Rage

Ally:
"No, uh- you just keep forgetting to expense it over here."

I point out to him over the large computer screen of his office as we sit there too closely to one another.

Allen:
"Oh yea- you’re right.”

His tie is loosened and jacket hung over the back of his chair as he takes another bite of the take out he's ordered. The other offices are vacant accept for the two of us as it goes on to just after eight.

Allen:
"You must try this. I think I have a new favorite."

He blows it off patiently to his lips before offering it to me from the fork.

Ally:
"I'm um.. actually not really hungry, but thanks."

Allen:
"Aww, come on Ally. Everyone gets hungry, and I noticed you haven't eaten at all today."

He noticed? I can almost predict what he'll say to any reply I give by now. He comes with a rather overbearing personality that has me in unwillingly as deep as I am. He rubs against my leg where the skirt hikes a bit from the way I'm seated, and it's hesitantly accepted passed my teeth. I chew at the pasta slowly while looking away, but my chin is caught so his thumb can remove whatever’s spilled onto the corners of my mouth.

Allen:
"Well?"

He asks sending the document to the printer from his computer and staring at me with his soft blue eyes.

Ally:
"It's great…thanks,"

I take the opportunity to get up and head for the papers but I'm leaned forcefully against the desk by his body. His hand holds the small of my back as a look down rather to the buttons of his shirt shamefully. One of my wrists is caught harshly so that I’m not allowed to move, and I just stay there waiting for to say whatever he has to.

Allen:
"Hey,"

I just wish that he'd let go but that dark part of me is present in the room...the one that never seems to mind abuse or mistreatment and it keeps me silent to what I know is wrong. I didn’t exactly know how to verbally tell someone this was happening with my boss of all people…This girl was someone I was always familiar to with Harry for obvious reasons and though I was sure I'd gotten rid of her, she still came to surface every once in awhile.

Allen:
"I like having this time with you."

There’s no way he doesn’t pick up on my discomfort so it was safe to say it didn’t much bother him. My arms are caught again and I feel I've seen this picture somewhere before.

Allen:
"What's wrong? He doesn't still hit you does he?"

I cringe a little with the question and shake my head immediately following it. Maybe I was a little psychotic, but I’d rather this be Harry insensitively holding me here any day.

Ally:
"I've never said that he does. You said you'd never talk about that."

He withdraws and becomes seemingly apologetic for the mention of the very topic I considered off-limits.

Allen:
"I'm just observing, Ally."

The phone vibrates against the desk and he nods for me to answer when he sees that it's him. I take the opportunity to place space between us and answer quickly.

Ally:
"Hi Harry,"

And before he speaks I tend to already know that he's pissed.

Harry:
"Really Ally? Do you know what time it is?"

I hold my temple at the fact that I'd forgotten to tell him about my late hours again tonight.

Ally:
"Oh, Harry I'm really sorry. I've just been caught up here at the office."

Harry:
"How many times have you told me that this week alone? This is getting to be a little too much-"

Ally:
"Listen. I'm on my way now alright. Just relax, please."

He watches me with a fire that I can't quite explain. It makes me feel extremely displaced and I just stand there with the phone firmly pressured to me.

Ally:
"I'm heading to the car now alright? I'll call you when I'm close."

I sooth him somehow before ending the call and grab my things from his desk.

Ally:
"I'm sorry sir, I have to go. But I can continue to work on it tonight if you’d like-"

Allen:
"No, it's okay. You've done great, we'll start again tomorrow."

I place on my jacket slowly with the realization.

Ally:
"Tomorrow? Tomorrow's Saturday."

He gives a smile that I don't understand and the only thing I can seem to worry about is how Harry will take that information.

Allen:
"I know, I-uh..."

I recognize the hint behind the grin from earlier as I wait for the rest of it. The mental abuse here was beginning to stain me more than anything else and I held worry for myself in this situation with him for the long-term.

Allen:
"You know I can't wait till Monday to see you again. You have the promotion, you know."

Ally:
“Only because I deserve it, I hope.”

My throat dries and I swallow harshly as he reaches for something in the pocket of his coat.

Allen:
"I got this for you..."

He holds up a necklace that I’m sure is worth a lot more than whatever this was and I feel a little confused.

Allen:
"Turn around,"

Ally:
"Oh no, I can't Allen. You shouldn’t have done that-"

Allen:
"I saw it and thought of you… So it's yours. Turn around, please."

He spins me by the waist when I don't listen and urges me to lift the hair from my neck. Guilt is alive in my veins as he places it around me and pecks the area just beside my shoulder. My fingers are taken to turn me back and he watches me again the way he does.

Allen:
"I knew it, see...beautiful."

I somehow escape him to pull on my coat and grab my car keys.

Allen:
"It's late, I'll walk you down."

Ally:
“It’s not necessary.”

He fits himself into his own outerwear and logs off quickly before I have the opportunity to get away.

Allen:
“Don’t be silly, it’s late.”





I'm grateful he doesn't attempt reaching for my hand or anything as we turn the corner to the parking lot. My heart palpitates in my chest when I see Harry there accompanied with a cigarette by my car. I try to relax and distribute air evenly across my lungs with the crisp of the cool night air. It scares me a little that despite seeing Harry there he doesn't go to turn and leave.

Allen:
"Is tomorrow going to be a problem?"

He stops to ask with just a few steps to go. I'm overcome with the thought of having to leave Harry to move back home with my parents if I pissed him off in anyway. I feel as if I'm subjecting myself to great harm as I nod my head.

Allen:
"Good. Have a good night. I'll see you here tomorrow morning."

When he turns it's like I can breathe again if only for a few seconds.

Ally:
"Drive, will you?"

I ask placing the keys in his fingers and heading for the passenger side quietly. It takes him awhile but he eventually gets in, slamming the door once inside.

Harry:
"What the hell was that?"

Ally:
"I told you the time just got away f-"

Harry:
"No, who was the guy?"

I don't give hesitation in fear he'd become suspicious.

Ally:
"Oh, Allen? That's my boss. It's late and he was just making sure I got to my car alright."

I don't look up but rather stare blankly out of the car window to where I'd just come from. He sighs putting the cigarette out and rolling back up the window.

Harry:
"It's the least he can do for having you out working this late."

He mumbles while pulling onto the road but I'm just glad he's let it go.

--

I wake up from another sleepless night and pry myself from Harry's hold. I head to the bathroom to freshen up quickly and place on my office attire for the day. I really hate coffee but lately it's been my absolute best friend. I pour a heaping cup of it then grab my bag and head back for the door.

Harry:
"Where the hell are you going?"

The fatigue seems to leave him promptly. I study his bedhead and wait for my thoughts to catch up.

Ally:
"Work,"

I feel empty as I stand there in front of him and just allow him to hate me for this. He couldn’t understand that here was where I really wanted to be.

Harry:
"Bullshit, you have to do weekends now? "

Ally:
"It's only for a few hours,"

Harry:
“You realize that every time you say this I don't see you again until ten. “

Ally:
"Well I mean it this time,"

Harry:
"Ally, you barely slept."

Ally:
"Then I'll sleep when I get back. But really I have to go before I'm late."

I peck his cheek before disappearing quickly to bypass the conflict… Because really I had other things to worry about.

--

I look out the wide office window at the night and he runs through the accounts again. I listen for an off number so I can tell him what he's done wrong this time.

Allen:
"Where is it?"

That’s when I turn to acknowledge that he’s actually there. I know that I’m a little out of it… I find myself developing heavy anger internally for this guy for all the things I’m being forced to do lately. It’s hard to shift back into a professional outlook on him after everything. And the night before was weighing on my mind.

Ally:
"I'm sorry?"

Allen:
"The necklace, where is it?"

I blink a few times to rid myself of the watery eyes and reach in my pocket for what he asks for.

Allen:
"Why's it off?"

Ally:
"Would you rather my boyfriend see it?"

He reaches his hand out for me but I don’t oblige. There’s a sigh on his part and instead he approaches me slowly to interlock our fingers.

Allen:
"Yes honestly,"

I feel a little sick when his face draws closer to mine. I don't know how many times I can politely decline for him simply to ignore me and help himself. When his body forces me on the desk what I impulsively want is to push him away… but I don't.

Ally:
"Allen, no."

His lips are against mine and I feel that I am nothing. I fear that disobeying will result in him hurting me in some way. Nervousness swims through me when he doesn’t take the warning but rather proceeds aggressively. I press against his chest as another forewarning but he doesn't seem to acknowledge it. He continues against my face until his teeth find my neck to nip harshly… no.

--




I'm given a kiss to my cheek as he tangles his fingers around in my hair. Our noses touch as he expresses how he'd miss me tomorrow. He then opens my car door and I'm helped in after being sent a "goodnight."

I slowly remove my coat from my body and start the car to warm the chill of the cold-sitting metal. I watch until he disappears to the next lot over and once gone I allow my head to fall to the steering wheel. I feel broken as I weep into it for a moment but quickly wipe the tears when my phone glows with Harry's call. I don't pick it up but rather get myself together against the wheel under the hum of the engine. There was no way I wouldn’t be finding a pub before heading home. I just could not see Harry right now. Allen had given me the next few days off after noticing the bags beneath my eyes but I knew he’d likely be calling to see me. I'm startled when the door is opened and the passenger seat is occupied suddenly. My heart leaps into my throat still when I see that's it's only him.

Ally:
"Jesus Harry,"

I lock the door in impulse and stare blankly forward when I notice he stares quietly. Guilt and self hate is triggering through me but I force small talk so he doesn’t go on a questioning spree.

Ally:
“What are you doing here? I was just about to-“

I begin shifting into drive but the keys are taken out and away from me. Still I don't look at him because I know he's pissed again about the hour.

Harry:
"…Why can't you look at me lately?"

His tone isn't angry. That surprises me. It's my phone again but this time with texts from Allen.

Harry:
"Who's that?"

I put it away in my bag quickly and just hold closely to the wheel.

Ally:
"Just Lori,”

I want to ask for the keys back but fear it'll start something I don't quite have the energy for.

Harry:
"So...how long are you going to keep lying to me?"

Still the tone is calm yet uneasy to me. I don’t quite know what he's referring to yet so I wait for him to provide the information.

My face is snatched in his direction so my eyes fall no other place.

Harry:
"You know that as long as I'm paying attention, I know when you're lying to me...which is why I want you to look at me when I ask you this."

I feel it’s necessary to turn away but I don't.

Harry:
"Is something going on with you and your boss?"

That's where I glare away rashly. It doesn't last long though because I'm again forced to face him.

Harry:
"Ally, I know it is, so just say it.”

My mind runs like a faucet and I'm not sure how to take this side of him. I wait for the backlash but instead he just waits for me to say something…he’d be waiting for awhile.

Notes

Another will be posted tomorrow as promised. I see your comments :) LOVE YOUUUU