Rage

We’re in my room. It’s quiet with the exception of the rain pattering against the glass of my large room window. I’m in an oversized shirt but still I’m sure it leaves little to his imagination. I pull out my pack of cigarettes from my purse but become irritable when I can’t find the lighter.

Ally:
“You have a light Harry?”

I look over to his shirtless body, all tatted and laid atop the duvet of my bed.

Harry:
“Like I’m going to give it to you.”

Ally:
“Come on, be nice. I’ve been good.”

He’s brushing his touch over the ink that covers my arm and I wonder when we’ll visit the parlor again.

Harry:
“I don’t want you smoking at all. Forget it.”

The phone rings and I turn in annoyance with the noise. A part of me wonders what she could want. I hadn’t yet given her closure so I guess his rules had yet to apply.

Ally:
“Hey,”

I answer putting it on speaker to show I had nothing to hide. Maybe it was was a bad idea to.

Claire:
“I want to see you today, Ally. Where have you been?”

He’s watching me closely but doesn’t say anything to my surprise.

Ally:
“Just really busy with work and everything, I’m sorry.”

Claire:
“I want you to come over again. And maybe spend the night this time…I just bought these really cute underwear I want you to see-”

Immediately I take it from speaker after watching his eyebrows raise with disapproval. I play in my hair with the awkwardness, wondering how I didn't see that coming. My eyes fall to the floor.

Ally:
“Umm. Claire look, I’m really sorry but I just can’t tonight okay? I’ll meet with you tomorrow during thr day if you’re free.”

I feel a little nervous and end the call as soon as I’m given the chance . I look over to him who’s awaiting the explanation that I don’t have.
Ally:
“Don’t okay. She’s a sweetheart, Harry. I just haven’t had a chance to talk to her about everything...B ut I will tomorrow and then it’ll be done.”
He doesn’t respond immediately.

Harry:
“Come here.”

He holds out his hand and props himself back on the pillows for me to join him. He then encourages me on top of him and holds me closely to bite harshly on my neck. I feel my sensitive skin being drawn in between his teeth and I know there's bruising there. I love and hate it in one experience.

Harry:
“You promise you didn’t hookup with her?”

My lip is taken between my teeth as he continues with the blunt nips. I'm held so I can't escape him.


Ally:
“I promise, I swear.”

It gives me intense butterflies to feel his hair and skin brush mine as the storm enrages in the surroundings of the house.

Harry:
“When is she going to learn? You’re mine.”

I can tell he's almost annoyed but still in a good mood.

Ally:
“Tomorrow.”

Harry:
“As long as I’m around you’d never be with her seriously anyways.”
Ally:
“Hey don’t be so mean about it. I really liked her.”

I feel bad that now I had to just pretend that we’d never met and hurt her feelings the way I’d never meant to. His smile gives that presence I can’t turn away from as amusement finds him.

Harry:
“You like me more.”

Obviously. I smile at the fact that he’s so cocky about it now.

Ally:
“Yea? How do you figure that?”

I did but she was definitely something my body liked being around and was always completely drawn to. He whispers just behind my ear.

Harry:
“…I'll always have something she doesn’t.”

He bites my neck again and I can’t help but laugh like a seven year old. He’s tickling my sides and I try wiggling myself out of his playful hold.
I’m pulled down to his lips and I can feel the something he means on my pelvis area.

Harry:
“What? I meant the dimples.”

I laugh into it again and just realm in the time we’re spending together. It was rare that he allowed me to go anywhere without him which was both endearing and annoying in the same breath. I was never really up to much anymore but more importantly neither was he, and that was the goal here. We’re kissing hungrily and I’m not surprised when the lights go off around us. It’s amusing when I hear Lori’s scream of terror from just down the hall. I hope she doesn’t come looking for us because I don’t much value her company these days.

Harry:
“Is the door locked?”

His large hands travel up to my bra strap beneath the shirt slowly.

Ally:
“I should check.”

Nature’s noise continues against the house and he unlatches it before pulling it down my shoulders. It feels amazing to get this affection from him, feeling only his breath and fingertips against my skin in the darkness. He sits up so his back wrests against the headboard and the attention given to my neck becomes a lot gentler.

Harry:
“We’re together right?”

Ally:
“…I don’t know. Is that what you want?”

My hands wrest on his shoulders while his trail my breast and thighs. It’s slow and thoughtful and I feel at his mercy as he wonders my body. The vibrations of our voices are more intense now that the visual’s taken.

Harry:
“That’s what I want, Ally.”

His hands push the hair from my face and I can feel him looking at me through the blackness of the room. He was starting to make it perfectly clear how much he had missed me during our time apart. And he spent about an hour or so with the thunder in the background, showing me just how much.

--
I laugh when he’d fallen over in his quest to reach my dresser for the candles.

Harry:
“Hush.”

Ally:
“They’re to the left.”

It’d taken him a second to locate it but I hear the flicker of the light a few times before the candles burn in his hands.

Ally:
“I thought you didn’t have a light asshole.”

He hands me one before pecking my forehead and pulling me from the bed. I pull on my house shorts and slide my feet into the slippers by the door.

Harry:
“I never said that.”

I hold close to his hand because though I wasn’t afraid of the dark it was a little creepy with lost of power and the storm stirring against the house.

Ally:
“Harry, I’m hungry.”

Harry:
“Well, how can I make you anything if the lights are out? Another few hours and you’ll have to throw everything out anyways.”

Ally:
"Ugh. Lori will be so pissed and somehow make it my fault. She hates me you know."

Harry:
"Stop it, she doesn't."

Not sure why we're whispering but it adds to the creepiness as we walk the hall.

Ally:
"Don't defend her, she hates you too."

I laugh but quickly become annoyed at my thick appetite this time of night. As we make the stairs I see from under her door that she’s found some candles as well. We walk through and I set up on the counter when we reach the kitchen. I jump when the noises from outside give me a fright and though I expect him to laugh, he doesn’t. Instead I’m pulled close into him for a hug and he rubs my back soothingly.
Harry:
“I’m here. Relax.”

It made me realize why I hated so much when he wasn’t.

Harry:
“I’ll make you a sandwich.”

He gets to that shortly after saying it and I sit there kicking my legs back and forth thoughtfully. I wonder if Claire’s lights are out as well and she’s at home by herself right now. That would really bother me but I knew it wasn’t appropriate to call and check on her with him here. I hated that the time to tell her I could never see her again was drawing closer and then it’d be forever. It wouldn’t have been so hard if she wasn’t so sweet of a person. But if I wanted Harry this was how it had to be. No contact at all.

Harry:
“So...you never answered my question.”

Ally:
“What question is that?”

Harry:
“Are we together?”

With everything he grabs he closes the frig quickly so that all of the chilled air isn’t lost.

Ally:
“I-uh…don’t know.”

I see him enough to notice the line of confusion across his eyebrows. Of course he didn’t approve of that sort of answer.

Harry:
“Even after that?”

Ally:
“You’re great. I just-don’t want to complicate things.”

Harry:
“You being my girlfriend is complicating things?”

He slices it in half and slides me the plate.

Ally:
“Thanks,”

I begin eating as a way of giving me time to think. He waits as I expected.

Ally:
“…No. There’s just, uh. I want to talk to you about some things first.”

Harry:
“What did I do now?”

He makes the best sandwiches. But then again he made the best everything. I watch as he eats as well with eyes to me for answers. I would make sure this didn’t turn into a heated disagreement but it was never a good way of immediately telling his mood on a topic if it wasn’t obvious already.

Ally:
“I don’t think…we should mention the “L” word anymore.”

Harry:
“What? Why?”

Ally:
“I mean-I’m yours Harry. I just don’t think that’s what this is.”

Harry:
“We’ve been through this. I'm positive about what I feel.”

Ally:
“Then why’d you-“

…hit me again. I know he knows the rest though I haven’t finished. I almost hate bringing it up again when we were in such an okay place.

Ally:
“Look…”

I hop off the counter when I realize I’ve struck a nerve and move to hug him close.

Ally:
“It’s not that I don’t believe you when you tell me. I just think you could be confusing it with something else.”

Harry:
“Like what, because this has nothing to do with sex. It’s like you don’t know how I am about you.”

I kiss his perfect lips when I see he’s getting a little worked up about this and that wasn’t my intention at all. God, I didn't want him drinking anymore.

Ally:
“Forget I said anything,”

--
Ally:
“Did you go?”

It was day and I’d just taken a hot thought-filled shower. I took my time applying the lotion while I waited for him to give an answer to my question. He pulls off his jacket and I try to get a sense of his mood. I turn from my reflection in the mirror to face him seriously.

Harry:
“…Wasn’t that bad I guess,”

It was his first meeting with the counselor and I feel myself smiling from the inside. I hand him the lotion and move my hair to rest over one shoulder. I’m facing the dresser again and listen as he pumps it a few times before warming it in his hands.

Ally:
“Are you figuring things out?”

He rubs them against my back with a little pressure. A kiss is placed to my shoulder before he continues.

Harry:
“I am.”

I wasn’t sure of this mood but it wasn’t a bad one. It was leaning more towards calm or mellowed out which was how I usually felt after visiting Dr.Horan.

Ally:
“You’re okay right?”

I had to make sure because usually his personality was a few notches higher.

Harry:
“Yea. Just…he makes you think you know.”

Boy did I know that.

Harry:
“I don’t want to be mean to you anymore. I mean- I would hate the thought of someone else doing this to you. But yet I-“

Ally:
“Don’t alright. We’re moving forward. I forgive you.”

Harry:
“You always forgive me…and I’ve just been taking advantage of that. It’s not fair to you.”

I throw on a shirt from the dresser draw and try to switch gears on the topic.

Ally:
“If you’re breaking up with me again Harry, you won’t have to worry about me taking you back again.”

Harry:
“I told you I was sorry about that. That’s not what this is.”

He turns me to face him and I brace myself in impulse.

Harry:
“I just have some past things that until today…I hadn’t really talked about. So just be patient with me.”

I sigh out in relief and nod into his embrace.

Harry:
“Go with me next time?”

He sounded so pleading and childlike as if I’d ever deny him something I felt so strongly about.

Ally:
“Of course.”

Notes