of him within my chest when I realize things feel different this time around. He’s seemed to have aged but rather with wisdom. I get up when I’ve finished to sit on his lap and he holds me closely.

Harry:

“I’ve really missed you Allison. I just want you to be okay…taken care of, you know. And I want to do that for you.”

sweet.

Ally:

“I’m in.”

Nothing felt too fast because it had been as if I’d never left him. Emotionally I hadn’t. And that was where the substances usually came in…there was nothing like missing or wanting something you knew you couldn’t have. And seeing it from time to time gave me dreams undesirably..

Harry:

“I won’t mess this up.”

.

Notes

Decided to upload today. Hope you liked, keep readingggg ! if you know any good stories that you'd recommend, by all means fill me in. Thanks.