Rage

There's a knock on the door that causes disablement of my current task. Sure being here was a great break from always being at home with the complications, but I had to get my work done sometime. If I tried doing it there Claire would likely think it was only some ploy to ignore her. I pull the ear buds from my ears, eyes still fixed to my laptop screen and tell him to enter. I hear the sound of the door exiting the frame as he pulls but look up when nothing's said. Oh god,He leans against the cutout and places his hands in his front pockets profoundly. Everything seems rhythmic and planned and I just sit there waiting for things to plan out.

Harry:
"He uh...says you haven't eaten."

I didn't know what this was but it was something bizarre about having him here with a sober mind. I had sort of turned my back on him and I didn't want to be unclear in that...but I also couldn't lie and say that I didn't feel regret from time to time.

Ally:
"Yea...just up trying to finish this. "

I spent a lot of time in the guest bedroom of Taylor's place but I hoped this wouldn't be the end of it. I try not to stare into his eye contact but it happens with nature. My body inhales when he steps in and casually takes a seat beside me on top of the duvet. I count backwards from one hundred in my head as he examines the papers and content across the computer screen.

Harry:
"So... this is what you do?"

He technically wasn't supposed to be touching any of it but honestly I couldn't find it in me to snatch it away.

Harry:
"It's a good thing you're not into stealing, huh?"

I suppose.

I pull at the shorts I'm wearing so that they don't reveal too much of me. He looks up to the direction of the door where we're faced and our shoulders touch from him being so near.

Harry:
"Did you drink today...or anything else?"

Ally:
"No."
I answer almost with a touch of defense because he was a little too observant for his position in my life to be so limited.

Harry:
"Just a question, Ally. You don't have to snap..."

His voice is warm and familiar. I don't know how to take it or if I should at all. It would only be trouble.

Harry:
"Come on, "

He gets up from the bedding and heads back to the exit of the room. I'd be relieved if I weren't being prompted to tag along. He turns while I sit quietly in my thoughts, unable to move.

Harry:
"We're just eating...You have to do that sometime, right?"

Not really...because this was a complete step in the wrong direction.

Harry:
"We've always been friends...it's not a big deal."
Ally:
"Just let me put something on. I'll be down in a bit."
--
We sit across from one another in a place I had never been to with him before. In a way it was a good thing being relieved of all of that pressure and not having memories to cause me distress while being here.

I sip at my punch as my phone buzzes against the table and swipe over to reject it
almost unconsciously.

Harry:
"Why are you ignoring her?"

A fry is placed between his teeth thoughtfully.

Ally:
"Well answering would be rude, right?"

I take a second interest in my drink as he does the same with an incoming call of his own. I mentally start drawing the score.

Harry:
"How's the relationship thing going?"

Oh this was weird. I twirl at my fork slowly and just wait for my brain to catch up. To dilute out the background of the bar and grill and focus on the fact that I'm even out with him at the moment.

Ally:
"She's great..."
Harry:
"...Then what's the problem?"

Another sip of my drink and I think he's beginning to notice the pattern.

Harry:
"This is only weird if you make it that way, Ally. I'm completely comfortable with you. We're not strangers..."

He sips at his own drink, water of course, and begins on his quest to warm me up to him again. At this rate we'd both be rushing to the nearest bathroom.

Ally:
"No, I -I really like her. It's just been difference since..."
He nods, stealing a few of my fries with the intention of making me comfortable.

Ally:

"She ...used that word."

His eyes widen for a second but he doesn't break whatever composure he seems to have mastered on.

Harry:
"And have you said it back?"

I give a suggestive look before putting down the fork, picking up the fries and placing a few to my lips.

Ally:
"You know I'm not into that...I know I feel something. Just not that."
Harry:
"You should just have a talk with her about that. You know, so you don't come off as being a douche about it."

I take a mental note, but mostly at the fact that I was getting advice from my ex boyfriend.

Harry:
"Is that why the other night happened?"

I give an expression of question for him to further explain.

Harry:
"I stopped by to see Taylor and uh- you were really out of it."

So that definitely did happen? ...Oh shit,

It becomes harder to keep still when I think of how I hugged myself into him.

Ally:
"...Sorry about that. I thought I- was dreaming the entire thing."

I send a quick text to Claire when the phone goes off again. Surely I wouldn't tell her who I was with. Not now anyways.

Harry:
"Sorry about?"

Ally:
"Being so- I mean, I didn't mean to-"

Harry:
"It's alright, Ally. I know how much you love to cuddle."

There's a smile that tenses me. I was a a little more embarrassed to admit how much I'd missed the dimples.

Harry:
"I'm more concerned with you being around Taylor so much. He's not the best influence on
you."

Ally:
"I'm not a child."

Harry:
"You know what I mean. There's other things to pour yourself into when you're stressed."

How ironic this was...

He checks his phone again with a disturbance and rejects. I'm more inclined to comment since we were in each others business again.

Ally:
"So what about you? She's called a few times already."

He looks away, shaking his head in some form of disagreement.

Harry:
"She's just...helping with the whole sober thing. It just works, I guess. I haven't even craved a drink."

I look down to hide the fact that my feelings were growing sore. It was wonderful that he'd been successful with it this time around...but knowing another girl could do something for him that I'd been hoping for all along, well that stung a little.
Just then I see her familiar face from just behind him, almost as if the entire scene was on a cue. I feel the annoyance coming along when she approaches upon seeing his dark head of hair.

Harper:
"Hey babe,"
She remains standing, grabbing his face and placing a kiss to his lips while he embraces her.
WTF.

Harper:
"I was just calling you, "

Harry:
"Yea, well I didn't want to be rude."

That's when she turns to face me for the first time though I'd been seeing her throughout our relationship enough.

Harry:
"Harper, this is Ally."

She scoots into the booth beside him and it's feeling a lot like the other day when Lori asserted herself with Claire and I in a similar way. I bet anyone in my life could almost guess what was coming next so I reach for my purse in fulfillment. Running away was the absolute best problem solver. And there was no sarcasm intended there.
Harry:
"Is it okay if I catch up with you later?"

He turns to address her when he gets the jest. I pull the bills from my wallet and place
enough on the table to more than cover it.

Ally:
"That's not necessary, it'll be late soon anyways."

Harry:
"You barely touched your food."

Ally:
"Not feeling hungry."

The awkward is so unbearable by now.

Harry:
"It's on me,"

I reach his eyes to mentally communicate for him to just stop because he'd done nothing wrong. I assumes he gets it when he falls silent.

Harper:
"It was nice meeting you. Love your hair, by the way."

I hope she wasn't expecting a thank you, because I was newly fresh out. When I'm greeted with the fresh air the sky immediately begins to open up. I curse myself when I realize there's very little chance of me reaching my car now without drenching myself down to my socks. I take a sigh of fresh air and pull my pack of cigarettes from the bag after stepping off to the side and out of the way of the door. The smell of rain pierces the air and hovers just beneath my nose until the cigarettes lit and given a puff. It was almost guaranteed to rain on any given day that I didn't carry an umbrella. And now I was stuck here. The sound of it hitting the ground becomes calming along with the nicotine and the world seems to have slowed down for awhile. That is until the door is heard opening a short while away. Their hands are interlocked but I take notice that he breaks it awkwardly when he realizes my presence. Something is spoken to her before she heads off with her umbrella I assume to the car. Already, I'm holding regret for not leaving earlier when I was given the chance.

Harry:
"Do you mind?"

He uses the burn of my bud to light his own but I just take the initiative to put it out and avoid any further conversation.

Harry:
"Are you okay?"

I wish people wouldn't ask that anymore. Usually it was a loaded question that likely the person asking already knew the answer to.

Ally:
"Great."

It seemingly pours harder with my lie.

Harry:
"Are we okay? I didn't know she'd be here, I swear-"

I step away with the start of my phone ringing again and shove it deep in my bag so it doesn't suffer what I'm about to.

Harry:
"Just wait here until it lets up, I'll wait with you."

I step down from the curve and begin making my way.

Harry:
"Here, take my jacket then."

It's cold and harsh as it taints my hair and clothing but I don't even rush through it. There wasn't a point.

Harry:
" Ally!"

He calls after me through the patter. What a mistake this was.
--
Here I am again peeling the damp clothes from my body into a pile on the floor. I know I'll be sick from all of the sneezing I've been doing on the way here. She seems to come from out of nowhere with a large throw and warm undershirt for me to replace the wet one with.

Claire:
"Go lie on the couch, I'll make a tea for you."

Her hands rub to warm me once my forehead is pecked.

Ally:
"You should really stay away, I'll only make you sick."

Claire:
"You already do."

I gasp at how rude that is but she only laughs to display her amusement.

Claire:
"I'm kidding, just a joke. Just a joke, I take it back."

The couch is warm and understanding of my fatigue now. I was unusually tired lately. Always actually. I sip the tea with longevity. My thoughts steam around in the cup and she makes sure I'm fully covered with the blanket.

Claire:
"Who keeps calling?"

Ally:
"...no one important."

I go to light another cigarette and pull my legs into the couch as she flicks through the muted channels.

Claire:
"You have to quite smoking."

Ally:
"I know, I will."

Someday. And that was among other things. She goes awhile without talking but I was smart enough to recognize the build up.

Claire:
"When do I get to meet your friends? You know, the ones you're always around."

I wasn't sure if I wanted her to meet the pack of stoners, but I could have guessed that wasn't who she'd specifically been talking about.
I place my fingers against her free hand to pull her in for a kiss. I had to stop avoiding her, but I was just really confused lately.

Ally:
"Taylor's birthday is coming up next weekend and he's having something at this night club...is that something you'd want to go to?"

She rubs her nose against mine and I feel the chill from the rain leaving my body. My words are practically against her lips.

Claire:
"As your friend? As your girlfriend?"

Fingers caress my damped hair.

Ally:
"They know about you. It's not a secret, I wouldn't do that."

Just then Lori's footsteps against the stairs causes her to remove herself from me to the other side of the couch. I guess she didn't tell her yet.

Lori:
"Hey."

She speaks in my direction and I give a weak smile.

Lori:
"Claire, don't make any plans for next weekend, alright?"

I flick through the channels idly for something to do.

Claire:
"What's next weekend?"

Lori:
"We're visiting the girls remember? I'll have to leave Friday night, so don't forget."

Claire:
"Okay,"

She prances off to the kitchen once she gets the answer she's searching for and I look at her quietly and without understanding.

Ally:
"You did not just do that,"

Hey eyes are sorry but I ignore them.

Claire:
"I totally forgot about that Allison, I promised her first. Can I meet them a different time?"

Ally:
"No, just don't worry about it."

I answer the damn phone when it begins to strike a nerve.

Ally:
"Yes?"

Harry:
"So you're back to ignoring me?"

Ally:
"I'm not. I was just caught up with something."

I listen for the other side of the line, guilt flying out of the window with what she'd just done. I so didn't care anymore. I should have left for my family as planned. I could be so stupid sometimes.

Ally:
"Is there something you want?"

There wasn't a polite way of asking but I wished he'd get to it already.

Harry:
"...Are you going to be there for his birthday next week?"

Ally:
"Of course,"

Harry:
"I guess I'll see you there then."

Dammit.

Ally:
"K, bye."

Sigh.

Claire:
"Who was that?"

Ally:
"I'll worry about that, alright? I would hate for Lori to walk in and ask why you even care who I'm talking to."

She enters on cue and takes a seat between us with a bowl of popcorn and prompts for the remote. It's so weird that she doesn't pick up the vibes in the air from either of us. I look over when the silence is broken.

Claire:
"Lori, I totally forgot. I can't go next weekend, I promised Ally we'd do something. It's kind of important."

It's clear that neither of us expects it.

Lori: "What could be that important?"

Ally:
"It's her friend's birthday, I can't just blow it off. I said I would go."

I would rather I wasn't sitting here for this. I could see how Lori would think it was weird for her to pick going someplace with me over her because they were already adjoined at the hip.

Lori:
"okay- um...I guess we can just go the next week, then. Is that good or?"

Claire:
"Yea, it's fine. Sorry about that."

Lori:
"Well...I won't complain I guess. I'm actually really glad you've been pulling her out of the house. It would be great if we were all close... Now, if I could only get her to speak to me..."
No. I didn't know about that but at least she wasn't giving her a hard time about it.

Ally:
"I'll make dinner,"

Notes