Harry's POV

One week. Seven days. One hundred sixty-eight hours. That's how long I have until I leave to go back home for the summer. I have my last exam tomorrow and I pushed my flight back as much as I could so I could try to do something about my stupid problems. My problems that are all my fucking fault.

Carmen wasn't kidding when she said she was done with me. I've seen her around campus a few times, but she doesn't even seem upset anymore. It's been almost two weeks since I...since she broke up with me. I know her Dad is home and I don't want to ruin her time with him and I also don't want him to murder me, so I've tried my best to keep my distance. But every time I see her I just want to beg her to give me another chance.

The worst part is that she doesn't look sad. Last time we broke up she was clearly upset and it's not that it made me happy to see her sad, but it at least made me feel like I had a chance. This time feels too final and it's probably the worst thing I've ever experienced. Carmen is so different than anyone I've ever met, and I have this sinking feeling that I'm never going to meet anyone that even comes close to her. It's a little pathetic that I'm so depressed about this, but I can't help it. I'm so in love with her it's ridiculous and this time it really feels like I've lost her. I don't know how to fight for someone that's done with me.

I've barely slept. Instead of lying in my bed awake and wishing I could go back and fix my mistake I've been walking. Everywhere. I now know this town like the back of my hand. But nothing has helped me. I haven't dared to drink anything because that's exactly how I got into trouble last time, but it's been tempting to say the least. Tonight I opt for taking a drive to try to clear my head because at this point I'll try anything.

Against what's probably my better judgement I turn towards her apartment. I have no idea where she would be right now, but that's probably a safe place to start. When I pull up my heart is pounding and it takes a few minutes before I can build up the nerve to get out of the car. What am I even going to say to her if I do see her? She probably hates me at this point, and for good reason, so what am I supposed to do?

When I walk around the building to the front door I stop in my tracks for a minute. Carmen is already outside, leaning against the brick wall with her arms folded over her chest. Her long hair is in messy waves and her long legs are left uncovered by her shorts. Seeing her makes me feel calm and excited all at the same time.

I'm not sure what to say, so I slide my hands into my pockets and wait for her to notice me. She doesn't look up until I'm just a few steps away, and when she does her eyes go wide. When I stop walking neither of us moves for a few minutes and my heart is beating so hard I'm sure she could hear it. All I want to do is hug her just because I want to remember what it feels like.

"What are you doing here?" she asks finally.

"I don't know," I tell her honestly. "I wanted to see you, I guess."

I want to tell her that I miss her. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. Just seeing her makes me want to die because I had her, she was mine. Carmen was the best thing that ever happened to me and I lost her because I fucked up. That's something I'm going to regret for a really long time.

Eventually she looks away from me, sighing as she does. My guess is that this is about as easy for her as it is for me, especially because she's the one who got hurt. By me. That's the worst fucking part of this. I can forgive her for breaking up with me and I can forgive her for breaking my heart. But I can't forgive myself for being the reason we're both hurting right now. Carmen was right to do what she did because if my sister was dating someone that did this to her, I would never tell her to stay with the guy. I can't expect Carmen to forgive me. I want her to, I really fucking wish she would, but I can't be angry with her for doing this.

"How were your exams?" I ask, leaning against the wall next to but still far enough from her.

"They were okay."

"Liam told me your Dad got here." She smiles and stares in front of her, nodding her head. "That's amazing, Carmen."

"He's here for two months," she says. "Maybe even longer."

"Really?" So she'll have him when I leave. that's good to know. "You must be excited about that."

"Yeah."

"So, are you guys staying here?"

"I can't do this," Carmen says, standing up straight. She pushes her fingers through her hair and walks away, then turns back towards me. "I can't talk to you like everything's fine when it's not."

"You've been pretty good at acting like you're fine," I remind her.

"I'm not fine, Harry. And I can't stand here with you and act like nothing's changed."

"I'm not asking you to." I stand up as well and eliminate some of the distance between us. I don't want her to be upset, but it's nice to know she's struggling as much as I am.

"Then why did you come here? What do you want from me?"

"I told you, I wanted to see you. I miss you, Carmen. I'm used to seeing you every day and now all I get is the few times I pass you in the halls at school."

"Whose fault is that?" she asks defiantly. When my shoulders slump she sighs. "I didn't mean that."

"Yeah, you did. It's true, I know this is my fault. That doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore. I just miss you all the time and I don't know how to-"

"Stop," she says, holding her hands out. She takes a tiny step back. "Please don't, Harry."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I never wanted to hurt you. What happened was a mistake and I'm going to spend every second wishing I could take it back, but I can't. But I couldn't go home for the summer without telling you that I'm sorry and I love you and that you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Harry." Tears roll down her cheeks and she quickly closes the space between us. She wraps her arms around my neck, her embrace so tight that it makes my whole fucking body feel warm. I hug her as tight as I can, closing my eyes to remember how she feels, how this feels to have her in my arms. I want to memorize how her hair smells and how it sounds as she breathes against my shoulder. And now I feel like crying with her because it might be the last time that I experience any of that.

"You're going to be okay," she says, smoothing her hand over the back of my head. "I forgive you."

"What?"

She nods and a thousand pounds is lifted from my chest. "I couldn't stay mad at you, you know that."

Carmen leans back so she can see my face. Instead of wiping away her own tears she reaches for mine, letting her hands rest on my cheeks. She's so damn beautiful that it hurts. Right now, it hurts to look at her. Knowing she's not mad at me helps. I guess that's why she wasn't giving me death glares whenever I saw her.

"I love you," I mutter. My voice fucking cracks because I'm crying but I don't care.

"I know." She smiles sadly and her thumbs swipe over my cheekbones. "But it doesn't change anything."

And any hope that I had vanishes in a flash. It's not that I came here thinking she was going to take me back, no way in hell would it be that easy. But now I know why she doesn't seem upset anymore. Because she's done. It's over.

"I'm sorry," I whisper again.

"Shh. I know. I am too."

Her hands leave my face to reach around her back for mine. Carmen holds them between us for a minute, staring at my chest. This is where she leaves, I know that. Doesn't make it any easier.

"I love you." She brings my hands to my sides and peers up at me through wet eyelashes. All too quickly she pecks my cheek and walks away, her grip leaving mine and making my hands feel like ice. The door closes behind her and when she's out of sight I'm tearing at my hair. Without thinking about it my fist collides with the brick wall. How could I be so stupid? I mean really, how is it possible for someone to be this much of a fuck up. I had my person, Carmen was it for me. Now she's gone and it doesn't feel like there's much hope of getting her back.

---

The next few days drag on like dead weight. Every step feels heavy and even the happy smiles of students finishing their school year does nothing to make me feel happy. There's just four days until I go back home and with every hour that brings me closer to my stupid flight all I want to do is run. I don't know where, but I just want to run.

I haven't packed at all. My room has been covered in my clothes for the last day or two; I can't be bothered to pack because I don't to go home, but I also don't want to put them away because I know I have to pack at some point. The problem is, I'm not ready for anything to change. It already has, but I'm not ready to be done with this year. I'm not ready to leave Carmen.

"It smells like ass in here," Louis says, barging into my room and sitting on my desk chair. "What was the last time you showered?"

"Why do you care?" I bite back, pulling my sheets over my head. After a few seconds he yanks them back again. "What."

"You need to get up. Shower, shave that hideous face. Maybe eat something."

"I'm good," I assure him, trying to tug the blankets up again. Louis tugs them back completely and throws the ball of sheets across the room. "What the fuck!"

"This is getting ridiculous. There's a party tonight at Carmen's house and we're all going," he says, folding his arms. "Well, Carmen's house with the girls."

"And you think I'm going to go there? That's a good joke, Lou."

"You're going. If we have to drag you down the street and force alcohol down your throat, you're going."

"I'm not drinking. That's how I fucked up last time."

"Alright fine. Either way, you're going to the party and you're going to be social for at least one more time before you go home. Now, go take a shower. It really does smell like ass in here."

With that he finally leaves, but he leaves the door open behind him. Louis has been spending a lot of time with Ivy, but when he has been around he's been the biggest pain in my ass. The others have tried to get me out of bed, but they're a little more sympathetic. Louis, however, is far from it.

Knowing if I don't do it he'll just come back, I drag myself out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror is a little unsettling; I really do need to shower. And shave. And I'm bloody starving. But one thing at a time, so I first take my time in the shower. The only thing I can ever think about now is Carmen. I try not to, I really do my best to try not to but it's no use.

After I've cleaned up and put on the last of my clean clothes I find the boys already downstairs dividing up some takeout chinese food. After not eating much for the last few days it's not my first choice, but it's food so it'll have to do. The one good thing about my friends is that they don't ask me if I'm okay. They know I don't want them to ask and they know I don't want to talk about Carmen, so they don't bother. It's nice.

"Harry."

"What?" They all look at me when I look up from my food.

"Pay attention, mate." Liam laughs. "What are you drinking tonight?"

"I'm not."

"One drink!" Niall says.

"No."

"Fine, we'll still have fun."

"He won't, he'll just be moping," Louis says. I roll my eyes at him. "Right, Harry?"

"Fuck off." I toss my plate in the sink and trudge back up the stairs.

"I'll come get you when it's time!" he calls after me.

Notes

poor harry.

guys so many votes this time :) im sorry it took so long to update but ive been soooo busy. i think some of you thought i was ending the story at the last chapter...nooooo way.

i hope everyone had a lovely christmas.xx