Harry's POV

Maybe I should change my shirt. Are my jeans too tight? And my fucking hair isn't...it's not...it's curling weird. She doesn't like the damn ponytail bun thing so I can't do that so I have to use a bandana but I can't find any of the ones that I like so I have to use this stupid red one that looks so stupid on me. Maybe I should get a fucking hair cut. Carmen was always telling me to cut my hair.

For the fourth time in the last ten minutes I'm pulling my shirt over my head to put on a different one. I don't know what the point is; all my shirts are pretty much the same anyway. I pick out some tanish coloured sweater since it's fucking cold outside and make my way downstairs when I hear the door open. Only, instead of seeing Ivy and Carmen all I see is Ivy.

"Where's Carmen?" I ask immediately.

"Hello to you too," Ivy says, rolling her eyes. "She's not coming."

"Why not?"

"She's upset about something. She wouldn't tell me what, she just said she didn't want to go anywhere."

Immediately I'm reaching for my coat and shoes to walk over there, and as soon as my hand is on the doorknob Liam is there to stop me. Of fucking course.

"Don't go over there," he says. "I'll do it."

"I can handle it," I say through gritted teeth.

"She won't want you to. You're not together, Harry. Remember?"

"Yes, I fucking remember. Just let me go make sure she's okay. If she wants me to leave then I'll call you and you can come to the rescue like you always have to," I spit angrily. He glares at me as I force the door open anyway, walking through the cold and hurrying towards Carmen's house. I don't care what Daddy Liam thinks, I'm going to make sure she's okay whether he thinks it's okay or not. He doesn't need to always be the only one worrying about Carmen. When I get to her front door a few of the girls are leaving.

"Harry," one of them calls, I have no idea which one. "Haven't seen you around lately."

"Yeah. Is Carmen here?"

"She's in her room," the girl says, leaving the front door open. Without saying anything else I step in and remove my shoes, walking towards the back of the house where Carmen's room is. I knock twice and wait for her to say something, but she doesn't.

"Carmen?" I ask, knocking again. After a minute I hear shuffling inside and then the door swings open.

"Harry?" she says. She wipes under her nose with her sleeve. "What are you doing here?"

"Ivy said you were upset." I take in her expression and her clothing, both telling me that Ivy was right. Yoga pants and a giant sweater and her hair piled messily on top of her head. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she says. She sniffles and wipes under both her eyes. "I'm fine."

"Clearly."

She sighs. "Harry, it's fine. This isn't your problem."

"I know. But you can talk to me if you need to," I remind her. This is one of the reasons we couldn't be together; she's always shutting people out, me included. She looks up at me like she's thinking the same thing, a million thoughts buzzing through her mind quite clearly before she hesitantly steps to the side to let me in. I sit in her desk chair instead of on her bed and as she sits down her phone starts ringing.

"Hello?" She pauses and sighs. "Yeah, he's here...I know...Yeah...Thanks. Bye."

"Liam," I guess. She nods. "Great."

"He's just looking out for me."

"Right." Why can't I do that? "So, what happened?"

"My mother happened," she says quietly. My eyes almost pop out of my head. "She..."

"What?" I prompt. She takes a deep breath and leans forward to hide her face in her hands.

"She's here. In Columbia."

My mouth drops open in surprise and for a moment my mind is completely blank, absolutely no reaction forming in my mind. Then it's reeling with some way to comfort her, some way to try to be there for her. This is the last thing she wants in the whole universe; I can't even imagine how she's feeling right now, but it's clearly not good.

"Shit," I manage to say. She looks up at me and almost laughs, but it comes out as more of a choking crying sound.

"Yeah."

"You saw her?"

She nods. "I was doing some groceries earlier and there she was in line to buy a cart full of things."

"Are you sure it was her? I mean...you haven't seen her in a really long time."

"It was her. I may have been five when she left, but I know it was her," she says, uncovering her face to wipe under her eyes again.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do?" I ask hesitantly. She shrugs and her shoulders slump in a defeated way. "Do you think she's here to find you?"

"I don't know," she says in a shaky voice. "I would assume so, but I have no idea. And I don't want to find out."

"What if she comes here or something?"

"I'll slam the door in her face," she says simply. "I don't want to see her."

"If I say something will you be pissed at me?" I ask her. She raises her eyebrows at me and I make my over to sit next to her.

"Depends how stupid it is," she says, eyeing the space between us.

"Well...she came all the way here to try to find you. Maybe it'd be worth it to at least talk to her."

"That's pretty stupid," she says quietly, eyes boring into mine.

"I know you don't want to, I get that. But she's trying really hard here and I think if you saw her in person and heard what she has to say, you can either try to work things out or tell her to her face that you want nothing to do with her."

"That's the dumbest thing I've-"

"Relax," I laugh. "It's just a suggestion. If you think the best thing is to just hide until she gives up, then fine. But I don't think she's going to give up and sooner or later you're going to have to tell her something."

Carmen bites her bottom lip and looks away from me, playing with the sleeve of her sweater. Her first instinct is to shut people out of her life, and I know what her instincts are telling her now. They want to laugh in my face and make me leave for saying something so ridiculous, but Carmen seems to be fighting them for once. And suddenly I have this incredibly strong urge to kiss her.

"New book?" I ask, standing from the bed to put some distance between us and picking a book up from the middle of the floor.

"The Maze Runner," she mumbles. Well, I assume that's what she said because that's what it says on the front of the book. She looks completely torn up right now.

"I could go see her," I offer. She looks up at me and I shrug. "See what she wants."

"You would do that?" she asks. I nod and set the book on her desk. "Why?"

"Because I care about you." Carmen sighs and I sit next to her again. "And I know how hard it'll be for you to talk to her. Having some insight into the conversation before it happens might help you. And if I think she's here for the wrong reasons you can save yourself all the trouble and just not talk to her at all."

"I can't ask you to do that," she says. "I have to deal with this on my own."

"Carmen, how do you still not get it?" I ask, trying not to get frustrated with her. "You don't have to deal with it on your own. That's always been my point. I'm right here, why do you think you're all alone?"

"But-"

"Sorry," I blurt immediately. That was a little heavy for people who are just supposed to be friends. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No," she says, placing her hand on my arm. "You're right. I know you're right, it's just hard. I'm so used to people disappointing me that I expect the same thing from you even though you've only ever done what's best for me."

Woah. That was unexpected. "You don't have to decide right now."

"I feel like my head is going to explode," she says falling back against the pillows behind her.

---

"Harry, what are we doing here?"

"Just come on."

"No, it's the middle of the night!" Carmen whispers harshly. "They have a fence for a reason!"

"Don't be such a goody-goody," I taunt, standing next to the fence. I flick my head towards it to beckon her closer. "I'll give you a boost."

"You're so annoying," she mumbles. "If we get arrested I hope some massive guy makes you their bitch."

"I'd make someone else my bitch, thank you very much."

Carmen laughs and shakes her head at me, walking up to the fence and gripping the metal links above her head. It's not too tall; maybe seven or eight feet high. She climbs up without any help from me and throws her legs over the top, proceeding to gracefully drop down on the other side. Impressive.

"Now what?" she asks when I drop down beside her. "What is this place, anyway?"

"Some private school." I start walking towards the field and she walks beside me. "Me and Lou used to come here all the time at night."

"Why?"

"You'll see."

For some reason the rich kids feel the need to keep their playground separate from the rest of the world, but there's got to be more people that climb that fence because it's the best playground I've ever seen. There's your basic swings, teeter-totter, monkey bars. The big structure in the middle, though, that's what I love.

"Really?" Carmen says when we finally come into view. "A playground?"

"The best playground ever."

It's the biggest park set that I've ever seen. The two slides that come from the top platform are at least fifteen or twenty feet high, and one of them has a bunch of twists in it. Plus, they must be made of some special plastic because you slide so fast down them. Then there's a zipline-type of structure; it's a gradual slope so you don't go too fast, but it's so fun. There's a rock-climing wall, a rope wall, and so much other fun shit. It's the best, especially when there's an intoxication factor.

"How high is that?" she asks, peering up at the slides.

"Who knows."

"Harry," she says quickly when I take off for the rope wall. "Harry, we have to leave."

"Why?"

"We're trespassing!"

"You have to go down the slide," I tell her, ignoring her request and beginning to climb the rope with my feet on the wall for support. When I get to the top and look down Carmen isn't there anymore. I'm about to start shouting for her when she appears behind me. And scares the absolute shit out of me.

"Harry-"

"What the-" I spin around and she starts laughing at how much she startled me. "Don't do that!"

"Oh, stop it." She turns and sits at the top of the steeper slide. "Let's get this over with."

---

"We're not going to fit!"

"Yeah, come on."

Carmen laughs as I sit behind her at the top of the slide. She's right; the slide is quite narrow and with our legs beside each other I wouldn't be surprised if we got stuck. But with the way she's laughing and leaning back into my chest I have to do it anyway. It's probably been a while since she had some child-like fun, and she has to stop being so serious about life.

"Harry, I'm serious." She laughs and grips the edges of the slide when I start to push her forward. "No, no, no. Don't!"

I have to physically and forcefully pry her fingers from the plastic while she squeals protests between fits of laughter. There's a giant smile on my face the whole time simply because she's actually having fun. Finally we start to slide forward, and she squeals again as we go down the steepest part. Instead of getting stuck we actually go faster than normal, and in the motion Carmen pulling my hands in front of her, so that when we get to the bottom I'm just hugging her.

"It's cold," she says quietly. Her nose is red and her cheeks are rosy, the hands now held in mine feeling colder than they probably should be.

"Yeah," I agree. This isn't exactly the friendly relationship we're supposed to be having, but she needed a night like this and I miss her like hell so maybe just for now it's alright.

"It's late," she says, standing up suddenly. She looks a little flustered and I probably have the same look on my face as I gaze up at her. "We should probably go."

"Okay."

When we get to the fence Carmen doesn't hesitate to climb over, starting to walk towards her house before I've even hit the ground. I have to run to catch up to her but when I do it feels like there isn't really anything to say. So we just walk in silence.

Things have never been this confusing. Sure, it was never exactly easy between us, but the way we broke up just left so much unsaid, so much unfinished. Are we broken up for good? Am I waiting until she's ready? Does she even want that? There's no way to know, especially since she doesn't like these kinds of conversations to begin with.

"Thanks for tonight," she says when we get to a side street between our houses. "It was exactly what I needed."

"Let me know if you need anything," I utter, again feeling the urge to kiss her. Her eyes flicker to my lips and my heart starts pounding.

"Okay." She takes a few steps back and sends me a small wave. "See you around."

It's not until she's in front of her house that I finally turn around and start walking away. It sucks not knowing what's going to happen between us, but for right now maybe just being there for her is enough. Maybe.

Notes

this was really hard to write :/ i wasn't really sure what to do next so i just jumped right into the next thing :)

hope you guys liked it :) i think im going to do a bunch in Harry's perspective now...good idea? not so much?