Rage

Harry:
“What’d he want this time?”

I creep back into the room where I’d originally thought he was sound asleep. I place my phone against the nightstand table and slip back into the sheets to where he’s still on the center left of the bed.

Ally:
“..just to tell me that I have to go in a little earlier tomorrow.”

Harry:
“Again? Why, and does he know what time it is?”

His voice seems deeper when he’s really upset. I found the best path was to just avoid matching that and just mellowing him out.

Ally:
“I think he just thought it’d be better to call tonight, rather than early tomorrow morning. You know?”

Harry:
“No. I don’t. The next time he does that just don’t answer,”

I nod and peck his lips after turning off the lamp and just curl up as close to him as possible. He breathes as if to calm himself without me noticing..but I do.

Ally:
“…how are you sleeping without the pills?”

I muster calmly while rubbing his inner forearm.

Harry:
“I think the problem was just when you were out of town. I hated that,”

Ally:
“No more secrets.”

Harry:
“I know, I know.”

I squeeze my eyes shut in exhaust when my phone buzzes again, lighting up the room with the notification of an incoming call.

Harry:
“This is a joke, right?”

I go to get up but he harshly restricts me.

Ally:
“Harry, it could be important.”
He withdraws himself from me and heads for it in full annoyance. I’m grateful though that he doesn’t answer it but rather powers it off after connecting it to his charger.

Harry:
“Fucking asshole,”

Ally:
“Harry, don’t.”
His fingers go to rummage through his pants pocket there on the floor before he heads for the door.
The temper thing was still undeniably something we needed to work on, even with him seeing Dr.Horan regularly now.
Ally:
“Where are you goi-“

Harry:
“To smoke.”

And that was the last I’d remembered before slipping into unconsciousness.
--
There’s breakfast on the table and he occupies himself with preparing tea. I’m just surprised he’s up this early or ever remembers the time I told him I’d have to leave his place today.

Ally:
“Good morning,”

I realized that he hadn’t returned to the bed last night but I don’t go about questioning. He pushes the hot drink toward the side of my plate as I pick up the fork and begin. Theres something weird about what’s not being said but again I don’t comment.

Harry:
“Morning,”

I sense an attitude immediately as I chew the eggs on my back molars. I watch him through my lashes quietly as he sits across from me, pushing his hair back from his face quickly. The rubbing of his eyes is a tell that he hadn’t gotten sleep and I wonder if this all stemmed from the call. The silence makes me a little uncomfortable because there was nothing much that I could say when the dispute was about something I literally had no control over. Work was important to me and my family…Well, my mom most specifically and losing a job or something of the sorts would get me dragged back home at the hair by her.

The phone goes again and I choose to just remove myself.

Ally:
“Thanks for breakfast, I’ll see you later.”

I give the tea a sip and go when I feel the heat coming along.


--
Harry:
"That makes every day this week."

I stare blankly into the mirror after he helps me into my blazer. My fingers reach for the brush and I run it slowly through my hair as he speaks.

Ally:
"My mom wants me to get the promotion...says if I don't, she has a job there for me and I don’t want that."

I stand there still and burdened with sleep deprivation. It's almost as if I can feel myself slipping away with everyday that goes by that I don't tell him. Keeping up a smile is becoming more and more of a chore, but I force it on myself anyways.

Harry:
"Well, how long is this going to be? He can't keep making you do these insane hours-"

I look at him there through the reflection of the mirror, just hoping he couldn't see right through me from behind it.

Ally:
"I'll be fine. It's Friday so I'll be home regular time today."

I seem to use the term a lot in reference to his place but what he didn't know was that home for me was simply anywhere he was.

Ally:
"I'll see you later today, yea?"

I head off and pull the door behind me. My eyes fall shut once the barrier is placed between us and I feel myself shifting.


--

My inner-self is sore but I place on a brave smile to all of my co-workers. They laugh and mingle around my desk and I remove my jacket before starting my computer. I listen in the background, nodding and smiling when necessary until I see my boss making his way over. I hold my breath a little and take notice at the others disbursing off into their separate entities with his presence.

Allen:
"How are you, Ally?"

I look up from the screen as if just noticing him there and again force a smile.

Ally:
"I'm great. It's a good day, how are you sir?"

The eye communication is a little intense and a seductive smile plays on his lips along with it.

Allen:
"Better now,"

It's held for a moment until my eyes fall from him and around to others that could potentially be watching our conversation.

Allen:
"You're doing excellent with the Myers account, by the way."

Ally:
"… thanks...it's taken some time but I think I have it down."

Allen:
"Certainly...you wouldn't mind assisting me again tonight, would you?"

The exact words I was hoping he wouldn't say but I manage not to fall apart despite them.

Ally:
"Of course, sir."

I'm not sure if I have much more of the artificial sunshine left but I keep it up until the end of our dialogue.

Allen:
"See you then."

He walks away confidently in one of his many suits that seem to always be tailored to a tee. I lure my eye back to my screen and my fingers just hover there over the keyboard as my mind draws a blank for awhile. I return the hello to those passing by my desk and allow myself to mentally unravel for a second. I didn't know how to tell Harry he'd have to cancel our dinner reservations for the third time this week.
--
I enter the place I share with Lori a little past eight and allow my body to fall to the back of the door. A deep breath is taken out as if to release the stress of my hectic day and the tears leave my face as if they’ve been awaiting the day’s end. I don’t give them much attention, rather using my time to remove my top layers of clothing as I head to the frig for a water. I open it to see her wine there beside it and push away the urge to grab it instead.

Ally:
“Hello?”

I answer it quickly once my throat is cleared.

Harry:
“Are we mad at each other?”
He asks and I curse myself immediately when I notice the slur.

Ally:
“That depends. Where are you?”

I feel more alert and observant of his voice now.

Harry:
“Open the door,”

I know it’s weird but I always feel like such a mom in this stage of his high. This was absolutely the last thing I needed today, especially if the boss had any plans of calling me again tonight.

Ally:
“Did you drink, Harry?”

I ask in a tone that doesn’t at all suggest anger but trust me it’s there.

Harry:
“No,”
He laughs and my heart thuds harder. I knew from experience with him that the anger wouldn’t come till a little later, but here with Lori in the house was another thing I didn’t need. I open the door and he hugs me immediately. The barrier breaks when the scent pushes harshly to my nose.

Harry:
“I love you.”

I smile when I can almost see his dimples though they’re buried deep within my neck.

Ally:
“I love you too babe.”

He doesn’t let go and in a way I’m grateful that the wind gives a subtle contrast.

Ally:
“When you told me you were going to smoke, I was thinking cigarettes…”

He laughs again, and I begin removing his jacket.

Ally:
“No boos, right?”

Harry:
“None at all I promise, love.”

Ally:
“Okay- do you want some water?”

I relax a little and return the kiss. The house is unlit so I lead him toward the kitchen slowly while we made small talk. I let him go and take a seat at the counter as he heads towards the frig. I watch him there in light of it while he pulls out all the ingredients of what looks like a sandwich. He cradles things in his arms up to his chin and mouth and I just watch in amusement.

Ally:
“You need help there?”

Harry:
“I’ve got it, stay there.”

I’m really tired and should be showering and winding down for the next day but I guess I could push it off for another hour. His eyes are barely open and quite red but he wears just about anything handsomely.

Ally:
“I guess it’s my turn to be upset with you, huh?”

Harry:
“I know, I’m sorry.”

Ally:
“You apologize a lot lately, “

The sandwich is made rather quickly and he takes a bite before I can drill him with more questions.

Ally:
“You need to shower before you get in my bed, Harry. There’s no way.”

He pulls off his shirt and continues at the sandwich.

Harry:
“Not unless it’s with you.”

Ally:
“…Harry,”

Harry:
“Can we go upstairs?”

He holds his face close after swallowing the first bite, and begins undoing the buttons of my collared shirt. I was pretty comfortable with my boyfriend but lately there were things going on with me that he was unaware of. I didn’t know how to tell him still and though he was the very best part of my day I usually only saw him for less than half of it. I don’t answer right away and I’m faced with that look of confusion he does.

Harry:
“Were you crying?”

His fingers go to wipe there and I follow to see where the mascara has run.
Harry:
“Allison, why were you crying?”

Ally:
“I wasn’t-..I didn’t.”

Harry:
“I thought we were passed this Ally…I thought we were talking, remember?”

He stares down at me with those eyes and I feel under radar. It would have been better if I had been expecting it. I look down to avoid him and attempt to steer the air of the dialogue differently.

Ally:
“I think I want that shower now.”

--

I take a moment to collect and rid myself of the absent mind I’m convinced I was born with. I listen as he enters the bathroom and for whatever reason, goosebumps prick my skin. I hear clearly the sound of him locking the door and ridding himself of his lower attire. The water flows in repetition both to my ears and against my skin. I let my hair down from the tie and allow the showerhead to taint it. Quietly I await him there seemingly alone until he pulls against the glass door. It’s closed with a click and though I don’t face him, immediately I feel his presence. It’s quite strong until I feel his fingers move my damp hair to rest over one shoulder. Lips trail there but before he can do much, I pull him further in until it patters through his scalp as well. It gets increasing dark and relaxes against his head. I rub my fingers against his bare chest until it rests just around his navel area. He does the same to me as he watches me profoundly through the effects of his high. I’m pulled forward now and turned to the right until my back is pressed to the cool shower wall. Our heads are meshed again and I get the silent hint that he wants to tell me something. I wait for it…

Harry:
“I wish you would tell me why you were crying, love.”

He’s brushing upwardly against my thighs and my body pulses me to anticipate it desirably.

Ally:
“This just wasn’t one of my best days, that’s all.”

It’s kind of like I’m being bribed but I take the bait willingly and his touch draws closer.

Harry:
“With work?”
It’s such a comfortable temperature but I could see it getting a bit warm in the coming moments.

Ally:
“Yea,”
I’m taken off guard when I finally get what I’ve been waiting for. He’s yanked inward in impulse and I feel my lip being caught harshly between my teeth.

Harry:
“What happened?”

He asks but I feel it’s unfair of him. I can tell there’s a deep, inner pleasure that’s taken from observing my reactions. I close my eyes and allow my head to fall onto my support for now. It’s not until he stops abruptly that I feel my drive build a bit.

Harry:
“What. Happened.”

He’s really serious about getting the answer but I’m just annoyed that I have to mention someone else in such an intimate moment.

Ally:
“I’m just tired of working really hard…I mean I don’t mind but-I haven’t been getting enough sleep you know.”
I fully understand that I’ve just lied to him but choose rather to focus on the thing that didn’t keep me up at night. I encourage his touch back to me and insist this time that he didn’t tease. There’s sounds of pleasure and femininity leaving me at a constant and his lips find their way to mine in between them.

Ally:
“What about you? Why didn’t you call me today?”
It’s brought to my attention just how turned on he is when my fingers find him as well. I bite at his lips a little as his eyes fall shut to pull his attention back to what I’m asking. Guess it was time for him to see how hard it was to respond when you’re body had become so desperate.

Harry:
“I-uh”

His voice is attractive as he tries to think and move pass the loop of pleasure I’m purposely making extreme.
Harry:
“I know it’s your boss but…I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel about him calling you like that so late. I felt st- stupid because…I knew I couldn’t be upset. There wasn’t really a reason to be, I was wrong.”

I ignore the boss part and focus more on how much I love that he’s being so open about his feelings. Because face it, guys were a little weird about the pride thing.

Harry:
“I’m aware that I’m selfish with you. I don’t care.”

Our touches work in unison as the water continues like rain in the background. I save the motions he loves the most for when I know that I’m a minute shy of losing it. It works as planned because now he is ready as well and we’re in for the thirty second countdown.

He’s shielding his body around me the way he always does when I feel in this sort of vulnerable place.

Ally:
“I love that about you.”

I’m gone already and he’s always set for three to four seconds after. He falls apart in the crook of my neck as I increase my pace for his final seconds. I think that was when I realized that this was scary. It was impossible for me to enjoy life this much or even these intimate parts with anyone else. It was a thought I kept away.

He kisses passionately though he’s suffering the same loss of power that I am…still he doesn't allow me to fall.

Harry:
“Bad part is, now we really have to shower.”

Though I laugh to his comment, I think the bad part for me was…still not being completely open with him.

Notes

I'll be posting at 8:30 tomorrow and Monday for the next two chapters. YOU'RE WELCOME <3.

Hey to the new subs !!