Rage

He bends over, unfolding a piece of paper from just beneath the bed as he fills me in on his disapproval of my behavior again lately. I quiver a little as he unfolds because I'm sure I know what it is and how he'll react.

Harry:
"What's this?"

He asks after reading as if it's in a language to be translated by me. I look at it in his hands while his green eyes narrow at my image.

Harry:
"Who's Jace? ...And I want you to answer before I get pissed off."

I pondered why he'd given his number anyway when I was sure he'd called me a few times prior. I know there's nothing to feel guilty about but it was something that came along with the scene of this. I play with the strap of my bra, cursing myself for not throwing it away sooner.

Ally:
"The ex I was telling you about."

Harry:
"And he was here? In your bedroom-"

With each word his voice becomes heavier and that much more intimidating.

Ally:
"That was awhile ago. Before we made up."

Harry:
"You looked me in my face and told me nothing happened."

Ally:
"It didn't Harry, I swear. Just trust me, if it had I would tell you."

He takes another look at it before crumbling it in his large hands and throwing it toward the gabage cans. I knew I had gotten through when he didn't question again on the matter.

Ally:
"Will you be alright while I'm away?"

There's things that aren't being said between us but I'd rather go today without a headache.

Harry:
"I guess...just don't pretend to be okay with me and then ignore me the entire time."

Ally:
"I wouldn't do that."

--

Lori and I were sat in the dining area of our parents place waiting for mom to finish up with the cooking duties. I was mildly obsessed with the phone at the moment to a point, just trying not to take too long when replying to him.

Lori:
"You'd better put it away when mom comes or you'll never hear the end of it."

Ally:
"I know, I know."

She reached over to shove my elbows from the table and I began to remember why I hated being the youngest. The smell of comfort food spills throughout the house and my stomach begin it's protest.

Harry:
So you're staying for the entire time?

Of course this little vacation away to visit my parents wasn't something Harry was exactly happy about for selfish reasons. I wasn't quite use to being away from him this long either unless things had gone sour between us.

Ally:
"Where's Rachel and Connor?"

I spoke for her attention but continued to give my own away elsewhere.

Ally:
Yea. I'm sorry, Harry, We haven't seen our parents in a while, so my mom has kind of made it mandatory.

Connor:
"We're here."

I look to see my older siblings coming in through the doorway toward us. I get up immediately to place myself in their embrace as they sift through my hair and playfully pinch my cheeks. I bat it away as the chatter begins.

Connie:
"Jesus, did mom see those?"

He spoke of the ink that tainted my clean flesh as if I were in such trouble. Rachel pulled me aggressively into her arms secondly.

Rachel:
"She's going to kill you."

Ally:
"Relax, she already has."

I wouldn't tell them I'd gotten them with Harry because that would only further taint there image of him. They didn't know about the former abuse only through my heavy begging from Lori, but still they didn't approve of him in my life. I valued their opinions, really I did, but Harry was never up for discussion. We're seated back at the table when I receive another text from him.

Harry:
:(

I guess the jealously had died and he was back to being adorable again. We'd further discuss what happened with his counseloring session but for now I would leave it. Every second I spent away from him only further increased my brain's activity of him. I wondered what he'd been doing there at his place without me...if his day had gone as planned or how the weather was today. I let my conscious run through the loops as they conversed in the background. I was just happy the magnifying glass was further toward Lori now as they questioned her about the many traffic tickets she'd received within this month alone. I smile with the amusement of hearing her try and talk her way out of that one. My mother enters the room before she's able to and we're ordered to help bring in the dishes from the kitchen. We do so and seat ourselves on either side of the table with mom and dad at the horizontal ends. I think of the last we had dinner this way...too long ago is all I can come up with. We eat and discuss what's going on in each others lives since our last meetings. I mostly talk about things pertaining to work or how I'm adored by my boss and am surprised to find that this time I'm not under scrutiny.

Alice:
"So, about the tickets dear..."

She begins on Lori and I'm controlling the grin by placing the fork to my lips slowly. My phone gives my hand a buzz but I know better than to even remove it from my lap during dinner. They continue on and all I can think about is calling Harry before bed.

Lori:
"Well, Allison's still with Harry."

I nearly cough up my food when his name leaves her mouth. Oh, how I hated her.

Connor:
"We thought that was done."

And because of her I'm now on the chopping block. I grab for my water for a distraction on how I'm going to dig myself out of this.

Ally:
"No. We've been back together for a while now..."

I'm grateful my dad doesn't chime in, but rather finds more interest in his plate then watching me get drilled.

Rachel:
"Why haven't you brought him here to meet us?"

Alice:
"Yes, I'd like that sweetheart."

There was no way this conversation was happening right now. With the way they spoke of him you'd think they knew everything that had transpired between us in the past. But that Harry was done now...my only hope was that Lori hadn't changed her mine and decided to tell them that bit as well.

Ally:
"I'll talk to him, mom."

I lie like a rug. I couldn't see myself bringing him around for this when I was so nervous myself. I'm lucky the dialogue soon takes a turn and we're discussing how Connor's thinking of proposing to his girlfriend of five years. I feel happy but also a little jealous that we all know and approve of her in such a way. I'm surprised she isn't here with us as usual. Desert is consumed quickly and I collect the dishes from around the table.

Alice:
"Lori will handle them, honey."

She speaks while everyone exits the room and I'm left there with her.

Ally:
"You can be such an asshole sometimes."

Lori:
"Me? Why are you trying to hide that from mom, anyways? She would have asked eventually."

Ally:
"Whatever. That was really mean. It's not like I told them about the thing with your boss."

Her eyes go wide and she looks around quickly before shushing me.

Lori:
"Okay, okay. I get it. Just don't mention that. I told her I left that job for another reason."

She puts the dishes down for a moment to pull up her sleeves and place her hair in a ponytail. I fold my arms so she knows the discussion isn't yet over.

Lori:
"Okay...what do you want?"

Ally:
"The house alone for a few days when we get back."

Lori:
"A few? Forget it."

Ally:
"You know, you're right... I'll just go and see if mom needs anything."


I head for the direction she dispersed in for effect.

Ally:
"Done. It's done. Now leave me alone."

I grin to myself as I head for my bedroom, pulling my phone from my pocket to see the missed activity from Harry.

Ally:
"Sorry I missed your call, we were having dinner and I'm kind of not allowed to-"

Harry:
"It's okay."

I tend to pay more attention to his voice when he's not present for me to see. Its deep and smooth, quite flattering to the ear especially this time of the evening.

Harry:
"Good seeing your family, yea? How'd it go?"

Ally:
"It was great. They're just kind of heavy and overprotective sometimes, you know...Lori totally mentioned you by the way, I nearly melted in my seat."

He's laughing from the other end and I feel so at home by it.

Harry:
"Why'd she do that, they hate me right?"

Ally:
"They've never met you to hate you...they just know what Lori tells them."

He's quiet for a moment as I open the door of the room and close it behind me for privacy. I fall into the bed and watch the ceiling while I wait for him to process whatever it is that trails his mind at the moment.

Harry:
"Did, umm...she tell them ab...?"

And instantly I feel bad that he's even giving that part of us a corner in his conciousness again.

Ally:
"No. No, Harry. They...-not that."

Jesus, if they did I didn't exactly know how I'd handle that. I wasn't sure what emotion to feel if they ever found out. My parents would literally make me move back home and that was something I could never do now that I'd developed whatever this was I had with Harry. I mean, I am legal but in this family it didn't matter how old you were...I'd still be the youngest.

Ally:
"It's a good thing too... I want you to make a good impression."

He's humming as if audibly thinking.

Harry:
"Was that a hint?"

I'm removing my clothes down to my bra and underwear while he stirs with amusement. I turn on my stomach to make myself comfortable, hoping this conversation would be awhile.

Ally:
"Well, they all want to meet you...but I'm not sure how I feel about that."

I know he's taken it the wrong way when I don't receive a response immediately.

Ally:
"No. I mean they're going to grill you. I'd feel so bad."

Harry:
"So other than that, you don't mind...- the idea of me meeting your family?"

Ally:
"Of course not, my parents have met all my siblings' significant others."

Harry:
"So I'm important?"

Again he's amused.

Ally:
"Yes, Harry. You're important to me."

And then the line is mute again for a moment. I've learned to notice that it's just a habit he has about topics like this.

Harry:
"I love you."

The butterflies invade my already full stomach...just when I thought we were over that phase.

Ally:
"I love you too, Harry."

Harry:
"I miss you."

How adorable was it that he'd admit it so candidly. I wish I was there to kiss him goodnight tonight and apologize for all the stupid things I'd been pissing him off with. I was likely going to just add Taylor to auto-reject and make my life that much easier. That was an argument I just didn't want to have again, and I'd likely be pissed if the tables were turned.

Ally:
"It won't be long...I'll call often, I promise."

Harry:
"...Okay."

--

The day was long and filled with family time again. It's night seven and I find myself pulling open the window of the dark room. We had always slept with it open as we lie against each other in dialogue. This was what caused me to sleep better these past few nights given there was a rare amount that I'd spent without his presence there with me.


Harry:
"There was just a lot that went on with me growing up...I just hate talking about it."

I press the phone closely as things slowly unravel.

Ally:
"Is it easier with Callie because you've known her longer?"

Harry:
"...No...I just don't have to tell her because she was there. Don't feel any kind of way about it alright- you shouldn't worry...She actually wanted to meet you."

Ally:
"And you didn't want that?"

Harry:
"Well...I didn't know you were into the family thing. I've never heard you speak of me meeting them until now...and she's sort of... that for me."

What girl wouldn't be just a tad envious of hearing their love speak of another girl that way. It was adorable really.

Ally:
"Got it."

Harry:
"No attitudes, babe."

I remove my bra from beneath the large shirt and fall into the warmth of my bed.

Ally:
"I'm not- I'm fine."

I turn on my side and lie against the pillow.

Ally:
"Have girls been hitting on you?"

A tumbleweed of silence hovers over the line to my annoyance this time.

Harry:
"Well..I don't ask them to, babe."

Ally:
"Any of them pretty?"

Rather than implying jealousy I choose to approach the thought differently.

Harry:
"To answer your question, no I didn't get any numbers for you."

We both take the humor as enough but fully know there's only but so far we can go with it.

--

A few weeks later and I'm doing my happy dance in the mirror along the wall in my room. The trip has been filling and refreshing but it's time I see my boyfriend now. I tug at my suitcases and drag them rather loudly down the stares like little sisters are supposed to do.

Ally:

"Lori, come on the cab is here."

And I don't think I've ever been this excited to head to an airport.

Ally:
"Come on, come on."


I call again and she appears with mom from the next room.

Alice:
"You girls be safe, okay? And please call when you make it back."

I'm kissed and hugged affectionately by all before we're each given an envelope with a good thickness. Of course we know what it is because she always does this routine on our departure.

Alice:
"Be good."

Lori and Ally:
"Alright. Love you."

And we're off.

--

I waste no time peeling off my clothes to head for the shower before heading to Harry's place. I place the car in park and head for the door quickly. Three knocks are given to it and I'll be happier just breathing the same air as him. I shift a bit on my feet when I don't get an answer and presume to knock again. My phone is pulled from my pocket when that doesn't work but still he doesn't answer. Come to think of it he hadn't answered my texts from this morning or at all today. I turn the doorknob curiously and it gives way to my force. He really needed to stop leaving his door unlocked.

Ally:
"Harry?"

I walked down the hall and peek into the kitchen before proceeding to the living room.

Ally:

"Harry, I'm back!"

I yell but still nothing...and now I feel weird. It's quite quiet other than the creak of my footsteps and my heart drops when I see him there on the living room floor.

Ally:
"Harry?"

My first instinct is to think the worst...and maybe I'm wrong for having that as my norm. He sits up quickly once my touch is given.

Harry:
"Aww, it's you."

And I'm smothered in the embrace.
Ally:
"Thanks, ugh...I was scared for a second there. Why are you napping on the floor, silly?"

He rubs his eyes to better see me.

Harry:
"Well, I was doing pushups at first. I know I was tired but no telling why I decided to stay there."

It's an intimate hug and those were undoubtly the best kinds. His hygiene is surprisingly perfect for a guy who had just finish rounds of pushups.

Ally:
"So, you're done with the push ups right? "

He laughs into it without letting go.

Harry:
"Mm hm,"

Ally:
"And the nap?"

Harry:
"Yes Allison."

Ally:
"Come on then."

And we're off to his bedroom.

Notes

Thanks for reading,