Carmen's POV

By the time I walk up to the doorstep of the boys' house Liam is already outside, practically running down them and dragging me back towards the road. We made plans to go to a movie tonight, but I didn't realize he was so desperate to get there.

"Liam," I laugh, "The movie doesn't start for another forty-five minutes. What's the rush?"

"Nothing. I'm- I want to get there," he says quickly. Too quickly. Something's weird.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask, squinting my eyes at the back of his head. He just shrugs and stops down the street at the bus stop without making eye contact with me. He's anxiously looking up and down the street, then back towards his house, fidgeting the whole time.

"It's late," he mutters frustratedly, taking another glance back at this house.

"No it's not. Liam, you're acting like you're on drugs or something."

"I'm fine."

As I roll my eyes at him the bus pulls up in front of us. Liam practically rips my shoulder out of the socket when he tugs me on to it and my patience is wearing thin with him right now. When we sit down he seems to relax a little, taking a deep breath when we drive in front of his house and pass it.

"You have problems," I tell him, folding my arms and staring out the window.

Being out in public like this makes me nervous. Because I'm so damn pathetic I've spent the last week and a half since I saw my mother hiding at my house, my Dad's apartment or at the gym at school. That's not really hiding, though, it's more like trying to distract myself. Nothing seems to be going right for me lately, so playing volleyball is a good way to try to rebuild my shaken self esteem.

My mother being in town is beyond confusing. Honestly, I have no idea if she's still here, but I'm going to wait a good month before I venture out freely like I used to. Which is ridiculous, because I shouldn't have to feel like I can't walk around my own city. Apparently it doesn't matter, though. Harry's advice has been bouncing around in my head ever since we went to the park, along with his offer to talk to her for me. It might even help if he just goes with me; I could ask Liam or Ivy or even Louis, but I think Harry is the only one that'd actually help me by being there. He understands my situation and he wouldn't let my mother trick me or take advantage of the opportunity to talk. Plus, he'd probably intimidate her. And that'd be fun for me.

But I don't want to see her. Okay, maybe I do a little bit. But I don't. The only reason I want to see her a tiny, teeny little bit is because we're biologically connected. Maybe that creates some sort of invisible bungee cord that keeps us tied regardless of how far I try to get. I need to get myself some invisible scissors or something.

"Popcorn?" Liam asks. I nod instantly. Comfort food is one of my best friends right now.

"What movie are we seeing?" I ask when he hands me the tickets.

"That new comedy. Is everything okay?" he asks as we make our way to the theatre. "You seem distracted."

"Yeah...well, no. But I'm okay."

"Convincing."

As we make our way to the theatre I get this really unsettling, uncomfortable feeling. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but it's like this tiny not in the pit of my stomach. Like I swallowed a marble or something. Liam keeps telling me about Talia- which is all he talks about lately- and I mostly catch what he's saying, maybe half of it. It's really weird, though. I can't stop looking around once we have our seats.

"Carms, what are you doing?" he asks. "Who are you looking for?"

"What? Oh...I'm not. I'm looking for that- the fire exit." What?

"What? Why?"

"Just in case," I mumble, shrugging my shoulders. He laughs and the lights dim for the movie to start. As the beginning credits start to roll I notice a couple walk in late; it might be because I'm thinking about him so much, but I swear one of them had Harry's curly hair.

The movie is funny, but my eyes keep going to that couple I saw walk in. It couldn't have been Harry because he was with a girl and I don't think he would be on a date, but I guess he has every right to do that. We're not together and I haven't made any attempt to show him that I can do it. He should move on.

But not right in front of me.

When the lights come back on everyone stands up and the old couple next to us moves way too slow for me to be able to get to the stairs. I don't know why I'm obsessing about this. Even if it was Harry, it doesn't mean he was on a date. He was probably with Lily. That makes sense. And it would definitely be the preferred option.

"What do you want to do?" Liam asks as we step outside. "Want to get some ice cream or something?"

"No. Let's just go back to your house," I suggest. If Harry isn't on a date then he'd be there. Or if he is then she'll be there too...I don't know. I just have to know if that was him.

"No," he says in an uncomfortable tone.

"No?" I repeat.

"Can't we go to yours?"

"Why?"

"The guys- the house, it's a mess."

I raise my eyebrows. "Liam, your house is always a mess."

"Oh yeah." His face scrunches up a little

"The bus stop is closer to yours anyway," I decide. "We're going to yours."

Liam keeps trying to think of reasons on the way back. Like, Zayn and Mel might be there. Or Niall might be playing video games. Or that they have no food. But I don't care because I can't stand to be around the girls any more than I have to. They all pretty much have boyfriends now and they're around all the time. The boys are just simple. I feel more comfortable around them.

"This isn't a good idea," Liam says as I walk up to the house. It doesn't sound like he was really talking to me. He'll get over it.

Louis, Niall and Ivy are all in the living room when we get inside. They're eyes all go wide when I step inside, and for a minute it's really awkward and I feel like they're all being weird.

"What?" I ask, looking at Liam. He slides his hands in his pockets and looks down. "What is wrong with everyone tonight?"

"So you guys went to the movies," Louis says, putting his hand over the back of the couch so he can turn to look at us. "And now you're here."

"Seems like it," I say. "And?"

"And...that could be good," Louis says. He looks at Liam. "Or not."

"I know," Liam snaps.

"Okay, someone tell me what's going on." I look around at all of them and they all look away from me, mostly making semi-desperate eye contact. Everyone is being weird, it's definitely not just me anymore.

"Carmen, come to the bathroom with me," Ivy says suddenly, jumping up and running over to me. She snatches up my hand and drags me with her, which is something I find very weird, by the way.

"What the hell!" I exclaim when the door is closed. She leans against the vanity and folds her arms. "Do you guys hate me or something?"

She rolls her eyes. "Totally."

"Okay, then what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing." She shrugs and nods her head, and I'm slowly getting more and more irritated. "Ivy, just tell me."

"They're just, they don't want you to feel weird."

"About what?"

Her eyes go wide and she stands up again. "Nevermind. Come on."

I'm more confused than ever when I get back out to the living room, pulling my phone out of my pocket to check my messages. It seems louder than before, and when I look up my phone falls onto the floor and my mouth drops open.

"Carmen?"

Everyone is silent for the next few minutes, eyes looking to either me or Harry, who are just staring at one another. He looks adorable, with his hair all unkempt and hanging loosely around his face, obviously with his fingers constantly running through it. He's wearing all black, a think sweater and skinny jeans as per usual. He looks perfect.

I hate that.

But now I understand why everyone's been acting so weird and why no one is saying anything now. He's not alone.

Harry's eyes keep piercing mine when I slowly look to his left. Nicole, she's there next to him. She seems the most relaxed of all of us, casually meeting my gaze and looking up at Harry and then back at me. When I'm finally able to look at Harry again he looks nervous. Really nervous. And maybe a little bit sad.

"Hi," I choke out finally. Harry swallows and nervously twists one of his rings around his finger. Everyone else stays silent, which only makes this so much more awkward.

"I didn't know you'd be here," Harry says, the hidden apology definitely noted.

"Yeah," I breathe. I look at Nicole again and my stomach twists. "I was just leaving."

"No, you don't have to," he says quickly. Too quickly. Nicole looks up at him with a slightly harsh glare but he doesn't notice. "You guys were all hanging out, you don't have to go."

"We were just going to go to my room," Liam says, saving me a little bit. We never go to his room and Harry knows that, so as soon as Liam says it Harry his glaring at him.

"Yeah," I agree, trying not to ask a question at the same time. Liam takes my hand in his and lingers for a moment as he laces our fingers together in a much more intimate way than he ever would with me. We both look back at Harry and I swear I can almost see steam coming out of his ears.

"Goodnight, guys." Liam nods and starts pulling me behind him. It's nearly impossible, but after a few seconds I manage to pull my gaze from Harry's. As we get to the end of the hall near Liam's room I hear him shout something, but I can't quite hear what it is.

"I get it now," I tell him when he shuts his bedroom door. I sit on his bed and he sits beside me with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah. Are you okay?"

I shrug. "Not really. But we're not together. He has every right to move on."

"None of us thought it'd be this soon, though. For the record, all of us told him it'd be a bad idea. I mean, he's clearly not over you."

"Clearly he's making progress," I grumble.

"Not really. As soon as you walked in the room he didn't even notice Nicole. Everyone could see that, even her."

"There's a reason he's down there with her and not up here-"

There's a quick tap on the door then, and Liam instantly stands to get it. This is all making my brain hurt. Harry going out with someone else also makes my stomach hurt. And my chest hurts a little bit. It would be a lot better if he went out with someone awful, so at least I could hate her or try to warn him with good cause that he should be careful. But I can't even do that. And I can't really act jealous either because for one I don't want to be pathetic, and for two I'm the reason we aren't together.

"Not now, mate," Liam says quietly.

"Just let me talk to her."

Harry.

"Not a good idea," Liam insists.

"But-"

"She just saw you with another girl," Liam snaps. "You should be downstairs with her not up here trying to talk to Carmen."

"Liam." I stand and he turns to me with an angry expression that I know is meant for Harry. "It's fine."

"Alright," he says reluctantly. He opens the door and steps to the side a bit. "I'm going to go downstairs for a minute or two."

Harry watches him go for a minute, and then his eyes are all mine. The thing with Harry is that when he pays attention to you, he gives all of his attention to you. There's no half listening with Harry, he goes completely all in. It makes me nervous. Suddenly he steps towards me and it scares me enough that I take one backwards, only to instantly turn red and realize that I have absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

"I'm sorry," he blurts. "I'm so sorry. If I had known you'd be here I never would have-"

"Don't. Don't apologize."

"Yeah, I'd like to."

"Please don't," I repeat. "You can- you should date whoever you want." The words taste sour coming out of my mouth and I can feel myself wince as I say them.

"It wasn't like that," he says quietly. "I mean, I think she thought it was but when she asked she didn't say it was a date. Then when we came here she tried to kiss me and- and I didn't let her, so you know- and I realized and I told her I wasn't sure that I-"

"Harry," I whimper. I can't hear this. "Please stop."

"Why?" he asks. He steps a tiny bit closer again and I'm so jealous of the confidence in every one of his movements. It radiates from him. "Why can't I just say it?"

It'll break me, that's why. Hearing him say anything Harry-like, something that pours from his mouth like honey, just as sweet but much more capable of making my heart stop beating would absolutely break me. He's going to say something that makes me want to fall back into his arms and never let him let me go.

"Is she still here?" I ask when he steps closer to me. He sighs and reaches up to gently brush his fingers through my hair. This is bad. This is really really bad. We're not supposed to be doing this.

"Yeah," he breathes. He starts leaning towards me and something clicks into place. Before his lips touch mine I push my hands against his chest, shoving him away from me. "What?"

"What?" I repeat. "Harry, you're up here, like, trying to kiss me and your date is sitting downstairs!"

"I just told you that it wasn't a date!"

"Yeah but she thought it was! Fuck, Harry, you can't just play with people's feelings like this!"

He scoffs. "Me? I'm playing with your feelings?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're always here! And then you and Liam...what the fuck was that?" he shouts.

"What was what?"

He looks down at his fingers and starts pushing them together. "He held your hand and took you up here. To his bedroom. His fucking bedroom, he doesn't take anyone in here unless he's fucking them!"

So that's why I've never been up here. "So you actually think I came up here to sleep with him? Why? To get back at you or something?" I shout. He opens his mouth to argue again but I don't let him. "Don't. Just don't, Harry. I don't know why you're so upset with me but I'm not going to stand here and let you yell at me and call me a whore."

"Carmen, that's not-"

I don't give him a chance to defend himself. My shoulder bumps against his as I walk past him and down the hallway. When I get down the stairs everyone just stairs at me, all conversation ending. Nicole is still there, which is really awkward for me, and instead of saying something and making it worse I just put my coat and shoes on and walk out. They probably heard the yelling and I can't face that embarrassment right now.

"Carmen!" I walk even faster but Ivy runs to catch up to me. "Wait a second."

"Tell Nicole I'm sorry I spoiled her night. I didn't mean...just tell her I'm sorry."

Before she can try to convince me I'm walking to my house again. I just need to be alone and try to cool off for a bit. Harry makes me feel like I'm riding a roller coaster. At this point I don't think getting off is ever going to be an option.

Notes

drama drama drama. when will it end.
so...at this point we're past Harrys birthday...kinda forgot about that. so if its mentionned at all in the story itll be like a random party for him or something. i dont know.

anyway please let me know what you think :) its been a while since i updated and i miss you lovely people :)