Harry's POV

Fuck. I don't even know how to...I need to fix this. I have to fix this but how? There's no lying my way out of this, Carmen knows something happened with Nicole. I could tell her it was something different than what actually happened but that would probably be a mistake. Another mistake. Why did I have to fuck this up?

"What was she talking about?" Carmen says finally. She doesn't look me, she looks over my head at the door. "What happened?"

"It didn't mean anything," I stutter. She closes her eyes and shakes her head slightly. That may have been the wrong thing to say.

"You lied," she says, her eyes still closed. "You've been lying this whole time."

"No." I shake my head quickly and her hands slip from my fingers, pressed flat to the mattress on either side of her. I wrap my arms around her waist and I wish she would just look at me. "Carmen, I didn't."

"Tell me what happened."

"Carmen." I can't tell her, this can't be happening.

"Damn it, Harry, if you don't tell me what the hell is going on right now I'm going to leave," she says. Her angry eyes finally glare at me. "And I won't come back."

For a minute it feels like I might pass out. Carmen doesn't move or say anything else while I try to catch my breath. I lean my forehead against her stomach and take a deep breath; she smells like vanilla.

"Okay." I sit up and stay where I am, looking up at her beautiful blue eyes that have never been so icy. "But you have to promise that you won't leave me."

"What?"

"Please, I...I didn't want it and...Carmen, you have to forgive me."

"I don't have to do anything," she says calmly. Too calm. "Now tell me what happened with Nicole."

"It was the night before I came to see you," I explain quietly. "The boys dragged me to a party and we got really drunk. Nicole was there."

"Did you sleep with her?" The level of disgust in her voice makes me want to jump off a bridge.

"No! No, I would never do that to you."

"Obviously you did something, Harry, so just tell me what it was."

"Well she...we kissed," I whisper. Her eyes turn from ice to fire in an instant and she shoves me away so she can get up. She doesn't leave, though, she just walks over to the window.

"What else?"

"What?"

"What. Else. You can't be this nervous over a fucking kiss, so tell me what else happened."

"Carmen, please don't make me say it," I plead, getting up off the floor. I know better than to get close to her right now, so I stay put.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Harry, I deserve to know," she says. She's clearly trying not to yell at me right now. "Just tell me."

"Fine! Okay, you want me to say it?" Fuck. "You really want to know that we fooled around for a half hour? We didn't have sex, but yeah, we both got off once. Is that what you want to hear?"

"That's the last fucking thing I want to hear!" she yells back. "So, what? You let Nicole blow you and then you got on a flight to California to ease your guilt?"

"No!"

"You wanted to get back together before I found out, didn't you? You knew someone would tell me and you wanted to make sure that we were already together." She shakes her head. "You're sick."

"That's not why I did it and you know it." I take two steps closer and she shakes her head. "I love you."

"No you don't. I don't know what you feel, but it's not love because then you wouldn't have done this."

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"I would have believed that before, but now I don't know what to think."

"I love you," I repeat earnestly.

"How could you do this to me?"

"It was a mistake," I repeat. "I didn't even remember it at first, it took a while. I left without even telling anyone, I just had to see you."

"Oh, that's so sweet," she says sarcastically. "I'm so lucky."

"Don't do that. We weren't together, I didn't cheat on you."

"You are not getting out of this on a technicality."

"I'm not trying to get out of it, I'm just-" I take a deep breath and dig the heels of my hands into my eyes. I don't know what the fuck I'm trying to do. All I know is that I can't lose her and this could be the thing that does it. "Carmen, you have no idea how horrible I feel about this."

"You should feel horrible. You're such an ass, Harry."

"I'm so sorry," I tell her again, stepping closer. She closes her eyes and backs into the window to keep herself far from me but I step right up to her. "Baby, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. It was a mistake and I wish I could take it back-"

"But you can't." She opens her tear-filled, angry eyes and I feel like I could crumble into pieces. "You can't take that back and you can't take back the fact that you've been lying about it ever since."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. She takes a deep breath and I bravely cup her face in my hands. "I'm so sorry, Carmen."

"You lied. You were with someone else and you lied about it. Maybe we weren't together, but I didn't think I needed to ask you not to be with anyone else at that point. I thought I could trust you, Harry." The tears are flowing down her cheeks and slowly but surely I can feel myself falling apart because this is it. And I can't do it.

"You can." It's a weak attempt at best.

"I want to," she whimpers. She places her hands over mine. "I love you, Harry. But you know that I don't do this, I never let people into my life and this is why. I always thought of you as someone that would never hurt me. Obviously I was wrong."

"Carmen." She takes my hands away from her face and steps around me. "Carmen, please don't."

"You know, I thought that I'd be the one to screw this up, but you did a fine job all on your own. Goodbye, Harry."

What? She doesn't look back when she walks out of my room and for a second I can't move at all. She just ended this. She...I lost her. I fucked up and I lost her and I can't believe that this is how all of this is going to end.

When I can get my body to listen I bolt out the door and down the stairs. Carmen is crying even harder now, sliding her toms over her feet. She doesn't look up when I call her name and I notice some of the boys sitting in the kitchen when I run by them and out the door.

"Carmen, please just wait a second!" I wrap my hand around her arm and pull her to a stop. She shoves at my chest.

"Don't touch me!" she screeches. "Damn it, Harry! Stay away from me!"

"Tell me how to fix this," I plead, my own eyes watering. "Please, I'll do anything. Whatever you want me to do, just tell me what you want me to do."

"You can't do anything!" she yells again. I try to put my arms around her and she shoves me away again. "This is over! We're done!"

"No, no please-"

"Stop!" She pushes at my chest again and pushes her fingers into her hair, tugging at it. "Just leave me alone."

"Carmen, you can't do this." I'm crying at this point and she's looking at me like I'm a monster. "I love you, baby, you know that I love you."

"I don't care," she says. "I'm done with you, Harry. I don't want you coming to my house anymore."

"Carmen-"

"Not the house or the apartment. I mean it, Harry. Just leave me alone."

"This isn't over." I shake my head and her shoulders slump as she looks away from me. "You mean the world to me, just...please let me try and make this better."

"You can't fix this. You can't take it back and now I...hell, I can't stop picturing it," she cries, placing her hands over her eyes. "I can't stop picturing you with her and I won't be able to stop. Whenever we're together it's all I'll be able to think about and I can't, Harry, I just can't do it."

"I can't just let you walk out of my life." She finally lets me wrap my arms around her and she cries against my chest. "There has to be something to make this better. Please let me try and make it better."

"You can't."

"Please, baby," I plead. "I love you so much, please."

"I love you," she says, muffled against my shirt. "But I can't do this."

"Carmen." She reaches up to hook her hand around my neck, our lips meeting along with both of our tears. It's a goodbye, I can feel it. All too soon she steps back and turns away from me, practically running down the street towards her house. My legs won't let me chase her, or maybe it's my mind. Either way, she just broke up with me.

It's over.

My knees give way and I crumple onto the sidewalk, leaning forward on my hands and knees. A sob rips through my chest and my fist pounds against the concrete a few times without thinking about it. How could I have been so stupid? I never should have gone to the party. I never should have stayed here while Carmen was in California. I never should have had a stitch of alcohol. I never should have gone anywhere near Nicole. I fucked up and it's my fault that I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me.

"Harry." Someone touches my shoulder but I can't move. "Harry, come back inside."

"No, I need...I have to talk to her," I manage to say. When I get up Louis keeps a hold of my arm. "Let me go!"

"Harry, she-"

"Let me go, damn it!" I shout. "I need to get her back!"

"Harry, she needs time. You know Carmen, she-"

"Exactly. I know her, you don't!"

"Mate, let her cool off," he says again. "Come on, come inside."

I'm shivering when I lay on the couch, but I don't think it's from the cold. I feel like I just lost an entire piece of myself. And when that happens, I'm not really sure how you're supposed to deal with it. Carmen is the best part of me and now...now she's gone. And it's all my fault.

Notes

:(

over reaction? asshole move by harry? maybe both?