Harry's POV

Damn this bed is cold. What's the point of having a giant bed if you're sleeping alone? There isn't one. It's unnecessary and I hate it. I would rather sleep on the floor than be reminded that I'm sleeping alone. It only makes me miss her more.

"Harry?" Mum knocks once and walks in before I can respond. "You awake, love?"

"No," I mumble, pulling my sheets over my head. I hear her sighs and then feel my bed dip with her weight. I've been home two days and the only time I've left my bed is to use the bathroom. She made me shower, that's the only reason I have.

"Time to get out of bed," she says, rubbing my back. "I know you're hurting right now, but this isn't helping."

"I think it is."

"Well, you're wrong. Now I'm giving you ten minutes before I come up here with an ice bucket. Breakfast is on the table."

When the door shuts again I fling the covers back. She let me wallow in my self-pity longer than I thought she would, to be honest. But she probably figured out that I've been doing this for a while already. Either way, I'm not ready to be done with it. I'm tired of feeling like this, but I don't know how to make it stop. I guess I haven't tried all that hard.

Knowing my mother's threats aren't empty is the only reason I get out of bed. Coming home was kind of an impulse thing; I didn't tell anyone. I just left. Seeing Carmen at that party was my breaking point. If she's not going to let me win her back then what's the point of trying? At this point it doesn't feel like there's anything else for me to do, and while I sort of regret leaving so fast I know that I would have been miserable being there knowing it was over. At least this way I can try to move on. Key word being try.

"You can empty the bucket," I tell her as I walk into the kitchen. She smiles and dumps the water out. See what I mean. She doesn't do empty threats. "But I'm not hungry."

"You'll eat because I made it," she says simply. She sets a plate of breakfast in front of me, along with a cup of coffee. Her intense stare-down scares me into eating. "Are you ever going to talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Okay." She pauses and lets me eat for a few minutes. "Now, let's stop lying."

"Mum," I groan. I'm twenty-one years old, not sixteen. Plus, talking about it isn't going to fix this ache in my chest.

"I know you're all grown up and you don't need your mother, but I'm here anyway. So eat your breakfast and listen to me." Well fuck. "I know this hurts right now. I know how much you love her and I know this is hard, but sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is try to live your life as best you can. Laying around being sad is not going to help you."

"It feels pretty helpful," I mumble.

"No, it doesn't. You need to go out, see your friends. Occupy yourself and try to think about something other than your broken heart."

"It's all I can think about." I set my fork down and cover my face with my hands. "She's all I think about, Mum. All the time, no matter what I'm doing. A distraction isn't going to do anything."

"You have to try something," she says, holding one of my hands. "It might feel like there's no getting out of this now, but eventually you'll be okay."

"I don't want to be okay," I whisper. "I just want her."

"I know, love." Mum stands and kisses the top of my head before heading for the stairs. I know she's right, like everyone else back at school. It's just not as simple as all that. I want to stop feeling like this more than anything in the world. Actually, that's not true. What I want more than anything in the world is to be back with Carmen.

In my mind I'm going in circles and I can't think of anything I can do to stop that from happening. So why bother going out to think about her when I can just do that here in the comfort of my own home. The next four months are going to consist of me doing my utmost to be presentable when I get back to Columbia in the fall.

My phone is vibrating when I get up to my room. I haven't so much as glanced at it since I got home. I'm surprised it's not dead yet, actually. But I ignore it like I always do and climb into my bed again.

---

"What the hell!" I screech, waking up to ice cold water all over me. When I look up my stupid cousin is standing over me. Well, not my cousin. Robin's niece that's around a lot.

"Rise and shine," she sings, tapping the bucket.

"Did my mother tell you to do that?"

"Nope. Thought of it all on my own."

"What are you doing here, Steph?" I ask, wiping myself with my now soaked blankets.

"I'm here to entertain you."

"I'm not in the mood to play with voodoo dolls. Thanks anyway."

"Get your ass out of this bed," she says, throwing something at my head before walking out of my room. What is with people forcing me to get up these days?

By the time I get downstairs she's sitting on my couch with a bowl of chips in her hands. Apparently she knows how to make herself at home. She refuses to answer any of my questions while she finishes her little snack and it makes me more on edge with every minute.

"Okay," she says, setting her bowl on the coffee table. "Let's go."

"Aren't you going to clean up your mess."

"Nope. You can do that for me later. Now lets go."

"Go? Go where?"

"Out. Who cares?" She opens the door and walks out without waiting for me.

"I could lock you out right now!" I call after her. She starts walking down the street and I roll my eyes, locking the door behind me before jogging to catch up with her. Steph is annoying as fuck sometimes, but I still kinda like her. In a weird, sister-that-you-hate-but-have-to-love-anyway kind of way. It's hard to explain.

"You know, whenever I talk to you I think you can't get any more annoying. Then I see you again and I realize how wrong I was," I tease, not bothering to smile.

"And yet here you are. You know, there's a thin line between love and hate, Harry," she says simply. She pulls a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket, offering one to me.

"Thanks." What the hell, right? It's not like I have a girlfriend to tell me she hates it when I smoke.

"So I heard you got dumped."

"You have so much tact," I mutter, shaking my head at her. "It's unbelievable, really."

She shrugs. "So, who was she?"

"A girl."

"Sounds insanely interesting. So why are you so torn up about her?"

"Can we not talk about this?"

"Whatever. Your Mom said you were just a tad depressed about it," she says. "So, what'd you do?"

"Steph," I groan. "Please stop."

"Oh, something bad."

"Damn, you're asking for a beating." A drag from the smoke helps calm me down a little bit. She knows how to get under my skin.

"Did you forget your anniversary? Or...oh! You said someone else's name during sex, didn't you." She laughs and shoves at my arm. "I can totally see you doing that."

"That's not what happened," I assure her. "Plus, I wouldn't do that."

"Okay, well you have to tell me because it could be anything. Except cheating," she says. "I couldn't see you doing something like that."

Maybe I didn't. Technically. But that's what Carmen thinks. Maybe that is what it was...either way it was a shitty thing to do. She was right; we weren't together but I was damn in love with her and there was absolutely no reason for me to hook up with someone else.

"Holy fucking shit balls!" she screeches. I wince at the loud tone and she pushes at my arm again, harder this time. "You cheated on her?!"

"No! Well, not exactly." I grimace at my own words and she stops walking altogether, which makes me stop walking too.

"You suck major balls, Styles."

"Yeah, thanks. I got that."

"Wow. Okay, then you kind of deserve to be heartbroken," she says, continuing to walk. "So, what happened?"

"We weren't together yet. Not officially, anyway. It was the night before we got back together."

"Class act."

"Shut up, alright?" I toss the butt of the cigarette on the ground and shove my hands into my pockets.

"Alright, fine. You're disgusting and an asshole, but whatever."

"Did you come here for any reason besides making me feel worse? I mean, I didn't think it was possible, but you clearly proved me wrong."

"Yeah, I'm visiting Robin. And your Mum. I was supposed to come next weekend, but your mother was a tad worried about you and your obsession with your bed," she explains, randomly sitting on the curb. When I sit down next to her she takes out another smoke, but I decline this time. "She loves me more than you."

"In your psycho dreams. She probably thought your witchy attitude could distract me." This time I manage to laugh and she shakes her head.

"You're annoying. I should have left you to wallow in your well deserved misery."

"Why don't we talk about you instead," I suggest, peering over at her with my hands on my knees. "Give me the dirty details on your life."

"There aren't a whole lot of details. I found a new friend."

"Oh. Another fuck-buddy."

"We don't call them that!" she yells, whacking my arm again.

"You're so abusive. So who's this guy?"

"You don't know him, but he's so hot. Like I'm talking Abercrombie model hot."

"I don't know what that means."

"You understand the word model, right? Doesn't matter. Anyway, he's an intern at a law firm so it's perfect. He doesn't have time for a relationship and I don't want one," she says happily. "It's a win-win."

"Why don't you want a relationship? It's better when you have one, you know."

"And it sucks ten times more when it ends. Example A is you. But the thing you forgot is that you can only pick one person," she says in a patronizing tone. "I heard that's the rule, anyway."

"Yeah. Something like that."

Steph nudges me again. "You're gonna be okay, kid."

"Kid? I'm older than you," I remind her.

"By like three months!" She stands up and holds her hands out for me. "Let's go home, it's about to rain."

Apparently Steph has a magic barometer. But I follow her back to the house anyway and as soon we we get to the driveway it does start to rain. She squeals like a kid and runs inside ahead of me and instead of going fasterI slow my pace a little. The rain kind of feels nice.

"I'm going to make some coffee," Steph calls, walking straight for the kitchen when I get inside. Not two seconds after I have my shoes off there's a knock on the door. Which is weird, because I didn't see any cars and I was just outside.

"Harry, are you going to get that or do I have to do everything?" Steph yells.

"Shut up!" I shout back, laughing at how irritating but oddly entertaining she is. When I reach for the door I'm shaking my head, but the smiling stops instantly when I open the door. She's soaking wet, crying, makeup running down her face. My mouth drops open and everything freezes for a moment. I can't speak, I can't do anything.

"Hi," Carmen says finally.

Notes

:o

I KNOW
i hope that wasn't too predictable...
anyway one more chapter :)