Harry's POV

I need a bigger bed. Definitely need a bigger bed. Something is always hanging off the edge or the end and it's a really old mattress so my neck almost always hurts. Plus, if Carmen is going to be sleeping here then I'm going to need a bigger bed. Not too much bigger, though, because in this damn twin sized one she always has to be close. That's kind of nice.

But right now I'm a little too sprawled out for there to be another person here with me. When I open my eyes and reach out to the side there definitely isn't a Carmen. And I'm fucking sweating. Seriously, this is why I never sleep with clothes on.

I sit up and put my legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing my hands over my face and then through my hair. The ever so slight smell of bacon hits my senses and I smile, standing and heading downstairs. Carmen's blonde hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun and she's standing in front of the stove. Zayn and Louis are already eating and when I get down there.

"Hey!" Louis pulls out a chair and waves at me to sit. "Come on, Carmen's making breakfast! It's amazing."

"Carmen can't cook," I say, leaning against the fridge behind her. At this she turns around, glaring at me with narrow eyes. I'm trying really hard not to smile but I don't think it's working because she smiles too.

"Can so."

"Sorry, yeah. You can make toast. Sometimes."

"Well I'm proving you wrong right now with my incredible bacon and french toast."

"Great." Apparently my mind is still sleeping because before I can register what I'm doing I'm walking up behind her and kissing the back of her head. She pauses for a minute and my whole body freezes. Slowly she looks up at me and I just shrug. Who knows why I did that. Automatic, I guess? Or maybe because I'm fucking stupid.

"I used up your eggs," she says quietly. She looks down at my lips quickly and turns back around towards the food.

"That's fine."

After a minute I turn and sit down beside Lou, him and Zayn already giving me looks. They'll be making fun of me later, that's for sure. I mouth 'fuck off' to both of them and Louis laughs. I don't even want to look at Carmen because I think this is one of those rare times where I'm actually blushing.

Have you ever been so completely confused by yourself that you don't know which way is up? That's how I feel right now. All the stuff between me and Carmen and my own fucking feelings and the decision I made to end things...I don't know what's happening anymore. No fucking idea. But she's here with me and right now that's got to be good enough.

Carmen sets a plate in front of me and I smile at her. "Thanks."

"I owe you," she says quietly. She puts her hand on my shoulder and I feel a strange jolt of electricity. Before I can try to decipher it she's gone to the stove again.

"So, who doesn't love Fridays?" Louis says, breaking the weird silence. "I say fuck going to class. Let's ditch and do something fun."

"Ivy is going to come here and personally take you to your classes," Zayn says. "Ol' ball and chain."

"Shut up."

"He's right," I chime in.

"Yeah," Carmen says. "She'll skin you if you skip again."

"Guys!" Louis shouts. "Don't bring me down!"

"You go to class while we do something fun," Zayn says. He laughs and Louis folds his arms. "Carmen, you in?"

She sits down on the opposite side of me and next to Zayn, a plate of food in front of her. My eyes focus on every aspect of her face and she either ignores it or doesn't notice.

"I can't." Her eyes flicker to mine. "There's something I need to do today."

"Oh. Okay. Harry, what about you?"

"Umm, no. I think I'm going to just," I pause and shrug my shoulders, "Stick around here. I guess."

"So you two are going to do something together," Louis says. I glare at him. "What? You're both really bad at being subtle."

"Plus, you did sleep here last night," Zayn says, looking at Carmen. She sighs and looks at me with an exasperated smile. "Just saying."

"This is why I should live alone." I point to the other two and she laughs and shakes her head at me. "There's no privacy in this house."

Zayn and Louis make plans to elude their girlfriends for the day and Carmen and I sit in silence, taking turns just glancing at one another. There's a weird energy between us today, something different that we haven't experienced yet. We've had a lot of open conversations and emotions running wild, but after last night it feels much more raw. Vulnerable, I guess.

When they both leave to get ready there's a pause before I decide to clean everything up. It feels like we should both be saying a lot of things right now. I'd rather just do the dishes and avoid it. That's a healthy solution, right? Just ignore that I'm completely in love with a girl that can't seem to want me the same way.

"I can do that," Carmen says, standing beside me.

"I don't mind."

"I made the mess."

"Carmen, don't worry about it."

She sighs and picks up the towel. "I'm drying."

There's no argument this time, but there's also no conversation. I can't think of anything to say. Do I ask her if she's okay? Should I pretend everything is fine? This is new for me and Carmen reacts to this stuff differently every damn day so I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night last night."

"What?" I ask, looking down at her. She sighs.

"You were going out when you found me," she explains. "I ruined your plans."

"I didn't have plans." I laugh a little and hand her a plate. "I was going to see you."

"You were?" I nod. "Why?"

"I felt bad about last weekend," I admit quietly. "I was an ass and I wanted to apologize for it."

"You were an ass," she agrees. When I look at her she's smiling, though. "I don't get why you did it."

"Did what?"

"Come on, Harry. You're not stupid. You had to have known that Nicole didn't just want to be your friend, that that was supposed to be a date." Yeah, that was kind of stupid. Some part of me may have thought about it. When I don't respond she continues. "How could you come talk to me when she was still here?"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking about her, the only thing I was worried about was you hating me," I admit, draining the sink and walking away from her. "Everyone knows I'm not over you, Carmen. When I saw you that night I couldn't think about anything else and regardless of Nicole I had to try to fix things with you. I know that makes me a really shitty person, but-"

"Harry." She cuts off my rant and turns around, leaning back against the counter with a small smile on her face. "Relax. I can't stay mad at you, not when you're always there for me."

"But last night you said-"

"Yeah, last night. Before I tried to have sex with you and made an idiot out of myself and made you feel uncomfortable enough to want to sleep on the couch."

That. I can't help but laugh when she says it and she smiles before covering her face with her hands. It's cute that she's embarrassed. Honestly, it's not that big a deal and I wasn't going to bring it up today because I figured she would be embarrassed. As I make my way towards her she lets her hands fall from her face.

"We're kind of messed up," I whisper. She laughs.

"Yeah."

"Let's do something today."

"I already have something to do today," she says. I want to say that I hear disappointment in her voice, but that could be in my head.

"Oh." There definitely is in mine. "That's fine."

---

"So they made you go anyway," I laugh, watching the guys come in with their backpacks. Louis flips me off and Zayn just ignores me completely. "Should have been smart like me and made it so that you have no class on Fridays."

"So we could spend the day alone?" Louis says. Well that shuts me right up.

"Carmen left?" Zayn asks, looking around. What does it look like. If she was here I wouldn't be sitting here playing video games. At least, not alone. She said she had something to do and it didn't seem like she wanted to tell me what, so I didn't push it. But I haven't heard from her since she left this morning. But now they're here so I'm not playing alone anymore.

I like being able to shut my mind off sometimes. This is a really easy way to do that, especially when Louis is constantly screaming things at the television, which is actually really funny. I realized that over the last couple months we've all had girlfriends- or some variation of the term- and we haven't been hanging out as much anymore. I guess that's bound to happen eventually, but it still sucks when I think about it.

"Harry, you're phone is ringing," Zayn says. "Answer it already."

I hadn't even noticed. I dig it out of my pocket and answer without looking at the screen. "Hello?

"Hey, are you busy?"

Carmen. "Not really. What's up?"

"Well I...I need a favour."

"Okay." She doesn't say anything and I can picture her sitting with her legs crossed, lip between her teeth in heavy debate about sharing this information. "Carmen, what is it?"

"I took your advice."

"You'll have to be more specific. I give a lot of great advice that people always listen to. I'm kind of brilliant that way."

"Shut up," she laughs. "I meant your advice about my...about Gale."

"Oh." I stand and walk into the kitchen so the guys can't overhear. "You did."

"Yeah."

"So, you're going to go see her?"

"Yeah," she says shakily. "I am."

"That's great, Carmen."

"Yeah, I guess."

There's another pause, not awkward at all because I can tell she has something else to say to me. It's just going to take some effort on her part to get the words out.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" I answer quietly, pushing my fingers through my hair.

"You said...you don't have to, but could you..."

"Could I what?"

"Will you come with me?" she asks in a small voice. A smile pulls at my lips as soon as she asks and there's way too much excitement than what's warranted for this situation.

"Of course, baby."

Notes

so i skipped a carmen. i wasnt feelin it. with this story for some reason its way easier to write from harrys pov

also, can i say that as soon as someone in a story is like 'let me introduce myself' or like 'my name is ____ by the way' it makes me want to throw my computer? is that rude to say? because thats how i feel. sorrynotsorry

it just doesnt make sense. introduce the character by...i dont know...writing about them? maybe?

thats my rant for today. hopefully you guys dont think im crazy.


and i hope you like this chapter :) setting up for the next one if you hadn't realized. next ones gonna be a doozy.

how do you spell doozy? doozie? dousie? i dont know. you know what I mean.

anywaaay please comment :) love love love them and you. yes, you.