Carmen's POV

Torture. The only way I can describe the last few days is with that word. I've been wallowing in my breakup with Harry ever since I left his house and it's been complete hell. Liam's been coming by as much as possible to try and keep me occupied, but nothing works. I can study my ass off and watch all the horror movies I want, but nothing helps. He is all I can think about.

The only positive here is that my Dad is coming home tonight. I don't know when, but I got a phone call earlier to let me know that it wouldn't be long. I've barely slept since I broke up with Harry, but now my body is alive and completely on edge waiting for my father.

"I can't eat any more ice cream," Liam says, placing his empty carton on the table. "I think I might explode."

"Do you want to stay here tonight?"

"Why?"

"I don't know. If I'm alone waiting for my Dad I might go crazy," I explain. I lay my head down on his lap and he flips through the channels on the TV.

"If you want I can stay 'til he gets here, but I don't think I should sleep here. You know Harry would flip out."

His name makes me feel like throwing up. "Right."

"Go ahead. Ask me."

"Ask you what?"

Liam looks down at me and rests his arm across the back of the couch. I always forget that he knows me so well and sometimes it's actually annoying. There was only one person I thought new me like that, but apparently I was wrong.

"You want to ask about Harry," he clarifies.

"No I don't," I mutter.

"He's miserable." That shouldn't make me happy but it does a little bit. He better be as miserable as I am because it's all his fault. "He hasn't left the house since the other night. He shattered his phone against the wall when you didn't answer his calls. It was actually kind of funny, he almost hit Niall."

"Wait, he's going to go to his finals, right?" I ask, looking up at him again. Liam sighs and scratches the back of his head.

"Yeah, we'll drag him if we have to."

"I know I shouldn't care, but-"

"I get it," he says gently. "Trust me, I get it. It might...don't get mad, but it might help him if you talk to him."

"I can't," I say immediately, standing up from the couch. Seeing him... I just can't. It was hard enough to walk away but I can't be that girl. I refuse to be the girl that goes back to someone that would cheat. Maybe we weren't technically together, but I didn't think it needed to be said that he shouldn't be fucking around with other girls.

"He fucked up, we all know that. Harry knows that. He's been kicking himself for it ever since it happened, but-"

"You knew?" I spin around to face him. "You knew and you didn't tell me?!"

"No! No, I didn't know until you did, but Lou told me about it and...I'm not saying you should forgive him, okay?" He stands up to hug me. "I want to kill him for this, you know."

"I do too," I mutter, trying not to cry. I've cried too much about this. "I thought it would work this time, I thought...he wasn't supposed to do this."

"Are you really done with him, though?"

"Of course." I step back from him and carry our dishes to the sink.

"You said that last time, Carms."

"This is different, Liam, and you know it."

"Yeah, but-"

"I don't want to talk about this," I say forcefully, gripping the edge of the countertop. "Harry and I are finished, it's done. He made his choice and now I made mine. It's time to move on. Besides, it's almost summer now and then we'll have four months to get over each other."

"I know you don't want to hear this, but I don't think he has any intention of getting over you." He stands next to me and I have to blink rapidly to try and keep my eyes from tears. "You were kind of it for him."

That's exactly what I don't want to hear. I kind of expected him to be it for me too, but things don't always work out the way you thought. I don't care if Harry has no intention of getting over me, he doesn't really have a choice. This time it's for good.

"He's twenty-one years old. He couldn't possibly know that yet."

"He did. He even looked at-"

"Liam, I don't know what you're trying to do here, but you're not helping," I tell him, my throat tight. "Please don't talk about Harry anymore."

"Alright, fine. Rachel wants to meet you."

That's a change. "Really?"

He nods and smiles a bit. "Yeah, apparently I talk about you all the time. She figures you'll be around a lot and she wants to put a face to a name."

"Does she go to school with us?"

"No, she doesn't go to school. She went to community college for a year but she decided it wasn't for her. She works at two different restaurants and she's trying to have a book published."

He sounds oddly proud for not being her boyfriend. "Does she live in Columbia?"

"Yeah, she lives in an apartment with her sister."

"You know her pretty well," I observe, eyeing him as I hand him something to put in the dishwasher. His cheeks flush slightly and he shrugs. "Are you crushing on your baby mama?"

"No!"

"That's convincing." He rolls his eyes. "Did you tell Talia?"

"No. Do you think I should?"

"Liam, if she thinks you want to get back together then maybe you should tell her what's happening. Better she finds out from you than anyone else."

"I know. I just don't know how I'm going to tell her. She's going to hate me."

"You don't seem that torn up about it anymore," I say.

"I love Tal, but I don't think we're supposed to be together, to be honest. It's just hard to let go, you know?"

"Yeah. I do."

"So anyway, do you want to meet her? Rachel, I mean."

"Yeah, of course. You guys could-"

The jingling of keys in the hallway cuts me off and I look towards the door. As soon as it starts to open I sprint at it. Before I can even register that it's him I throw my arms around my Dad. He groans and laughs a little, spinning me in a circle. And all I can do is cry, because right now I just need my father. I spoke to Gale yesterday and she tried to help, but it's not the same. She doesn't know me like my father does. Despite his physical absence I've never doubted that he's there for me.

"I missed you, angel," he says in a tight voice. All I can do is cry; he's never been gone this long at one time before and this has probably been the time that I've needed him the most. Having him here is the best gift in the world.

"Carmen, I'm going to go."

Right, Liam. My Dad releases me and I wipe under my eyes as I turn around. "Thanks for staying with me. You can hang out if you want?"

He laughs. "No, it's fine. Nice to see you again, Mr. Lewis."

"You too, Liam."

"I'll text you tomorrow," I promise him, giving him a quick hug. He nods and exchanges a few polite words with my father before heading out. My Dad grins at me and we gather his bags to get them inside. "Dad, I'm so happy you're back."

"Me too. You have no idea how much I missed you, kid."

"How long do I get you for?"

He laughs and sits on the couch. "That's the good news. I got an extended leave since I was gone for so long."

"Extended...wait, what does that mean? How long are you home for?"

"I don't know exactly yet, but at least two months."

"Two...are you serious!" I jump onto the couch next to him and he laughs again. "Dad, that's amazing!"

"I know. So, why was Liam here? I thought for sure Harry would be keeping you company when I got back."

That brings a fresh batch of tears, but not the happy kind. My Dad looks a little lost for a minute, but then he just hugs me and lets me cry. If I could have gotten a hold of him then I would have told him, but that wasn't really an option. The nice thing is he doesn't try to get me to talk, he just lets me cry and right now that feels like the best thing he could do.

Harry betraying me isn't something I ever considered. I wanted to do what I always do and not trust him, but he made it impossible. He always said the right thing, he always told me what I needed to hear and I let him fool me. He's just like everyone else and I let myself be taken in by him. Part of me still does and I know that makes me pathetic but it's so hard to stop feeling something that I felt so strongly for so long. Harry says I was it for him...and maybe he did say that. But I never doubted that he was it for me. I would never trust someone like I trusted him and he ruined that.

Next thing I know it's the next morning and I'm in my bed. My eyes are dry and my chest feels heavy, even though I can hear my father in the kitchen making breakfast. I want to be excited that he's here, I want to be happy right now but I'm just not.

"Morning," I croak when I exit my room. I feel like hell. At some point I put on Harry's hoodie and it smells so much like him that I want to cry again. My Dad gives me a sad smile and pulls out a chair at our small table.

"I'm making bacon and pancakes," he says. "Hungry?"

"Not really, but I'll eat."

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" He sets a cup of coffee in front of me and slides into a chair.

"We broke up."

"I figured that much, but why? Last time we spoke you two were good. He went to your mother's with you, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"Then what-"

"Dad, please don't make me tell you," I ask quietly, closing my eyes. "I can't say it out loud and I don't want to."

"Do I need to beat on that kid? What the hell did he do to you that's got you crying like that?"

"No, Dad, no beatings are necessary. Apparently he's just as upset as I am so I think he's suffering enough." He probably isn't suffering enough, but the last thing I need is my Dad killing Harry.

"Did he get you pregnant?"

"Dad!" I groan, covering my face with my hands.

"Did he?" he repeats sternly.

"Dad, no. I'm not pregnant, jeez." Damn this is awkward.

"Did he...did he force...you? You know-"

"Dad! Oh my gosh, we are not talking about this. Your pancakes are burning."

He doesn't seem too uncomfortable but I know my face is tomato red. My Dad and I have a pretty open relationship but I think every daughter can agree that the father-daughter context isn't a good place to discuss sex. Ever.

"Whatever he did, I'm sure he's beating himself up over losing you," Dad says, his back still turned to me. "I could see last time I was here how much he loved you, angel."

"Really?" I mumble. That was so long ago, there's no way Harry was in love with me then.

"In the good ones, they know when they've found the right girl. I could see it on his face, the way he looked at you." He smiles and looks back at me. "I thought it would break my heart when I realized someone loved you like that, but it made leaving a little easier knowing there was someone here that loved you as much as I do."

"Dad." I shake my head and feel tears on my cheek again. I'm so damn sick of crying. He pulls his chair to sit in front of me.

"The last thing I ever wanted for you was for you to feel the same heartbreak I felt when your mother left. If Harry is that person for you, if you love him enough to be this hurt by him, then whatever he did...forgiveness doesn't make you weak, Angel."

"This...how can I forgive him?" I whisper. "He hurt me. He's not the same person to me anymore."

"It's amazing what a little time will do," he says, wiping tears from my cheek with a small smile. I don't know if he's right or not, but maybe there's a chance I can get past this. I don't know if that'll include Harry or not, but either way I'm going to find a way to be okay.

Notes

okay.